Call Me Chicken

[Donna Louise]

Hi Ladies

Well yesterday was the big day. I went back to a CD meeting. I haven't been in over three years. I got there and chickened out. I went drab and was going to change there.

The meetings used to be in a different location. It was in a hotel room and you changed in the bathroom and never had to leave the meeting room.

I showed up yesterday to the new meeting place. It is in a small banquet room and the changing room is down the hall. Ok, I could probably have handled that but! There was a wedding party going on in the banquet room across the hall. There had to be 100-150 people milling about and dancing.

I could not bring myself to go change and then walk past to get to the meeting. I was trembling at the mere thought of being around all those people.

No I did not bring anything sort of flaunty outfit. It was a black pants outfit, with long jacket. Conservative white top with a slight ruffle front and short boots with 3" heels. Even brought a brunette wig in stead of a flashy blonde one.

I probably would not have stood out, like the 6'4" blonde that walked in a red skirt outfit and blonde hair.

I just got so scared about being around all those people I left and came home. I didn't even eat the prime rib dinner. I just ran back to the safety of the house.

Call me a chicken. Next month is the fashion show. Hopefully the place will not be as full of people. I used to be able to walk down the halls, ride the elevators, even drive to and fro dressed with no problem. I don't have that courage that I used to. It will take time for me to build back up to that level.

Hugs
Donna Louise

[Julie]

Donna, good to see you here again, I hope you're doing OK.

No you are not chicken, the way I see it with the change of venue you were simply faced with a range of different circustances that you were not informed about. It takes a lot of courage in the first place to attend these places, sure you become used to the workings of it all.

As you say you'd normally change in an a joinging bathroom so to be faced with the prospect of a group of 150 party guests I certainly don't think you're chicken for going straight back home, I feel the organisers should've been a little more sensitive in their choice of venue.

JJ

[MonaSmith]

Hi Donna,

You are soooo not chicken. You are taking things at your own pace, and that is the best thing. This isn't a race, the only person that you have to justify yourself to is you. You obviously didn't feel comfortable that time, so what? Next time you might, you might not, it doesn't matter as long as you are happy with the decision.

You are doing great.

Love Mona xx.

[Ashleigh]

Donna,

Julie and Mona have summed it up very well and I whole heartedly agree. Just take things at your own pace. CDing is supposed to be pleasurable and not done under duress. You have the freedom to chooe the time and place. Another thing, please don't put labels on yourself - especially ones that do not apply. You're too good a person.

[Tamara Croft]

Hi Donna

I can't say I know how you feel...... but I can imagine how you must of felt. You're not a chicken, you just did what you felt right at the time. Don't kick yourself for it, there will be other meetings for you to go to..... and if that time when you go doesn't feel right either, well that won't make you a chicken either. When the time is right, you will know. You have to be comfortable and feel confident about taking a huge step like that, so do it in your own time..... :)

Tamara x

[Tristen Cox]

Call me a chicken.

Ok you're a chicken! :p

I know how you felt, that does happen. Perfectly ok in my book, good luck on the next adventure.

Love
Tristen

[Georgette]

Donna I know how you are feeling, learn to crawl befpre you walk, learn to walk before you run, then GIVE IT H*&$#@LL, Go for it sister. :)

[Sharon]

It sounds like a normal reaction Donna Louise. You shouldn't do anything you're uncomfortable with, and you wouldn't have had a good time if you were nervous.

[Lauren Richards]

Donna,
I think we are not doing the right thing if we don't listen to the inner voice which lets us know what we are comfortable with, and what we are not. You listened, and acted. Who cares about being "chicken". Not crossing that road lets you live another day, more comfortably. It is not that you have to be totally comfortable to go out (I'm a bit nervous and anxious most of the time when I step out en femme), but being comfortable with what you are doing is very important to both having a good time, and to being yourself. Hey, just thinking of going to the event is a big step. Keep at it, at your pace.

Lauren

[Amelie]

Being chicken isn't all that bad, it's better than being a "Disco Duck".

Everyone goes through times when they are not comfortable with their surroundings. You didn't do anything "chicken". You did what was the right thing for you to do at that moment.
I have gone to rock shows dressed, then when I got to the club, something inside me felt uneasy, I got a bad feeling about going into the club. So I would sell my ticket to someone on the street and go back home. This is the same feeling you got. It wasn't being chicken. It was a gut feeling that something wasn't right.
You will get these feelings from time to time, you can't help it,,it happens.
There will be other, more pleasant times to go out. Don't let it bother you.
You are a chick, not a chicken.
Love Amelie

[ChristineRenee]

Good to have you back Donna Louise! Nah...you are no chicken...not in this gal's book. Like was said before, CD'ing should be a fun experience and not something that is done under duress or that is felt forced into. No fun if you are uncomfortable or ill at ease. And don't worry...you will get your confidence level back up there again...it was the change in venue that threw you out of sync there. The organizers should have been more cognizant of that to begin with.

Welcome back once again Donna!;)

Love,
Chrissie:)

[racquel]

Never.You have been out and about before and will be again,you know as well as the rest of us we must always listen to that inner voice.It has delivered us this far and will not abandon us if we only listen.
Great to see you posting again.Have been missing your words of wisdom.

[Kate_Uhler]

Donna,

I'm sympathetic. I find my courage comes and goes.. Just when I think I'm over some fear, there I am with my nyloned knees knocking... I don't beat myself up.

Its about being safe and comfortable and if its not then I say don't do it. And besides this should be fun.. well mostly fun.. scary fun perhaps, sometimes like a roller coaster but something you want to get back in line to do again.... I think you did the right thing and there'll be plent more times when your bravery will show it self.....

kisses, and hugs,
kate

[Wendy me]

donna chicken ??????????????no i think not we are all big girls here to impress of do something that dosen't feel right . no not right .....your pace at your time ....do what you feel is right for you..........sometimes we get a funny feeling inside be it what it is fear ,or what would the evening been better if you wrer in a fright all night ......i think you were right if it don't feel right don't do it....

[racheal]

That would have me shaking in my boots as well. Going at your own pace is a good thing - whenever you are ready, you are ready...

[Merinda]

Hi Donna ,

I had a similar experience in January , here is a copy of a thread I did somewhere else at the time-


(quote)

Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 4:27 am Post subject: Merinda about to self -destruct
Well thats it , the great night out that I've been waiting for all week has Now passed as I post .
I dressed and drove to the meeting place and sat in a frozen position in my car for 1/2 hour outside the premisses , I then drove around the block and returned only to be in a frozen position again for a further 15 minutes before driving home depressed and mentally confused.
I have been in public before as you all know but never encountered anything as negative as I felt tonight , at the moment I could trash everything and give it away for good .
obviously the 3+ month break didn't do me any good , I thought this was going to be a year that rated only slightly less than 2004 but it looks like I will now return to the closet if I in fact continue at all.

In all the time ( years of CDing ) I am now at rock bottom and dont know where to go from here , I had my yearly photosessions worked out for this year I was tempted with an opportunity to advance myself but instead the dream is probably destroyed .

Well girls you've seen my finest moments on this forum , tonight is the lowest as I crawl backwards to a life of closet Cding or give it away alltogether.

The only problem with giving it up completly is removing part of myself and that I cannot do.

Misery guts Merinda. ( end Quote )



That was the disaster night out in January Donna however I went on to have a great day out on February 13 so my advice is to give it another go soon , you were probably just feeling uncomfortable on the night.

[Julie York]

I had a pet chicken once. And then I moved house, next to a 5 lane highway and it had a nervous breakdown.




Is that funny?

I don't know.

Sounded funny at the time.

And it's almost on topic!

[Sweet Susan]

Donna! You are a chicken!

So, what. I'd be chicken, too, in that situation. What is wrong with that cd club? Having meetings in public places is just dumb. Sorry, but that's my attitude. I think every consideration must be made for the members of a cd club. Their privacy must be guarded at all times.

[DonnaT]

Donna, do you know anyone else that was to be at the meeting, and will be at the next one. If you go with someone you'll have a feeling of support.

However, please note that when you're dressed and made up you don't look like your male self (not that I've seen you drab). But from my experience.

If your fear is that someone will see you and recognize you, I don't think you have to worry.

If your fear is that someone will point and say 'Tranny' or 'that's a guy', not going to happen. Especially in the brunette wig.

If you've been to CD meetining before, you know what I'm saying is true. Look at all the girls you saw at these meeting, and how many do you think you'd recognize if they were in drab?

So, draw on that courage that got you out enfemme and driving around, to the park, etc. You can do it!