A Hypothetical thread

[Daintre]

Hello, Jenni here, and I would like to ask the membership for some advice......it is for a "friend"...yeah that's it, a friend who I know very well.

Now I have known this person all my life so I will let her talk....

Lately I have it in my head to purge and send J**** off to the deep closet. Last week I was so up and this week I seem to have come crashing down and want to hurt the part of me I like the best. Being here has been so good for me and lately I found that it was so easy to join in and interact with all of you. This week I feel alone and find it hard to post.

As you can see, I am still here and I am not even thinking of leaving, maybe this is just life and I better suck it up. I know that my wardrobe will take a hit this week, how much, I don't know, will I feel better? again I don't know.

Yes, my friend is really me...... I admit that lately the sad news here has affected me, as it has all of you, so you would think it would draw us closer and yet I am just standing here watching.

So, can you help this "friend" of mine? I hope so. :straightface:

[az_azeel]

Hi Jenny.....
There is only one person that can answer these questions.. and that's you. I have spent a lot of money in the past by purging, and lets not do this anymore. The one thing I have learnt it will never go away and have always found that whenever I "have" purged the urge gets stronger......
Cras you wardrobe...pick your best dress, skirt...whatever makes you feel good.. Dont feel alone we are all here for for you, If you wanna talk one to one.. I am always online after 21.00hrs Uk time.... I can chat till the cows come home.
I cant offer much more in the way you are feeling.. but there is always bad news in life... but there is always good news too.. So dont watch take part get involved. Not being negative to anyone else here, (my love goes out to each and everyone that has problems).. Its your life and you control it.....:love: :hugs:


Take Care


az_azeel

[Barb Valentine]

Well how much help does your "friend" need.... beer or JD
All joking aside
I know how "she" feels but purging is not the answer
The satisfaction of that is short lived
Never mind all that re-buying
If "she" feel "she" must just pack it all up seal the box
And put some where else
And if "she" changes "her" mine nothing lost
:hugs:

[Dixie]

I agree with Barb call a hiatus but Do Not purge. XOXO Dixie

[Daintre]

Friends, I know all about the purging thing, I have done it in the past and went through the re-buying. This seems different, it is like I want to hurt that part of me, does this makes sense?

Thank you for the quick replies, I am very appreciative

[thea]

I suggest that J**** not purge. I've done that several times, until I relaized that the urges return and I'm better psychologically, physically, and in outlook by seeing to those needs than resisting them. Better to have a box on the top shelf of the closet than buying all over again. There is a bit of social good you can do when thoughts of purging arise: go through the wardrobe, pick out items that don't fit or you don't like the styling or look, and donate them to a thrift store or your church rummage sale. That gives some opportunity to buy new clothes--just not as many as a complete purge would require. And while you're taking a break from dressing, read a little bit about crossdressing and transgender and gender identity and such so you'll get more insight about why the feelings to dress and not to dress come along, sometimes strong, sometimes not, sometimes centered on psyche, others on thoughts of morals, or even because of social possibilities. Or talk to a counselor. Gain understanding instead of resisting such an overwhelming aspect of yourself. And remember to have fun and not be overly serious for too long. Remember that we all have masculine and feminine within us, and crossdressers seem to careen more than others in finding that balance that accommodates the two aspects, and we can end up being being great at slaloms and staying on our feet. The balance is not a steady in-between, it's giving each part of us her and his due.

[Charleen]

I think it happens to the best of us. I went through a spell where I even wore drab undies! OMG!
A number of things were going on and I was feeling depressed, and was also questioning my understanding of me. I have now come to realise that I am who I am and there ain't a damn thing I can do to change it so with the help of everyone here, I have to an acceptance that regardless of how I was raised and what the "world" expects, I'm Lily and as time goes on, am getting more comfortable with that knowledge and less caring of what others think, or more importantly, what I think others think when they see me. As to that, no one has said a word except a fourth grader who said "Boy are your finger nails long!"
For my entire life I always was concerned why I had to do what I did, wear womans clothes, want my nails long ect. All I knew was I was NOT supposed to do that. It was wrong so I had guilt,fear what have you. I also had an abnormal worry of what others thought of me. THose fears still haunt me, but with less frequency and for only a moment.
So yeah, I can understand, but Jenni dear, you know as well I do that the urge to be Jenni will nrver truly leave, just become less strong, or even reach the point where we HAVE to get rid of the trappings, or so we think at such times. Don't purge, just put your things in the back of the closet for now.
You know we're here. We'll be here if you decide to take a break, and will be here when you return. I understand.
Love and xxxx, Lily

[trannie T]

If you decide to purge please send me that cute pink skirt.

[Daintre]

I am blessed to have concerned friends, thank you all for your responses, I have always thought dressing was like riding a roller coaster, good times and bad. The difference this time is a desire to send Jenni far away, not to be more of a guy, but to punish "Jenni"....make sense?

[Charleen]

I am blessed to have concerned friends, thank you all for your responses, I have always thought dressing was like riding a roller coaster, good times and bad. The difference this time is a desire to send Jenni far away, not to be more of a guy, but to punish "Jenni"....make sense?



O.K. So the question that needs to be asked is why you feel Jenni has to be punished. Not only enquiring minds, but you should be asking yourself as well.

[Valerie Nicole]

I agree with Lilygirl, Jenni. It sounds like you are angry at that/this part of yourself. To paraphrase what you've said, it's not a matter of getting Jenni out of your life, but hurting her. For many reasons, I believe this is a very self-destructive and dangerous behaviour. (Believe me, I have had my own brushes with self-destruction...not fun). Unfortunately, I don't know enough about you to tell you where in you this comes from...and there is only one person in the world who has the answer you need: yourself (or should I say "your friend"?). Sorry for a long post that doesn't give you any answers, but hopefully it will help you ask yourself questions! In the meantime :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Eva Diva]

Purging reminds me of dieting in a strange way. You lose weight, go off the diet, then feel guilty and go on an eating binge, feel guilty, diet some more, fall off the wagon again, gain weight, feel guilty... lather, rinse, repeat.

It seems like moderation would be the best prescription, in both dieting and dressing. Rather than purging, set a date - no female clothes for one month. Put everything away and tape up the boxes good. That's punishment enough for now - it's just not capital punishment. Then see what happens.

[Daintre]

I have read all of your replies and there is truth in all of what you are saying. I don't have the answers right now, but I have certainly taken heed of the fact that there is a desire to do harm. I am thankful for the honesty of the replies, you fellow members rock, thank you.

[Samantha B L]

Jenni,I'm not as experienced of a cd'r as some of the others in the forum.But unless it's a real crisis like there are people in your household,Mother,Father, Wife,Kids,Aunt,Uncle,Grandparents who are due to be going through your things maybe checking the house wiring or looking for old bowling balls and they just would never forgive you or understand no matter what if they found your fem things,then please don't throw that precious stuff out in the trash dumpster!If your a little bored with it all for the time being wait a little while and the urge to dress will come back.Over the years I've purged 5 times and I threw out a lot of items that would cost me all kinds of money to replace.So,Jenni,I understand how you feel,but unless it's a real emergency,don't!Anyway a lot of us go through this once in awhile and I think maybe part of this could be a desire to erase our cd'ing and to stuff ourselves into a kind of "average guy" mode before we've lived out our lives and it's too late.You know,deer hunting,football and beer.But I'm afraid that the average IQ is part of the equipment of that situation.Hugs,Samantha

[MJ]

i am sorry your friend feels this way, find the joy love and all things good in what you do, please don't dwell on the negative this will only bring you down life is too short for that , please don't purge as this will make you sad in the long run, try to find your balance focus on the joy ...
i wish you well

[sterling12]

Wait.....wait.....and wait some more! the longer you delay your actions, the easier it is to not do something damaging. By posting this thread, you did a very smart thing! It helped you to delay taking any actions.

My second suggestion, is to avail yourself of The Chatroom. IN AA and similar groups, when a member is going through a "crisis", they will call their sponsor and often that person can reason with them and "talk them down." We don't have any mentoring that I know of, but relationships certainly get formed in The Chatroom and a lot of us are like Family. Think you can find the equivalent of "A Big Sister."

By the way for those who do not know, THIS CHATROOM is kind of different. No "chasers", nobody is trying to get cyber-sex. We like it like that and anyone who tries, is usually promptly chased away.

So, my suggestion is to keep responding to people in this thread and if you need immediate feedback try The Chatroom, around 5PM EST is often a very good time to reach maximum people.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Kate Simmons]

Jenni, I can only say that you know what is best for you. I do want to say that you are always my friend no matter "who" you are. I will also say that I considered the same thing myself. I only told a few people here though. What I realized is that I was going off balance in a Sal way and needed to give Rich his time in the Sun. I'll still be here but you never know what mode I'm in but it really doesn't matter, because aside from appearance, I'm always the same person. Hope you feel better.:hugs: Sal

[Suzie S.]

Jenni, I understand a bit about how you are feeling, but doing harm is not a solution, and purging is not either. Jenni doesn't deserve to be harmed. She is a wonderful person, and an integral part of who you are. I agree with the others here, maybe take some time off and 'shelf' things for a bit. Alot of things in and around your life can affect cding, but it doesn't go away. Try becoming involved in other activities, or maybe a hobby, to divert your attention elsewhere for a while. Please take some time to think things over, and not act too hastily. :hugs: Keep in touch with us, and whatever decision you make, we are here for you. :happy:

[Charleen]

Jenni, what I am trying to say is that sometimes we need to stop and get things sorted out. Who we are can get to be overwhelming sometimes. 50 emotions running through our heads. Confusing! I know I need a little quiet time to sort things out, take a breather if you will. What I do is write. Helps to sort out the confusion. You can do it privately, and also here. To solve a problem you must identify the problem. Many times I have known something is wrong but couldn't put my finger on it. Quiet time or talking to a trusted friend has always helped. Hang in there girlfriend!
Love and xxxx, Lily

[Daintre]

I want to thank you all for your caring responses, purging is not the answer, I know that, it doesn't change who I am. A few of you have seen a bit more of me and saw that my intent was to harm the part of me that gives me the most pleasure, what is worse than not being able to dress. I have been deep in thought these last few days and I can see that I need to work on myself. I can see by the response that I did the right thing bringing this up. At times, I have a tendency to take friendship a bit to casually, but I have received so much support with this post. Thank you......

:love:

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

Well Jenni, you know something, the best way to decide , ( and then take it from there ) is talking to your friends on here :happy: ( sorry i nipped in on this thread ) :o talking, getting it down in blk'white, sometimes helps, and you sit & read what your really feeling, and then others answer , and it often as not sheds whole new light on a problem .
Whats that old saying ?? " a problem shared,is a problem halved " ??
Harming wont make things better hun, :hugs: talk to us on here, or pm someone you feel close to, and can talk to you . NEVER feel ur alone, coz ur not :D theres always us rabble here for you :hugs:

[LaurenInDC]

At times, I have a tendency to take friendship a bit to casually, but I have received so much support with this post. Thank you......

:love:

Jenni,

None of us makes it through the journey alone. I've been able to stand on the shoulders of giants, and I am forever thankful. Friends are a powerful resource, and are always here when you need them. :hugs:

-L

[Holly]

Jenni, not sure if this will help or not, buy why not try getting a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. Label one column, "What I Like About Jenni," and the other, "What I Don't Like About Jenni." Be honest! Next ask yourself if you are better off with her or without her. Look carefully at the what you don't like side and see if there are things that she can change. I'm willing to bet that if you do this exercise, you will find that having her as part of your life will far outweigh your life without her... and you'll identify some positive changes you can make as well. You are a nice person, Jenni... accept that!