Sad...

[Alicia_lynn419]

This is from my Myspace blog tonight....




There's a lot going on that I've been meaning to share, mostly good stuff, but also some serious stuff as well, as soon as time permits. However, something happened today that really hurt, and it makes me quite sad...

Last Friday I renewed my membership to match.com. Now I have more of a normal work schedule, I thought it would be a good way to meet some new young ladies. I carefully filled out my profile, trying to find the right words to express who i am and who I am "looking for". Mind you, I did this as my guy self, not as Allie. I think I did a good job and was excited to start getting responses. At 5:00 today I got my first contact... it was as follows:

"Why does your profile list you as a woman. Not Interested. weirdo!"

OMG! I didn't notice that my gender had been switched! OK.. maybe a freudian slip, but I really don't think so.. I've had a few problems with Match.com's interface, an I'm not sure if this iss something that I did and didn't notice, or if it was the ghost in the machine.. either was, i was embarrassed and horrified... here i am, trying to meet someone special, and this happens.

Now i already have reservations about meeting good people that I can be open and honest with, when the time comes.. At least here on myspace i can be open from the get go, and i appreciate ALL of you who have given me a chance... but for a complete stranger to cast such judgment, when any rational person who is not more that 2 baincells away from a feeding tube, should have been able to recognize the error, and perhaps even see the humor in it.. Instead my first contact was a rush to judgment and was a personal attack. I wrote said individual back, explaining that I did not know why my profile was messed up, and thanked her for pointing out the error. I also thanked her for her rush to judgment, citing that it made it much easier for me to weed her out of the process.... (Geeze.. i can see why she's single)!

But what made me sad, even though nowhere in my Match.com profile do I mention CDing, is that this was the attitude I got... God knows that no one would touch me with a 10 foot pole if I DID mention the CDing... Am I a freak, am I a weirdo? I don't think so.. different yes... And I hope that any of you who really know me understand this.. I think I'm a good catch for the right person.. but this bit of sarcasm really hit a nerve, leaving me to wonder if I should just put "Allie" away for a while - perhaps a long while.... The question is.. is it better to be "exiled" and be yourself, or live up to society's expectations and hide who you are? In a perfect world, i would not have to hide, and when the time was right I cold share my secret... but being back on the dating scene may force the issue....

Dating sucks....

[AshleyLove]

Don't put Allie away! I think it's sad to deny a who you really are.

Yes, there are ignorant, unenlightened people out there; but there's also a LOT of very open-minded accepting people. My own girlfriend has embraced and nurtured me as a woman and I think sharing that part of myself has brought us closer together.

As for the particular individual who messaged you; I think she's very sheltered and has a very narrow world view. If she does find a partner to spend her years with, it will probably be someone with similar conservative feelings. Also, consider how immature a person would have to be to send that message: "I'm not interested (thus wasting my time, and yours), but I'd like to insult you" You already know you're better off not even meeting her.

You deserve someone who can appreciate the complex, beautiful person you are!

[IMkrystal]

This is from my Myspace blog tonight....

At 5:00 today I got my first contact... it was as follows:

"Why does your profile list you as a woman. Not Interested. weirdo!"

Dating sucks....

Thank God for Web Dating! It is a noninvasive method of separating the wheat from the chaff. Unless, you give your true name, address, telephone number, where you work, etc, etc, etc. I have found communicating in this media, both written and verbal, a confidence builder in expressing feelings about a subject which I had spent most of my life hiding. While the percentage of responses you get when presenting yourself honestly is small. It only takes one positive response, one grain of wheat, to make it worth the effort, and allow you to remove the veil of secrecy.

[DawnL]

Alicia-Lynn,
I agree, dating sucks. I met my wife on Match.com. I had been widowed about 2 years or so and had done the bar scene, met friends of friends....etc.
I figured that internet dating couldn't possibly be any worse. As far as the person that responded to your post, you were probably right, it was a good way to weed her out of all the others. There are good people out there. I can attest to that. My wife is the light of my life. I will always be greatful to Match.com.

Hang in there girl.

[crusadergirl]

I used match.com once i didn't really find anyone that i liked that much when it comes to dating. But i did find some good friends in my area. I wouldn't stop cding b/c someone called me a weirdo, most the girls i dated called me that i like it. I know i'm weird and its all cool with me. Finding the right girl ain't easy when your a cd. But you find one thats good for you. Never give up.

[Alicia_lynn419]

Thanks all for your kind words.... sometimes thequestion of "to dress or not to dress" is the most daunting.

I got a reply from the lady who I wrote about last night:

honey,,, did not intend to be mean.. I promise just didnt know.. Come
on man how did you not see that!!!! Imagine my suprise really cute guy
good profile and I am saying to myself didnt Dr Phil see this one
comin?/// lol Lets have A good laugh I think you are fabulous!!! dont
judge me too fast either mister!!! lov ya K


I can forgive, but not so easy forget... you know what they say about first impressions. i have no desire to even respond to her at this point.

On the bright side, I was contacted by another attractive young lady from match.com!

Anyone have any thoughts on e-harmony?

[DeeInGeorgia]

I once filled out the free evaluation to see if there was anywhere to mention CDing, but did not see anything. Maybe if you then pay your money to join, there might be somewhere to mention CDing.

Dee

[Alicia_lynn419]

None that I've seen....

[kerrianna]

Alicia, I can't comment on the whole e-dating scene, but I will say you are right about your first impressions about the woman who called you weirdo. In my books anyone who uses judgemental vocabulary, esp in first contact, is not even worthy of a reply.

I think you should have a clear idea of what makes the instant forget-it list for yourself, and then keep trying, be patient, persistant, brave, guarded but engaging, and above all love yourself in all your glory and know that anyone who gets to meet you will be a lucky person. I know stuff like this can wear you down, like applying for jobs over and over, so make sure you keep recharging that battery by reminding yourself what a catch you are. It's not narcisstic, it's healthy self-esteem and it will draw people to you.

Good luck, hon. :hugs: :love:

[AllieSF]

Hi Alicia, I guess I can say with experience, been there and done that when it comes to online dating. I have just recently started dressing and am enjoying it tremendously. My online dating memberships go on and off back several years with so-so results before my current interest here. I recently found 2 free sites that may offer promise. OKCupid and Plenty of Fish. I am hoping that the first may produce a possible match for my new interest. Regarding the people you may meet, just go with the flow and don't get your hopes up. Just be active and let it happen being friends first and going on from there. Don't abandon Alicia because of someone off of the dating site. She is much to precious to be put aside to satisfy someone else you have not yet met. Good luck.

[AmberTG]

There's a website out there called "Alt.com" It might be something you're interested in, I had a membership there for a while, but I wasn't into the dating scene so I don't go there much anymore.