The seduction of flattery - posting pics online

[Eva Diva]

For those of you who post pics online - like me - a question. Putting aside the "ur hot!!!" morons, do the compliments received encourage you to work more at your appearance, to get more praise? I shoot pics to be able to see myself as others would. Mostly it's scary - "I look like that???"
But with merciless editing, I can get 60-80 pics down to maybe 5 reasonable ones to share. Anyway, although I didn't start doing it to troll for praise, still it's nice to get. Now I'm wondering if I'm becoming an attention ***** in a way I never was as a guy. I'm a natural "improver" - always wanting to learn to do things better anyway. But the compliments that do come my way seem to just encourage me to work on the makeup more, shop for more flattering clothes, etc. It's like I'm being sucked, in. And I kinda like it. :D

[Nicole]

Same here! I am turning into a photo-posting addict. My feminine side craves the attention. It is like being thrust into the limelight without warning. All of a sudden this hidden part of myself is receiving adoration and praise instead of ridicule. It feels glorious! It is like hearing the words, "I see you, I accept what you have done, and that pleases me."

I know it is superficial to spend so much energy on the outermost layer of the self. Appearance is so overrated these days. I could be putting my energy into doing something more useful for humanity (i.e. the rest of the 'being a real woman' equation), but I NEED to express how I look right now because it is the second best thing to being loved as a woman. When men comment positively on my photos, superficial though it may be, it matters. It is a kind of acceptance my young feminine soul has never known before and very much wants.

Is it real? Is it fantasy? I don't know. I only know that it makes me feel like I belong, which is more than enough motivation to keep me going. So on with the photos! Shoes, makeup, and accessories ahoy! :happy:

[AllieSF]

Sorry, I have to take exception to your description of some of us who comment on pictures of others. I probably am one of those you describe as a "ur hot moron". However, I am far from a moron. I am a professional, considerate and intelligent human being. I don't really understand your comment. I am not sure if I have commented on one of your photos, but then again I may have. If someone posts a photo they definitely should be prepared and expect and accept comments that could say, "you are hot", "you look good" and "you do not look so good", etc. If the truth is not wanted, why post a pic? When I make that comment, I mean it just the way it is stated. The person in the photo, based on the photo, is hot, attractive and sexy. That is not derogatory comment on my part. It is meant as a true compliment to that person for their great looks and the work and courage it took to post the photo in the first place. I do not yet have that courage and respect it in others who do. What would you desire that one say, "nice pic" and nothing more? If someone is hot, why not just state it, all comments are made in the eye and opinion of the viewer. Please don't be so sensitive to lable us as "morons". That is degrading to me and uncalled for. Lighten up some. You are attractive and should be proud of it. End of rant/rebuttal.

[Jennifer_G_2]

Same here! I am turning into a photo-posting addict. My feminine side craves the attention. It is like being thrust into the limelight without warning. All of a sudden this hidden part of myself is receiving adoration and praise instead of ridicule. It feels glorious! It is like hearing the words, "I see you, I accept what you have done, and that pleases me."

I know it is superficial to spend so much energy on the outermost layer of the self. Appearance is so overrated these days. I could be putting my energy into doing something more useful for humanity (i.e. the rest of the 'being a real woman' equation), but I NEED to express how I look right now because it is the second best thing to being loved as a woman. When men comment positively on my photos, superficial though it may be, it matters. It is a kind of acceptance my young feminine soul has never known before and very much wants.

Is it real? Is it fantasy? I don't know. I only know that it makes me feel like I belong, which is more than enough motivation to keep me going. So on with the photos! Shoes, makeup, and accessories ahoy! :happy:

Karen, well said. I haven't had a chance to take a pic a start posting yet, but once I start I don't think I will be able to stop easily. I think a similar motivation is felt for posting pics, even before the feeling of others comments are recieved. The need to express how we look seems to be very important.

Jen

[Alice Torn]

Moe, of the three stooges, often called Curley and Larry, "morons". If someone calls me a moron, I take it as a compliment!! I'd better be "more on", than off! Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

[Nicole]

Sorry, I have to take exception to your description of some of us who comment on pictures of others. I probably am one of those you describe as a "ur hot moron". However, I am far from a moron. I am a professional, considerate and intelligent human being. I don't really understand your comment. I am not sure if I have commented on one of your photos, but then again I may have. If someone posts a photo they definitely should be prepared and expect and accept comments that could say, "you are hot", "you look good" and "you do not look so good", etc. If the truth is not wanted, why post a pic? When I make that comment, I mean it just the way it is stated. The person in the photo, based on the photo, is hot, attractive and sexy. That is not derogatory comment on my part. It is meant as a true compliment to that person for their great looks and the work and courage it took to post the photo in the first place. I do not yet have that courage and respect it in others who do. What would you desire that one say, "nice pic" and nothing more? If someone is hot, why not just state it, all comments are made in the eye and opinion of the viewer. Please don't be so sensitive to lable us as "morons". That is degrading to me and uncalled for. Lighten up some. You are attractive and should be proud of it. End of rant/rebuttal.

Ay caramba! Hang on a second here. I think what Eva was referring to are the kind of mindless sexual trolling comments made by the sort of guys who wolf-whistle at every passing woman in sight.

Nobody is inferring that because you find some of us sexually appealing (and say so) that you are a moron. It's OK to be appreciative, just not leery. No need to be defensive. Leave that for when you are dealing with unenlightened parts of the world outside, OK?

Peace and hugs. :hugs:

[Eugenie]

There is a definite need for me to exist in front of others, be it via pictures on various discussion forums or by going out in public.

Posting pictures has helped me in several ways. It boosted my feelings, so many nice compliments and encouragements. But perhaps even more useful, there were a few supportive but somewhat critical messages making some very useful suggestions to me in order to improve my "femme" look.

By and large I find comments about pictures of me far too nice... But yet what a pleasure to hear one say "You look gorgeous". Which woman doesn't like compliments?
:hugs:
Eugenie

[Nicole]

There is a definite need for me to exist in front of others, be it via pictures on various discussion forums or by going out in public.

Posting pictures has helped me in several ways. It boosted my feelings, so many nice compliments and encouragements. But perhaps even more useful, there were a few supportive but somewhat critical messages making some very useful suggestions to me in order to improve my "femme" look.

By and large I find comments about pictures of me far too nice... But yet what a pleasure to hear one say "You look gorgeous". Which woman doesn't like compliments?
:hugs:
Eugenie

You bring up a good point about constructive criticism. If delivered gently it can be a big help by revealing small corrections that we might have otherwise missed. Perhaps we need to start a new thread where we can volunteer photos to solicit 'critical but helpful' comments? For brave girls only! (not me just yet!)

[Khriss]

.. and reguardless of "intent" ...life goes on eh ??
as in.. "admirer's" are lewd and crude sometimes ...
there are limits here !? and our admin..er..strators.. need to know
when someone crosses certain "line's" eh ? xx"K"

[DanaJ]

Eva - great thread! I could have written this almost exactly. When I first joined, this was the first time I had shown any of my femme pix to anyone. I was overwhelmed by the replies and flattery, and yes - I admit it was addictive. I found myself not being able to wait to post more pix......

But over time, that desire has waned. I still go for makeovers and photoshoots, and I have a great time doing them. But, I do not always post my pix as much any more - partially due to laziness :) and partially due to the fact that since I am more comfortable with my femme side now, I do it more for myself these days.

Also, I found out that some members really do get tired of people who post too many pix. Back when you could leave rep points for people here, I would find the occassional negative rep point from anonymous members who were tired of seeing me post pix. It did give me pause for thought, but I kept on posting anyway :)

Still, there is certainly nothing wrong with posting lots of pix, I enjoy looking at many of the pretty girls here. So, post away :thumbsup:

[MsJanessa]

we all have the craving to be admired---I fulfill it by going out to TG venues in public at least three times a month--although I do have plenty of pics most are too x-rated to even think about posting here and since I don't own a camera Myself I dont take My own.

[Tamera]

Hi Eva,
I shoot pictures at random. I am not a fanatic of having to get my picture taken. A lot of times I will take pictures of myself before I go out. Pictures of me in my "Personal Portfolio" helps me see the do's/don't of passing. Or what I need to improve on.
LOL
Tamera

[Karren H]

Well I started out taking photos to see how I was doing and to document my progress.. Then I got the guts to post a few on URNotAlone.. Figured someone would recoginize me but no one did... So started an album on yahoo and posted more and more and more... Got into a photo war with the Queen, Lauren Philips... Lol. She's a sweetheart..

And my friends do call me a photo-****.. Now add movies... With thousands of photos and movies out there its almost become a maintenance headache. But I still do it.. Don't really know why.. Lol

And I get a flock of trolls... On IM and they are all ignored.. Nice pic or UR hot just doesn't get my attention.... Opening line is everything...

I remember taking 100s of photos and looking for the best... Getting 3... But now I just about dump the contents of my camera into an album.... Because its just me... And going back and looking at some of the shots that were left on the cuttingroom floor... They actually look way better than I remember..

For me at least photos are part of my crossdressing style.... and believe it or not I have gone out dressed without taking photos and have gone out dressed and taken photos without posting them anywhere.... I put them out there for anyone to see and if they like them fine, if not.....Ohhh Well... Doesn't bother me one way or the other.........

Love Karren

[Kali]

I've found that taking pictures of myself dressed has become an educational experience. There are some type of clothes I should avoid, and there are definitely poses that make me look OK and some that should never be used ;)

I'll never be even remotely passable, but I enjoy the effort I put into finding an occaisional photo to post.

[LaurenInDC]

Eva,

I know I enjoy the positive, constructive feedback I get on my pictures. Yes, it does attract some trolls, but just a yahoo profile with the word "crossdresser" in it bring them out, too. I can say for myself that I like the positive feeback on my photos regardless of presentation - I guess I just like the flattery, period. :)

-L

[Eva Diva]

Sorry, I have to take exception to your description of some of us who comment on pictures of others. I probably am one of those you describe as a "ur hot moron".


This has been answered quite well already, but since I started the thread, I'll respond. First, I am 52 years old. I am from the pre-email culture that went to a lot of trouble to learn to spell, so the "UR" business makes the hair on the back of my head stand up. It's fine for fourteen year old girls. Adults need to grow up and speak English. Second, "ur hott!!!" is usually followed by "wanna cam??", which is followed by some dude showing me his gnarly thing. Thanks but no thanks!
There is a certain class of man. Think "chronic masturbator, can't get women to talk to him, so he cruises the internet hitting on tgirls. After all, they're freaky!. You will excuse me if I do not feel the need to serve as the object of his excretion. :puke:
It took me a while to figure out that I could hide the chat icon from non-friends on my Yahoo page. Before I did, I was deleting chat requests every morning. Now, only pre-screened friends can easily hit me up to chat, and all of those have pics and a profile. When I use the chat here, I look for a profile there as well. I like to chat with other CDs, but I ignore "admirers" - even the ones who can spell and wait a few sentences before beginning the dirty talk.
Now, that just gets us back to the point of my post - real flattery from real people. I enjoy it - including when I know the intention is sexual. That's why it is so powerful for me - it feeds into my own fantasies. As opposed to the crude bleating of.... morons. That doesn't get past the first sentence.


Eva - spelling nazi :D

[MFStoo]

I have to add my :2c: to this thread as well.. Finally haveing gotten up the nerve to post a few pics, I think I have done a good job with my femme appearance.. The reassurance of others would hopefully come from impartial sources and either confirm that I'm on the right track or hopefully let me know where I fell short.. It is true that we have to weed out the comments from those just looking for a cheap thrill, but overall the expectations are probably the same for most of us...

You will notice that I didn't refer to the persons issuing the unwanted "UR" stuff or admirers as trolls or perverts etc... I don't like labels.. They carry too many undesirable connotations.. CDer's is a label that for some people carries a negative connotation as do the many labels used in our society.. I am me in either male or female persona..

Keep posting the photos and please be honest with your comments.
:hugs: Gina

[joperinal]

Wen I posted my first picture I really wanted to get some compliments.
Especially becasue nobody has ever seen me as a woman before.
That might explain why some of us start with posting pictures.
Because I just started I cannot tell what the future holds :happy:

[cindybarnes]

Ahhh, admited camera **** here too,,but never had a problem with too many complaments LOL
Pics while out with friends are always special but pics at home trying on new outfits & hairstyles can be sort of boaring, so I sometimes try and get creative with poses and backgrounds. I dont think complaments drive me to keep taking Cindy pics but I may still be trying to get that perfect look (thank god for digi cams!)
After chatting online now maybe 8 years and showing my Cindy pics I have met several guy" admirers" at different events and can say they have always been gentelmen that respected the fact that Im married and not looking for anything other than some quality girl time.
Recent funny memory was myself and my wife, 3 other CD's (in drab) and one of these CD admirers shopping at Jungle Jims in Cincinatti,, ya had to be there LOL, I wonder what guys think after seeing Cindy in drab ? LOL
Trolls are Trolls, and there is now way to avoid them online but you can tell pretty quickly if someone gives you a sincere complament.

Cindy

[Alex!]

For me Andrea lives mainly in cyberspace and takes a few days of vacation in the real world each year. The photography makes her tangible and therefore more real to me and others. I appreciate comments and critiques, because I do, in fact, use them to help enhance or refine my look. Also, sometimes people will suggest a look or a new hair color or some such, and that has a "breakthrough" quality on some occasions.

As a guy, I care about the way I look. It is important for me to come of quite masculine, for example. En femme, the same is true, but this time I want to look as feminine as possible - in terms of making me feel good about myself and by way of showing respect to women (I never want to come of as demeaning women with a vuglar look, for example). Sadly, when en femme I may look ok, but my mannerisms are very male - Andrea is quite a brutish sort in reality :D

[Mitzi]

I have a bit of a different slant. I enjoy taking pictures of Mitzi, but post them somewhat hesitantly, not because of the fear of getting critical comments, but just the opposite.

When I read the effusive compliments everyone gets when posting their pics, I sometimes feel it goes over the top. Understandably, when someone finally gets up the nerve to post her pictures, she hope for validation and approval. And a part of our forum is about instilling confidence in all of our sisters.

Yes, I like being told Mitzi is pretty, as someone stated what girl doesn't, but it almost feels like I'm fishing for compliments whenever I post a pic and that's a bit uncomfortable.

That having been said, yeah, I enjoy posting Mitzi's pic for all to admire:D .

Mitzi

[Leslie Foxx]

I've not been successful taking pictures of myself, but I certainly identify with the attention ***** aspect. When I got a makeover and photos, I posted them here and on my 360 page. I've had everything from wonderful compliments to two marriage proposals. No diamond has arrived yet, so I guess they weren't serious, or discovered I have no dowry! :lol:

That positive response emboldened me to enter an online beauty contest. If anyone feels like dropping by Femme Fever (http://femmefever.com/), I'd appreciate your consideration. Wonder if the winner gets a tiara?

All of you who take self photos have inspired me to try again.

[Lisa Golightly]

I wanted to feel loved... Simple as that.

[Deidra Cowen]

Surely its for attention and validation...I enjoy putting up pics. Have not been doing as much of that lately since just posting up the same kinda party pics or my pose pics from the cam gets boring. But if I have some new type of pic or something interesting I do put them up.

By the way I sometimes tell girls they are Hot! I am no moron (IQ of 139 thank you very much! :tongueout ). If someone tells me I'm hot I am quite thrilled to get the compliment. :devil:

[SexyMary]

Hello girls,
I am a new member from Canada. I am a new crossdresser, I am proud of it. I want to feel as a real woman. I am looking for a man to live with as a woman. I crossdress only in a private place. I hope to go out en femme one day. I am ready for this, just I need time and some experience.
Mary

[Kenix]

Let's face it, we all like some attention and compliments. :hugs:

I see posting pictures as a way to share one's good moments with others. We do it all the time- pictures of a new baby, a great party, vacation, etc.

[Satrana]

As men I think most of us are used to not being in the spotlight, some men avoid being included in pictures. Also in family situations it is usually the husband/father who is behind the camera and many are happy to keep it that way. When I crossdress there is a 180 degree turn around in my head, now I am the glamerous one who needs the spotlight of photographs to validate my effort to look pretty.

For me this is one of the distinct differences which are conditioned into boys and girls and it is a joy to break this taboo in my head. As a man if I took lots of pictures of myself then I, and others, would consider myself very conceited. As a woman having photshoots is normal. My daughter has thousands of photos of herself in very conceivable pose and location, my son has hardly any at all and would never take any pictures of himself even on his celphone for example. That pretty much says it all.