Joy, Its About Loving Yourself

[Lovely Rita]

Many times I read some posts here where people are going through difficulty because of crossdressing. The difficulties vary depending on particular situations and circumstances. The struggles are very real. Many may struggle with the fact that dressing as a woman is not accepted by society on a whole, or not accepted by our SOs, or countless other reasons.

I did not write this thread this morning as the panacea that will be the answer to all our many struggles but just wanted to share something that has helped me immensely with regard to my struggle. My struggle with self acceptance and coming to terms with the person I was created to be.

Here goes....I found that a lot of my problems stemmed from the fact that I was conditioned very early on not to love myself. Not to love myself as a person who enjoyed wearing women's clothing. Here is what I mean. In my culture it is something so taboo and unthinkable that from early on I was conditioned and inculcated to hate this practice in anyone. As a child crossdressers were singled out to me by members of my social groups: family, friends, parents,peers, as freaks and people to be chidded, dismissed. This social conditioning left me with quite a lot of baggage to sort through, and I am still sorting through the aftermath. The effects were guilt, self hatred to name a few. The deleterious affects of this indoctrination literally left me depressed as well unable to experience the Joy I know today. Loving others was very difficult especially since I could not love myself.

My medicine so to speak was to learn how to love myself completely. I am still working on that one. I guess I will continue learning that one until the day I die, but I am happy to share that I have definitely embraced this part of myself. I cannot fully express in words the Joy I have experienced from this amazing journey.
I also will not let anyone or anything, to the best of my ability, influence me to ever love myself less. Never again, whether it is opinions or social mores, will I let anything influence how I feel about myself with regard to who I am. The cost is too great. The truth has set me free and I seek to remain so.

LOVE YOURSELF!!! :love:

[Karren H]

Very well said, Rita!!! Your such a happy girl now we know why!! And though I've never thought it exactually that way it follows those same lines as you... Years of guilt that there was something wrong with me... Because others didn't accept what I loved to do... But about 3 years ago after a couple major life altering experiences, I decided that there was nothing wrong with crossdressing... And I had nothing to feel guilty about... Once I got past that everything changed for the better... And crossdressing became fun!! An adventure... Still is and always will be........for me!!

Love Karren

[KatieC]

Thank you for a wonderful post, Rita. It really resonated with me, because I'm struggling a lot with learning to love myself. And unless/until I can love and accept myself, how can I possibly expect my wife to accept my feminine/cross-dressing side?

There is so much about being a "guy", as society defines it, that I really dislike. I don't want to conform to the stereotypes, but I catch myself acting stereotypically at times anyway, because that's how I was socialized to behave while growing up. I usually act the way I am expect to, even if I'd rather not, because I dislike standing out or appearing too weird or making a scene as much as (or more than?) I dislike conforming. And then of course, I hate myself for not living/acting as I want to.

Add to that the guilt and shame that wanting to violate such a pernicious and deep-set taboo causes, and you end up with a pretty uncomfortable mental place to be at. It's going to be a long, winding road to self love/self acceptance.

-Katie

[Emily Ann Brown]

Way to go girl !!!!!!!!! I too hated myself for being the "pervert" and being so awful I had to hide from polite family and society. Then another 8 months of my ex telling me I was a "CIRCUS FREAK" once she discovered. Well, I have learned to love myself too, enough so that I recently added her term of derision as my avatar title (giggle giggle).


Emily Ann

[Brianna Lovely]

Thank you Rita, very well put.

I've often counseled others to learn to love and accept themselves. Because, without loving and accepting yourself, you can not, truly, love and accept someone else.

I'm not going to say that I fully understand the changes that are taking place in my life. But I will say that I accept them, as a gift or a blessing.

Perhaps we are the next step in human development. Loving, accepting, understanding human beings.

[tommi]

So well said and it really does help one get through the day just accepting me for me.:p

[EmmaJane TS]

Hi Rita,

You go Girl! I have to agree until you learn to love and accept yourself for who "we" are then how can you expect anyone else to accept you.

Hugs and kisses,

EmmaJ.

[Lovely Rita]

It is great to hear back from all of you. I am convinced that as long as I grow in my love for myself as well as others I am doing right.

I say again, I will not stand for anything to get in the way of that again. Be it attitudes or anything else for that matter. Loving myself is always right and very healthy for my Joy and over all well being. It affects even those around me. I am very happy with myself today even if no one else is. I am thankful to God for not being insecure

Be good to yourself and Love deeply.

[AmberTG]

WOW, it sounds like you've really hit the nail on the head, so to speak!, I can really identify with the childhood "lessons" that most of us have had to work so hard to unlearn, and all the fallout that those "lessons" caused us in our lives. I, like most of us here, am still working on that, a work in progress, I guess.

[Lovely Rita]

WOW, it sounds like you've really hit the nail on the head, so to speak!, I can really identify with the childhood "lessons" that most of us have had to work so hard to unlearn, and all the fallout that those "lessons" caused us in our lives. I, like most of us here, am still working on that, a work in progress, I guess.

I would say you hit the nail on the head. It is all about UNLEARNING.

UNLEARNING those attitudes and prejidices we were taught or attained by osmosis. Just being part of society on whole. Lessons flow in that can be very poisonous. UNLEARNING is harder than learning. It requires the confidence to take a stand and stick with it. Seeing the process through to the end. Analyzing, meditating on things, rethinking, waiting for insights, mulling over, rethinking, being frustrated, maybe crying and also praying.

Having the gumption to see it through until we are like children, healthy and filled with the vitality that comes from releasing and discarding all that negative crap that has been programed into us.

At leaste this is my take.

Thanks again Amber for bringing up the "UNLEARNING FACTOR":thumbsup:

[Stephenie S]

All here should read and understand the lessons that Rita and Karren are trying to teach you. This is the MOST important concept that you will need to learn in order to be successful in "comming out". No one, not your wife, not your SO, not your GF, not your family, no one, will accept this behavior in you as long as you consider CDing to be a shameful activity. As long as you are racked with guilt about your CDing, those around you will pick up on this and KNOW that your behavior is wrong.

Listen to Rita and Karren.

Lovies,
Steph

[Kate Simmons]

Thank you for sharing that Rita. Very well put. Above all else, we have to be true to ourselves, otherwise we are living a lie. I know, I did it for years. Without integrity, we are nothing and basically just an empty shell which has no inner structure for support and will collapse very easily under pressure. Loving ourselves and who we are reinforces this and is the basis of all other motivations.:happy:

[kittypw GG]

So inspiring Rita!

Yes, loving yourself is key to confidence and sucess in life love and relationships with all people. CD's who have not found that yet are the ones struggling with "seemingly" unaccepting spouses. It is all of the negative things that the cd does through his pain and hate of himself that causes all of the troubles in ones life. The anger, resentment etc that comes with not haveing your own life together. That dependance on other people for their happiness and the dissapointment when they fall short of having what they want. Inner peace and acceptance should be the goal not just following impulses and acting without purpose in your life.

Thanks for sharing your thoughs and congrats on discovering and loving yourself. :hugs: :love: Kitty

[kwebb]

Yup, that is the key, but for me right now its really elusive. I am in deep self-loathing mode right now. I thought I had moved past it but this morning I awoke with all of the negative stuff I've ever heard about it ringing in my ears for some reason I won't let it go.

The fact that nobody likes us. Gays don't wanna have anything to do with us, straight people as well. I guess it mostly started at work yesterday when someone made awful comments about a man wearing lipstick is a weirdo. Then this flood of all these images I had experienced down thru the years came rolling back. All of the jeers, the laughing, ridiculing. It is just too much for me to take . I hate myself and wish it would just cease. Wish the need to CD would just evaporate. I feel strange, weird, perverted today. A few days ago I was fine. When I am in femme dress I am on top of the world. Then it's back to the real world. Somebody can say something that will just set me off. And then I think, you know what, they are right. How can sooooo many people be against us and be wrong, the church is against us, just everybody ready to make fools of us if outed.

There is just no hope, no way out of this abyss. Hell, I considered taking myself out of the game, so much hate inside, self hate, hating this world because it hates me. I hate this world. I don't wanna talk to anyone about anything, just go over in a corner and die. Its too much pressure.

[uknowhoo]

Well put, Rita. Thanx so much for posting. xoxo T

[susie evans]

rita thank you for a great post i love hearing the thoughts of the other girls on the forum we share so much in common and i think this info we share is price less

:love: susie

[Lovely Rita]

Dear Kwebb
I can relate so much to what you wrote. Your feelings are real and only you can work through them. One thing that helped me very much was considering that the world and all of its prejidices and hatreds for so many different things is not a good thing. I have decided not to accept the mob mentality anymore. It does take work and perseverance but it can be done. I also continue to think deeply about who I am. Not what the world wants me to be but who I really am. I am not just a CD, I am first a human being. I also considered why so many may not like who we are and in the end concluded that the reasons were not good enough to keep me hating who I was. Society many times hates what it does not understand. These are attitudes that have been passed down to others as well as to ourselves. I am not willing to enable those hateful and harmful attitudes to influence me anymore. I do not see who I am as evil but simply who I am.

I hope some day your journey becomes a journey filled with the Joy that comes from accepting yourself and loving yourself.

Love can never be wrong. Whether you decide to give up CDing or not. Loving yourself can never be wrong. Loving myself and others is the healthiest and most uplifting thing I can do for myself. I understand your self hatred very well. You just confirmed how it is an outgrowth of how others feel about us. We cannot let that negativity cloud our view of who we are. It is not easy that is for sure, but making the decision to accept the truth is a great start.
We cannot rely on the negative opinions of others to define us.

Please understand, I am a work in progress with a long road ahead but I think I am on the right track and for me there is no turning back. No turning back to the saddness that was my life before. I am sure there are many more challanges ahead but the challange of whether to love who I am or not, hopefully is one that is in the past. I never believe I am on firm ground but always watchful and mindful of the things I will and won't accept. One thing I hope I never accept again is self hatred and all the miserable destructive baggage that accompanies it.

I wish you the best and please above all be good to yourself.

[Lovely Rita]

Stephenie, Salandra, Kittypw, Tammi and Susie
You Gals made my day. Reading your loving and kind words just feeds my soul. I am trully rich with such wonderful people like you around to encourage me.:love:

[Kate Simmons]

Thank YOU, Rita. You know it's a "given" for me to be myself nowadays and I don't even debate it any more. I owe that in a large measure to all the folks here and all the encouragement from the experiences and the honest feelings our members express. We are never truely alone and that is very nice to know and gives me a good feeling.:happy:

[kittypw GG]

Thank YOU, Rita. You know it's a "given" for me to be myself nowadays and I don't even debate it any more. I owe that in a large measure to all the folks here and all the encouragement from the experiences and the honest feelings our members express. We are never truely alone and that is very nice to know and gives me a good feeling.:happy:

I second this and me too. :love: Kitty

[Lovely Rita]

Thank YOU, Rita. You know it's a "given" for me to be myself nowadays and I don't even debate it any more. I owe that in a large measure to all the folks here and all the encouragement from the experiences and the honest feelings our members express. We are never truely alone and that is very nice to know and gives me a good feeling.:happy:


I second this and me too. :love: Kitty


I want to hang with you gals.....you brighten up my day.:love:

[sara_also]

Few truer words have ever been written....

[Regina girl]

My road to acceptance and loving myself as a CD is with help from everyone here and the time i can spend with you.

Love you all Regina

[stephani oneil]

I think in our world it also important to recognise that we can be drawn into becoming selfish,narcissistic and self indulgent. So though I agree on learning to love yourself, I think its just as important to be able to step back and realise the dangers of too much self input and the isolation it brings to loved ones.

[Toyah]

Interesting post about liking yourself. I guess I love Toyah but I think thats because she does not have to cope with the world and can just have a closeted fun life.
I sorta like my male self a bit but good old life keeps getting in the way.:sad:

[JessiRed]

So many great posts here. Truer words were never spoken, it was not until I was able to first accept myself that I could learn to love myself. Loving yourself, IMHO, is easier than accepting yourself, while niether are easy. Thanks for brightening my day ladies, I think I'll treat myself to a "femme" evening tonight in celebration.

[gennee]

Rita, thank you for sharing your story. I never went through some of the things you and some of the other ladies went through, but I am one happy crossdresser. You are an encouragement to me and others who are struggling, Rita. You sound so confident and sure of yourself now. I will pray for you. I'm so happy to know you and be part of this wonderful family.

Gennee

:happy:

[Lovely Rita]

Few truer words have ever been written....


My road to acceptance and loving myself as a CD is with help from everyone here and the time i can spend with you.

Love you all Regina


I think in our world it also important to recognise that we can be drawn into becoming selfish,narcissistic and self indulgent. So though I agree on learning to love yourself, I think its just as important to be able to step back and realise the dangers of too much self input and the isolation it brings to loved ones.


Interesting post about liking yourself. I guess I love Toyah but I think thats because she does not have to cope with the world and can just have a closeted fun life.
I sorta like my male self a bit but good old life keeps getting in the way.:sad:


Sara, Regina, Stephani and Toyah

Thanks again for what you wrote. I agree with you all. I agree that everything requires the proper balance. The selfish and narcissistic aspects can be problematic. My life was a virtual desert regarding self respect and acceptance that I have gone 180 degrees. I would say that we all have to keep the proper pespective on things. The self love I am working on is one that should not be at the expense of others but more to their benefit. I believe I am a much nicer and loving person to others because I am learning to love and embrace who I am. I also am at risk with the selfish stuff so your post is a great reminder. I would have to confess that I still struggle with the selfishness aspect and I would like to think that I am working on it.



Thanks again

Rita
a work in progress as opposed to a piece of work:D

[Carin's Wife GG]

Many times I read some posts here where people are going through difficulty because of crossdressing. The difficulties vary depending on particular situations and circumstances. The struggles are very real. Many may struggle with the fact that dressing as a woman is not accepted by society on a whole, or not accepted by our SOs, or countless other reasons.

I did not write this thread this morning as the panacea that will be the answer to all our many struggles but just wanted to share something that has helped me immensely with regard to my struggle. My struggle with self acceptance and coming to terms with the person I was created to be.

Here goes....I found that a lot of my problems stemmed from the fact that I was conditioned very early on not to love myself. Not to love myself as a person who enjoyed wearing women's clothing. Here is what I mean. In my culture it is something so taboo and unthinkable that from early on I was conditioned and inculcated to hate this practice in anyone. As a child crossdressers were singled out to me by members of my social groups: family, friends, parents,peers, as freaks and people to be chidded, dismissed. This social conditioning left me with quite a lot of baggage to sort through, and I am still sorting through the aftermath. The effects were guilt, self hatred to name a few. The deleterious affects of this indoctrination literally left me depressed as well unable to experience the Joy I know today. Loving others was very difficult especially since I could not love myself.

My medicine so to speak was to learn how to love myself completely. I am still working on that one. I guess I will continue learning that one until the day I die, but I am happy to share that I have definitely embraced this part of myself. I cannot fully express in words the Joy I have experienced from this amazing journey.
I also will not let anyone or anything, to the best of my ability, influence me to ever love myself less. Never again, whether it is opinions or social mores, will I let anything influence how I feel about myself with regard to who I am. The cost is too great. The truth has set me free and I seek to remain so.

LOVE YOURSELF!!! :love:

your post resonated with this GG all the way!



Louise.

[Lovely Rita]

Louise
Your example of Love and faithfulness resonate with me. You and Carin are blessed and most fortunate to have found one another. I love seeing your picture it is full of the Light that only Love can produce.

You are trully wonderful people.

[Carin's Wife GG]

Louise
Your example of Love and faithfulness resonate with me. You and Carin are blessed and most fortunate to have found one another. I love seeing your picture it is full of the Light that only Love can produce.

You are trully wonderful people.

we both appreciate your kindness.


love,


Louise.

[kittypw GG]

Interesting post about liking yourself. I guess I love Toyah but I think thats because she does not have to cope with the world and can just have a closeted fun life.
I sorta like my male self a bit but good old life keeps getting in the way.:sad:

Toyah,
The point is to love all of yourself. You can't love the femme self without also loving the male self. The both together makes you whole. It doesn't matter what the outward expression is at any given time. With acceptance and self love comes peace. Peace with who you are and that resonates from a person and attracts others. The dressing (either male expression or female expression) becomes secondary to living a life with purpose and gaining a confidence to share your gifts with others so that we can learn and grow from that expirence. That is what true life is all about. The people you share your life with gain valuable memories and personally grow from the expirence.

:love: Kitty

[Lovely Rita]

Toyah,
The point is to love all of yourself. You can't love the femme self without also loving the male self. The both together makes you whole. It doesn't matter what the outward expression is at any given time. With acceptance and self love comes peace. Peace with who you are and that resonates from a person and attracts others. The dressing (either male expression or female expression) becomes secondary to living a life with purpose and gaining a confidence to share your gifts with others so that we can learn and grow from that expirence. That is what true life is all about. The people you share your life with gain valuable memories and personally grow from the expirence.

:love: Kitty

So beautifully put Kitty. I agree 100 percent. :love:

[Tracy Lynn]

I have spent the last 2 years trying to come to terms with who I really am. I was always ashamed. I used to get so mad at myself for wanting to crossdress thinking what kind of freak am I. Nobody does this sort of thing.
Finding this site was the first time I ever knew there were so many people like me. It started to get easier to accept. I felt I finally fit in somewhere. It filled a void.
Coming out to my wife was the next step. She has been very accepting and loves me no matter what. This has helped me more than anything to accept and embrace who I truly am on the inside. I have no problems with it anymore. I do love who I am.

Thanks Rita.

:hugs:
Tracie

[Lovely Rita]

I have spent the last 2 years trying to come to terms with who I really am. I was always ashamed. I used to get so mad at myself for wanting to crossdress thinking what kind of freak am I. Nobody does this sort of thing.
Finding this site was the first time I ever knew there were so many people like me. It started to get easier to accept. I felt I finally fit in somewhere. It filled a void.
Coming out to my wife was the next step. She has been very accepting and loves me no matter what. This has helped me more than anything to accept and embrace who I truly am on the inside. I have no problems with it anymore. I do love who I am.

Thanks Rita.

:hugs:
Tracie

It is so wonderful to read your post this morning. It inspired me to read about your journey. Many of us have similar experiences. It encourages me to hear how things are working for you.

It is not an easy road but it is very well worth the struggle. We are lottery winners especially when we love and accept who we are.:love: :love: :love: