Just told my boss.

[Gizmo, Debbie]

Reading many of the threads about going out en-femme i have noticed that many of us all have the same fear? The fear of what will happen if we get recognised by someone we know.
Well today i managed to pluck up the courage to do a "preemptive strike"(is that the right spelling?)
My thinking is that instead of waiting for someone at work to clock-me en-femme and spread the gossip i would be the one to start it:eek:
As my boss was getting ready to leave i asked him if we could have a quick friendly chat and he said yes. I said i had a lot on my mind and that it was weighing me down and that i would like to get something off my chest. His easy widened and "Oh, ok" was the nervous reply.I didn't have time to talk so i gave him my website address and told him to sit down with a double whisky ( for the shock:heehee: ) later on, "Okay you've got me intregued now" ( the very reaction i was expecting ) so i left it with him and returned to my duties.
I will keep you all posted on how things go , wish me luck for tomorrow :eek: :eek:

[Robin Leigh]

That's a pretty wild way to come out to anyone, Debbie! I guess you must have a pretty cool boss. And a good website. Lots of luck! I hope you don't need it...

:hugs:

Robin

[Emily Ann Brown]

I remember when I came out to my secretary long ago I did similar....emailed her a photo of Emily Ann and included "Let's talk about this file at lunch today." She was sure I was gonna confess to having an affair with the "young lady" in the photo.

And BTW, you are so brave. If my company found out I was a woman they would cut my pay 40%. (giggle giggle)


Emily Ann

[myMichelle]

Wow! I hope that everything turns out ok for you...I'm guessing you probably would not have told your boss had you feared a negative reaction...But, having said that, I can tell you from personal experience that "letting the cat out of the bag" at work is not always the best thing to do. Like you, I told my boss several years ago. At the time, it seemed to go ok, but I later learned through a co-worker who I trusted that my crossdressing was the subject of choice at various after work get-togethers among my co-workers.

I wish you better luck than I had with this subject. I hope that it turns out well for you--but I'd advise you to be prepared for anything. Please keep us posted on what happens.

[spaelwitterbok]

Kudos on your "preemptive strike" as it were, let me tell you that hearing stories like that make me feel hopeful about the day I can tell ppl I am a Cross Dresser... Thank you.

[MJ]

"preemptive strike" watch out the the return fire , that was brave of you i hope all works out for you please keep us posted

[Gizmo, Debbie]

[QUOTE=myMichelle;828022]At the time, it seemed to go ok, but I later learned through a co-worker who I trusted that my crossdressing was the subject of choice at various after work get-togethers among my co-workers.QUOTE]

That's exactly what i expect to happen but hope not:eek: no going back now:eek:

I guess i'll be finding out how cool my boss is tomorrow and how good my website is ??
Not expecting to get much sleep tonight so thats me off for an early night and get what i can:heehee:
http://debbiegizmotv.mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk/

[Brianna Lovely]

WOW!
Well, Debbie, I think you're gorgeous. And I've just looked at you site and must say, that you are straight-forward, that's for sure.

I once had to tell a friend, that I sometimes have difficulty, telling the difference, between my honesty and brutal frankness.

I sure do wish you well, with your boss. And I suppose, I would have done the same thing.

[Rachel Morley]

:OMG: I just inadvertently spat my wine at my computer monitor in shock! :eek: I hope this works out ok for you, I could never do what you have done unless I was pretty sure of the outcome before I said anything. Good luck.

[christiecd]

hey good job for telling the boss and it's awesome he took it well. i wouldn't have the nerve in a million years to tell someone in my professional life. hope everything works out for you.

christie

[Edwina]

Hang in there Hen
You know we are behind you
:love:
Edwina

[NewBetty]

wow... gutsy move. That is so cool.
Here's to you and to a positive response!

[noname]

Wow! That's a pretty bold move. Sometimes a bold move can be a persons downfall, other times it's a stroke of genius.

Wish you the best.

[RachelDenise]

Good luck with this. I hope it works out for you. You have taken the element of surprise away from the work force!

[Gizmo, Debbie]

Well thats the 1st day over and done with.:happy:
My boss came to me 1st in the morning and he was speachless, he had no idea and didn't know what to say.
He comended me on my bravery and thanked me for taking him into my confidance and that he was fine with it and that was about it:happy:
So thats 1 down just the other 40-50 folk to go :eek:

[marie354]

I just love success stories.

I'm glad it worked out as well as it did. :hugs:

I'm working on revising my website, so I can do sort of the same thing.
I want to give out mini CD-ROMS with a small site that leads them to other sites of similar interest as well as the page I already have. (Which I'm updating as well.)

It's a lot of work for me, because I coding it mostly by hand, xHTML & style sheets. It will be a lot easier to update in the end though.

It's stories like yours that give me strength.

[Victoria Anne]

wow that took real courage Debbi,I hope all continues to go well for you

[Marcie Sexton]

Let me say this you've either got em like a brass monkey, or the boss is super cool...

I could see my boss taking it well...yea right...

[tommi]

:cheer: a brave thing I hope it works out in the long run.:hugs:

[Deborah]

I'm assuming you go to work dressed as a male. Why would you want everyone to know you dress en-femme outside of work?

[LindaTS]

I'm glad this went well for you Debbie. I'd say you're lucky to have such a nice guy for a boss, now lets hope that everything else goes as well. The best of luck to you.

[Debra Lynn]

Good luck, hope that he takes it as an adult member of a highly intelligent species that is beyound the state of having to defend his manhood!:happy:

[claireswife-gg]

May I ask a question? Now, I'm not critical in the slightest of any GID issues--I'm married to someone in transition--but why on earth are you coming out to all of your coworkers as a CD? And by letting them read your diary of all things?

My brain is boggled... you must work with a very LGBT friendly bunch. I can understand coming out trans as that will affect them, but goodness, this is a shocker!

We're hiding Claire's transness until we're ready for her to lose her job, which will be the definite outcome.

[AshleyLove]

I'm assuming you go to work dressed as a male. Why would you want everyone to know you dress en-femme outside of work?

My thoughts as well. Do they really need to know?

But kudos on your courage!

[TxKimberly]

I'm amazed and in awe of the courage that must have taken!
Way to go and I'm so glad it turned out so well!
Kim

[Angie G]

Well Bebbie that great glad it's going well :hugs:
Angie

[Karren H]

Glad it turned out good for you.... Frankly I wasn't expecting it to... I think I would have talked to him a bit more before showing him your site... Help him along a bit unstead of letting him draw his own conclussions... But then again you know him better than we do... Congratualtions..

Karren

[Dixie]

Kewl, Glad it worked out!

[NewBetty]

My boss comended me on my bravery and thanked me for taking him into my confidance and that he was fine with it and that was about it:happy:
So thats 1 down just the other 40-50 folk to go :eek:
Whooo Hooo!
Good for you
Courage wins out
Inspiring!

[hotbobbie]

Has he ask you for a date yet? Glad it all worked out.

[Lori SC]

Hi Debbie,

Congrats you are still working! I'm glad it worked out.

As far as telling another 50 people, all you have to tell is a few more, and they will tell the rest for you.

May I make a comment on your web page?

I think it's great that you are using a web page as a tool to inform people about you. People are so used to using the internet as a way to get information, I think it should work well. But I have a suggestion. Get rid of the diary. General acquaintenances shouldn't read your diary. It's just not done (well, it wasn't done). Maybe I'm old fashioned. That's about it. Maybe it was the content of the diary - pretty day to day stuff.

I like the pictures, the Q&A, etc. Maybe instead of the diary, you could write a little bio about your life and why you dress, why you are comming out, why the web page.

Using the web page like you did was a great idea. You know that eventually all your coworkers and friends of friends will be looking at it. You would never be able to talk to them all individually.

Hugs, Lori

[misty18]

well done

[Syuviel]

i definitely wish you good luck, but when my old boss found out, i was almost immediately pressured into leaving.

Great job telling someone about it. Not my choice of how to go about it though.I would have started by say, asking for time off on a particular saturday (if applicable) and letting it slip that you want to go see rocky horror picture show (y'know, the one where tim curry CDs in lingerie) And work slowly up from there.

[Gizmo, Debbie]

Thankyou all for the comments :thumbsup:
It's been a rollercoaster of a ride emotionaly thats for sure but that is only just the 1 person i have told at work (so far, and only because i felt i could trust him enough?) . What i am now nervous about is the reactions of the rest of the crew. While i am fairly confidant about the reactions of management i'm not so sure about the rest of them?
I feel that there will be half a dozen or so will activly hound/harrass me into leaving? :eek:
I have a bit of a plan forming in my mind on what to do but will play it by ear as things go? I'm thinkin that once the rumour gets around asking if i could call a meeting and get everybody into the canteen and all sit down together then that way i don't have to keep repeating myself? Or post a notice with some details and my website address?
I'm to weak right now to realy think about what's next but once i've got my strenght & courage back i'll think about it more and keep you all posted.
I was also thinking that to realy get the rumour going i will go out at some point knowing full well i will get seen, that point being a Friday which is optional overtime for me with me heading to town while people are on there break?

[claireswife-gg]

Well, I'm still not sure why on earth you would tell coworkers something like this unless you had to (transitioning) and I hope you won't lose your job, but I would most definitely remove the diary if you send coworkers there. Lori SC has some sound advice.

Good luck.

[AllThingsPretty]

I am with claireswife-gg on this one.

Why would you put your self into a stressful situation for no reason?

Unless you just like the shock value of seing your coworkers face's when they find out.

[Toyah]

Well you certainly dont beat about the bush good luck to you

[Rachel Morley]

I too am with Claireswife-gg on this. I don't mean to be offensive to you, and please tell me to mind my own business if you want to, but what is your goal here? Why is it important to you that you tell everyone about what it is you do (presumably) outside of work? I'm trying to empathize with you and I'm (obviously) missing something about your desires. Is this a stepping stone to dressing at work?

Hugs
Rachel

[AllieSF]

Debbie,

I congratulate you on your courage and your success so far. Prior to posting something for your other co-workers or calling a personal meeting, I recommend that you discuss your desire to clear the air with everyone with your boss first. If I understand correctly has has accepted your situation. Did he discuss it with HR and/or his superiros? If was him and hadn't been through this before, I would have talked with them just to make sure I was following the rules and not discriminating against you. I think that he deserves to be notified first and be given the opportunity to work with you on this in order to obtain the results you would like and to avoid unnecssary disruption in the office. Good luck. I support your direct approach.

[Edwina]

I too am with Claireswife-gg on this. I don't mean to be offensive to you, and please tell me to mind my own business if you want to, but what is your goal here? Why is it important to you that you tell everyone about what it is you do (presumably) outside of work? I'm trying to empathize with you and I'm (obviously) missing something about your desires. Is this a stepping stone to dressing at work?

Hugs
Rachel

I have to admit I have been wondering about this as well. If it is, then it is going to be a hard road.
:love:
Edwina

[Gizmo, Debbie]

I fully understand ur concern and thankyou sincerly :hugs: for it But i feel i have no choice? i am tearing myself apart on the inside and it hurts like hell! I know i am not fully prepared for the long term reporcussions of my actions but comming out is the only logical thing i can do? there is no defence against the internal struggle other than to go out but going out means i worry about meeting poeple i know and how they will react? to help defend against that i feel comming out is the only option. I don't want it to happen but if things get violent i can atleast attempt self defence?
Surely anything is better than the turmiol i am going through??

[kittypw GG]

I too am with Claireswife-gg on this. I don't mean to be offensive to you, and please tell me to mind my own business if you want to, but what is your goal here? Why is it important to you that you tell everyone about what it is you do (presumably) outside of work? I'm trying to empathize with you and I'm (obviously) missing something about your desires. Is this a stepping stone to dressing at work?

Hugs
Rachel

Wondering the same thing? What is it that you hope to gain from this? You can't control the topic of the conversation of others behind your back. What business is it of anyones what you do outside of work? You are making things hard for yourself in my opinion. Kitty

[sandra-leigh]

I feel that there will be half a dozen or so will activly hound/harrass me into leaving? :eek:
I have a bit of a plan forming in my mind on what to do but will play it by ear as things go? I'm thinkin that once the rumour gets around asking if i could call a meeting and get everybody into the canteen and all sit down together then that way i don't have to keep repeating myself? Or post a notice with some details and my website address?


If you get harassed, then probably the best thing to do is let Human Resources handle it. Document the harassment -- date, time, who was involved, what was said or done, pictures of anything concrete (and possibly cell-phone-camera pictures of events as they happen). And if people say things, then don't argue with them, just repeat that what they are saying is hurtful or offensive and you want them to stop. That's important, the telling them to stop, because it is the repetition of offensive behaviour knowing that it is offensive that is actionable. Document, document, document -- and report the problems to Human Resources. Your documentation doesn't need to be notarized, and you don't need to have witnesses for everything (though that helps). A written log is considered to be "evidence" in a legal sense.

I see that Scotland is part of the EU, so the anti-discrimination laws should be fairly strong. And regardless of whether there is any specific protection for transgendered individuals, workplace harassment is almost certainly prohibitted. If you speak to your Human Resources and tell them you are concerned about the possibility of "Workplace Harassment", then they will likely be very keen to tell you that they won't tolerate it. (Oh, and Document that you talked to them.) Here in Canada, the fines that companies can face for not acting on workplace harassment are amazingly high, and in Canada, any person in a position of authority who knows about the harassment and fails to take steps to stop it, is individually liable (that is, if it were to come to a lawsuit, they would have to pay out of their own pocket, not covered by the company.) The phrase "Offensive to my fundamental dignity" might come in handy somewhare along the way.

Do not attempt to fight problems in the workplace by calling meetings or assemblies yourself with the offending parties. Offensive behaviour by employees is the company's problem to deal with, not yours. Don't even try, beyond telling people to Stop at the time that incidents actually happen. Human Resources will have procedures for dealing with matters like these. If Human Resources believes that a general meeting is warranted, then let them call it. People will pay much closer attention to Human Resources telling them that This Is Not Acceptable than they will to you telling them the same thing. You know the phrase, "All talk, no action"? Well, when you call a meeting, that's "talk", and when Human Resources calls a meeting for the same purpose, that's "action". You could tell someone, "Be advised that under Part IV section 7 paragraph 13 of the Employee Code of Conduct, that workplace harassment may lead to disciplinary measures up to and including termination" -- and you saying it would only be a reminder of a theoretical possibility, but when Human Resources quotes exactly the same subsection to someone, that is part of the disciplinary procedures, and is an official warning from the company then.

Leave any discussion of consequences to the company. Don't tell people what could in theory happen to them: let Human Resources deal with telling employees about consequences. Your task is to document the problems and notify Human Resources -- and if Human Resources doesn't seem to "get" the issue, then you remind Human Resources about potential legal consequences. But I wouldn't suggest starting off by hinting at legal issues: you shouldn't have to start there, as HR should already know what could potentially happen; give HR a chance to do their jobs -- and Document.

[wannabie]

Well thats the 1st day over and done with.:happy:
My boss came to me 1st in the morning and he was speachless, he had no idea and didn't know what to say.
He comended me on my bravery and thanked me for taking him into my confidance and that he was fine with it and that was about it:happy:
So thats 1 down just the other 40-50 folk to go :eek:

I know the others in this thread is saying it worked out for you but I don't see anything working out.

Ok, you've told your boss, now what?

will he let debbie work at the office or he just knows that you want him to know about your other lifestyle?

what was the reason for showing him your site? maybe he didn't get the idea.

[psion128]

I hope it goes well and no one has a negative reaction to you at work. Here is my 2 cents on this. Just be ready for a negative reaction. We all hope that "they"(the normal ppl) will accept us as we are and not have a negative response. You have more guts than me. Like someone else said in response 2 ur post, just be ready. On a more positive note. If your boss is cool with it. Be very happy that ur blessed with that situation. I know if I told my supervisor about it, things could roll the wrong way for me. I know so and will keep my CD lifestyle in the closet.

psion128