Hi - (how do I fit CD'ing into my life)

[BlUeDrAgOn]

Hi!

I'm sorry if I'm posting in the wrong thread, but I didn't find any one where this could fit in.

I don't know much about this subject, but the more I read, the more I'm certain that I'm a crossdresser.

I'm 34 years old and since my early 20's I find it very attractive to dress in woman's clothes. I spent lots and lots of money in clothes, accessories and makeup, because I didn't want to keep using other people's clothes anymore. When I started dating my actual wife, I threw it all away, since I didn't want her to find out.

Now I'm married but I never told my wife (or anyone else) this secret. I don't know if I will ever tell someone... Sometimes I feel the need to crossdress, but I'm affraid someone finds out (I don't crossdress since 2003, I think). I'd love my wife to understand it, but I honestly don't believe she will. Above all, I don't want to lose her because of this. What should I do?

P.S. - Sorry about my english...

[Sharon]

Hi BlueDragon, welcome to the forum, and this section is the right place to post a question or comment.

Take a look at some of the threads in this section -- you will see that there are many in the same situation you are, some more fearful than others, but all with compelling stories. With any luck, you will find peace and and a way to understand your desires and how to fit them into your life. Sometimes that means telling your companion/spouse about yourself and sometimes not -- it's a decision that only you can make.

[leftyblueeyes]

Welcome. Well done looking for help. I don't have an encouraging story to tell you, but I do at least know having gone through a lot these last few years that the best thing I could have done years ago when I started asking the same questions was to go to counseling. I urge you to find a counselor that specializes in transgender needs or at least is very accepting. You need someone in your corner who you can talk to and let the full emotion of your situation come to light. Do it now before the urge grows anymore and you lose your sense of logic about it and about your relationship with your wife. She doesn't have to know why you are going. I have gone gone to counseling several times over the years while I was married and always just told my wife that was struggling with where i was headed in life or something like that. If I was in that situation now I would tell her that I have been feeling very depressed and want to get help, but also you could indicate that you are having something of a mid-life crisis. Many of these things are maybe true for you right now anyway.

THese aren't questions that someone else can answer for you. They can give you pointers, but a good counselor can help you sort out the answers for yourself. They will help you come to your own conclusions and help you find the strength to make new choices

I wish you the best, I truly do. You are certainly not alone. I hope you find resolution to your questions, but don't expect it overnight. You have years of hiding yourself to move beyond and nothing is as clear cut as you might like.

Hug,
Colette

[joperinal]

Hi,

Got a bit the same problem here. Have not been CD.ing for a couple of years. Only putting womans clothing on. Only in januari I started again dressing up and got myself a wig and make up session. Still hesitant in really buying stuff. Like there would be no way back or maybe scared to get caught by my wife. I don´t know. Some days I just think: no more of this and the other day i think go. Only thing I know is small steps and get to lean to know Jo and accept her\ give her a place in my life. Then I can start to think about the next step. But for now I sometimes dress up as Jo when my SO is not there.

[yvonne10]

leave well alone if you do want to dress do it when she is not around
i told my wife before we were married she was ok with it for a while i used to dress infront of her but she soon got fedup with it
It does put stress on your relaitionship

[BlUeDrAgOn]

It's difficult for me to develop some kind of a parallel life, hidden from my wife. I'd feel almost like I was betraying her, and I couldn't possibly do that. I'm affraid of starting to buy things to wear when I'm alone, 'cause there's always the possibility that she finds out. So, I'm trying to supress this need, but as you very well know, that makes me feel incomplete.

I'd love to be able to tell all about this to my wife, but as I said before, I'maffraid of her reaction. I don't even know if she'd still be able to stay with me after that.

You know, when I was younger, I suffered very much because of this. I even thought I was a transexual, but I didn't feel like a real woman (at least a straight one, if you get my meaning). Every time I heard something about it, I became more and more fascinated about it. I was decided to operate. But I would never find love, because sexually I felt (almost) heterosexual. Then I realized that all I wanted was to be able to dress like a lady, wear some makeup, jewels... you know. I love to try lots of clothes, specially lingerie and provocative pieces.

I don't think about going out dressed as a lady; staying at home with a nice outfit, lovely hairdo, gorgeous nails and a totally shaved body would be enough for me. But I can't do it in the present condition:sad:

[joann07]

I've never been married, but I read a book by Lacey Leigh called "The Emancipated Crossdresser" and I would strongly suggest reading it because it has some great tips, including dealing with how to tell the spouse or significant other.

Also, if you're not sure how your wife will react if you tell her, try bringing up a subject about crossdressing, for example, if you see something in the news (i.e. The Firefighter in Ohio arrested for intoxication while crossdressed, Steve Stanton case in Largo Florida - somewhat crossdressers related) or happen upon a movie (i.e. Tootsie), and say something like "Can you believe that guy likes to wear women's clothes?" or jokingly say "Could you see me wearing something like that?" and see what she says and what her thoughts are about it. If it looks like she may be open to it, then things could turn out ok.

Another thing to think about is, Halloween. Its coming up in a couple of months, maybe you can bring up the idea of you and her dressing up as the opposite sex. Give it a theme like opposites attract or something.
If she cool with the idea, then maybe you can tell her then.

Just some ideas for you to think about.

[Julie York]

Hi!


P.S. - Sorry about my english...

Your English is better than most people here!

Your worries are very normal and if you read the many posts here you'll see that there is a great deal of conflict about what you feel and what you should do. Dressing is a desire that is hard to understand for yourself so it is even more difficult to explain to someone else.

I have no answers but I wish you luck.

[BlUeDrAgOn]

I have no answers ...

That's where you're wrong. Your support and that of our friends (I believe I can call you that, right?:happy:) that cared to answer above is very comforting for me right now. We all know that it's very important to feel we're not alone. It makes us feel stronger to face other people.

[EmmaJane TS]

Hi,

The only advice I can give you is learnt from hard experience which certainly wasn't the straw that broke the camel's back in my marriage but it didn't help. I told my wife and focussed on my needs and why I wanted to CD. In truth whilst I have strong desires to CD I think I was using this fact as an excuse to help balance out my unhappiness and even if my wife had agreed to my "demands" I still think my marriage would have been doomed. As all the things making me unhappy would still have been unresolved :sad: .

The only positive out of my horrible mess of a marriage is now I'm seperated from my wife I can CD when I want and I'm happier than I've ever been. If ultimately you keep your CD desires surpressed you'll end up doing yourself and the people you care for most more harm than if you manage the situation in a controlled fashion. imagine being caught dressed by your wife :eek:

Councilling would be great place to start and hopefully it will all work out for you both.

I wish you all the luck in world Hun I know your in a bad place right now!

Hugs and kisses,

EmmaJ

[BlUeDrAgOn]

Where I come from (I'm portuguese, by the way), crossdressing is not very common (people still associate CD with gay people), and I really don't believe there would be any place I could find counceling. That's why I started looking for it on the net and found this forum (I'm very glad to have done it:heehee:) So, I guess I only have you to support me, right now.

It's very sad and it makes me feel even more tied up, but it's my reality.

[Dixie]

Hey Blue, I am not sure that I can give you much ad vice as my wife is very supportive of my crossdressing, she'll even suggest that I dress at times when I'm feeling down because she knows it cheers me up. I can say with full confidence that I support you and wish all the best for you. :hugs: Dixie

[terri jane]

i dont know that anyone can give you the right advice. the real advantage here is being able to out yourself without fear of rejection and all is safe in words. my experience is that i eventually did tell my wife and she found panties after i thought she was all right with it. we went to counseling which did not change the situation for use but did for me. i was hurt at rejection and lack of acceptance but i do know she tried like heck to undersand. i still see counselor and have at this time decided to put "it" away. i am marrie dand have a daughter who i would not want her to find out and I have many friends but am terrified of being rejected or thought less of. I geuss I can say with hurt feeelings that if I hadnt of told my wife i would still be living alone with my secret. i am not sure if that is a good thing but i do know that i have no intention of telling her about this websight. for today i egret saying anything to her.