How should I approach my parents?

[Valerie Nicole]

For those of you that know me, you might already know that I've come out to my parents. I have a question now about trying to expand our comfort zone. We do talk about it sometimes. I have told them about my idea for a CD sitcome and nobody has become uncomfortable with talking about that. I want to expand the comfort zone, though. Like the other day when I bought the skirt I've been raving about, my parents asked me if i had bought anything at the mall...I said yes but then got uncomfortable when asked what I bought. Then I needed some help on how to wash it so when I called my mom and asked her about it I referred to it as "this article of clothing."

I'm not sure where I want to go in the long run, but I do know that in the short term I want it to be something we can talk about in more than the abstract. I want to be able to say without fear or discomfort "I bought a denim skirt." I didn't say this partially for my benefit, and partially for theirs. How could I get myself (and them) to the point of being able to say that without fear? Is this even possible in a parental relationship?

[Amber_8281]

Well you are doing better than me. My parents don't even know the I wear skirts I am the kinda person that goes and get cover in grease under my car and then cleans up and puts on a Skirt and a shirt,bra everything and I am still growing I need to get a new cheerleading uniform mine is getting tight. But how am I suppose to order a new one and pass it of as a computer part or a car part. If one of them open it I am done for. I Want to be able to go to Goodies or Walmart or the Internet and buy a dress or a skirt or falseies to fill that bra that I have. I can't do that but atleast you can get that stuff. I need to like go and try on close to see what my size is now. But I can't I want somebody to go with. But I don't have that either. But If you find out something let me know.

Love lots
Amber

[EmmaJane TS]

Hi Jessica,

I think your doing great! I don't know your full story but "maybe" one way would be to tell your parents separately ideally your mom first then she could help break the news to your dad if it all went well. Just my :2c:

Whatever you decide I hope it all works out for you hun.

Hugs and kises,

EmmaJ.

[Valerie Nicole]

Thanks for the advice. They arleady know I'm a CDer, so there's no news for them to break to each other. It's just a matter of getting comfortable enough to tell them more about it.

[trannie T]

Sounds like your parents may be more comfortable with the issue of your crossdressing than you are.

[Sharoncd]

Be honest. This is the approch that I am using on mywife. The other morning I was getting ready for work and I though that she had already left so I took a few minutes and dressed. Well as bad luck goes she walk back in and cought me. She ask what this was about and I told her the truth.

So why hem haw around and tell the truth. Its better in the end.

I learned the hard way

sharon

[Valerie Nicole]

Sounds like your parents may be more comfortable with the issue of your crossdressing than you are.

My only discomfort with it is around them, really, and people who don't know. They have never seen me dressed and know none of the details other than it's something I like to do.

[AllieSF]

Hi Jessica,

I don't know how long ago it was that you revealed your new interest to your parents. As with anything new and different, it takes some people more time to adjust, adapt and hopefully accept the new situiation. As said above, honesty is always the best policy. Also as said, maybe they are more comfortable than you are. Talking to Mom first is always good, even if it is to get her current reaction in comparison to the last time you talked about dressing. It is always good to have at least one good ally in any endeavor. Maybe you could talk to your Mom and tell her that you actually bought a denim skirt the other day, but still felt a little uncomfortable telling her and Dad about it. Ask her what she thinks about it and how you all can feel more comfortable about the subject. Your honesty with her may open up a good communication link.

I got divorced many years ago due to poor communication (my CDing didn't exist then) between myself and my wife. We couldn't discuss and resolve minor issues and were in an even worse situation with the big issues. So communicating with your parents about the small things and their effects on them (e.g. buying a new denim skirt) will set the stage for later when you may decide to dress occasionally in front of them, or do something else.

I hope this helps some. I am quite proud of you and how you have come out to your parents so early in your life. Good luck.

[Valerie Nicole]

Thank you aluchi_aluchona, that is good advice. At a convenient time, I think I will come to my mom and tell her about this. The counsellor I've been seeing (who also sees my parents and is a good friend of the family) says it is important to keep this communication open and that it is important for me to be able to talk to both of them about it without it being a big deal. I guess this is what she means. Thank you for the advice.

[Dixie]

It sounds like if your parents asked if you bought anything at the mall, and then wanted to know what it was, that they are trying to reach out and be more understanding. I say meet them partway, baby steps youknow. When they ask questions answer them don't shy away. Hope it helps, Dixie

[Valerie Nicole]

They may or may not have guessed what I bought right away, but I'm sure they figured it out when I avoided telling them. So I probably should just come out with it. It's not like it's going to be a shock. They know I'm a crossdresser, so why should they be surprised that I'm buying women's clothes, right?

[AllieSF]

Hi Jessica,

You just answered another question/recommendation of mine not in my first reply. Getting counseling. Now I am even prouder of you because you are many steps ahead of me. Keep it up, don't be afriad to take the first step. There is an old saying about life and business, "Power, use it or lose it!" You do have power in this situation, because you have decided to take more control of your life. Hugs

[Girlieboy]

Hi, Jessica,

You are really worrying needlessly, you know. Sounds to me like you have the most wonderful parents in the world, actually. I think they have known all about your little secret for much longer than you realise, honestly! Think about these words carefully, hun, and you'll see that I'm right, so be honest and sincere with them.

The days when parents ostracised their children for being different have, in many cases (but of course not quite all) gone forever. In my own case I was caught en femme at the tender age of seventeen - and promptly thrown out! This was in 1960 - we are now in 2007. Your mum and dad love you - that much is obvious. Have you suddenly grown two heads and four arms? Of course not! You are still their child, whatever. Do feel free to contact me if you would like to chat - you would be most welcome.

I haven't been a member of this site for very long, but what I have already learned is this: all the girls on here will, I am sure, be there for you: they are genuine and very sincere and understanding people.

Always here for you,

Diane et al
:hugs:

[Valerie Nicole]

Girlieboy: A lot of what you say is right, except for your suspicion that they knew before I told them. I remember when I came out to them all too well, and they were completely shocked. My dad just kinda stared at me and said "Really?" You are right that they are great and accepting parents and I should be able to share this with them without a problem.

And you are right...this is the most caring and supportive online community I have ever found, and that's what keeps me coming here just about every day.

[Gina_darling]

I came out to my close family last month. My Dad doesn't know and nor will he but my Mum and a sister do. I have felt a bit like you in that I am actually a little uncomfortable with it in front of them. It is something that will come with time just take steps. I spoke to my Mum about a night out I had recently dressed. Just talking about it first, showing them what you've bought and becoming comfortable yourself is the way to go about it. As you are going slowly it also gives your parents time to adjust too. Eventually in the long run it will wonderful, you will be their daughter and be totally comfortable with them and them with you.

Gina xx

[Valerie Nicole]

That does sound wonderful, Gina. It's going to be hard to make any progress this summer though, because my sister is home for the summer and she doesn't know about me. That rules out any chance of dressing around the house other than in my room. However, I would like to get to that point eventually, as awkward as it feels right now.

[Staci G]

Might be a good idea to sit down with your sister and mom and let her in on it. I have sisters I think would be ok with it but never a brother OH MY!!:eek:

She may have to keep a close eye on her things while she is there :heehee: Jokeing.. But joking aside mom may let her in anyway..

Good luck in what ever you decide,you have alot of guts GO GIRL!! and I hope they all get comfortable with Jessica

[Valerie Nicole]

My parents actually suggest not telling my sister. They don't feel she could keep the secret. They say it's a guarantee that her boyfriend will find out, and quite possibly others. Plus, she isn't the most open-minded person either. She'd make all sorts of assumptions and wouldn't listen to me if I tried to correct her. We debate constantly over homosexuality, and the fact that she bases her judgments of who is gay or not gay on stereotypes.

Don't get me wrong, I would like to come out to her, if it weren't for all those issues there. For now I'll have to just stick with having my parents know.

[BlUeDrAgOn]

So, don't tell her. You don't have to tell everybody about you personal life. You're free to choose whom to tell or not.