Told to stop CD and getting evermore Depressed.

[Amber_8281]

Well here is what is going on. I told my Girlfriend about my CDing habit and it shocked her at first them she said it ok, and then recently she took all of my close and hide them and told me that it is weird for me to wear womens stuff. She keeps saying that she is ok with it and then she changes her mind. I have been CD since I was like 6yr because people mistaken me for a girl so it sunk in and I have been happy till last week. I told that I CD to take the edge off of life and relive stress because it dose it lets me be some body else that is not stressed out. So when she said stop I had to stop shaving my legs and chest and everything else so she would not suspect me of anything but she took her skirt from my room and said stop. I have not CD in almost a month out of respect for her but this is killing me. I have no way to take the edge off of my work day and I am going to start drinking. But I need help. What can I do to win her over because prom is coming up and I want to wear her dress because it look beautiful and look comfortable. But I know she is not going to let me wear it and it will go in to storage like the other one never to be seen again. I know somebody else has had a promblem eith this what did you do. I am not going to give of CD.

[Butterfly Bill]

You said "girlfriend" and not "wife", so I would recommend you start seriously thinking about whether this woman is the one you really want to be with. Females who accept CDing do exist.

[AmberTG]

Maybe you have the wrong girlfriend. If she can't accept that part of you now, don't expect her to change, especially if she's hiding your stuff. It sounds harsh, but life is full of ugly realitys, I'm sorry it has to be that way, but you can't change someone's mind unless they are open to the possibility. I wish you luck with this situation, maybe she'll come around, but maybe she won't, also.

[Amber_8281]

Well we are engaged and are getting married in April of 09. But she says that it ok and then see changes her mind. But see is opened minded about it but just not giving in yet.

[Phoebe Reece]

Amber, you might want to take a look at this old thread: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12890 This contains a great explanation of women who go back and forth between being fine with crossdressing and then not being so fine with it.

[sandra-leigh]

What can I do to win her over because prom is coming up and I want to wear her dress because it look beautiful and look comfortable.

I had The Talk with my wife this weekend, and she took it all very well; one of the few things she said was "Don't wear my things".

In the threads, it gets said over and over again: Don't wear other people's things -- people feel uncomfortable about it at least, and often feel like the clothes have been "violated" and that they can't trust you.

So pull yourself together and get your own dress. I don't know what kind of stores are in your area, but if you have a local branch of Mariposa, try there: they usually have prom-type dresses in stock.

I do realize you are asking permission to wear the dress, but you have to accept that clothing is something that people can end up feeling is very personal, so don't expect to be able to talk her into it.

[Billijo49504]

First of all, there are two things you are trying to do, that you probably shouldn't do. First, don't borrow clothes, without permission and second, if you read all of the forum, you can't really quit dressing. Many ppl have tried, but very few have succeeded....BJ

[racquel]

Well we are engaged and are getting married in April of 09. But she says that it ok and then see changes her mind. But see is opened minded about it but just not giving in yet.
When you start drinking you will dress (and not very well).You will try to stop dressing and wind up drinking more.Then you will have a stash of clothes hidden somewhere and because of the drinking you will get caught by the (now)wife and she will be really disappointed because you are being "unfaithful"to her.So of course you will purge and swear to "never do that again".
Repeat as required.:2c:

[Di]

Well we are engaged and are getting married in April of 09. But she says that it ok and then see changes her mind. But see is opened minded about it but just not giving in yet.

Well just my :2c: ...you are going to have to make her understand ...it is not going away ...it is a part of you...try to get her to read up...maybe get her materials...have her come here for support...something ....but there is noway you should walk down the isle till you have this settled...maybe compromise on what will work between the two of you...what she can be comfortable with...and you as well......but going ahead like this is just going to bring more heartache in the long run...so tell her how you feel....get talking...work this out.

[Sandra]

You really need to sit her down and tell her how you really feel and as others have said buy your own dress it you are borrowing hers then this could be one of the reasons she is like she is. You really need to get this sorted before the marriage and as Di has said get her some material on CDing, have her come here and talk to other GGs who have been through what she is going through.

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

Like has been said you need to talk with her, sit down calmly, and then "both" of you discuss this. and here is a good place ( if she wants to ) , to talk to others in similar situation. this wont be solved straight away, but trying to sort it "togther" may help towards getting through this !!
:o

[BlUeDrAgOn]

As for myself, I believed that this was a phase... Well, now I'm sure it isn't. So, whether you're an active CD or you're a "frustrated" one, if you supress your needs.

[stacie]

There is time to make changes, You don't want to be depressed the rest of your life because she won't let you dress. You need to sit down and have a talk with her about your feelings.

[Stephenie S]

This is a HUGE problem to be getting married with. DON'T, DON'T, DON'T!!! What ever are you thinking? This is someone you plan to spend the rest of your days with? Get real girl. You, and she, will be miserable. It just ain't worth it.

Stephenie

[Taurus44 GG]

Before the two of you head to unwedded unblissfuness, I suggest you work this out with some kind of counsel if you can get her to agree to that. Otherwise, you are on you way to a lifetime of lies and deception, hurt and unhappiness on both parts. Why live a life like that. Take it from these ladies with experience, they know what they speak. You won't be able to give up something that is a core part of yourself. You might mask it for a while, but you won't suppress it forever it will only eat you up inside and will have negative effects on your life in ways you probably won't even be aware of.

Rosa

[Julogden]

Hi Amber,

As hard as this sounds, immediately pull the plug on your wedding plans. You two need to resolve your differences regarding your dressing before marriage should even be considered. I speak from experience.

If your wife-to-be can't deal with it, you both need to move on and look for new partners. Gender issues do NOT go away at your or anyone else's whim. You can't force anyone to accept you, either she can or she can't. And I've seen couples "deal with" dressing by having the wife basically hide her head in the sand and it inevitably ends badly for both. At least your girlfriend is being honest and is letting you know that she isn't able to accept your dressing.

Good luck,
Carol:hugs:

[Karren H]

Well we all here know you can't successfully quit... So she has three choices... Talk to here and tell her that she either marries you as a crossdresser who is happy and content... or marries you as a male, who is misserable and prone to drinking problems....... Or no marriage...

And definately don't borrow her cloths...

Good luck...

Karren

[Melinda G]

New girlfriends are everywhere. Divorce is costly!

[Samantha B L]

Hi Amber,As a couple of the gals have suggested there are plenty of girls out there who are freindly to CD'ing.I'm not as experienced at CD'ing as some of the other gals on the forum but I've found out over the years that some people just think it's plain "strange" and "freaky" to CD.the whole thing gives them a "weird" vibe and they will just never budge on that.I had a great freindship with a certain GG in 1978-1980 and she would go out with me to shop at stores and we would buy stuff for me.She would kinda hang around to give the impression that the stuff was for her.One day she got a little bit tough with me and told me that I didn't need a "cover" and that I could buy all that stuff for myself and the salespeople in the stores don't even know me and wouldn't care one little bit if I was buying pantyhose or a wig for myself. She let me dress at her apartment but she told me more than once she thought it was "strange that I did it".So I finally decided that it might not be too smart to get too cozy over the long haul and I let the relationship drop off eventually.Later on I found girls who were freindly to m to f CD'ing.There's a lot of them out there.Amber,if you're not able to dress, not even 2 or 3 times a year ,that could get to be pretty miserable.

[Dasein9]

I have not CD in almost a month out of respect for her but this is killing me. I have no way to take the edge off of my work day and I am going to start drinking.


Amber, do I understand you to mean that you think it's better to drink than to cross-dress? Are you sure about this? If you've been CD-ing since you were six, then you know it's not harmful, but drinking because you can't dress, well, that way lies some serious hurt. And it will hurt your girlfriend as well as you.

Drinking should be for fun, and always in moderation, never as a replacement for personal integrity.

[andy6432668]

I would not even consider being with a woman that cannot accept me.

[marie354]

In my opinion... Never, never borrow someone else's clothes. Some women take that very personally. Maybe even insulting that she thinks that you want to replace her with your own image of her. Not a good thing.

I'm sure most, if not all of us have our own wardrobe. It's nice to have your own clothes. Especially ones that fit properly. So this is a must-do thing.

Check the thrift shops. You can find some really nice things at a really low price.

Please talk to her about it. My x-GF has dressed me in hers from time to time, just to see how they look on me. (I guess she is looking for ideas for shopping.)

If she can't understand, well.... There are plenty of fish in the ocean. And at your age, (judging by the fact that you are still in school), you got plenty of time.

Good luck.:hugs:

[noname]

You probably want to re-think the getting married bit. Hiding your clothes certainly shows a lack of respect for you. It's also unlikely she'll budge for prom. One thing I can't stress enough, is that life is a free gift, and you need to live your life for you, not someone else.

Like others have said, there are girls out there that accept cd'ing.

[Lisa Marie]

If it were me she'd be gone in a flash. I would try to find someone who would except my cding. Dont drink you dont want to put that poison in your body. Hope it all works out!

[Laurie Ann]

I can relate my wife found out by accident and my life has been a living hell since then. I have not been able to dress but am now able to wear panties. This is a small step for us. I suggest keeping the lines of communication open. Many GG's are of the mistaken notion that this "thing" is a phase and will go away eventually. I am now 54 and this "thing" will never go away. I try to move in small steps with my wife. I wish you the best of luck in however you chose to deal with this.

[Just Rachel]

Have her come to this forum. I couldn't be all that my ex-husband needed me to be in his cross dressing. I'm learning a lot here and find myself saying, "It all sounds so easy now. Why did it seem like such a big deal then?".

Oh yeah, I wouldn't wear my clothes again if he had worn them. I don't understand it, but that's the way I felt.

[nishababe]

I think you should think very hard about getting married to this lady!!
'' Responsibility is easy to attain ,but hard to maintain ''
You are a cross dresser and if you try to stop it is doomed to failure and deception and misery for both of you !!
I also think at 19 years old you are very young to think of such a serious commitment ,there is no rush to get married ,divorce is sure to follow if this goes through .
Try to meet someone who will accept you for what you are and not be forced to be someone that you are not .
You will end up hating her for not letting you be what you want to be !!

Lots of love ,

''Nishababe''

[Tiana]

if she has problems with it now she will always have problems with your cding. only hope if you really think she is the one is to sit down with her and tell her all your cd feelings and if she is not happy then i'm afraid you may have to let her go as your feelings will never go away so you could have an unhappy life especially if you get married and have children. saying thats ok is one thing but living with a cd is another good luck

[psion128]

Women that accept CDing do exist. I suggest finding another gf. She apparently is NOT comfortable with your lifestyle. So, bump her and look else where. That is just my 2 cents. Sorry if it sounds harsh but that is my 2 cents.

psion128