A Big Question - Am I pushing it too far?

[willowgurl]

Hi All, Just got back from the Supermarket. As usual I was dressed in girl jeans and a tee shirt. I guess I picked the wrong shirt, my bra and boobs were a little more apparent than I usually go out like. I was stopped in the store bya woman in her 30's and she asked me "why are you wearing a bra?" I answered without missing a beat."To hold up my breasts". She just kinda hmmphed and walked away. Then when I checked out the cashier (a young man) looked very embarassed (red faced). He then called me Ma'am even though I wasn't wearing a wig or makeup. So my question is, Am I pushing it too far? I just like wearing my comfy stuff.

[Julie York]

Am I pushing it too far? I just like wearing my comfy stuff.

No. You're an exhibitionist. You know exactly what you are doing. You're pushing it just as far as you want to because it gives you a buzz.

[DeeInGeorgia]

Does this not fall into the transgender realm of gender queer?

Dee

[sandra-leigh]

No. You're an exhibitionist.

I think that judgement is premature on the basis of the facts given. "A little more apparent than usual" doesn't necessarily mean "quite apparent". Different people notice different things. Notice that the woman asked about the bra: if the bulge of the boobs was obvious, then the question would not have been asked, or would have been asked differently.

What we can reliably infer is that willowgirl's bra was visible. I don't think that rates a conclusion that willowgirl is an exhibitionist. Have you never worn anything thinking it was safe, only to find out later that in different light or different ways of moving that it was more visible than expected?

A couple of weeks ago, I wore a white blouse to a bar, knowing that when I got there that I would be sitting a distance from other people and all they would see was that I was wearing a white shirt. Well, it turned out that the blouse absolutely glowed in the bar's black lights (must have been starched or something); and I do mean glowed, as in even a 1" strip of it was enough to shine enough to cast shadows. Fortunately for me, I had a sweater with me. My intention had been to be low-key; the lighting unexpectedly changed the visibility quite a bit.

[fwidman]

I don't think you were pushing it too far. You were noticed by those two people, but how many others in the store didn't notice at all? If you are comfortable wearing those things out and about, then you should :)

[Joy Carter]

Willow, (love the name BTW) if your comfortable dressing as you are then do so. There will always people out there who will say something to the negative. Just be yourself and be happy.

[Katrina]

Willow, I wish I had the guts to wear a bra and a somewhat see-through tee shirt grocery shopping! Good for you!

[Sandra]

Hi All, Just got back from the Supermarket. As usual I was dressed in girl jeans and a tee shirt. I guess I picked the wrong shirt, my bra and boobs were a little more apparent than I usually go out like. I was stopped in the store bya woman in her 30's and she asked me "why are you wearing a bra?" I answered without missing a beat."To hold up my breasts". She just kinda hmmphed and walked away. Then when I checked out the cashier (a young man) looked very embarassed (red faced). He then called me Ma'am even though I wasn't wearing a wig or makeup. So my question is, Am I pushing it too far? I just like wearing my comfy stuff.


I love your reply I guess the woman just didn't know how to answer you :)

If you're comfortable in the clothes you wear then I don't see a problem and I don't see it as pushing it too far just being yourself.

[trannie T]

She may have asked a valid question, why wereyou wearing a bra? I ask myself the same question. I wore a new bra when I went to Starbucks this morning, nothing showed once I fastened one more button on my shirt. Came close to having the same reaction that you got.

[Julie York]

I think that judgement is premature on the basis of the facts given..


You might be right. However..it is the phrase "pushing it too far" that I am basing my reply on.

Pushing what too far? What is being 'pushed' by whom and why?

But yes...you may very well be right.

[CaptLex]

She may have asked a valid question, why were you wearing a bra?
Here's what I don't get . . . how is this a valid question from a total stranger? It's none of her business, so why is she owed an answer? I can see if the question was asked by a friend, loved one or maybe even a co-worker, but not by some nosy shopper. I would have just glared at her and kept walking. :rolleyes:

[Michelle Ellis]

Why you were wearing a bra should have been a question asked in a different era I'd say LOL Should have asked if she burned hers :p

Pushing it too far is something I've been asking myself a lot lately... nails, hair, slight touch of perfume (I worry that people notice). I've been given the same advice by all my friends, do what you see fit. One life and all, you're apparently living it and not fearful of it. Good for you! I admire that.

And the checkout guy, I think I would have liked being called ma'am... it's too bad he was embarrassed, but all in all that seemed like not too bad of an encounter :)

M

[Sheri 4242]

Does this not fall into the transgender realm of gender queer? Dee

I don't think it does, Dee. I think it falls into the realm of being who one wants to be. And, in connection -- or perhaps separately -- there are some CD's who like the shock value of what they do like this. I've done a few "shock value things" in re my CDing -- not often, but definitely in that realm. I've also done things re my CDing that had nothing to do with shock value, but rather had everything to do with me being exactly who I am.

I can't say that there is or isn't an aspect of exhibitionism. The evidence doesn't support such a conclusion at this point. It does support that one is making a "semi-visible" statement of who they are on the inside, and there isn't anything wrong with that!!!

[kerrianna]

Here's what I don't get . . . how is this a valid question from a total stranger? It's none of her business, so why is she owed an answer? I can see if the question was asked by a friend, loved one or maybe even a co-worker, but not by some nosy shopper. I would have just glared at her and kept walking. :rolleyes:

Absolutely Captain! I agree entirely. WTF is it any of her business? Some people!

I would have asked her why she cared? It's people like her that keep us fearful and hiding.

How freaking rude! :rolleyes: :Angry3:

At least the cashier was a gentleman. Good for him.

Wear what you want willow...you sound like you can handle other people's crap pretty well.:hugs:
Like someone said to me, it's not against the law to wear what you want (as long as it's not indecent). I can't believe some of the slogans on t-shirts people wear. And here we are worried people might disapprove that we're wearing the other gender's clothes. :rolleyes:

[Kristen Kelly]

Here's what I don't get . . . how is this a valid question from a total stranger? It's none of her business, so why is she owed an answer? I can see if the question was asked by a friend, loved one or maybe even a co-worker, but not by some nosy shopper. I would have just glared at her and kept walking. :rolleyes:

:iagree:

[cdlaura2007]

I have a quick question. If you are going out dressed as the original poster mentioned, wouldn't you expect people to notice you are wearing a bra? I know if I wear a bra and tshirt, then you would definitely be able to see the bra straps which is the reason I don't wear a bra all the time. For those that do wear bras more often in public, how do you avoid the outline of the bra straps(assuming you are not fully dressed presenting as female)?

I also agree with what some other posters have said that I think it's very rude to have been asked that question. When I travel on business, I have gone out shopping in male clothes and worn a bra underneath my shirt and heard comments from people about it, but nobody has ever said anything directly to me.

[Angie G]

If that what you like to wear then you go girl :hugs:
Angie

[Kitty Sue]

What is gender queer. After reading this I think I am definitely a bit of an exhibitionist. Guess I need to pull my head in a little.

[Tree GG]

Here's what I don't get . . . how is this a valid question from a total stranger? ...

Albeit none of her business, since the question was asked, would it not have been better for the transgender community at large to have given her the shortest possible, but sincere answer regarding personal gender expression instead of a smart-aleck come back?

I see an opportunity lost for transgendered individuals to educate people at large in a non-threatening, shared environment.

[kay2]

...she asked me "why are you wearing a bra?"
Sounds like the game show Jeopardy - she phrased it as a question, but was making a statement. There are only 2 possible answers, and both are obvious - either it is functional, for holding up breasts (as you answered), or it is aesthetic (desired look or feel). So, her question is more of an indictment than an enquiry.


...Am I pushing it too far?
2 thoughts:
1) You pushed it no further than many women do on a daily basis.
2) It's funny to me that wearing a bra, pants, and t-shirt is pushing things further than wearing a bra, skirt, blouse, pumps, wig, and makeup.

As for the comment that you are an exhibitionist:
Well, we typically use the term "exhibitionist" as a pejorative, but we all exhibit ourselves through our choice of clothing. Usually we reserve the term for "showing too much skin." So how can one be an exhibitionist by putting on an extra item of clothing? By showing "too much self?" It's as exhibitionistic as wearing any kind, or part, of uniform while off duty, or wearing a t-shirt that proclaims something about your beliefs or interests.

[CaptLex]

I see an opportunity lost for transgendered individuals to educate people at large in a non-threatening, shared environment.
That's a good point, Tree. In my experience, there are people who ask because they really want to learn, and people who ask because they want to criticize and no answer will satisfy and educate them. When I'm approached by the former, I do try to teach, but this woman sounded to me like the latter type. I just have no patience for these type of people anymore. :p

[Lisa Golightly]

I was stopped in the store bya woman in her 30's and she asked me "why are you wearing a bra?"

Goodness me, what a terribly rude woman!

[tommi]

:2c: Laugh it off if she didn't say anything else it isn't worth getting panties in a knot over.
I wait an many women that I debate the other way ,Is she man is she women
and in all honesty what difference does it make.
Enjoy being you and know that occasionally people may ask questions.
:2c:

[KimberlyS]

Willow, My question for you would be: If you seen someone at the supermarket pierced about 15-20 times on their face, wearing a crop shirt and bellybutton pierced and with a tattoo on the lower back. Would they be pushing it too far?

There are many different people in this world. If you look different from the Norm for the area you are in yes you may stick out some and get noticed but that may not be a bad thing in my opinion. As long are you are comfortable going out like that and not violating any decency laws dress how you want to. Be yourself and enjoy..

Like others have said this is also a perfect chance for outreach and education of others. Even if you do not talk with anyone, you presented a decent image of a TG person. The more images and interactions with TG's that are good the better for aiding in acceptance.

[Nadine]

As usual I was dressed in girl jeans and a tee shirt. I guess I picked the wrong shirt, my bra and boobs were a little more apparent than I usually go out like. I was stopped in the store bya woman in her 30's and she asked me "why are you wearing a bra?" I answered without missing a beat."To hold up my breasts". She just kinda hmmphed and walked away. .............So my question is, Am I pushing it too far? I just like wearing my comfy stuff.

My retort to her would have been "It's none of your business!". She was obviously a bussy-body - one who always dissapproves of anything that does not strictly conform to society's norms.

No, I don't think that you are pushing it too far. I also wear my comfy clothing when I go shopping - and that includes women's jeans, t-shirts or blouses, bra, panties and woman's sneakers (with pink trim) or sandals.

:love: Be yourself, and to hell with what others think.

[Sharon]

As long as you're comfortable with yourself and the manner in which you dress, then I don't think you're pushing it too far. It is when you no longer feel comfortable, or regret afterwards what you did, that you may have gone too far.

No comment on the woman -- it's been said.

[monkey88]

It sounds to me like this woman is one of those old people who live in the past, and are very old fashioned and set in their ways (no offence meant to more mature members). They cannot be blamed, it's the society they were brought up in. Society has changed a lot over the years, and become much more lenient in our direction.

And as for the cashier, currently being one myself, I know from my own experience that no matter what state the customer is in, they are, nevertheless, a customer. Therefore you do your best to help them, and get on with your job. As embarrassed as he may have been, he would still have done his job. I've had some very strange customers at work, and no matter who they are, what they look like, you still serve them, and do your job to the best of your ability.

In fact it's something most CDs here should probably remember: If you are a customer somewhere, the majority of the time, unless the employee has strong views on the subject, you will most likely be served and assisted gracely and politely, no matter how embarrassed the employee may be.

[tamparay]

Willow you were brave to give that woman such a quick response, I flew to Tampa two days ago with a pretty bra on and those stick on falses and mascara and sat with a lady who knew but said nothing but it made me feel very feminine. Too bad she didnt see me walk thru security when I had to tak off my shoes...my nails did show thru my black stockings...love to dress up..Raye

[serinalynn]

I wear a bra because I can. My wife is the only person who has ever asked about. WE went to las Vegas this past weekend and I wore a bra all 4 days and even with some low V-neck tops and not one person said anything.

[Lanore]

If you have real boobs they need support so they don't go south. I've never had anyone ask me that, but they sure looked like they wanted to. I get the most attention when I don't wear a bra. Maybe someone will tell me, "don't you think you need to be wearing a bra"? I'm proud of my girls with or without a bra.

Lanore

[Carmela]

and do whatever you darn well please (pardon the street language!) IWhen I dress, I don't wear makeup nor do I wear a wig. I sometimes don't even shave the stubble. But there I am in 4+" heels and a short dress. If anyone says anything, which they usually don't, I ask them why they are wearing what they are wearing and usually leave it at that. Do waht you want and forget everyone else.

[sandra-leigh]

So how can one be an exhibitionist by putting on an extra item of clothing? By showing "too much self?"

When I wear my large forms with a stretch or tailored shirt that make the bulges obvious, then I think it would be fair to say that I'm being exhibitionist in some meaningful sense (but not one that I could define well.) Similarily, when I'm in guy mode and I wear my smaller forms with clothing that clearly shows off the bulges, making it obvious that I have "breasts", I also feel a bit exhibitionist. On the other hand, my smaller forms are about D cup (size 7), and if I'm wearing them visibly when I'm fully femme, I do not feel exhibitionist. So it isn't the absolute protrubance, it's the context: my larger forms (G cup) are "voluptous" but not overly big for my body size when I'm Dressed, whereas my D cups are average or less for a woman my size. But when I'm in guy mode, a visible D cup is huge for a guy. Depends on the clothes: I have a fair number of tops (or shirts) in which the D cups are hardly visible.

[Rachel Morley]

Wearing a bra as a girly guy is something I do all the time, and there is always a small risk involved in it being seen if you are only wearing a t-shirt. Lets assume for a minute that this was not intentional, you weren't wearing forms, and that perhaps the person could see a faint outline of a bra strap or bra band under your t-shirt (this is how I often dress, meaning I know it kinda shows very slightly under lighter colored t-shirts).

I very much doubt anyone would say anything to you if it was subtle (they've never said anything to me yet) because they couldn't be sure that it was a bra you were wearing under your t-shirt and IMHO a bra is not the first thing that would come into a person's mind if they saw some sort of faint outline under your shirt. So in your situation, IMO either it was WAY obvious you were wearing a bra or the woman who said something was rather assertive and bold in her assumptions (which happened to be correct). I agree she is being a bit rude as it's got nothing to do which her and I'm sure she wouldn't want people asking her questions about why she was wearing whatever (especially her underwear). However, that said, people can be curious and if she's a "ballsy woman" who "needs to know" then you better have an answer. If it happened to me I'd say, "because I'm transgendered and besides, I want to" :happy: (meaning you can still be transgendered and not want to wear a bra in boy mode)

Are you pushing it too far? .... no, but be more careful unless you have all the answers ready in case someone else asks a similar question. :happy:

P.S. I thought your answer to her question was fair and totally ok especially if you have (small?) breasts.

[MJ]

[QUOTE]If you have real boobs they need support so they don't go south. I've never had anyone ask me that, but they sure looked like they wanted to.

lanore you were a body builder i would not say boo to you lol

Willow dress how you like , love the name by the way