sandra-leigh
04-22-2007, 09:13 PM
I've had all week to dress, but somehow I hadn't gotten out anywhere in a skirt or dress (though I did go out in tops or a blouse a few times.) Just hadn't been feeling up to much of anything. Tonight, though, I was in a good mood and decided that I was going to do it -- I was going to go out in a skirt. After some internal debate, I settled on a walk around some nearby blocks, leaving just before sunset (and expecting to get back when it was already a bit dark.)
Seeing as I haven't gone out much lately, I had a definite case of nerves about being seen by the neighbours -- nervousness that I thought I was over. But if you don't go out for awhile and start losing your confidence about going out, then it becomes harder and harder to convince yourself to risk going out. I knew I had to break the logjam.
I already had on dark black pantyhose; I put on a white pinstripe blouse, my large forms (which shape the blouse nicely without looking too big in it), a lightweight tan skirt, my black pumps, a long woman's spring coat, and makeup to cover over my remaining stubble, and added some red/bronze lipstick to give my lips some definitions. I did not wear my wig -- too much trouble to carry with me until I could put it on, not enough places to put it on, that sort of logistics problem. My hair reaches to the bottom of my neck, though, so I counted on that to be femme enough in context. My coat left the bottom couple of inches of the skirt exposed, and the black pantyhose were visible in the band from about 3 inches above the ankle and downwards.
I went out through the back lane... and of course immediately hit the problem that pumps make noise on laneways, and I didn't want to attract my neighbours attention. Time to walk on the balls of my feet, which still made -some- noise, but not as much. When I got to the streets, I walked on the grass beside the sidewalks except when I was crossing the road. Temperatures were a bit cool, the wind was flapping my coat open, and I was getting a bit warm from walking too fast, and from the nerves.
After I turned off the main (busy) road to the sidestreet, I undid the belt on my coat, but alternated between holding it closed and letting my front be visible. If anyone happened to see me from their window, they would have seen the coat and the skirt and shoes, and my longish hair. When I was about half-way I let the jacket fall open more, about the point that I turned onto slightly busier cross-street; a small number of cars passed by going the other way. A couple of blocks further, it was back to the residential streets again; when I was about 7/8 of the way through the journey, I took off the coat and walked with skirt and blouse fully visible for about 2/3 of a block; one car passed by going the same direction I was (and so would have seen my back.)
When I reached my alley again, I tied the coat on again, and headed back the few houses in... on the balls of my feet, making shoe noises again.
Well, one of my neighbours 3 doors down was out in his backyard, and might have seen me pass by; I hurried my steps a bit when I noticed him, so that I'd be out of his sight faster. And as I passed by that garage, on the same side two doors down from me, my neighbours sister was out in my neighbours back yard... and I think I heard her say hello to me. By this point, I was stepping too quickly to be quiet, so I'm sure she would have heard my shoes.
Now, if my neighbour's sister did happen to see me, then she probably recognized me, as just yesterday she answered the door when I dropped something off for that neighbour. And I had told her my name yesterday, which she recognized from having heard her sister speak about me. The pantyhose and skirt would not have been particularily visible at that point (though not completely hidden either); the coat could have been mistaken for men's, but probably wasn't -- the colour and styling would be more recognizable as female. So I don't know if the sister understood what she was seeing, but she did see enough to at least be confused, and possibly enough to recognize the clothes as being female. And it could well be that she'll mention the oddity to her sister my neighbour two-over... who is a dear old lady of about 86 and one of the few people around whom I care about the opinion of. When I went out, I did so knowing that that neighbour was not home today -- but I didn't expect her visiting sister to just happen to be in the back yard as I came down the lane. :o
My thread title is a pun (again) -- I need to quiet my nerves after being recognized (and possibly the clothes recognized) -- that, and the point that after all I've blithely done, it turns out I still get nerves before going out in recognizably femme clothes.
I didn't have those twitchy nerves two weeks ago, when I went out in male mode with a denim skirt and did taxi, grocery store, bus, and a two long block walk in broad daylight. So I guess my plain long denim skirt is somehow "not really" feminine to me, whereas my lightweight tan skirt is. The denin skirt could be mistaken as jeans; the tan skirt, though, is definitely a skirt (though not at all "girly").
Seeing as I haven't gone out much lately, I had a definite case of nerves about being seen by the neighbours -- nervousness that I thought I was over. But if you don't go out for awhile and start losing your confidence about going out, then it becomes harder and harder to convince yourself to risk going out. I knew I had to break the logjam.
I already had on dark black pantyhose; I put on a white pinstripe blouse, my large forms (which shape the blouse nicely without looking too big in it), a lightweight tan skirt, my black pumps, a long woman's spring coat, and makeup to cover over my remaining stubble, and added some red/bronze lipstick to give my lips some definitions. I did not wear my wig -- too much trouble to carry with me until I could put it on, not enough places to put it on, that sort of logistics problem. My hair reaches to the bottom of my neck, though, so I counted on that to be femme enough in context. My coat left the bottom couple of inches of the skirt exposed, and the black pantyhose were visible in the band from about 3 inches above the ankle and downwards.
I went out through the back lane... and of course immediately hit the problem that pumps make noise on laneways, and I didn't want to attract my neighbours attention. Time to walk on the balls of my feet, which still made -some- noise, but not as much. When I got to the streets, I walked on the grass beside the sidewalks except when I was crossing the road. Temperatures were a bit cool, the wind was flapping my coat open, and I was getting a bit warm from walking too fast, and from the nerves.
After I turned off the main (busy) road to the sidestreet, I undid the belt on my coat, but alternated between holding it closed and letting my front be visible. If anyone happened to see me from their window, they would have seen the coat and the skirt and shoes, and my longish hair. When I was about half-way I let the jacket fall open more, about the point that I turned onto slightly busier cross-street; a small number of cars passed by going the other way. A couple of blocks further, it was back to the residential streets again; when I was about 7/8 of the way through the journey, I took off the coat and walked with skirt and blouse fully visible for about 2/3 of a block; one car passed by going the same direction I was (and so would have seen my back.)
When I reached my alley again, I tied the coat on again, and headed back the few houses in... on the balls of my feet, making shoe noises again.
Well, one of my neighbours 3 doors down was out in his backyard, and might have seen me pass by; I hurried my steps a bit when I noticed him, so that I'd be out of his sight faster. And as I passed by that garage, on the same side two doors down from me, my neighbours sister was out in my neighbours back yard... and I think I heard her say hello to me. By this point, I was stepping too quickly to be quiet, so I'm sure she would have heard my shoes.
Now, if my neighbour's sister did happen to see me, then she probably recognized me, as just yesterday she answered the door when I dropped something off for that neighbour. And I had told her my name yesterday, which she recognized from having heard her sister speak about me. The pantyhose and skirt would not have been particularily visible at that point (though not completely hidden either); the coat could have been mistaken for men's, but probably wasn't -- the colour and styling would be more recognizable as female. So I don't know if the sister understood what she was seeing, but she did see enough to at least be confused, and possibly enough to recognize the clothes as being female. And it could well be that she'll mention the oddity to her sister my neighbour two-over... who is a dear old lady of about 86 and one of the few people around whom I care about the opinion of. When I went out, I did so knowing that that neighbour was not home today -- but I didn't expect her visiting sister to just happen to be in the back yard as I came down the lane. :o
My thread title is a pun (again) -- I need to quiet my nerves after being recognized (and possibly the clothes recognized) -- that, and the point that after all I've blithely done, it turns out I still get nerves before going out in recognizably femme clothes.
I didn't have those twitchy nerves two weeks ago, when I went out in male mode with a denim skirt and did taxi, grocery store, bus, and a two long block walk in broad daylight. So I guess my plain long denim skirt is somehow "not really" feminine to me, whereas my lightweight tan skirt is. The denin skirt could be mistaken as jeans; the tan skirt, though, is definitely a skirt (though not at all "girly").