My concerns

[rachelmncd]

I think there is a part of me that wants to get caught . . . I find myself taking more risks. I am deathly afraid of my wife finding out since I know it will greatly affect the way she views me.

I want to sit down and have a long talk about my little hobby before she catches me in a compromising position. I want to say that I'm taking more risks to force myself to tell her since I know it would be much more difficult to explain if I'm caught in the act.

I've lied to myself and said that it is just a phase but I've been dealing with this phase for 23 years. I thought it would change once I got married but obviously that didn't happen. My regret is that I wasn't honest with her from the start . . . I regret that I haven't been honest with myself.

I just want to vent a little since I find myself feeling depressed sometimes when I feel that I can't be my true self. Just wanted to post to vent and to see if there is anyone that feels the same way.

[AllieSF]

I am single so SOs for now are not in the picture right now. From what I have read here there are a lot who take risks, some because they are comfortable with who they are and others for the thrill, and others again that may just want to get caught. There are a lot of posts here on how people came out to their SOs and other discussions by those thinking of doing it. Since you are new here, I would recommend that you read as much as you can to better understand the upside and downside of taking that action. If you do come out, you will be risking a lot with your wife, and possibly others too. Are you ready to accept her leaving, or to live with heavy restrictions imposed on your dressing? Being on this site and reading all the posts by those who have come out and are happily living with the consequences (with or without their original SOO) can be intoxicating and maybe a strong incentive to do the same. However, again, develop a plan, take your time, think it through and learn here, if you can, how to do it. Good luck.

[Nicole]

Hi Mariam. I think it is safe to say that all of us feel or have felt that way most of the time. It is the nature of our condition. We live in a culture that expects neat and tidy answers. Blue or pink? Man or woman? Either/or? Reality just doesn't fit into these convenient little boxes.

If you are 'almost' outing yourself again and again, it sounds like you are about to bust out of the closet after 23 years. Repressing it further might cause you psychological and/or physical harm. Denial hurts, especially self-denial. I personally know how damaging it can be. I hope you can find a way to bring up the issue and discuss it with your wife. Also take aluchi_aluchona's advice to heart. Read all you can about crossdressing, know the risks, and prepare yourself as well as you can for any possible outcome.

[sandra-leigh]

I think there is a part of me that wants to get caught . . . I find myself taking more risks.

For me, it was storing more and more stuff at home, in less hidden places (cuz the more hidden places were full.) Eventually she found something of mine; then somewhere around 10 weeks later she found another cache, and ambushed me with a question about it one morning when I wasn't yet fully awake. (Yes, I did tell her at that point... which was about a week ago.)

I did take other risks along the way, such as putting on mascarra at work and then forgetting to take it off when I got home; or leaving a light coating of nailpolish on one of my fingernails.

By the time she asked me, I was pretty much ready (emotionally) to tell her, but I didn't have any idea how to start. How do you start talking about something that could wreck your relationship if it goes wrong, but could end up being a real positive change in your life if it goes right? There's never a Good Time, it seems.

[Angie G]

I felt that way now my wife knows and is 95% OK with it we even shop for Angie good luck in what ever you do hun hope it works for you :hugs:
Angie

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Mariam

Before you do anything think it through

Reading this link will also be useful if you want to tell your partner

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=205772&postcount=1

[michelleupnorth]

As much as it sucks I think you need to tell her the truth. Then you need to make a decision to either quit or keep dressing that will depend on her reaction. I here it over and over again and it is destructive to live in a relationship that has lies. It makes no wonder that the GG's SO get pissed with us when they find our stuff. They think that we have lied to them for so many years and what else are we lying about. This is something that they should know about. I know it makes it hard after you have been with someone for some time but coming out to her instead of waiting for her to find it sucks for both of you.

[Sheila]

I want to sit down and have a long talk about my little hobby before she catches me in a compromising position. I want to say that I'm taking more risks to force myself to tell her since I know it would be much more difficult to explain if I'm caught in the act.

I've lied to myself and said that it is just a phase but I've been dealing with this phase for 23 years. I thought it would change once I got married but obviously that didn't happen. My regret is that I wasn't honest with her from the start . . . I regret that I haven't been honest with myself.


As A GG who "discovered" her partners cd activities by pure accident I can honestly say it was the discovery that hurt, the fact he did not trust me enough to tell me ............ As hard as it may be to explain this part of who you are hun it will be easier than trying to get your wife to hear what you are saying through her disbelief and hurt that you lied to her.

If you decide to tellher rather than let her discover this part of you at least have some reading material for her to look at if she wants, perhaps write down the site address so she can take a look when she is ready, and please let her know that she is not alone that there are other wives who's husbands cd and that we are willing to talk to her and answer any questions she may want to ask us.

good luck

[rachelmncd]

Thank you so much to those who have responded to my post. There is a lot of good advice that I will take to heart. I will try to keep it posted on whatever happens.

Please keep the advice coming . . . I am looking for the courage and a plan to tell her.