thought iwas caught, and confessed

[jhof]

i left a garterbelt,nylons panties and some of my 50,s womens cardigans in a box in the garage. my wife went to throw the box out which had a broken lamp of hers in it. and found the clothes. she did not know where they came from . when i found the box in her car trunk,i emailed her confessing they wwere mine. she said it never crossed her mind even tho she knows i likw the felling of nylon as she would somewtimes caress me with her nitie in bed and knew it aroused me. we spent the evening talking about it. i told her i had dressed since childhood. she asked if i used her things which i admitted to and asked that i not use her things again. she did not get angry or think of leaving, but asked me to stop. i told her it was not that easy, or even possible. nothing more has been sais although i hung my sweaters up in the closet and put my lingerie in the closet. she has not spoken about it since.
wish she would allow me to wear panties and things at home. she did ask when ewe talked about it if i wore her bras and dresses and i admitted i did on occasion. she was not happy about that and told me to stay out of her things.
my talks to her involved the fact that women can wear mens clothes with no problem ,but not vice versa. she acknowledged that. the deire to wear a nylon nightgown to bed does not go away. she wears shadowline nylon gowns most nites and it drives me crazy wanting to do the same. wish i knew what to do. she asked if i dressed a few days after our first conversation when i was home alone and i was not dressed and told her so. i still dress on occasion when she is not here. just wish she would let me indulge my quirk, since i told her it is harmless compared to other couples problems that exist. any advice?

[Dasein9]

I'm a guy, not married, and pretty much out except at work, so I don't know how much advice I can offer.

What I can offer is :hugs: and friendly support.

[Minerva Morgan]

It seems that you may be fortunate in that your wife did not become outraged or emotional. Two things stand out, however; that she does not want you wearing her things and that she wanted you to stop. This suggests that she is very uncomfortable, and there may be a delayed reaction. Keep in mind that her feelings in this matter are as important as your own. Make sure that she knows that you are willing to help her deal with her discomfort, and answer any questions. Also, answer those questions honestly.
It may arise that she will give you tacit consent to dress, but still have severe reservations which she can neither express or explain. Do not go wild or be obnoxious in constantly exhihibiting your CDing. Give her the space and time she needs to become, if not comfortable, accepting.
This will likely be a time of great stress for both of you. You might suggest that she take a membership in the GG forum here, which would allow her to express herself, get advice and some education.
It may turn out that this is the best thing that happend to both of you; and I certainly hope that will be the case.

Love

Minerva

[Julie York]

Welcome to the forum.:thumbsup:



It sounds like you have an intelligent wife who is very 'canny' and is trying to assess the situation without getting too emotional. She has shown that she feels uncomfortable about it though, so what is needed is some information to put her mind at rest about all the questions she is asking herself but maybe not out loud to you. You need to tread very carefully and show the same respect she has shown you by not making it a drama.

However, if you want to be able to do what you do, you do need to share your experiences and share your feelings so that she understands at least how you feel, even if she doesn't understand the Why of it. (Most of US don't know that!) The main thing is to take away any threat to her i.e. you love her, respect her and aren't going to suddenly turn her life upsides down. Then she will be in a position to try to see your point of view.

Good luck.

[AllieSF]

First of all, WELCOME to the forum. It is a great place to learn, listen, read and share. Your situation is not that rare from what I have seen here so far. I have only been here a short time too.

The one thing I have heard so often is to take your time, think of her feelings now and not your own and give her a chance to let it all sink in. Everyone here talks about the bad side of keeping it from your wife or SO and how they easily can consider it lying and deceitful, which it is. But also sometimes it is better left un-said.

Welcome again and good luck. Remember baby steps are in order now for the near future.

[Lori SC]

just wish she would let me indulge my quirk, since i told her it is harmless compared to other couples problems that exist. any advice?

Oh wow??!!?? Where to start?

1. Stop wearing her clothes under any circumstances. That includes jewelry too, unless she offers it. And make it a point to tell her you stopped wearing her things.

2. Get your clothes out of the closet and back to where they were, until your wife gives her consent that you can hang them in the closet.

3. Realize that you need to have your wife comfortable with whatever dressing you do. Otherwise it's going to be hell for you. (When moma ain't happy, 'ain't nobody happy). This may mean that you won't be able to wear gowns to bed. I can dress all I want at home, but no womens clothes at all in bed - not that I care about that.

Just because your wife knows now, doesn't mean that you can do anything you like. Quite the contrary, cannot do anything unless your wife puts up with it. Notice I didn't say like it. But don't do anything until she gives an OK nod.

This isn't a "harmless quirk" to your wife. Realize she now has a different view of you. You are not the husband she knew. You have violated her trust.

4. Have a lot of heart-to-heart talks with your wife. Of course, first you have to see if she wants to talk about it. You do need to impress upon her that this isn't going to go away, and you cannot stop completely. Ask her if you can talk to her so she can understand.

4a. One effective method that I used was to ask my wife what questions she had. Many times she had some, and I would answer them as honestly as I could. Other times I would suggest a subject and see if she wondered about it.

4b. Another tactic is to get the book "My Husband Wears My Clothes" by Peggy Rudd. And both of you read it at the same time and discuss what's in the chapters. My wife made little notes in the margin to spark discussions.

5. Depending on how this are going with the talks, try to negotiate being able to dress sometimes (hopefully at home, maybe when she's away), and an acknowledgement from her that you have things stored someplace in the house. If you can achieve this, you have accomplised the minimum goal that you can somehow live with. After all, you've done this for years with these conditions, right?

6. Remember communication is the big key. And that probably means lots of talking. A lot of talking. More than you can imagine right now. (Unless you are one lucky CD to have a naturally understanding wife - which does happen - but not that often).

Good luck,
Lori

P.S. Did I mention talking and communication?

[MJ]

please slow down Lori is right get you things out of the room and out of sight until your wife gives you the OK, if she see it she could lose it

you are in the eye of the storm right now as your wife is pondering what to do about this , it could be good or bad just remember to slow down and talk a lot more go slow this could back fire on you

you have known for some time but your wife has just found out her man ,best friend lover .knight in shining Armour ...as kept a deep secret from her he likes to dress as a woman :eek: she is doing a lot of soul searching right now... please go slow

[Gina_darling]

I don't think the problem is your crossdressing. It is the crossing of boundaries of privacy. Your wife feels slightly violated now (strong word i know). I would give it a good while, not dress for quite some time. Then bring the topic up and that you have your own wardrobe. Most people are ok with it so long as it is your own thing.

Good luck! Gina xx

[michelleupnorth]

Baby steps. I think that there is a lot more to talk about, don't push her, respect that this is new to her.