First time at Tgrils = horrible time

[Alyshia121]

Let me just say this was my first attempt at going out in public. It had nothing to do with the club that I went to. The people there were very friendly and I do look forward to going back next week.


OMFG is all I have to say. This will be a very, VERY long post.

First of all, the person that was supposed to go with ditched out. My GF was there for me, someone needed to be there for my GF (It was a first for both of us; we didn't know what to expect). Eventually we found someone else to go, our friend, Danielle, who lives in Cherry Hill, an hour away from us.

I wore my bra (with filler :)) and pantyhose underneath my clothes, and some concealer, because I didn't want to go in drag; God knows what would have happened.

10 minutes from leaving my place, my back tire is going flat. Great. Put some air in along with Fix-O-Flat, curse a bit, good to go. We make it up to Cherry Hill, pick our friend up, we see her limping. She sprained her ankle recently. "You've got to be kidding me," I said. She wanted to go really bad, so we left.

Now here's the best part. I thought the party started at 9:30 at night, but it starts at 9:00 rather. We never got to the speedline until about 10:30 or so. At this point, I'm ready to lose it.

I made the horribly stupid mistake of thinking I'm good with directions. "Do you know where it is?" they would ask. "Yeah, it's around 13th and Locust." It was, but not the way I was going. We ask 5 or 6 people where this damn place is, and we eventually got the right directions. Everyone was like "Oh ya go this way and this way and down here and your there" After hearing that multiple times and waling everywhere, ALONG WITH SOMEONE WITH A SPRAINED ANKLE, and not getting anywhere, I was ready to go home. It took us almost an hour to find this place, so by the time we got there it was almost 11:30. "No you came all the way up here and we're going!" my GF, Jenn, said to me. "No! Nothings going right and I want to leave!" I said. But we finally got there.

And I wasn't ready to go in.

After about 10 minutes of fighting with myself, I started in, but then Jenn didn't want to go in.
I said "Uh-uh NO! We all go in or we all leave!" So... we went in.

We made our way up to the 2nd floor of the place.
Now, it should have been my mecca, but it wasn't. It was quite the opposite.
When you say to yourself endlessly, "One day I will find a place where I and many others will feel free and liberated, and I will take that advantage quickly and eagerly." Sound good in theory, right? The only 2 times I moved out of the chair were to go outside for a cigarette. I never changed into my other clothes, didn't talk to anyone, nothing. I was so utterly ashamed of myself. It was almost like I was a completely different person who had no idea about the scene whatsoever. After what I'm guessing was a half hour or an hour or whatever, I was ready to go (I'm not really sure of the time; it seemed like I was in some type of limbo). Danielle and Jenn had a great time. They tried to get me to dance. Nope.

I sat outside, very dismal, and Jenn was there. She said, very gently, "It's OK, you can let it out now," because it wasn't hard to tell that I was upset, and I cried.
All I kept thinking was "I can't believe I dragged two people up here and did absolutely nothing."

I was silent the rest of the way home and the rest of the night until I went to sleep. Long story short, I said the next day "The next time I go, I will look back on this horrible experience and it will never happen again"

[Nicole]

What was it about the scene that made you feel out of place? How was it not what you expected?

[Stephenie S]

Yes, you haven't told us what was the matter. Why did you have such a bad time when your friend and GF were dancing and trying to get you to dance. What went wrong? Were these people mean to you? What happened?

Steph

[EricaCD]

Sorry to hear that it turned out so poorly for you. I don't have any real concrete advice except to say I hope you find a more enjoyable direction for getting out!!!

Best,
Erica

[Lori SC]

I sat outside, very dismal, and Jenn was there. She said, very gently, "It's OK, you can let it out now," because it wasn't hard to tell that I was upset, and I cried.
All I kept thinking was "I can't believe I dragged two people up here and did absolutely nothing."



Hi Alyshia,

What did you expect to happen?

As you realize, many times the anticipation of an event is much, much better than the event itself. And then you had several minor misfortunes beforehand. Add that to being a little nervous maybe?

Does it seem so bad now after a couple days reflection?

I will give you one first Alyshia, You're the first CD I heard of who did NOT love going out :) Small consolation, huh?

Deserving Hugs, Lori :hugs:

[Leslie Foxx]

Well, you got all the bad stuff out of the way in one night. Next time I'm sure it will all come together for you. Try to mentally prepare to walk in with confidence and a positive attitude.

I suspect others there could plainly see you were miserable, and that is not an invitation to engage you. A smile and eye contact will go a long way.

[AllieSF]

Alyshia,

I can relate partially to how you may have felt. My experiences were in drab. The causes were normally associated with too many negative happenings just prior to getting to the destination. I would clam up and have a miserable time while everyone else was dancing and laughing and having a grand time. Those were my "pity party for one" moments. They happen like the other s***. I let some time pass and I was my good ole fun self. As someone else here mentioned, sometimes the anticipation is grander than the real thing, so some type of let down can be expected. Better luck next time.

[trannie T]

The first time I went out en femme I was terrified, I have happy memories of the experience but I don't think I had that great a time. I was terrified all night. The only person I talked with was the bartender when I'd order another cocktail.
It gets better. You might even have a good time eventually.

[kerrianna]

Awww hon, it sounds like it just wasn't your night, and you were plum wore out just getting there. You needed energy and verve when you arrived to boost yourself and your resources were depleted. :hugs:

I'm hoping by your last sentence you mean are determined to have a good time next time you go. Because that's a good attitude honey. Get back on the horse. The first time was just trying to find the bloody reins and who knew it was going to be an unruly horse?

I'm sure you'll have a great time next time you go out. And come tell us about it too please. :happy: :hugs: :love:

[joperinal]

Sorry to hear that your evening went bad. But at least you passed:
......I made the horribly stupid mistake of thinking I'm good with directions. Like a real woman :p

Hopefully next time you have a good time out!

[TxKimberly]

Based on my own experience, and what you have said in your post, there was one major thing that probably made the difference between your being miserable as you were, and having a ball - company. I have probably irritated the heck out of people on this web site and chat groups I belong to because before I travel someplace I post asking if anyone is from there, and if they have any recommendations. Several time I have hit it off with people by email and PM, met them (drab or drag), and had a great time talking! I've met at least 3 folks from this very site and all of them were great girls I'd be happy to meet with again and proud to introduce as my friends.
There have also been times where I heard from no one, don't know the area, and wound up bored out of my mind.
The thing that makes the difference is having others to hang out with, chat with, and laugh with. Next time you try this, try to arrange to have others with you. If you go out to a club and see other Tgirls, go talk to them! Tell them "You know what, I don't know anyone here and I'm bored outta my mind - do you mind if I hang with y'all"? I have done this a lot and so far, every time I was met with a real smile, and a "Sure, come on over and have a seat"!
The first time I went out, I went with two other TGirls that I had been chatting with online for a year or more. When we met up there we had a blast because we had each others company.
What ever you do, don't let this scare you off.
Now if your going to be in Aberdeen Maryland or the Boston area next week, I'd be happy to bend your ear and bore the hell out of you and your wife! :-)

Kim

[Lovely Rita]

Give yourself credit for trying. It gets easier every time.

I applaud you for just going.

[Tamara Croft]

I think when a night starts bad, it tends to stay that way, especially when you didn't get to your destination so late :( I'm so sorry your first night out was a disaster, but you gotta look on a positive note :hugs: Take all the bad things from it and make them different next time. Like - get a map - for one thing, walking around for hours looking for a place is so off putting... been there done that... and don't invite just one friend, get a group together, then if one let's you down, there's always a few more ;)

Don't let this put you off, don't dwell on it ok? :hugs:

[Karren H]

WOW.... That stinks...... look at it this way, next time will be much better because it can't get worse.....

Never had a bad experience out enfemme.... yet, and hope never to. If something changes then I change with it and go with the flow. Nothing ever ends up like I origianally planned, but I make it end up enjoyable, for me at least..... Crap happends that's out of your control...... the key is to put a positive spin on it, modify your plans and make the best of the remaining fem time.... life's too short to get overwhelmed and upset......

Love Karren

[Sharon]

Hey, it was your first time out, don't beat yourself up! :hugs:

Your reaction is not at all unusual and, if they're honest, most crossdressers, who have had the nerve to venture out for the first time, would admit that they were as petrified as you were. It's almost a rite of passage.

You got out, and although you didn't dress as fully as you wanted to, you still made that necessary first step -- the most difficult one. If going out is something you feel you want or need to do, then you will try again, and I promise you that you will feel a bit more at ease when you do.

Cheer up! :happy:

[Mitch23]

Thanks for your post - it was most encouraging. I'd not been out en femme till last weekend when drove to some friends 3 hours away. got hopelessly lost and very frazzled but just stayed calm and worked it out - in the end had a great time! now i've got a little more confidence when i tackle the next big step - the shopping mall !!!

you girls are great and i'm learning so much just by listening to you.

love

mitch

[Gina_darling]

My first time out was to a CD event with lots of others and I felt a bit uncomfortable. They were very cliquey and I wasn't too welcome but I held my head up (I was a good deal better looking than they were! :heehee: :dom: ) Then in the bar after I met a few more who were much nicer and had a great time. I have been out since and actually feel better and enjoy it more when I do normal things dressed. I will go shopping dressed, have a picnic in the park and find it far more enjoyable. Plus, this sounds mean, but when in a large group of cders it draws attention to it because some just don't make an effort! Anyone who says we shouldn't be critical, may I say that GGs make an effort when they go out, and as guys we'd also make an effort to look smart too.

[Brianna Lovely]

Some times things just go wrong. I'm sure you'll have a better time, the next time you venture out.

I recently went to a "girls" night out, my first time with other "girls". I met a few girls for drinks at 4 PM and they were very nice.

They told me that they where going to dinner, I thought they said around 7PM, so I went to my room to change.

I get to the restaurant at 6:45 PM, and OH MY!
There are at least thirty girls and their SOs, sitting at one big table, and...................... they're almost FINISHED eating, seems that the started at six, not seven!

So I sat at a two person table, by myself. I really felt bad.

Then one of the girls came up to me and asked if I would like to join them. I said that I would love to, and I did join them. But I was really embarassed.
Needless to say, my food came and most every one else, got up and left, so much for pleasent dinner conversation.

Oh well, maybe next time.

[cindychan]

Is Tgirls where they film that weekly clip on youtube? Just wondering.

[Alyshia121]

I realized, in my ramblings, I might have left some things out.
Basically, I got stage fright. No one was mean, no one called me stupid or anything. I guess it just wasn't my time yet.

Another thing is, there was a CD there whose kinda knew about his "thing;" he was also hiding that he was gay, and he had recently went through a divorce. Now, the thing that got me was this, "If I have this 'support group' with me and they back me up 100%, why is it so hard?"

Oh well, no matter now. I have a very positive outlook for next time.
And I'll end on this note...

My GF told me, when we got home, even the way I was dressed, which was very plain, people couldn't tell if I was male or female:heehee: :tongueout :p

[Alyshia121]

Is Tgirls where they film that weekly clip on youtube? Just wondering.


Yes, that would be the place.

[Alice Torn]

I can relate a bit. My first time out, was driving around, going to gas stations, and buying a little gas. Then, the next night, drove to a small coastal town, walked around town, all the while, a cop car shadowing me. I got into the car, drove a few miles, and, sure enough, flashing cop lights behind me! It was embarrassing, to say the least, a nerve racker!

[TxKimberly]

. . . "If I have this 'support group' with me and they back me up 100%, why is it so hard?" . . .


Simple, no rocket science required. As a male, all of your life have been taught it is wrong for you to present as female. This is done both by the not so subtle "Boys don't wear dressses", "Why are you crying like a girl", and "Stop being a sissy" type comments, and also by a million subtle means that your not even aware of. After a life time of being conditioned to know that it is wrong for you to behave like a girl, it is hardly surprising that you feel uncomfortable at first in trying to go out in the real world presenting as one.

[Jennifer_G_2]

Simple, no rocket science required. As a male, all of your life have been taught it is wrong for you to present as female. This is done both by the not so subtle "Boys don't wear dressses", "Why are you crying like a girl", and "Stop being a sissy" type comments, and also by a million subtle means that your not even aware of. After a life time of being conditioned to know that it is wrong for you to behave like a girl, it is hardly surprising that you feel uncomfortable at first in trying to go out in the real world presenting as one.

Well said, de-conditioning is key I think.

Jen

[MsJanessa]

The first time I went out was for fetish night at local gay bar that I had to drive 80 miles to get to---and I was alone and scared out of My wits---relax it will get easier with time and eventually you will really enjoy yourself