Confused Wuss, it's hard to be a transman with periods

[pocoyo]

Something annoying.

Because I changed the name on my grocery delivery thing to Mr, recently (as some of u know), well I thought it was innappropriate to buy Always in my shopping delivery. It felt wrong and embarrasing and like they wouldn't believe my Mister-ness if I ordered stuff for "time of the month".

Which meant that now I don't have any, and I need some :doh:.

So I thought "I am going to have to go across to the town and just buy some." I thought it's best if I go looking a bit girly, rather than my boy self, because I don't want people to think the boy looking person is a girl (if that makes sense).

So I tied my hair back (yeah it's long enough now to put in a proper pony tail) which looks like a tired/ill pretty/girly person. Which was confusing in itself, because I still had "boy clothes" on.. but also a bra so boobs are noticable.

And it's weird because when you're in "girl mode" people are nicer to you. Like I stopped to cross the road in front of this group of people and then went "ooh sorry!" and this man was smiley and chuckly and nice about it.

I was scared because my dog isn't allowed in the shops that sell those girl things, so I had to go over there on my own. (As most of u know, I have a balance disorder and anxiety because of it, and things are less scary with my pup around sometimes...)

I went to the cash point and got some money out, but I couldn't actually force myself to go IN to either of the shops that sell them. :( Even though they are basically opposite the cash point. I just couldn't do it.
And I started feeling disorientated and panic attacky. So after a few minutes standing there a bit lost, I just turned round and came home.

And I don't know why :( I wish my mum was there with me or a friend, to go in with me.

I guess I sort of felt ashamed at buying stuff "for a girl". Well ok, I DID feel ashamed at buying things "for a girl"..... but that's silly.. isnt' it? Wasn't I just making myself feel like that?

I also felt confused at my (half) presenting as a girl. I'm so used to "being a boy", or trying to... that it felt strange going out in my boy clothes but with girly hair and boob shape.

When I am scrubbed up to be a girl with all make up and hair done nicely, it doesn't feel as odd... cos it's dressing up. But then isn't all dressing? *sighs*


There is another possibility.... I am poorly so perhaps that's just making everything worse. Perhaps I'd cope with the anxiety and the embarrasment and the funny balanceness on a better day.

The thing is... I do NEED to get some.. thingies.. because even though I'm off sick from work today, I do have work tomorrow evening.

Perhaps I should just phone in sick for then too, and keep on using loo roll/kitchen roll which is sort of ok at home.

Or I could just do a grocery order for tomorrow and get some Always in it. But that does feel a bit humiliating. I mean it did before too... but at least my name was "miss" on it... so it was an entire pretence.

Meh :(

I feel like a real failure for feeling too anxious to just walk in the shop on my own and buy some and then come home. Whether it's because of my anxiety, or my transness (well, it's both isn't it), I just feel like a bit of a d*ck.

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

Hey theres nothing to be embarrassed about Pocs :hugs: i know its "inside your head" that is making you feel like that, but..... a) no-one has a right to question you what-ever you buy b) well you could also think..... im buying em for me sister / friend something like that
Easy for me to say :o but seriously hun, plz dont beat urself up about it, unfortunatly its something that still "happens" , so how about just trying to go get em, thinking its for as above, and taking it a step like that, and maybe getting a few pkts in for next time, then you wont have to go through this worry again :hugs:
sorry not much help :o

[Kieron Andrew]

men buy sanitary products for their wife/girlfriend or daughters all the time, just try to keep that in your mindset when picking them up or ordering them, just tell yourself theyre for someone else, which in effect they actually are :).......im sorry i cant be of more help, but thats what i do, im sorry you felt rough as a result of it.....and angie says buy in bulk so you dont have to do it regularly

[pocoyo]

Hey theres nothing to be embarrassed about Pocs :hugs: i know its "inside your head" that is making you feel like that, but..... a) no-one has a right to question you what-ever you buy b) well you could also think..... im buying em for me sister / friend something like that
Easy for me to say :o but seriously hun, plz dont beat urself up about it, unfortunatly its something that still "happens" , so how about just trying to go get em, thinking its for as above, and taking it a step like that, and maybe getting a few pkts in for next time, then you wont have to go through this worry again :hugs:
sorry not much help :o

Awww it is much help, thank you :hugs:

I'm sitting here crying like an idiot.... so it just shows how under the weather I feel...crying about something so silly hehe. Which is more reason to be nicer to myself and like you said.. not beat myself up. Thank you :hugs:

Yeah maybe I should have just gone all boyish and not cared what people think... and imagined/said "it's for my sister".

It makes me so worried though, like "If i can't cope with going to the shops, how will I cope with seeing my family and that on May 6th?" But that's probably just negative thinking because I'm feeling bleh.

Aww thanks so much *hug hug* Yeah thats such a good idea to stock up on them!
I wish I could give you a hug in real life for being so sweet thank you!

[pocoyo]

men buy sanitary products for their wife/girlfriend or daughters all the time, just try to keep that in your mindset when picking them up or ordering them, just tell yourself their for someone else, which in effect they actually are :).......im sorry i cant be of more help, but thats what i do, im sorry you felt rough as a result of it.....and angie says buy in bulk so you dont have to do it regularly

YEs thank you good idea dude, I will try and keep that in my mind set.
You're right.. and it's hard but we just sort of have to get on with it.
I just worry that they'll see me as properly a girl wheras they might have sen me as a boy before or not been sure. But it doesn't really matter what other people think does it? And if i transition they'll all see im a man then anyway.
yes.
And as for the anxiety.. well I know I can go ovr there for good, exciting stuff like buying my aftershave and that, so it's obviously because it was a daunting thing that it affected me so much.

Thanks lovely Kieron :hugs:

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

Lol Pocs im going thru same right now :o one min im :cry: next i wanna punch someones lights out :mad: ( have been known to throw knifes lol ) :o
If your feeling rough as well, emotions all over place hun, that wont help. but you can do this :D you have come along way, so this is just a minor blip :thumbsup:
Kieron BTW love the new Avie :D :thumbsup:

[pocoyo]

Lol Pocs im going thru same right now :o one min im :cry: next i wanna punch someones lights out :mad: ( have been known to throw knifes lol ) :o
Awwwwww poor Ang *hug, hug, hug*



If your feeling rough as well, emotions all over place hun, that wont help
Oh yeah, good point! :hugs:



:D you have come along way, so this is just a minor blip :thumbsup:
Awwwwww thank you so much :bighug:

I hope you are feeling better soon! :love:

[Kimberley]

Hey Pocs.
I know this sounds a little rough but just do it. I used to buy supplies for my wife and daughter all the time and no on ever gave me a second glance, no brown paper wrappers etc. It really isnt a big thing, or I didnt find it to be one. And forget going all girly, just go as you are. Believe me no one is going to think twice let alone say anything and if they were rude enough just tell them rock stars have to travel incognito.

Sorry to hear you are under the weather hon. I have been through a spell of it myself over the last while. Just dont let it drag on.

:hugs: :love: :hugs:
Kimberley

[pocoyo]

Hey Pocs.
I know this sounds a little rough but just do it.
Hehe it doesn't sound rough :)


I used to buy supplies for my wife and daughter all the time and no on ever gave me a second glance, no brown paper wrappers etc. It really isnt a big thing, or I didnt find it to be one.
Hehe wicked! That's cool.. except.. at least you wouldn't mind if they thought you were a girl! :heehee:


And forget going all girly, just go as you are. Believe me no one is going to think twice let alone say anything and if they were rude enough just tell them rock stars have to travel incognito.
Haha :D neat.

The reason I don't want to go "as a boy", is because then they might know I'm not a gm and will think "that's just a boyish lookin' girl" type thing. (Which doesn't matter in general.. it's just my world is pretty small at the moment so these are the local shops that I go in.)
But yeah I know.. I shouldn't care. And they might think it's just for a relative anyway... but my hair is making it harder to pass these days. But hey I can have it cut in a few weeks if I want anyway.


Sorry to hear you are under the weather hon. I have been through a spell of it myself over the last while. Just dont let it drag on.

:hugs: :love: :hugs:
Kimberley

Awwwww poor Kimbs *huuggg* I hope you're feeling so much better soon :love:
Yus... important to look after yourself.

Thank you Kimberley! :bighug: :rose:

[Kate Simmons]

Poc, just look at it as a a guy CDing as a girl who isn't really into it (if that makes any sense). When I'm Rich CDing as Sal CDing as Eric, I'm a girl CDing as a guy who really isn't into it. What the hell did I just say? While I enjoy being a guy when I'm Rich, it gives me a certain amount of excitement being Sal CDing as Eric, esecially when I pull it off. Gets confusing some times, I know. Just make it fun when you put the girly stuff on because it's not really you and you only pretend anyway. Hope that made sense.:heehee:

[pocoyo]

Poc, just look at it as a a guy CDing as a girl who isn't really into it (if that makes any sense). When I'm Rich CDing as Sal CDing as Eric, I'm a girl CDing as a guy who really isn't into it? What the hell did I just say? While I enjoy being a guy when I'm Rich, it gives me a certain amount of excitement being Sal CDing as Eric, esecially when I pull it off. Gets confusing some times, I know. Just make it fun when you put the girly stuff on because it's not really you and you only pretend anyway. Hope that made sense.:heehee:

HAhaha is it strange that I understood that perfectly :p

Omg... yeah... maybe I should crossdress! Go over there crossdressed as a girl!

HA ha I might do that... playing a character might take my mind off it :heehee:

Oh but I've put it on a grocery order now... but hey I can always remove it.

I do feel rather rough, don't really want to go out at all, ... but... c'mon.. I can do eet...hey if it's fun, it's worth a go...

[CaptLex]

I also felt confused at my (half) presenting as a girl. I'm so used to "being a boy", or trying to... that it felt strange going out in my boy clothes but with girly hair and boob shape.

When I am scrubbed up to be a girl with all make up and hair done nicely, it doesn't feel as odd... cos it's dressing up. But then isn't all dressing? *sighs*
Ah, hormones . . . bless them . . . they really mess with us, don't they? I think I can understand what you're saying - sometimes I find myself in an in-between stage and I don't mind it if I'm home alone and nobody can see me, but when I know I have to go out and interact with people, then I find myself trying to fit into one mode or the other (I know I shouldn't care, but I do). And even when I butch up as much as possible, if I've got a female vibe going that day, nothing I do to my appearance will make a big diff.

I wish I was there so I could go out and get your products for you - even though I have a very annoying feminine vibe going on today. I wouldn't care. I'd be happy to do it for you anyway. Feel better, hun. :hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

HMM--Yeah Lex, I know what you mean about those female vibes, damn annoying at times, especially when I want to be serious and start getting emotional. Can't live with 'em and can't live without 'em (like women) it seems. Sometimes I think I've created a monster with this femme thing, much easier being a guy but then I just shrug my shoulders, go with the flow and and say "What the hey?":happy:

[pocoyo]

Hehehe awwww Cap thanks dude! :hugs: You're so sweet!
Yeah sometimes when you're hangin' about the house it's ok to sort of be half and half (like wearing a bra to support the bouncy bits when exercising). But when you go out you want to be seen as you feel inside hehe!
Awww I did keep thinking earlier "*sob* wish Cap was here to go with me *sob*" ... ok everyone can stop laughing at me now... shut up! I do keep pulling at your shirt going "Caa-aap... can u help me??" lately *chuckles*
Thank you for saying you'd get them for me! I hope your female vibe shoos away... think manly thoughts ;)

Salandra... guess what?? I did it!!

I just pretended I was Lara Croft :D :lol2: and it worked!
When I caught myself getting nervous I went "I'm Lara Croft.. and Lara Croft isn't scared of anything.. Lara Croft can do anything she puts her mind to..."

And when I was in the shop (I had to ASK where the thingies were and then go right to the back of the shop!) I was thinking "Salandra would be proud of me!"

There's no way they'd know it was the same person they usually see... so I was "safe" to not feel embarrased, if that makes sense... even though I was carrying around six.. yes SIX packets of Always hehehe. (3 double packs!).. well Angie DID tell me to stock up :heehee:
It was fun pretending to be all grown up and girly and strong and sexy like Lara Croft, I even bought some new lip gloss and foundation for those times I do enjoy wearing make up :happy: (I needed to cos my other ones are old/run out). It is fun wearing make up, whatever gender you are if you ask me!

Hehehe thanks Sal! :bighug: You rock!!

[Lisa Golightly]

Awwwwwwwww... I'd have got them for you *hug* xxxx

[pocoyo]

Awwww thank you! :bighug: I could have hid outside somewhere while you went in...
Then I would have dragged you to a cake shop or a pub or something :D
mmmm... cake....

xxxx

[Question Mark]

XD Now all I can imagine is Poc going up to the cashier and saying, "Hi, I'm Lara Croft."

Periods do suck, though. If it weren't for those, I'd halfway forget that I'm in this body. :P

[Lisa Golightly]

Then I would have dragged you to a cake shop or a pub or something :D
mmmm... cake....

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... cream cake :heehee:

[Adam]

wish i was closer id pop and get them for you i mean i dont care what i buy from shops i mean if there selling them and i need /want them i will get them hell i got a freind who uses tenner lady you no then towel things for ladys that cant hold themself or whatever they are guess who has to go buy them for her yep mee:heehee: shes to shy and embarrsed

At the end of the day the shop keepers just want to sell stuff they dont care whos buying it :heehee:

hope you can get some soon :hugs:

[pocoyo]

He he QM :)

:eek: Cheeky Lisa

Adam awww thanks.:hugs: It's ok I did get some in the end (see my later post in this thread!) Sal suggested crossdressing as a girl, so I did. That was brave of you to buy Tenor lady things!


-------

Unfortunately I'm really really fed up again now (after being all happy after coming home from the shops).

Well I take my dog for walks in this v nearby park.. and there's also this place a little bit further. Lately I have been managing to take her in the "bit further" bit...

And I set out on our dog walk to go and I even got to the crossing on the road but suddenly chickened out and turned round and whisked back into the park today. And then when I looked back at the road, the angle of it looked all wrong, and I felt all disorientated and horrible, and I couldn't make it seem normal. I was really really upset.

To add insult to injury my mum called me, and I could hear my own voice echoing back to me... and it sounded much higher and girly than I hear it in my head. It really upset me.

So now I am all emotional and down again. Oh dear.

It's the disorientated bit that's p*ssing me off so much. Don't worry I don't expect you to have any advice on that, I'm just so scared.... how can I ever go out in the world and function as a normal person, when I can't even manage to walk my dog nicely because I feel like I'm on drugs or something! Gah.

I'm so scared about having to travel to see my family on 6th May.

I know I'm being really negative and wimpy but oohh maann, why can't I just be normal? (It makes me feel like I must be nutty or something.. even though logically I know that balance problems like mine can cause disorientation). I'm so f*ckin' fed up.

I felt like a real failure again for not being able to walk her that bit further bit. And it seemed to take away from my earlier "achievement".

----

So sorry for being so depressing.
I am sure I will be feeling much more positive later.

It's just I hate it when I feel all disorientated and like I'm on drugs. It really upsets and scares me and makes me angry. And it's hard to tell whether it's cos of my balance problem, or because of my anxiety.. or a mixture of both... or because I'm feeling so low and poorly 'cos of my period and being ill and that. Meh.
Obviously having my period is making me more emotional about it too. *big fat sigh*

[Abraxas]

Sorry you went through all of that, Pocs. I know how ya feel. I go shopping with my mum and when I've got to pick up those... things... it's really horrible. Especially if there's someone else in the aisle. Just grabbing and tossing them into the trolley is a pain.
I've had to buy them whilst on holiday, too, or on a long solo car trip for work-- no mum to hide behind, haha! Had a friend do it once... Other than that, if the cashier is a guy I usually just roll my eyes and say 'girlfriends' or something like that lol Can't do that if it's a girl cashier, of course...

[pocoyo]

Hehe thank you:hugs: it's ok I did get some in the end :happy:
AWww, yeah it sucks dude.
I like that idea, rolling your eyes going "girlfriends" hehe. Good idea matey.
Thanks dude. *hugs him, for a little too long...*Sorry... needed that hug hehe.

[Felix]

Hi Pocs Hun I feel for ya Dude :hugs: :hugs: Ya know when I felt that strong about my periods I went and talked to the doc and she put me on injections to stop them. I am free of them virtually all the time now and what a relief and the odd little thing and I mean like microscopic doesn't bother me cos I don't need like ya know. So hun it might be worth goin to talk to ya doc, ya never know he/she might be able to help ya out xx Felix :hugs:

[Question Mark]

Whoa, wait, they have those? :o How do you go about getting them, what's in them, and what are the side effects?

[CaptLex]

It's just I hate it when I feel all disorientated and like I'm on drugs. It really upsets and scares me and makes me angry. And it's hard to tell whether it's cos of my balance problem, or because of my anxiety.. or a mixture of both... or because I'm feeling so low and poorly 'cos of my period and being ill and that. Meh. Obviously having my period is making me more emotional about it too. *big fat sigh*
But you know it's not you - it's something you can't control, even though you've been able to do a lot better recently, right? Also, I'm sure the anxiety about having to travel soon is a factor, and I know the hormones don't help either 'cause they only make you more emotional about things, so it's just a bad combination happening all at the same time. Poor Poccy-bear . . . :sad:

Don't feel too bad. You can't help that disoriented/on drugs feeling and you would have done the extra walk if you didn't have to deal with that. It won't always be the case - someday soon you'll be able to do it again, I'm sure. Don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself a break and pat yourself on the back for being able to do it at all some days (or I can pat you on the . . . um . . . backside if you prefer ;)).

[Kieron Andrew]

Whoa, wait, they have those? :o How do you go about getting them, what's in them, and what are the side effects?
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/medicines/100000717.html your doctor will sort it

Actually Poc if they distress you that much it might not be a bad suggestion from Felix there!

[pocoyo]

Awwwwwwwwwww Cap *hug hug hug* thank you so much dude. You're the best. :hugs:

Felix, hey my mum says that too... like Kieron says.. you might be right...

(because also the periods give you water retention even in your inner ear.. so if you have inner ear/balance problems like me it can really make them worse during that time of the month).

I am a bit worried about side effects with depo though... but I'll investigate.

Hmm.. another, yet reason to go on T hehehe. :heehee:



UPDATE ON MY EARLIER 2ND DOWNNESS:

I did take pup back out for a 2nd walk... I couldn't do that further bit then either because there were no people around, wouldn't do it that time of the evening with no people around anyway. The road and directiony bit still felt a weird direction but it wasn't as bad as earlier.

Thank you for being such lovely friends. :bighug: :love:

Ah loove you guuyyss!

[Julie York]

Blimey! I always come to these posts 25 posts too late and by then there are too many things to catch up on.

OK here's the short version then. You'll have to work out where the replies fit in the thread because I can't remember.

"Yes that's like a bloke buying panties. You have to pretend they are for someone else and believe it!"

"What Salandra said"

"No"


"Panic attacks are a horrible personal hell that no-one at all understands... except me and you (well you know thats how it seems). And if you are in that personal hell then anything can set them off, which become something that you get anxious about incase etc etc...so the balance problems are just going to trigger stuff. What you should do is one day go out and see how far you get before you die of fright. It's very hard to die of fright other than in your imagination."

Erm...
and some other stuff but I can't remember now.


Good luck.

[pocoyo]

Hehehehe Julie, you rock! :^5:

Thanks very much, although they are funny and light hearted, your words mean a lot.

:hugs: :hugs: :love:

[jennie06]

Sorry you feel so down. I've read some of your posts and you seem like a really neat person. I would really hate to see anyone give you grief. Don't mess the people who are nice. GRRRRR (Not very intimidating is it? Growling on line. Have to find a better way). Hope you get to feeling better.

[Evert]

Poco, that sucks.. :(

But like some already said, I always buy them for 'my girlfriend'. When I'm not sure they believe I'm a guy, I make some harsh jokes about it. Calling them 'ass-rockets' or 'cotton teabags', or I try to present slightly confused because I don't understand those things should be comfortable. Asking for which size to pick is also good. They can't help ya (of course), so you just pretend to take some random box of the shelves.

Yeah when I buy them, I'm playing an act. And I'm having one of the biggest roles in it. :heehee:

[MJ]

Something annoying.


[QUOTE]Which meant that now I don't have any, and I need some :doh:.

aww poc it's OK i got some , just in case you know :rolleyes: i sure wish i could er you know , but the next time i get asked .... i got them :happy:

[Wren]

Way late in the thread but..

You'll find yourself in the situation again where you'll have to buy pads/tampons...so i'll dispense my advice.

...be casual, I find that to be the rule for life, if you don't look like it's an issue than no one will ever be able to argue with you. Are they going to make you pull down your pants and prove to them that you have a penis? Cashier's see everything and half of them are dimwits anyway.

Personally I've always felt uncomfortable, even as a female i feel uncomfortable buying them, *shrug*.

No worries about feeling depressed, I'm sorry you are going through a rough patch. I'm poor at giving advice ..so *hug*

[kerrianna]

Awww, Pocs, sorry to hear you had such an overly adventerous day! Sounds like a day best spent hiding under the covers :hiding: (or chatting with your friends online :D ).

I think you're super brave for going out not just a second time to the shops, but a second time for a walk.:thumbsup: Most of us would have turtled.

Try not to let your mind beat yourself up about stuff you can't help, like your imbalance and your TGness. When you're feeling weak in those areas that's when you need to be the most loving and kind to yourself. The world can be a scary unpredictable place no matter where and who we are, so sometimes it's best to acknowledge that and remind ourselves how brave we are to venture out into it. I think you must do a pretty good job of that judging by how courageous you were today in pushing yourself to overcome obstacles.

And use every trick you can think of. (like the Laura Croft thing, and thinking how proud we would be of you - WE ARE! :bighug: ) It's not cheating. 'Normal' people use tricks like that all day long. They just don't question themselves as much as we do. Whatever gets you through the days.

And in the end, what other people think doesn't matter. It's what you think and feel that DOES matter, and the good thing about knowing that is YOU can change the way you think, about yourself and the world. It's a lot harder trying to change the way other people think - they tend to want to think the way they want to think - silly people.

Wish I could just hang out at your place with our feet up on the coffee table playing PS2 games and eating bad food. :p You really do rock dude. :hugs:

Hey quit looking up my skirt!

*smooths her skirt down and brushes pizza crumbs off it*

Where are those choccies you got for Lisa? She won't notice a few missing! :heehee:

[Kate Simmons]

Actually, You rock Poc and I'm very proud of you. Lara is one kick ass babe--good for you. Actually, I buy panty liners as Rich sometimes--it's not for what you think though :heehee: . I cut them down a little and put them on my forehead to eliminate the telltale wig band lines. The little flower pattern left is more diffused and spread out and I never have that deep crease in my forehead that a lot of wigs leave. Knew they were good for something.:happy:

[Alcibiades]

Just wanted to pop in and say that there are reusable products out there like the divacup (http://www.divacup.com/) so you only have to buy that stuff like, once every ten years. So, yeah, that's another option for you. I hope you feel better soon :)

[Abraxas]

Pocs, I agree with Felix about the injections. I just got my second one yesterday (pain in the ass-- literally-- but MUCH better than dealing with the period rubbish).
The great thing-- most people end up with no periods, you only have to get the shot every 3 months, and the side effects are practically non-existant. I haven't had any problems whatsoever. Well. Apart from slightly sore muscles in my butt for a little while after the injection. If you're really bad with needles, it might be a bit difficult, but it's a really small needle and you can hardly feel it at all.
Side effects... as I said, none, and there's a lot lower risk than with pretty much any other kind of birth control type stuff. Much, MUCH lower risk of blood clots and cancers and stuff. Reason being, it's not a hormone supplement-- it's progesterone, which is just an androgyn blocker (I think that's all there is in it). Plus, you don't have to remember to take it every day, or replace a patch every week or whatever. I'd really recommend it. Personal and medical (ha!) opinion. :D
They generally want you to have a period every 3 months if you're using it for a contraceptive (just to make sure you're not pregnant), but if it's for medical reasons (which yours would be), then they say once a year is good enough.

[Laurie909]

Poc...

One thing I've noticed about you. You possess the best qualities of both being a boy and being a girl! And you always seem to be torn. Boy? Girl? Boy? Girl? On and on. Mostly boy, but sometimes...maybe just a little "girly." Also you sometimes think you're not very good as a boy, and you can't pull off the girl-thing either (sometimes.) Anyway, like I alluded too once before, it's all very confusing.

One thing I'm not confused about...please don't cry. I'd rather see you smile, if just a little bit....

[pocoyo]

Awww thank you Jennie, hehehe *hug*
I am feeling a bit better thank you!

Evert Lol!! I like your style ;)
Bless! Good for you dude, it's interesting how we work round these things isn't it hehe.

MJ LOL! That pic is cool... thank you.. I'll know who to ask next time hehehe :p I took a photo of me with mine when I got back yesterday too to show you guys (ha ha!) See next post...

Wren Yeah... casual is good :D I just didn't want the people that I see everyday to think I'm a girl.. hard to explain hehe. But yeah... definitely good to be casual. Like when I had my little act on I was just like "meh.. I don't care... I don't GET embarrased..." hehehe. Btw... pads, not tampons... Tampons? how terrifying. :worried:
Awwww thank you for the hug *hug*

Kerrianna, Awwww thank you so much! Telling me I'm doing well and being brave when I feel like a wimp and a failure *hug hug hug*. I hope it's you that's right, and not my negative thoughts!

Awwwwww thank you, you're right. I wouldn't like/let someone else beat themselves up about the things like that they can't help... it's just sometimes I feel like it's my fault... you know... like I'm causing the things or something (even though I'm soo not!) Thank you *huggs*

Are you sure it's ok to "cheat"? 'Cos mum was saying why don't I use those tricks too and I was like "I don't want to live vicariously through a character! I wanna be me!" But yes definitely for getting tasks like that done it's handy :D and I guess it's still me... just a different part of me.

Change the way I think? What like not worrying if they see me as a boy or not? hehe

Awwww that sounds so cool... playing ps2 and eating junk food :D

Hehehe actually I already gave Lisa her choccies... I'm so greedy I got some for myself too *stupid proud grin*

Salandra, awwwwwwww thank you! *hug hug hug*
Hehehehe! Now I have an image of you with little flowers on your head... awww!

Alcibiades, awww thank you for that link and telling me about something that I didn't even know existed! lol.... the thing is.. it says something about INTERNALLy ew ew ew... I've never even been able to use a er.. thing that's not a pad... it's just WRONG lol But thank you very much... perhaps some of the other guys will find it handy!


'braxas - hmm well I have sort of been considering it.... but... I dunno.
My mum's friend went on it because she had really nasty periods, and it was cool and that but then... when she came off it she had like the most painful period ever apparently *looks mildly disturbed*

Also.. androgen blocker?? I don't wanna be blockin' no androgens haha! I wanna do the opposite!

The very low risk bit sounds brilliant however.... :D

Also... at the risk of sounding odd (especially for someone considering going on testosterone lol)... it just doesn't seem "natural" to me to stop a function that's meant to occur like that....

But obviously it's in a sensible and designed way.. so I'm probably just worrying over sillyness.

I am a person that doesn't even really like taking painkillers if I can help it though... ! Don't like medication, it's scayowee!

Laurie, haha awww sweet! Thank you.
Well I guess it is hard sometimes... because even though I'd be more comfortable with a more male body... it is also nice to be able to dress up sometimes as a girl. (Hehe lucky I'm a rock musician then really... you can well get away with crossdressing if you're a rock musician hehe!)
It's why I sometimes say that I feel like a guy.. that sometimes likes to dress as a girl (basically a mtf crossdresser), but that happened to be born with a mainly female body! :heehee:

Awww bless, don't worry I'm more smiley now :D

Cap - I forgot to say to you earlier that I think you're so right about me being stressed because I'm worried about going to my uncles... because without that to worry about I'd probably thing "Oh, you're doing quite well in general", but because that's looming over me it's scaring the crapola out of me, because I can't just keep concentrating on my baby steps... I have to make a big leap there!!

Thanks everyone for your lovely support, ahh looove hyooou guuuuyss :bighug:

[pocoyo]

Me in my girly disguise:

http://img296.imageshack.us/img296/6360/girlydisguiseqs1.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

Ungirly again afterwards:

http://img87.imageshack.us/img87/5411/poceb2.th.jpg (http://img87.imageshack.us/my.php?image=poceb2.jpg)


Me and me Always hahaha:

http://img186.imageshack.us/img186/4586/alwaysmi9.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[Kate Simmons]

Good one Poc. I like the look. A look of a determined person with a purpose, the perfect disguise. I'd certainlly think twice before challenging you. Hey, if it works use it.:hugs: Sal P.S. I do prefer the real you, though

[pocoyo]

Hehehe thanks! :^5: :hugs: :koc:

[Kieron Andrew]

*goes and checks the bathroom*....dude you got the same as me lol....sorry just had to say that lol

i too prefer manly/cute poccy

[CaptLex]

Me in my girly disguise:

http://img296.imageshack.us/img296/6360/girlydisguiseqs1.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
Nah, that's not you. She's pretty, though, whoever she is. Nice of her to go to the store for you too. ;)

[Kate Simmons]

I had to make another comment. That Pic with you pulling the glasses down shows a guy dressed as a girl with an attitude like you are saying:"You talkin' to me?". Sorta reminds me of myself as Sal. Geez, hope I didn't influence you Hon. I wouldn't wish that on anybody :rolleyes: . Give me the cool silver tongued Poc any day.;) :koc:

[Kieron Andrew]

Nah, that's not you. She's pretty, though, whoever she is. Nice of her to go to the store for you too. ;)
i agree capt she's hot! but i say bring back our man poccy! :heehee:

[Question Mark]

Girly-Poc is... I dunno. Girly-Poc is odd. Man-Poc for the win.

[pocoyo]

Hehehe Sal, yes you have a rather cool "Don't mess" attitude as a lady :D

Oi everyone, stop being mean to "girl pocs"... girl pocs IS boy pocs you know.. it's all the same person, just with hair back and make up on (& diff clothes). Ya bunch of twonks :p Also, just 'cos I'm posing looking "mean" in that picture I am actually just as goofy and silly when I'm "girl pocs" as well ... I was just being a character there.

Poor lickle "girl pocs" :heehee:

But you were probably just being lovely and letting me know how much you approve of "boy pocs", when so many people in the world don't! (yet)
So thank you sweet friends :bighug:

[sobe1ove GG]

Hi Pocs Hun I feel for ya Dude :hugs: :hugs: Ya know when I felt that strong about my periods I went and talked to the doc and she put me on injections to stop them. I am free of them virtually all the time now and what a relief and the odd little thing and I mean like microscopic doesn't bother me cos I don't need like ya know. So hun it might be worth goin to talk to ya doc, ya never know he/she might be able to help ya out xx Felix :hugs:

I get a shot to stop my period, too. And I am a plain ol' GG! I just really hate my period. It's called, for what I take anyway, Depo Provera.

It's a birth control, so I don't also have babies, which is an added bonus. I haven't had my period for three years. I definitely don't miss it! I just get a quick shot every three months and I'm golden!

I suggest it for everyone.

[Wren]

Oi everyone, stop being mean to "girl pocs"... girl pocs IS boy pocs you know.. it's all the same person, just with hair back and make up on (& diff clothes).


*flirting* Pocoyo is pretty all the time


maybe I don't know you well enough to joke like that... *sigh*

[Laurie909]

Me in my girly disguise:
Ungirly again afterwards

Hmmmm. I can see, either way, boy or girl, you are cursed with "cuteness"....fortunately for you...I LOVE cuteness!

[kerrianna]

I had to make another comment. That Pic with you pulling the glasses down shows a guy dressed as a girl with an attitude like you are saying:"You talkin' to me?".

Exactly what I thought Sal. The poor boy may think he's passing but it doesn't matter how much he tarts up - he still radiates guy-vibes.

Actually, very cool rockstar in drag look. :thumbsup:

You're so neat Poc. I can't believe you get flustered sometimes, when you are easily one of the bravest lads on this forum posting pics and revealing stuff. It's one of those intriguing incongruities that makes gorgeous girls like Lisa (and others... :D hehehe) fall madly in love with you. Not only are you a sexy cool looking guy, but you're an enigma, which us girls always fall for. Kinda like Johnny Depp. :daydreaming:

About the 'cheating':
"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts"

And thus it has ever been. :p

And changing the way you think means finding what works for you and accepting it. Yes it can mean not worrying how they see you. It can mean not caring. It can mean knowing who you are inside matters more than anything. Whatever works for you. The cool thing is you CAN do something about it. You ARE doing something about it. Every day you are discovering more about yourself and finding ways to express it or incorporate it into your life. I know you are doing it because I've seen evidence in the short time I've known you. Me too. I look back at my early posts and think wow, have I ever changed my outlook in a short time. It's cool to know we can do that - that we don't have to be stuck on the same old thing. Once you accept you can change and embrace it then everything becomes possible. You'll keep moving forward and keep growing. :hugs: :love:

[Joanne f]

My wife had to go to that shop last week to get some of those things for are daughter and i went with her, it was a hot day so i decided that i would like a bottle of lager to take home, when we got near the checkout my wife said that see felt to embarrassed to get those things so it ended up that i got the things for are daughter and my wife got the lager and then we had a laugh about it afterwords,







joanne

[Kieron Andrew]

*flirting* Pocoyo is pretty all the time


maybe I don't know you well enough to joke like that... *sigh*
oh believe me EVERYONE flirts with poc! so you're very welcome to lol

[pocoyo]

sobe1ove - hehe that does sound cool. But I'm nervous of stuff like that. Thank you! :)

(Which is why it's pretty amazing that I am considering stuff like going on T and surgery... 'cos I'm the most nervous "I don't wanna mess with my body" person you could meet lol. Guess my longing for full male-ness is pretty powerful sometimes.)


Wren - Thank you :p hehehe, feel free to flirt as and when you want :D (As long as like, no one else minds hehe).

Laurie - haha cuteness :o , naaaaaaah!!! (Very nice of you to say so though!)


Ah Kez hehe! Well hullo. (Oh and Salandra about guy thing) Yay! I seem guyish even "as a girl" to me too, I've always felt like that (even before I had a word/knowledge for it).
Thank you!

Muahaha rockstar in drag... that sums me up to a T (well rock musician in drag anyway, dunno about "star" he he he! (yet :p) I'd love to be like that.... on stage... all tight/girly clothes, long hair and sometimes make up... but all man babay ha ha.


Awwwwwwwwww thank you Kez! *Imagines cap saying "and guys!"* lol! :heehee:

Oh as if.. they just like me 'cos I'm silly!

But :D...comparisons to cool people like the wonderful Johnny Depp and his mysteriousness are always welcome :c9:

Hah! Yes.... all the world's a stage... of course!!
Thank you :D

Aww thanks sweet Kez :bighug: You're lovvely!

Joanne - hehehe! Awww bless! Glad that you managed to get both things in the end lol!

Kieron - hahaha, you wally! I think it's more like a case of... I flirt with everyone! (In a purely harmless, innocent way of course. *looks impossibly sweet and innocent, for all of... 3 seconds*... ow, that hurt!)

[Kieron Andrew]

Kieron - hahaha, you wally! I think it's more like a case of... I flirt with everyone! (In a purely harmless, innocent way of course. *looks impossibly sweet and innocent, for all of... 3 seconds*... ow, that hurt!)
oh yeah sorry i got it the wrong way round, how could i lol :rolleyes: ..heyyyy you called me a wally......:kickbutt: :slap:

[pocoyo]

He he I called you a wa-ally :tongueout

[Kieron Andrew]

He he I called you a wa-ally :tongueout
:slap:

[CaptLex]

I suggest it for everyone.
I'm glad it's working out well for you, Sobe, but I can tell you from experience that it's not for everyone. Depo shots, like other female hormones, can have different consequences for different people - even female-bodied ones. :p

Wren, flirt with him - he loves it. :tongueout

[pocoyo]

*randomly licks Kieron's cheek*

Update on my wimpiness:

U remember earlier in this thread where I got all down because I felt all weird and couldn't walk my dog on the further bit where I have been able to lately?
Well I just took her there! :happy: I was so shaking but I just sort of powered through it and smiled at people and was just speaking to sam telling her what a lovely pup she was and getting her to fetch her frisbee and dig and stuff. Whew :happy:

:

Wren, flirt with him - he loves it. :tongueout
Hehe cheeky Cap :p

[Kieron Andrew]

*randomly licks Kieron's cheek*
:phbbt: :slap: :smug: *randomly slaps Poc upside the head*

woohoo well done bro!

*do you think the others will notice us being childish?? lol*

[CaptLex]

Well I just took her there! :happy: I was so shaking but I just sort of powered through it and smiled at people and was just speaking to sam telling her what a lovely pup she was and getting her to fetch her frisbee and dig and stuff. Whew :happy:
I hate to say, "I told you so" (not really), but I TOLD YOU SO! I knew you'd be able to do it again at some point (and that was pretty quick). Just 'cause you may not be able to accomplish something some days, don't give up. Good for you for not throwing in the towel and giving it another try. If Das were here he'd give you a Brave Poc Strumpet Blast (I think he's patenting them) and Bi would probably offer you a brownie. All I have is RUM! :Party:

[Tristan]

Yay, Pocs. Good for you dude. And yay for Sam too! I'm glad you have him.

[pocoyo]

Hehehe *tickles Kieron and gets a slap for it* yeeow!
Childish?? Us? As if tehehehehe (giggling like Homer) :D

Thanks dude :GD:

YAay Cap! Thank you :twirl:! Haha you channelled Kieron, Das AND Bi (and Cap) all in one post! *chuckles*

MMMmm rum!!!! I'll take it! :D

Thanks Cappy McCappyson! :^5:

Awwwwwwww Thanks Trist!!! I'm glad I have Sam too! Even if s/he is a bit nutty/hard work sometimes!.... It's all part of the unique weasel-pup charm :happy:

Awww thanks guys, group hug! :gh:

[Kieron Andrew]

i think actually its a good idea you have dog thats a bit hard work, it means you have to concentrate on her and less on yourself....taking the heat off your anxieties a bit :)

[CaptLex]

I'm glad I have Sam too! Even if s/he is a bit nutty/hard work sometimes!.... It's all part of the unique weasel-pup charm :happy:
A bit nutty, huh? Could be 'cause she's transgendered . . . she'd fit in well here. :tongueout

[Kieron Andrew]

A bit nutty, huh? Could be 'cause she's transgendered . . . she'd fit in well here. :tongueout
bleeding eck! we have my trans bird, now we have a trans dog!! damn

[pocoyo]

Haha yeah it could be that Cap he he!! ('cos as you know.. s/he is a bit tg!) :lol2:
Cool! Omg Kieron even our pets are TG he he he!!

Yes you're right! It does help me concentrate on her :D (and do stuff I might not otherwise do).

It really helps thinking of you guys on here and your advice and support too. :c9:

[Wren]

Wren, flirt with him - he loves it.

*flirting again* So poc.... you doing anything tomorrow night *twirls hair*..

[kerrianna]

Excuse me Wren, I just want to give Pocs a hug for being so brave again. He really is inspiring. :bighug: :hugs: ::^5:

Okay, carry on flirting...he does love it. :heehee: