this might not be a popular GG opinion but I will post it anyway....

[Carin's Wife GG]

believe me I understand the feelings of betrayal when it comes to this issue. What I have also come to realize is that for MOST CDers/TGs they really were not lying in the first place. They honestly did not know the extent or the importance of the being TGed or a CDer. It is a journey for each of them too.

I know I put my wonderful Carin through hell (I am so sorry sweetheart!) trying to understand all of this. She never honestly lied to me. She didn't know who she was herself. If I could do it over again I would take a HUGE step back and try to see it from her POV.

Like I said maybe not a popular GG opinion, but there you have it!



Louise.

[kerrianna]

Thank you Louise, it is indeed a ball of confusion for some of us. We don't mean to be hurting our loved ones.

I guess from our point of view the key is to ask ourselves are we being as truthful as we can in the moment? Because it's easy to keep what we think are little secrets, things we are embarrassed about, things we know our partners won't like, things we are afraid of...and those little things can add up.

The best way we found to deal with this ongoing journey is to talk, talk, talk. And listen to each other, knowing that things change as we move along. But the dedication, respect and love is what holds it all together, and little lies and secrets erode that foundation. Something as simple as saying "I don't know why" is better than saying nothing.

But we understand why it's hard for our partners. It's not always a little amusement. I think you and Carin are a good example of how couples can work things out together over time. Don't beat yourself up over how you might have reacted at first. Hindsight is always 20-20. You were doing the best you could at the time, and so was Carin. The important thing is you worked TOGETHER to stay together. :hugs: :love:

[SandyR]

Louise,

Its true for me. For a long, long time I thought something was wrong with me. Its good to be out to my wife, but I still feel bad about hiding it for so long.

Thanks for sharing.

Big Hug!

SandyR

[Joy Carter]

Thanks Kiddo. It's refreshing to hear from someone who can see both sides.:hugs:

[Dragster]

In my case, you are right Louise. I never lied to my wife when I married her 37 years ago, I just didn't tell her the whole truth, but I didn't know the whole truth then anyway. I'd been excited, sexually, by wearing female clothing since about 10, but I thought I'd grow out of it after marriage, with sex available "on tap". WRONG! It took several months before it came back, but come back, it did; and continued to grow over the years. It took almost another 20 years before I risked everything and told her, and we buried it for the rest of our married life until I made another attempt to clear the air 2 years ago. It's been a rocky road since (and I've posted about progress, or lack of it, as it happened), but we're still together and immensely enjoying all other aspects of our life.

I'm happier that the subject is out in the open, although my wife is very reluctant to even talk about it, but I feel she needs to know and understand ALL of me, equally as much as I need to know and understand what makes her so uncomfortable with it. Then can we come to an agreement about where the boundaries are. My attitude can seem more than a little selfish, but I can't deny who I am (and I've learned a lot of that from this forum), and I feel the need for us both to know the truth. I believe, with knowledge will come understanding, and with understanding and love for one another (which we both have) will come tolerance; even if acceptance and support remain a "Bridge too far".

Tony

[Vera Lynn]

I think it must be incredibly difficult for some of ous significant others. My wife has always been very supportive, but there are times when she really just wants her "man" and I think we all need to support that desire for them.

Really, I know everyones situation is unique. We all need to be observant of others feelings and desires as well as our own. I know how easy it is to get caught up in our own program, and put others on the back burner

[Julogden]

Hi Louise,

How lucky you two are to have each other!

I agree, many of us enter marriages without knowing the extent of our TG persona.

Personally, I feel that anyone who has the slightest inkling that they are TG should explore their gender issues in full before getting seriously involved with anyone else, maybe not an easy thing to do, but it's really the best way to go about things, IMO.

That way, assuming that you're honest with any potential partners, there are no surprises for ones SO and the T-person is relatively free to become who they are destined to be.:2c:

Carol:hugs:

[Carin's Wife GG]

Hi Louise,

How lucky you two are to have each other!

I agree, many of us enter marriages without knowing the extent of our TG persona.

Personally, I feel that anyone who has the slightest inkling that they are TG should explore their gender issues in full before getting seriously involved with anyone else, maybe not an easy thing to do, but it's really the best way to go about things, IMO.

That way, assuming that you're honest with any potential partners, there are no surprises for ones SO and the T-person is relatively free to become who they are destined to be.:2c:

Carol:hugs:

I can hardly blame her for not knowing herself even though she was a few years older than I. Yes we are so lucky to have each other!


Louise.

[Nicole]

I need a new t-shirt:

LOUISE/CARIN 2008!

Carin would be the first TG lady! :happy:

[Fab Karen]

I was only 20...I can hardly blame her for not knowing herself even though she was a few years older than I. Yes we are so lucky to have each other!


Louise.
20? Wow. Not only getting married so young, but dealing with accepting your partner being a CD. You've jumped some very high hurdles relationship-wise.

[Mitch23]

I agree - my SO has been absolutely brilliant since i came out 6 months ago - cant understand it, would rather be without it but still hanging in there and still loves me!

mitch

[Raychel]

This can be a very dificult road to travel for all that are involved. Carin is very lucky to have a wonderful understanding partner to take this travel. I hope that she shows as much love for you. :thumbsup:

[Kate Simmons]

Why Louise, I'm surprised to see you said that. I really shouldn't be though as it's obvious you two have a good relationship. I have to give you credit for your efforts to be understanding. It's certainly not easy as sometimes we are not sure of our own feelings. You are a perfect example of how two loving people can work together. Thanks very much for sharing that, I appreciate it.:happy:

[Carin's Wife GG]

This can be a very dificult road to travel for all that are involved. Carin is very lucky to have a wonderful understanding partner to take this travel. I hope that she shows as much love for you. :thumbsup:

Always has. She deserves that and more back!



Louise.:love: :love: :love: :love: :love:

[Carin]

This can be a very dificult road to travel for all that are involved. Carin is very lucky to have a wonderful understanding partner to take this travel. I hope that she shows as much love for you. :thumbsup:

Louise is a one of a kind Woman, gifted more than she knows. She not only thinks/lives "outside the box", she frequently destroys the box in the process.

Yes I am the luckiest TG in the world and I do love her so much.
:love: :love: :love: :love: :love:

[Rene]

Louise, thank you for your post, so very true, and beautifuly put. It is a journy of self discovery for both sides.

[Lovely Rita]

Hi Louise
I really appreciate what you wrote. Carin is very fortunate to have you indeed.

[Lilith Moon]

Louise,

Thanks for understanding that TG is not a matter of choice or whim for us and that we often fail to understand our own gender issues to the extent of thinking that they will just go away when we fall in love with our perfect partner.

It is no surprise, then, that so many SOs of Cds do not understand us either and can feel betrayed then they discover the extent of our "dishonesty". Thanks for showing that it is possible to work through this maze of misunderstandings. :hugs:

[bgirl]

On reflection, I didn't tell her any lies that I did not believe myself. This last year has been hard for us. A year ago she asked questions I had to answer. For her as well as myself. My wife is 'acceptant' put still doesn't want to see it. She does understand that it is a part of who I am. I also now understand the same. I am happy to say I have not purged in over a year and although there is still much work to do, I can say that Beth and Bill are one and the same. I still don't understand it but thats OK. I am glad for you both.

[helenr]

I concur with the posts of others about the desirability of candor. I wish that I had 'screened' girls I dated in my 20's to see if any would open minded about crossdressing. that was quite some time ago (now am age 60) but it surely would have been better not to have needed to be secretive. That truly causes stress, as we all know. But, alas, like others, I thought my transvestism was dormant, but we know that rarely remains that way. I do find it ironic that GGs tend to be extremely supportive if their husband contract a medical disease, become disabled due to an accident, and other comparisons, but so many want a divorce when they find the 'problem' is the need to wear pretty things-guess this is too threatening to most GGs. I will truly never understand this reaction. best, helen

[KrazyKat]

:love: Thanks, Louise, it is so true. And if they are over 50, and born before internet, and raised with religious parents, as my lifepartner, GypsyKaren was, they are fighting with the belief, in their own heads, all their lives, that they are some kind of pervert. Why would they tell anyone?

I've often thought of both scenerios, if I was told before we were married, or as I was told, after 11 years of marriage, and I can't honestly say which would be better. I had so many constants, daily reminders of GypsyKaren's love and caring for me, like always leaving me the last of the cheesecake, or always filling my car with gas, etc, etc. Those things made a big difference to me, because no one else ever treated me like this. So, it was easier, and faster to move past the dishonesty thingy, well, that and many all nighters of talking, because I could begin to trust and believe again. Hope this makes sense. :D

[Raychel]

Always has. She deserves that and more back!


Louise is a one of a kind Woman, gifted more than she knows. She not only thinks/lives "outside the box", she frequently destroys the box in the process.

Yes I am the luckiest TG in the world and I do love her so much.


It really makes my heart tingle to see a couple that are so in love with each other. I am really glad that you have found each other. Don't every loose that love and appreciation for each other.

:hugs: Raychel