Work-N-transitioning

[janelle]

Hi girls;
I am out at work & dressing full time. The company has said I need to use just 1 restroom yet ask me for help with what is going on. This last Thursday I gave them The Federal court ruling stating you go in the room that you appear to be, don't know what will happen. Have any of you had any thing like this or any other advice for me? I would be very thankful as it is hard taking care of myself & trying to educate the place I work at.
Thanks in advance.
:hugs: :hugs: ,Janelle

[CaptLex]

Have any of you had any thing like this or any other advice for me? I would be very thankful as it is hard taking care of myself & trying to educate the place I work at.
Thanks in advance.
:hugs: :hugs: ,Janelle
Hey, Janelle, I'm not one of the girls, but I'd be happy to share my experience if you like.

My firm was as clueless about how to handle an on-the-job transition as I was (they said, "we've never been through this before" - to which I answered, "well, neither have I"). So I got some advice from a friend who did it, and it's been helpful for me too. I don't know what type of work you do or even what part of the globe you live. I work at a law firm and the first thing I did was tell a friend at work who is also a partner at the firm. He assured me that they knew the law here in NYC and that the firm would abide by it. He also helped me get to the right people.

First, I spoke with the members of the anti-discrimination/harassment committee to get their input and then with the Human Resources department. I asked them to change my name on all internal firm stuff (directories, phone lists, e-mail, etc.) and to use only my first two initials and last name on more formal stuff. I also asked them not to make any changes to my health insurance yet, as I did not want them to have that info yet.

Next, I asked them to hold a meeting with all the heads of all the departments and tell them about my transitioning, my preferred name, my preferred pronoun and to remind them of the firm's policies on discrimination and harassment - and what consequences there could be for those who did not follow it. These same department heads then held meetings with their respective departments and passed that information along. I was out the day this all happened (it just turned out that way) and when I returned everyone had been informed and life at work proceeded as usual. Most people have been wonderful and either wrote me, called me or stopped by to wish me well. I have not heard from anyone that might have a problem with it, and I don't expect to (which is fine with me).

As for the restroom issue. It was my own suggestion that I use the firm's handicap bathroom for the time being, and they gave me a key to it. It's worked out well - maybe too well. I anticipated eventually I would move to the men's room and I know they're just waiting for me to tell them when I want to do that, but I really like having my own private bathroom now.

My firm has really been great and they're basically following my lead. They've asked me to keep them updated on how things are going and how I want to proceed, and they've been very accommodating. I hope things go well for you too. Good luck. :happy:

[janelle]

Thanks for that info.
I work in a factory making A/C in Wisc.. They to do not know what to do but I do need to live & mix with woman at work. I did take with a lawyer here & by them making me use the 1 restroom, unless they check everybody, is a form of discrimanation. I don't want to cause trouble but like I told them I do not want to do any thing that slows down me changing over a 100%.
My badge name is changed & when I do a legal name change the rest(insurance & all) will be changed also. I think the big problem is I have asked that they get people in here to tell the rest of the work force what is expected & going on. I guess time will tell but I will keep working at it ,Thanks

[CaptLex]

I think the big problem is I have asked that they get people in here to tell the rest of the work force what is expected & going on. I guess time will tell but I will keep working at it ,Thanks
I agree that the company should be the ones to tell the rest of the work force what's happening - and they should also let them know they won't tolerate anyone giving you a hard time. Maybe your lawyer can give them some information about how to handle that.

[joanlynn28]

To some this is a problem, lucky for me my employer lets me use any woman's restroom in the plant. Fortunately for me my company has a very steadfast policy on inclusion and diversity and has bent over backwards to take care of my special needs. It also helps that I am not the only transgender employee there. More supervisor and managers are very supportive of me, it helps that I have been employed there for almost 28 years. Unfortunately my so-called union brothers and sisters still give me the brush off and ignore that I exist. The Virginia Tech gunman is treated better than my immediate coworkers do of me. At least the ones that reallyl matter, my superiors value what I do and want to ensure that I am happy and that is all that matters to me. I work for my supervisor and department managers not my peers. The thing is my female coworkers avoid using the nearest restroom, since I use it but the women in the office that I work with have no problem with me being in the restroom. The bottom line is why do people have to be so mean to each other.

[AmberTG]

"The bottom line is why do people have to be so mean to each other."

Joanlynn, I figure that was just a rhetorical question, but we know that people fear what they don't understand, and that fear makes them defensive and mean spirited. Of course, some people still think that TG and TS are just a perversion and people can be very judgemental. Sometimes people just suck!

[Kimberley]

I dont know if giving them legal rulings etc is necessarily the best way to go.

How involved are they? Do they have any kind of letters or other information from professional sources such as your pdoc or counsellors? It sounds like they want to help and dont know how to proceed, so maybe an informational approach would be best.

You could also point out that from a safety standpoint correct washroom usage might also be in both your and their best interest. Remember their interests are always going to come before yours so you have show them how they work together. A heavy hand may not be the best way.

Just a thought.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[janelle]

Kimberley
I have given them a copy from my Dr. stating that I should be using the ladies room. I also informed them that its was in there best interest to bring someone in to explain what is going on(educate them) & maybe get all the women together also so they could learn. I even said maybe have the whole plant in on a meeting. Kind of sounds to me as they don't want to lose work time for education unless they get a kick back from the goverment. I plan on asking when I go up on the 3rd of May what else I can do to help them.

Thanks for all your thoughts & ideas
:hugs: :hugs: ,Janelle

[joanlynn28]

Janelle, before I returned to work going fulltime my HR rep held meetings over a two day period on all three shifts regarding my transition. Everyone that I come in contact with went to these meetings and was explained in detail the companie's diversity and inclusion policy using my situation as a local example of that. Restroom usage all everything else was discussed, this has been almost two months ago and but still there are a large number of my coworkers that still avoid me. Maybe you can get them, the company to do the same. At my place of employment the company already has a large number of resources to go to for information. If yours does not there are organizations out there that be of assistance to you. The Transgender Law Center in San Francisco for one. Just some information from someone that has just gone through what you are about to.

[janelle]

Thanks ton Joanlynn. I have said to my HR dept. that it would help everyone if they could get someone to come in. I gave them 2 groups real close that said they would do it if the company asked. I guess I have done all I can for now. I will talk with my Dr.'s on thursday. Thanks again.
:hugs: :hugs: ,Janelle