Questioned by wife

[jenniferverobch]

About five months ago I confided to my wife that I wore a pair of her white Victoria Secret satin panties to bed when she was out of town. She got a kick out of it and had my model them for her. We often kiss in bed and she sometimes tells me to put on her panties, which are now mine. This past weekend we were kissing and she told me to put the panties on. I loved it while kissing my wife. I told her again that her panties felt great, hoping that she'd tell me to buy or try on some other types of lingerie. Instead she replied, "I hope you're not turning into a transvestite. Or do you just like the feeling?" I told her that I just like the feeling. I have taken everyone's advice and let her have the lead. I would love to be able to kiss my wife while wearing a bra, stockings, panties, etc. I have no desire to dress in public. I have tried on some of my wife's dresses. I also bought a wig this summer, but threw it away. I have makeup in years, but would like to. I have hinted many times that I love the feeling of her underwear and that I'm probably wearing out her white satin panties. I'm hoping that she'll come home one of these days with some new panties for me. I know a bra is pushing it, but I wish she'd ask me to try on her bra or that I'd get the courage to ask her some day. I often wear a bra and panties of my own. Do I let her catch me? I know that I need to be honest with her and not hide things, but I think she would flip out if she knew that I like to wear a bra occasionally. Thanks, Jen

[Stephenie S]

About five months ago I confided to my wife that I wore a pair of her white Victoria Secret satin panties to bed when she was out of town. She got a kick out of it and had my model them for her. We often kiss in bed and she sometimes tells me to put on her panties, which are now mine. This past weekend we were kissing and she told me to put the panties on. I loved it while kissing my wife. I told her again that her panties felt great, hoping that she'd tell me to buy or try on some other types of lingerie. Instead she replied, "I hope you're not turning into a transvestite. Or do you just like the feeling?" I told her that I just like the feeling. I have taken everyone's advice and let her have the lead. I would love to be able to kiss my wife while wearing a bra, stockings, panties, etc. I have no desire to dress in public. I have tried on some of my wife's dresses. I also bought a wig this summer, but threw it away. I have makeup in years, but would like to. I have hinted many times that I love the feeling of her underwear and that I'm probably wearing out her white satin panties. I'm hoping that she'll come home one of these days with some new panties for me. I know a bra is pushing it, but I wish she'd ask me to try on her bra or that I'd get the courage to ask her some day. I often wear a bra and panties of my own. Do I let her catch me? I know that I need to be honest with her and not hide things, but I think she would flip out if she knew that I like to wear a bra occasionally. Thanks, Jen

Dear Jenn,

You can't wait for your wife to take the lead in this. I don't think that that is "everyones" advice here. On the contrary, I would encourage you to speak up. Is your wife a mindreader? How do you expect her to know what you want if you don't tell her?

She is NEVER going to ask you to wear HER underwear. That's gross. You should stop doing it. Would you want someone pawing through your underwear looking for a thrill? You can ask her if you can get some of your own. Waiting for your wife to say, "Sure honey. help your self to my underwear drawer", is a lost cause. It just ain't gonna happen. Buy some of your own.

If you wanted to go hunting, would you never mention it and just wait for her to come home with a rifle for you? Of course not!

You can bring this up gradually, but stop hinting, take some responsibility for your own needs and wants, and speak to her directly. I guess you could try and differentiate between a transvestite and a CDer for her. I'm not really sure of the difference myself. But you know she is worried about your "becoming" a transvestite.

She does not want to loose her MAN. The MAN she married. Finding out that your man wants to wear women's underwear can be a bit offputting. Where is her husband in all this? Your responsibility is to reassure her that she still has her man while ensuring that your own needs and desires are met. Is your wife a lesbian? I am guessing that she's not. So how much enthusiasm do you expect her to have for making out with you while you are dressed in a bra, panties, and stockings?

You have a good start here in that she asked you to put on the panties. Talk about a HINT. Take the lead here, sweetie, and speak up. Who knows where it may lead.

Your CDing may have to remain something that you do in private, without your wife's participation, or you may find her a willing participant, but stop trying to get her to take responsibility for your needs and wants. It's your trip, hon, and you need to make it happen. And please, please, please, leave her clothes alone. Stay out of her underwear and stay out of her closet. That's just gross. And very impolite. I can't think of anything more likely to turn someone OFF about CDing.

Lovies,
Steph

[Angie G]

Jennifer I dress 5 days a week hose,dresses,skirts, underpants cami's high heel all in my front of my wife wha accepts the fact that I lovr wearing womans clothing she had a problem when it come to wearing a bra a asked in she would mind if I did when se was not in her company and she agreed ot that so go slow hun and good luck :hugs:
Angie

[foxy bartender]

I definately think you need to talk to her about how you feel.. Take small steps & maybe even send to this message board so she can talk to some of our SO's & she can hopefully learn to be accepting of your lifestyle. Good luck!
Just a quick note, I don't see why everyone freaks out about sharing underwear with your SO.. You can make love to her but putting on her panties is so dirty? As long as you wash them before she wears them, & you are the same size I don't see the problem, maybe I'm gross!

[EricaCD]

Jennifer, if I were you I would correct the misimpression you left your wife with. Like it or not, you're a crossdresser (and you should like it-it's fun!). And affirmatively denying that may well be perceived by her as a worse misdeed than simply not bringing the subject up.

If your wife is ok with you wearing her undies regularly, it seems unlikely that she's going to have some huge, fundamental issue with your being a CD... once she knows what that means! Remember, that for many people, even well-educated ones, "transvestite" is associated with "likes men" and "wants to be a woman". It's entirely possible that your wife was expressing a concern along those lines, rather than really caring whether you like to match a bra to the panties.

I think you are missing an opportunity to clarify what exactly your interests ARE, to assuage her concerns (which are probably unfounded), and to set the record straight. You are also creating a far worse environment for the day when - as is usually the case - you DO have to come clean.

Sorry to lecture, but I am concerned! Hugs,
Erica

[Carin's Wife GG]

Jennifer, if I were you I would correct the misimpression you left your wife with. Like it or not, you're a crossdresser (and you should like it-it's fun!). And affirmatively denying that may well be perceived by her as a worse misdeed than simply not bringing the subject up.

If your wife is ok with you wearing her undies regularly, it seems unlikely that she's going to have some huge, fundamental issue with your being a CD... once she knows what that means! Remember, that for many people, even well-educated ones, "transvestite" is associated with "likes men" and "wants to be a woman". It's entirely possible that your wife was expressing a concern along those lines, rather than really caring whether you like to match a bra to the panties.

I think you are missing an opportunity to clarify what exactly your interests ARE, to assuage her concerns (which are probably unfounded), and to set the record straight. You are also creating a far worse environment for the day when - as is usually the case - you DO have to come clean.

Sorry to lecture, but I am concerned! Hugs,
Erica

than telling me my partner likes to wear womens clothing. Not that hering the latter was easy but at least it was honest and honesty for me goes a long long way.

Good luck to both of you and send her over here. Us GGs can support her through any insecurities.

Louise.

[lindsaycd75]

I made the mistake of hiding it from her for a couple of years. she takes that as much worse than me actually being a c/d

[Tree GG]

Jennifer, if I were you I would correct the misimpression you left your wife with. Like it or not, you're a crossdresser (and you should like it-it's fun!). ...

Once she finds out the nature of your real desires/motives, she will feel manipulated and lied to by your misrepresentation. She will remember all the lies and trust is hard to rebuild. Sounds like she already suspects something and was asking for you to be honest with her.

If you want to keep it private fun between you and her - great! IMO, that's a great, safe place to start. She may be receptive to that scenario and could be all you and she ever need.

[Carin's Wife GG]

Once she finds out the nature of your real desires/motives, she will feel manipulated and lied to by your misrepresentation. She will remember all the lies and trust is hard to rebuild. Sounds like she already suspects something and was asking for you to be honest with her.

If you want to keep it private fun between you and her - great! IMO, that's a great, safe place to start. She may be receptive to that scenario and could be all you and she ever need.

carin also started out with this particular behavior. I never picked up on the true nature of what was really going on (can anyone say denial???). When, eventually I did find out I was not angry really, only upset that this secret had been in our relationship for so long without me knowing. Carin, however really did not know either. She only knew a little and had some serious self discovery to uncover as the years went on. We are still both in that discovery mode and it has been twelve years. I suspect we will be still discovering for a lifetime.

Be gentle with yourself and your wife. This is heavy duty stuff. Go slow and be kind and considerate. These will go a long way to reassure your wife that indeed she is the most important person in your life.


Love,



Louise.

[gennee]

When my wife found out that I wear women's clothes, she wasn't too happy at first. Now she's okay with me wearing panties and a pullover or cami. She frowns upon me wearing a bra but she doesn't stop me. She wears my skirts, but doesn't like me wearing one in front of her.

She knows that I hang with other CDs. I'm thankful for what she does accept. She even buys me nail polish. Go slow to see what your wife can handle because there's much to be processed about CDing.

My wife is the only one who knows that I dress up. If my told my family members and friends, they would be shocked. I have been out in public and I love it. Good luck to you and your wife.

Gennee


:gorgeous:

[myMichelle]

Jennifer, if I were you I would correct the misimpression you left your wife with. Like it or not, you're a crossdresser (and you should like it-it's fun!). And affirmatively denying that may well be perceived by her as a worse misdeed than simply not bringing the subject up.

If your wife is ok with you wearing her undies regularly, it seems unlikely that she's going to have some huge, fundamental issue with your being a CD... once she knows what that means! Remember, that for many people, even well-educated ones, "transvestite" is associated with "likes men" and "wants to be a woman". It's entirely possible that your wife was expressing a concern along those lines, rather than really caring whether you like to match a bra to the panties.

I think you are missing an opportunity to clarify what exactly your interests ARE, to assuage her concerns (which are probably unfounded), and to set the record straight. You are also creating a far worse environment for the day when - as is usually the case - you DO have to come clean.

Sorry to lecture, but I am concerned! Hugs,
Erica


Follow every single word of Erica's advice and you won't regret it. I know the road ahead may not be easy--nobody's life is easy. But at least you have a raod map of sorts to follow. Good luck.

[Stephenie S]

I definately think you need to talk to her about how you feel.. Take small steps & maybe even send to this message board so she can talk to some of our SO's & she can hopefully learn to be accepting of your lifestyle. Good luck!
Just a quick note, I don't see why everyone freaks out about sharing underwear with your SO.. You can make love to her but putting on her panties is so dirty? As long as you wash them before she wears them, & you are the same size I don't see the problem, maybe I'm gross!

No Foxy, I don't think you are gross. I just think you don't understand how most women feel about their underwear. Men and women often have a different idea of what is appropriate. Most women are very fastidious about things that touch them "down there". Most women do NOT want to share their underwear with another person, especially for "sexual pleasures". Of course there will be exceptions, but in general, most women want to keep their underwear for themselves. I know women share outer clothing with other women, but I don't know many who want a man wearing their clothes. It can easily stretch them all out of shape.

JMHO
Stephenie

[Jacqui]

... Instead she replied, "I hope you're not turning into a transvestite. Or do you just like the feeling?" I told her that I just like the feeling....
I know a bra is pushing it, but I wish she'd ask me to try on her bra... Jen

Jen, if your quote is accurate, she has already indicated what her feelings would be if she found out your secret.

There is a big line that is crossed when going from satin panties that "feel good" to wearing a bra that performs a function that you have no need for. That is the difference that your SO is afraid of. The most macho of men, if persuaded to put on satin panties and then given truth serum, would probably say, "Hey, these feel great!"
But, unlesss you wanted to present as a woman, an unfilled bra doesn't feel that great. And it kind of looks...deflated.

So, before waiting for her to give you her bra or buy you one for Christmas, don't hold your breath...she won't do it.

The burden is on you if you want to let her in on your true feelings. Unconditional love doesn't always cut it when the underlying premise is false. This is the dilemna that many of us face.

Go slow, think about the consequences, make sure she can be educated and accept you for who you are and not who she thought you were.

Good luck.

Jacqui

[Robin Leigh]

I often wear a bra and panties of my own. Do I let her catch me?

No, Jen. The consensus here is that being caught crossdressed is one of the worst way to come out to anyone, especially your SO.

Be brave.

:hugs:

Robin

[lynn27]

When my wife found out that I wear women's clothes, she wasn't too happy at first. Now she's okay with me wearing panties and a pullover or cami. She frowns upon me wearing a bra but she doesn't stop me. She wears my skirts, but doesn't like me wearing one in front of her.

She knows that I hang with other CDs. I'm thankful for what she does accept. She even buys me nail polish. Go slow to see what your wife can handle because there's much to be processed about CDing.

My wife is the only one who knows that I dress up. If my told my family members and friends, they would be shocked. I have been out in public and I love it. Good luck to you and your wife.

Gennee


:gorgeous:Jen this is good advise, you may want to "produce" a cami or femme top next time you are in bed kissing. You can keep it at you love the feel for now without having a bra change your appearance too much. Adding a bra can be difficult, in my experience is that is when you need to fess up and say it is more than the feel of the fabric you enjoy. Adding breasts to your image seems to be a real barrier that is difficult for some women to cross.

My SO is well beyond that point and she has purchased many bras for me in the last year. I've gone to wearing my 40B forms most days under my male clothing and Jr Hiphuggers. She doesn't seem to mind at all when we head out for a ride, a movie or a shopping trip this way. While my SO hasn't seen me completely dressed I had 4 or 5 skirts and dozens of femme tops hanging in our closet where she can see them for 6 months. So she knows where it may be going...:p

Keep doing what you're doing. As long as you show her love and respect she should be more open to your self-expression. Once you have successfully added another item add something else, stocking femme jewelry, perfume, etc. Do NOT make it an act of being caught, just jump into bed with your new item and maybe say something like "look what I found at..., it feels so nice". She'll tell you when it is to much and then you'll have to talk about it...

Good luck

[jenniferverobch]

Thank you for all of your comments. I will try to have a serious talk with my wife. I will tell her the truth and say, "honey I initially enjoyed the feeling of your panties because they were so smooth. Lately I get turned on thinking about them and other lingerie. I guess I have a serious lingerie fetish. I do not like men, nor do I want to wear makeup or dresses. I have wondered what it would be like to wear a bra, panties, and stockings. I would like to try this occasionally when I'm home alone or with you if you choose. I do not want to hurt you, but I'd like to be completely honest with you. Being with you, kissing you, and making love with you is the best."

[Dixie]

Go for it, The lingere fetish is the right approach I think, and above all be supportive of her and her fellings as well. With honesty, and understanding you two can both be happy and I think your love will grow. Be PATCIENT! go slow it can work.

[Sheri 4242]

One problem I see is in terminology. "Crossdresser" covers a wide spectrum of men who dress for different reasons. "Transvestite" might actually be more accurate, BUT NOT generally in the U.S. where the term often carries fetishtic connotations. It can get crazy! The main thing is make sure you let her know that you are a heterosexual male -- many wives need to hear (and hear it again and again) that you are not transitioning (or wanting to), unless, of course, that is where you are headed. Many GG's want to know that "their man" will be there for them when needed. If your wife starts "green lighting" your CDing, it is likely you'll head where many of us have been -- directly into the "pink fog." THIS IS WHY it would be great if you could get your wife to join in here and eventually get access to the GG-only section. Our GG's can relly help her (and, thus, you in the process).

Early in my marriage, my wife, as accepting and encouraging as she has always been (understand, my wife knew before we married, so she went into our marriage with her eyes open to what I was), absolutely did not like me wearing a bra! It was a big issue with her, so for a long time I wouldn't wear a bra around her. Finally I let her know that this bra issue was really bothering me -- that to me, it was one of the things I wanted to wear the most!!! So we compromised -- we learned a long time ago to talk openly and set boundaries when needed (they can always be moved or removed). Our compromise was that I wouldn't wear a bra when we were making love! That's all she wanted. Today I have an extensive collection of bras -- 35% +/- of which my wife bought for me. She even bought me a nice pair of breast forms recently.

Our "bra rule" hasn't been ironclad -- there have been times that I forgot to take it off before we got started -- or times she didn't want to stop long enough for me to take it off. BUT, the bottom line is that I wear a bra daily!

Sounds like to me that your potentiality is high and will be based on honesty, respect, and education. Trust the GG SO's here to help if you can get your wife to join!