False Impressions?

[Emma_Forbes]

Hi all,

Please forgive me if this irritates or upsets anyone or casts doubts on the veracity of posts here - it is not my intention to do that.

There are many stories of going out and having 'adventures' en femme on this site but I find that I am somewhat sceptical (maybe that's because I'm a cynic anyway :p ) that these sorties are as 'easy' as they seem. I find it easy to relate to the 'dashed to the car wearing ... and couldn't get back quick enough' type of scenario and the 'went round the block at 3 in the morning' because I have been there as well and I understand it.

I do have something more of a problem with those accounts, particularly by part-time cross-dressers rather than those full-time/tranisitioning transgenders, which make it sound as though it is the easiest thing in the world to go shopping (or elsewhere) en femme and there is never a problem. This is for 2 reasons. First the account doesn't usually cover the mental and emotional turmoil that going out causes and how to cope with it. Secondly, IF it is untrue, it could cause someone less experienced and less ready to go for a risky trip out. Now I'm not saying that anyone has ever posted an untrue account (how would I know after all) but I am worried that it can at times seem too easy and one day could get someone into deep sh... trouble. Of course I have absolutely no idea what we can do about it other than use our own judgement about whether something is risky or not.

I hope that makes sense and doesn't rattle anyone's cage too much.

Em

[Kate Simmons]

I understand what you are saying EM but I sort of take a lot of these accounts with a grain of salt myself. While I don't doubt them, being a man I know full well how guys like to "embellish" stories if you will. That doesn't mean the adventures are not true though. It definately does have a lot to do with our confidence level and is definately NOT as easy as it sounds. I sometimes question what the motivation is myself. Is it just to go out shopping to see if we pass or is it the idea of "getting away" with something?

I remember full well my first experiences years ago going out to drive around in the car at 3 AM but I was literally shaking in my heels and it was stressful but exciting at the same time. When I would get out of the car and walk around town, it was even more exciting.

Anyway, that was then and this is now. I've done all of that stuff out in public in daylight since and it's no big deal any more, in fact it's kind of boring really. Most people don't give a hoot about you anyway and may think you are eccentric at best and these days there is nobody following you around shouting "queer" or going out of their way to do so. It's more like them getting a glimpse and saying:"Oh, okay, whatever!"

I suppose like I said, it depends on what your motivation and purpose are for going out in public and if it is to build up your confidence, that's okay. If the neighbors are outside doing stuff when I leave, I don't hurridly jump in the car but I don't dwell on it either. They know about me anyway but never speak about it.

These days, I'm concentrating on friendships and relationships, so don't do so many public appearances like I used to but I do enjoy reading all the accounts and feel glad for my CD sisters.:happy:

[Brianna Lovely]

Much like Salandra, I take my fem appearance, as a given, in my life. My first time out was fully dressed and in day light. My heart was racing and I was very nervous.

Nowadays, I dress semi-fem (no wig, no forms) every day and I'm out and about in the day time. I consider this normal, so generally, there are no adventures to write about.

I do dress fully, for special occasions, but try to only post about things that I think will be interesting, or of help to other girls.

[cindychan]

Well you gotta be smart while going out. I think we all had different experiences with this and are able to realize this is the internet and shouldn't take others' stories to seriously to the point where we would endanger ourselves with false impressions. :hugs:

[EmmaJane TS]

Hi Em,

Well having just got home from clubbing em femme I can honestly say I had an amazing "adventure". I do agree with what you are saying it isn't easy going out, it really is a state of mind (keep repeating in your head I am a woman) and confidence, of course it helps ALOT the more passable you are! I have only been out a handful of times but I choose and plan where I go quite carefully and am fairly certain of my safety else I try to ensure I go with friends (which in my mind is just common sense). As for the mental/emotional turmoil if it upset me that much then I wouldn't go out (if you feel like that, then you're probably not ready for field trips!). Sure I have been outed loads of times but a big smile goes a long way to defuse most situations.

Love,

Emma.

[Nikki Dee]

Just 4 of your own words sum it all up love..."use our own judgement"..both when/if deciding to go out..and as to what you read/believe in posts.?
Nikki. x

[Sam-antha]

Going out is, in the beginning a highly charged and very emotional experience. As the experiences go by the charging goes down and the confidence goes up. Now over-confidence in one's passing ability is bad for you.
However, over years, the situation becomes normalised. Me, I have been out in the street, on foot, in daylight for rather more years than some of you have lived. My first full adventure was in the time of the birth of the mini... the sixties.
For me at least and for that reason, my stories are therefore totally true.
Experience and an understanding of the "confidence and head-up" factors are the key to happy survival outside
~Samm

[nishababe]

I think that we are all different on this site and there is no ''one rule fits all'
I tend to dress when I feel like it for my own pleasure and am not that bothered about going out trying to pass .
I go out in the daytimes sometimes in part girly clothes ,jeans ,underwear etc,but thats as far as it goes
I have been out just a few times late at night in my car fully dressed fully as a woman ,dresses ,skirts ,make up wigs ,the full costume and walked round quiet places ,went to the cash till etc , it feels nice to feel the breeze round your legs with stockings on and the swishing of a skirt or dress :heehee: but that is as far as it goes with me .
If I was a younger more convincing c/d as some are lucky enough to be ,then perhaps I would go out in the daylight shopping etc .
I would not have the nerve as some I have seen in my life that go out looking an obvious man dressed as a woman and becoming a figure of fun .
I saw one guy about 6 foot tall and built like a wrestler with thick stubble on his chin dressed up as a tarty woman and it did look a bit silly in my eyes so obvious .
On the other hand for instant ,yesterday I saw in seperate places 2 young men with girlfriends ,who were dressed in unisex clothes who initally I was not sure of what sex they were and they were not even making an effort to pass as girls.In fact one of the Boys looked more pretty than the girl he was with !
If they had put makeup and girly clothes on ,well no problem passing as pretty girls !!

Also some places and countries are more tolerant than others .

I have read of transexuals,c/d etc being murdered in usa and other countries just for the crime of being dressed as the opposite sex ,so one must be aware of the risks .
It is all down to the person concerned and how far they want to push it and how good they are at ''Passing''

Love ''Nishababe'':heehee:

[Joy Carter]

Oh Em, I totally agree with you Hun. Imagine anyone trying to pull the wool over our eyes with stories like that.

Did I tell the about the time I was dressed in a ten thousand dollar designer dress. And had a flat tire on my Mazzearatti. In front of a lonely mansion and...........................:heehee:

[Sally24]

I think most sensible people realize that on the Internet there are always those that try to build up a persona that is not them. From time to time we have had posts on here by first timers and part timers that seem just too good to be true. That is equally true of the occasional poster that uses a real GGs pics as theirs. You just have to realize that some people are posers and get on with it!

Those of us that do go out should not minimize the real risks or the mental states that this entails. I've had the assistance of a GG and many T-girls and a few good store owners. Without some help from others, going out is very difficult. I've also been lucky in that other than being 6' tall, I don't have much overly male characteristics to mask. Even with that, it has taken 2 years and alot of work to get comfortable with going out in the daylight. Before that, it was really nerve racking to go out.

You have to be able to step back and fairly evaluate just how good you look. This is of course if you are trying to blend or pass. If there is no way that you can blend, then you have to decide what type of venue you're willing to go to.

[Ruth]

It's a fair enough question Emma and it certainly doesn't offend me. As with everything on the internet, the information here has to be treated with caution. I know I've only posted the truth but you've only got my word for it.
And it was reading all the very detailed accounts here of trips to malls, bars etc en femme that convinced me I could do it. And though I've only been "out" properly once I'm looking forward to doing it again (and I'll certainly tell the story here).
The sharing of information and the mutual support is a very important aspect of this forum, and I believe most of us here are sincere.

[Karren H]

Post No 1 -

Well Hi, I'm Karren and I just started crossdressing last week... and like I um, went out for the first time yesterday, and passed 100%, even got invited to go out with Paris Hilton but then she got busted for driving without a licence and like I got put in jail with all these other women... I did have my voice changing pill with me... so no one know I was a 275 lb 6 foot 8" linbacker for the Pittsburgh Steelers.... Totally cool... I may have to go out dressed tommorow it was sooo much fun!! Toodles.....

hehehe

Love Karren

[Paulacder]

I agree with you in part Emma, I beleive that some of the post that you read are more of a Fantasie than a Reality. Just to dress in Fem. and go to the Mall to shop sounds easy. Or better yet to be mistaken for a G.G. and called Mam seems to be the ultimate. When in reality very few of us, and yes I say us, yours truley included could ever pass as a woman. But I guess as they say, whatever trips your trigger.:happy: :happy:

[susie evans]

this art that a lot of us try to perfect is like most things in life there are two kind of people those that make things happen and those that make excuesses and only you can decied which one YOU want to be (hope this dosent offend too many)

:love: susie

[Roxi Loh]

Is that a legal term? I think what we are hearing are stories told after the fact. After we have done something and nothing went wrong, it naturally looks easy, even though there may have been lots of tense moments. Having gotten through the moments it all becomes very easy. Last time out I had to go to the hotel desk twice while dressed. It was very tense before I did it but easy since it was actually a pleasant experience.

[Kate Simmons]

Actually, my first extended time out in public and daylight 6 years ago seemed to be nothing but a series of bloopers and a comedy of errors but I did manage to get through it. It's really what inspired me to keep going and to make improvements. I was determined to make this work.:happy:

[leggy_tiana]

Venturing out in public is a very exhilerating experience for me. At the same time, because I don't go out very often, fear still grips me. Eventually, I learned where to go without fear stopping me. I learned where I could feel safe and comfortable when dressed. For example, I still don't feel comfortable going to the mall to shop. So I avoid that situation. Instead, I feel at ease in libraries and bookstores. I have no difficulty taking walks in the country or park, or running errands in my car. I think a girl needs to find her own level of comfort.

[MJ]

with all the members here why cant we start a thread on how to go out what you need to know and the safe places and then make it a sticky that way the new members don't have to hunt for it ..
this is not easy but a part of us *just like a baby bird one day it will spread it's wings and fly " a crash course might be in order first

[Eva Diva]

So there are two types of stories, the difficult outing, and the easy. You're saying that posts of difficult outings - "I ran to my car" - are more believable? Interesting you should say that. When I read these tales of adventure, it's the breathess quality of the writing that sets off my BS meter. Not always, of course, but there is a style of writing that seems to come from having read similar stories, rather than from personal experience. For those old enough to remember the pre-internet world of porn, the "Penthouse Letters" style of writing might be a model.
As to the "easy" stories... it depends. I can well imagine someone getting out of the house, driving a few miles, going in and out of shops and home without getting called out. That doesn't mean there's any "passing" going on. Not noticed? Sure. Noticed, but not chased down and screamed at? Sure. Fooling someone who gets a good look? Much less likely.
All in all, maybe less than half of the posts here tweak my BS meter, and less than a quarter really set the meter screaming. And if you think about it, that's not bad for an anonymous forum. Of course, the "believable" posts may be hooey too, but the writing didn't set me off. Personally, I prefer reality to fantasy, but I understand the appeal, given the nature of this forum.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I remember when I ventured out a few weeks ago, for the "3am" morning drive in which I was the passenger, it was terrifying, but also exciting experience. The decision to do so was partially influenced by other post, but I also wanted to experience the sensation of being en-femme outside of my house for myself. However I did set groundrules for as far as I plan to go with my going out en-femme in the future. Basically the extent of my going out en-femme would consist strictly of driving ( at night time), to attend support meetings ( when I get confident enough to do that), or to attend transgener sponsored events (again when I've gotten enough confidence). Jocelyn

[TGKrissyCD]

As long as I don't open my mouth going out and/or shopping its a breeze. However, as soon as I do say even one word I'm dead in the water. Then again my forearms and height give me away also. Therefore I don't shop en femme, but do so as a male. The first few times shopping for intimates as a male was a trying event with a number of times being chicken. Then there were the times I advised the salesperson I was either shopping for a gift for my wife or girlfriend. A visible shopping list came next. At present I just go into a shop that has what I am looking and shop. After all they are a profit making store and want customers, As to the stories that are embellished a bit, I read with amusement and realize that some do have that stuck in the closet feeling and want to reach out, however farfetched.

Krissy

[EricaCD]

Hi Em. No offense taken. As far as the accuracy of my reports (most of which are actually in my blog, as opposed to recounted here)...well, in many cases there are witnesses who are members here. Ask them :)

I don't think I am fooling the vast majority of the world. I don't think that just because someone calls me "Miss" when I am en femme, they haven't figured it out. (But I do appreciate their understanding of my preference to be addressed consistent with my presented gender.) And I really don't see why I should be astonished that the world does not have a stronger adverse reaction to me getting out. I live in New York and do most of my getting out in NYC and California. These are not places that are known to be hostile to alternative lifestyles.

In writing about my experiences, I do my best not to let the pink fog affect my recollection. I specifically never write about outings the same day for that reason. I try to err on the side of conservatism. On the other hand, I am really more-or-less over the whole "being consumed by self-doubt" thing. So no, my writings do not reflect someone who is constantly worrying about the reactions of others...because I don't. Though I do still worry about my appearance a lot :)

[Dixie]

I guess a take a few things for granted, like being fellow CDs most if not all here understand the heart pounding, pulse racing, and anxiety that go with dressing and going out, it took me 19 years of constant support from my wife to get up the courage to finally go out. Just figured it was a little redundent to discribed this feelings each and everytime :dh: if that makes it seem like a wonderland kind of story then I'm sorry never meant to give that impression. No I'm not offended just thought a glimpse of my thought process would be insiteful that's all. I do believe also that we tend to focus on the positive aspects of an adventure as a means to help bolster other peoples courage. I have read about the snide comments people have heard while out they just don't dwell on it as it is a negitive, they focus on the good experiences as a way to accentuate the positive. I guess they are trying to maintain that "glass is half FULL" mentality, I see nothing wrong with that.

[Holly]

Emma, I understand and appreciate your apprehension of some of the stories found here (and elsewhere). One thing to bear in mind, however... some of us have been doing this for a number of years now. It's not that we necessarily "pass" or have no issues; it's mostly that we have delve loped an attitude of confidence in who we are and a comfort level being out and about. I, myself, hold no fantasy that I pass as a female (have a look at my avatar). I am, however, confident in my gender presentation. This is not something that happened quickly, nor easily. It has taken time. In the end, it's mostly being comfortable with yourself. Somehow that translates to those around you. And, as some others have mentioned, being careful and thoughtful as to the venues we choose to go out in (based on experience) helps produce positive results as well. I'm sixty years old. If I don't do these things now, I may never get the chance. Some of the saddest words ever uttered are, "I wish I had..."

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hi Emma

well as a poster of those types of stories, i have to say i think i can usually tell the bs from the "real"

i'm 6'1 99/100ths inches tall...i like some heels to go with that too...2 years ago...i was the breathless run to the car , back to the hotel type...now i go out to bars(tg friendly only), i've been out to a movie, dinner, and to the mall many many times, i've talked to salespeople at perfume, makeup counters, countless clothes racks, and have been to shoe stores...i've been approached by a lady asking me what i thought of her "outfit idea", i've been whistled at, been called a fag, been asked by a policeman if i worked at the mall, been asked by a starbucks barrista if i worked at the mall, been given the evil eye by 2 teenage guys who i think would have liked to kill me, been laughed at, been oogled, etc etc etc....i don't see anything wrong at all with sharing those types of details because frankly...who the heck else am i gonna share this with!!!!???:p


i felt a little "cage rattled" out by your comments honestly because although there are TONS OF BS STORIES and discussions out there, i think you have to have some common sense and seperate them out..

also i think it is our OWN RESPONSIBILITY to use some common sense about what your expectations are when you go out...we are all so different with this one thing in common and so i think that girls should read my posts and say "i can do it" but should also look at themselves in the mirror and make sure they know what they are in for..

so take care and have fun

michele

[Stephenie S]

Hi all,

Please forgive me if this irritates or upsets anyone or casts doubts on the veracity of posts here - it is not my intention to do that.

There are many stories of going out and having 'adventures' en femme on this site but I find that I am somewhat sceptical (maybe that's because I'm a cynic anyway :p ) that these sorties are as 'easy' as they seem. I find it easy to relate to the 'dashed to the car wearing ... and couldn't get back quick enough' type of scenario and the 'went round the block at 3 in the morning' because I have been there as well and I understand it.

I do have something more of a problem with those accounts, particularly by part-time cross-dressers rather than those full-time/tranisitioning transgenders, which make it sound as though it is the easiest thing in the world to go shopping (or elsewhere) en femme and there is never a problem. This is for 2 reasons. First the account doesn't usually cover the mental and emotional turmoil that going out causes and how to cope with it. Secondly, IF it is untrue, it could cause someone less experienced and less ready to go for a risky trip out. Now I'm not saying that anyone has ever posted an untrue account (how would I know after all) but I am worried that it can at times seem too easy and one day could get someone into deep sh... trouble. Of course I have absolutely no idea what we can do about it other than use our own judgement about whether something is risky or not.

I hope that makes sense and doesn't rattle anyone's cage too much.

Em

Dear Emma,

As you may have been able to surmise from the reactions to your post, there are those who agree with you and those who don't.

The fact is, it is "the easiest thing in the world to go shopping (or elsewhere) en femme". The fear and guilt most of us have is only in our heads. The fact is that 99% of the people in this world are far too wrapped up in their own troubles to give much of a damn about what you look like and how you want to present to the world. We manufacture all this turmoil ourselves. We are afraid! Imagine that. Afraid! Big strong men! Afraid of an underwear department in a department store! Afaid of a total stranger in the car next to us at a stop light. Afraid! It's ALL in your head.

Are people going to look? Yup! Do they care? Nope! To them you are a nothing. If anything at all you will rate a remark at the dinner table that night. You would get the same attention if you went shopping in a clown suit or a cowboy outfit. A passing glance, a roll of the eyes, and then on to the next problem.

Here is where the concept of appropriateness come in. If your dress is APPROPRIATE for your suroundings, again, 99% of the people will not even see you. This is why we say go to the mall, see what other women are wearing, and wear the SAME thing. Mostly that's jeans and a top. So if "going out" for you means dressing as for a formal dinner party, in stckings, heels, girdle, full makeup, fancy hairdo, you are going to stick out like a sore thumb at the mall. To dress like that, you need to go somewhere (like a formal dinner party) where all the other women are dressed the same way. If you are dressed appropriately, even when you are "clocked" the reaction will be much more positive than if you try to wear fishnets and 6" heels to the Outlet Barn. People don't like hookers of either sex, so if you want to dress ****ty, stay away from women and children.

And this leads us to the next consideration. That of the real danger which is out there. Is there danger? Yes there is, and it is real. So what is it? It's when you try to trick someone, another man, into thinking you are a woman. Men, in our present society, are incredibly homophobic, and capable if incredible violence, especially if they think they have been forced into a homosexual encounter. Almost all the instances of violence against TG and CD people have occured when men have thought their "honor" has been compromised by a homosexual encounter (when they have been "tricked" into a sexual encounter) with a "woman" who turns out to be a man. Don't do it! Unless you are 100% woman, FFS, SRS, the whole nine yards, DON'T try to fool another man into a sexual encounter. If it backfires, the potential for a violent reaction is huge. This is the danger. This is the real danger. Will this happen at the mall?, the bank?, the post office?, on the way to your therapist apointment? No. It won't. Because most people just don't give a tinkers dam about what you wear or what you look like, really. The danger comes from a mixture of CDing, alcohol, sex, and young men.

If you want to go shopping, to the bank, to the post office, to the gas station, go ahead. It is easy. The barriers are only in your head. I have not touched upon the reaction of your spouse or GF. I will leave that problem up to you. But the problem of how to deal with the whole wide world out there? That's a real non-issue. ALL here who have gotten up the gumption to just DO it have reported it's no big deal. And it isn't. Really!

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Mitch23]

I've just done my first and i can assure you that it was the most terrifying thing i have ever done! I think I'm pretty convincing now i've got my image sorted out but i cant escape being 6'2". You've really got to weigh up the risks and decide for yourself whether its worth it! On balance for me it was but it may not be for everyone. You've got to get out of the house for a start - do you want your neighbours to see you and are you (and your family) ready to face the consequences. Parts of it are easy, pottering around in shops for instance - most people are pretty oblivious to what is going on and too busy to care. parts are hard like when you are waiting in line to buy something getting in close eye contact with people. some things like bathrooms and changing rooms area long way away for me,

the buzz is fantastic and the risks are always there - just weigh them up carefully before you act

mitch

[Karren H]

Well, It aint easy for sure.... Every time I step out in public I get this "I'm a guy in a dress" thingy in the back of my head.... that gets louder and louder until the first time no one points at me and laughs.... Then it gets quieter for a while.... But that never has stopped me for trying all kinds of stuff... Brave or stupid, I haven't figured out which one yet, more like some of each.... But fun it is.... Believe it or not!!! Doesn't matter to me either way..... hehe

Love Karren

[Jammie Lyann]

I'm not sure that anyone of the stories are false, maybe over streched by some, because they are excited about what they just experianced, however I can tell you I have been out 3 or 4 times in day light an at night an it is still never racking, my latest venture out was back in Nov, to a aid foundaiton event put on by a bunch of devas, was lots of fun but even there I felt like I was being watched :devil:
I hate this pic but just so you know I was really there my wife was there with me an I think she had a better time than I did :heehee:
Ivey

[Melanie R]

For over 27 years I have been out enfemme frequently with my wife at my side. Even today I get a lump in my throat when I step into the public's eyes. I try to dress for the time and place and look everyone in the eye. Do I pass?Who knows and for that matter that is not why I go out dressed in public. I am being who I am - a woman who also enjoys spending some time as a man. Now that man is the one who is crossdressing.

[Rebecca Petersen]

I started writing a response and realized that Stephenie had already written exactly what I have been thinking for many years. I agree with you Emma, but I congratulate you Stephenie for putting things in proper prospective.
Great thread.
Rebecca

Dear Emma,

As you may have been able to surmise from the reactions to your post, there are those who agree with you and those who don't.

The fact is, it is "the easiest thing in the world to go shopping (or elsewhere) en femme". The fear and guilt most of us have is only in our heads. The fact is that 99% of the people in this world are far too wrapped up in their own troubles to give much of a damn about what you look like and how you want to present to the world. We manufacture all this turmoil ourselves. We are afraid! Imagine that. Afraid! Big strong men! Afraid of an underwear department in a department store! Afaid of a total stranger in the car next to us at a stop light. Afraid! It's ALL in your head.

Are people going to look? Yup! Do they care? Nope! To them you are a nothing. If anything at all you will rate a remark at the dinner table that night. You would get the same attention if you went shopping in a clown suit or a cowboy outfit. A passing glance, a roll of the eyes, and then on to the next problem.

Here is where the concept of appropriateness come in. If your dress is APPROPRIATE for your suroundings, again, 99% of the people will not even see you. This is why we say go to the mall, see what other women are wearing, and wear the SAME thing. Mostly that's jeans and a top. So if "going out" for you means dressing as for a formal dinner party, in stckings, heels, girdle, full makeup, fancy hairdo, you are going to stick out like a sore thumb at the mall. To dress like that, you need to go somewhere (like a formal dinner party) where all the other women are dressed the same way. If you are dressed appropriately, even when you are "clocked" the reaction will be much more positive than if you try to wear fishnets and 6" heels to the Outlet Barn. People don't like hookers of either sex, so if you want to dress ****ty, stay away from women and children.

And this leads us to the next consideration. That of the real danger which is out there. Is there danger? Yes there is, and it is real. So what is it? It's when you try to trick someone, another man, into thinking you are a woman. Men, in our present society, are incredibly homophobic, and capable if incredible violence, especially if they think they have been forced into a homosexual encounter. Almost all the instances of violence against TG and CD people have occured when men have thought their "honor" has been compromised by a homosexual encounter (when they have been "tricked" into a sexual encounter) with a "woman" who turns out to be a man. Don't do it! Unless you are 100% woman, FFS, SRS, the whole nine yards, DON'T try to fool another man into a sexual encounter. If it backfires, the potential for a violent reaction is huge. This is the danger. This is the real danger. Will this happen at the mall?, the bank?, the post office?, on the way to your therapist apointment? No. It won't. Because most people just don't give a tinkers dam about what you wear or what you look like, really. The danger comes from a mixture of CDing, alcohol, sex, and young men.

If you want to go shopping, to the bank, to the post office, to the gas station, go ahead. It is easy. The barriers are only in your head. I have not touched upon the reaction of your spouse or GF. I will leave that problem up to you. But the problem of how to deal with the whole wide world out there? That's a real non-issue. ALL here who have gotten up the gumption to just DO it have reported it's no big deal. And it isn't. Really!

Lovies,
Stephenie

[silkie h]

As I said once before on this forum, I only once went out enfemme. The stress levels were too high for me to do it again, as indeed, were the efforts to get it right, because I never would have attempted it if my Sister ( who accompanied me ) was not happy that I would get away with it.

I believe it is prudent to get the assistance of a friend or SO, who you know will be totally honest with you, when you are planning for an outing en femme for the first time at least.

The buzz from doing it though & getting away with it, was incredible.

[Lisa Golightly]

Well you either fall into the Dana Scully or Fox Mulder camp... As for myself... 'I want to believe' :)

[Dixie]

Some people just can't, it's not in their nature. Oh that sounded mean, not how I meant it at all. I mean we are all products of our experiences in life it shapes our attitudes in life.

[Kristen Kelly]

Emma, I understand and appreciate your apprehension of some of the stories found here (and elsewhere). One thing to bear in mind, however... some of us have been doing this for a number of years now. It's not that we necessarily "pass" or have no issues; it's mostly that we have delve loped an attitude of confidence in who we are and a comfort level being out and about. I, myself, hold no fantasy that I pass as a female (have a look at my avatar). I am, however, confident in my gender presentation. This is not something that happened quickly, nor easily. It has taken time. In the end, it's mostly being comfortable with yourself. Somehow that translates to those around you. And, as some others have mentioned, being careful and thoughtful as to the venues we choose to go out in (based on experience) helps produce positive results as well. I'm sixty years old. If I don't do these things now, I may never get the chance. Some of the saddest words ever uttered are, "I wish I had..."

Holly you could not have said it better, confidence and doing this enough times has made me feel I can go anywhere and that I do belong there. Those that have meet me in person know who I protray here is who they have meet. I do not pass 100 percent of the time, but that don't stop me from going out in daytime as well as night, just treat me as you would a woman that's all I ask of the public.

[Jodi]

Hi all,

Please forgive me if this irritates or upsets anyone or casts doubts on the veracity of posts here - it is not my intention to do that.

There are many stories of going out and having 'adventures' en femme on this site but I find that I am somewhat sceptical (maybe that's because I'm a cynic anyway :p ) that these sorties are as 'easy' as they seem. I find it easy to relate to the 'dashed to the car wearing ... and couldn't get back quick enough' type of scenario and the 'went round the block at 3 in the morning' because I have been there as well and I understand it.

I do have something more of a problem with those accounts, particularly by part-time cross-dressers rather than those full-time/tranisitioning transgenders, which make it sound as though it is the easiest thing in the world to go shopping (or elsewhere) en femme and there is never a problem. This is for 2 reasons. First the account doesn't usually cover the mental and emotional turmoil that going out causes and how to cope with it. Secondly, IF it is untrue, it could cause someone less experienced and less ready to go for a risky trip out. Now I'm not saying that anyone has ever posted an untrue account (how would I know after all) but I am worried that it can at times seem too easy and one day could get someone into deep sh... trouble. Of course I have absolutely no idea what we can do about it other than use our own judgement about whether something is risky or not.

I hope that makes sense and doesn't rattle anyone's cage too much.

Em

Em, I can assure you that every adventure that I have posted about has occurred as I stated. That includes two New Years Eve's at a large straight party, a week en femme at a lake resort, and many times dining out in upscale restaurants. I have posted about attending the Erie Gala, and going out and about to straight venues.

You mentioned mental and emotional turmoil. Maybe there is that turmoil for you. I do not have that turmoil when I go out. I just do it.

I do not care to frequently go to Tranny venues. I like to go out among the regular population and do regular things. And--NO, I have never had a problem. Have I been read? Yes. Have I been snickered at occasionally? Yes. Was it the end of the world? No.

Please do not project your own fears on the rest of us.

Jodi

[kathy gg]

Hi Em,
I saw your post and I had to comment. My husband does not post to this site, nor does he read it much for that matter..he works full time and is very busy.

I usually wind up sharing any *adventures* we have. But thankfully we have also been fortunate enough to meet other members of this forum and I would like to think we are {enough} well known in our local cd community in Toronto that anyone thinking that we are not for real can easily be proven wrong.

All that said....back when we used to update our {sad little} website every now and again people would email asking "why does it sound like every time you go out it is the most normal natural thing and is seems you dont' have bad experiences?" I figure either the person thinks we made up these tales...or just thinks every time one goes out the house crossdressed that people are glaring and staring and the world is falling apart around us...

The reality is my sweetie does get *read*...but since he has been going out since 1996 at this point it is not that big a deal any more if someone does a double take. We also have luck on our side as we live close enough to a major urban area that it is fairly easy to go out and never run into someone from your regular male life. As for angst and being scared or worried or nervous...I think most our outings are so well planned and we know the areas we are going well enough that the *fear factor* is removed mostly. And the other thing I suppose my husband has going for him is he has literally never been out dressed without me since we got married in 1999.

I do think there is a time and place for everything though. And sadly alot of people will not be able to use common sense or have such a case of pink fog that they disregard that maybe they are not dressed apporpriatly or are sending negative signals to the world at large that they are nervous and hence they have the *bad outings* where they get bad reactions at every turn and then run to their car.

I think if one plans appropriately for an outing {going to nicer places, dresses to fit in the situation {ie...mall shopping = casual low heels...fetish night = pvc and spikes!}, holds their head up and acts like they have every right to be there, has a good quality wig and decent make up skills...almost any person can go out to a large city and have a really good day.

[Kelsy]

Emma, I understand and appreciate your apprehension of some of the stories found here (and elsewhere). One thing to bear in mind, however... some of us have been doing this for a number of years now. It's not that we necessarily "pass" or have no issues; it's mostly that we have delve loped an attitude of confidence in who we are and a comfort level being out and about. I, myself, hold no fantasy that I pass as a female (have a look at my avatar). I am, however, confident in my gender presentation. This is not something that happened quickly, nor easily. It has taken time. In the end, it's mostly being comfortable with yourself. Somehow that translates to those around you. And, as some others have mentioned, being careful and thoughtful as to the venues we choose to go out in (based on experience) helps produce positive results as well. I'm sixty years old. If I don't do these things now, I may never get the chance. Some of the saddest words ever uttered are, "I wish I had..."

I agree with Holly going out and presenting as a female takes courage but a confident attitude is what makes it easier. Having gurl friends to go out with Is preferable. There is safety in numbers. Some stories may infact be embelished. But some real experiences are hard to believe. For example Three of us were atttending an event at DLV and we were going out to studio 54 in Vegas at the MGM. Unannounced to us was the fact that there was a cosmetic convention going on at the hotel and at the same moment that we had arrived the attendees of the covention were letting out of a seminar, well,
There were 16,000 women in attendence and we got sweep up in the corridors with all of them> Three Tgirls and 16,000 ggs - Fun -:heehee:


Jennifer:D

[TxKimberly]

Had to laugh when I read your post because I've made a whole string of them lately myself and I wonder if I might be one of the folks your thinking about.
I lived way to hell and gone out in the sticks when I was a kid and used to walk down our two mile long dirt driveway/road when I was home alone.

When I was older and out on my own, I used to go to the hotel room door and stare out the peep hole. When the hallway was empty i would open the door. Sometimes I had the guts to step two or three feet out the door. Several times I ran BACK to the door when I thought someone was coming. Sometimes I wanted to go out that door so bad, but I was so afraid, I would walk to the door, put my hand on the know, and then turn around and sit back down. There were times I did this 6 or 7 times in a night, never quite getting the guts up to actually leave the room.

I remember the first time I went outside as an adult dressed. It WAS at three and four AM on a deserted street. Probably lucky I didn't get picked up for hooking or something.

This all happened over many years - not all at once. Every single time you go out the door it gets easier.
Today? I STILL feel nerves and there are STILL days I open the door and close it when I hear someone in the hall. It's part habit, and part the fact that I still get nerves. If you read my post on the Smithsonian, what you didn't find there (because I didn't write it) is that my first 10 minutes I walked in circles because of my nerves. I was there, my eyes were open, but I didn't see squat because my brain was frozen. Eventualy I calmed down and enjoyed my visit.
I'm sure some of the other girls do the same things, but do we post it? Nope, I think most of us don't write the stuff that doesn't make us look like the hero. I do post some of the embarassing stuff - I figure if I can't laugh at myself, it's all over, but not all the little details. Things like "I was scared when I opened the door", or "I almost jumped out of my skin when the elevator door opened and there was someone already in it".

Kim

[Priscilla Ann]

I would say that one should be skeptical of anything that one finds on the internet.

[Joni Beauman]

I agree with Micheletv. When the topic comes up regarding going out, I also support honest participation. To think these accounts - and I have not seen anything particularly outlandish here - are fabrications suggest you may have an ensularized perspective, Emma. When careful and selective, alert to what is safe and not safe, outings can be a fulfilling, albeit slightly risky, experience. It is that threshold of tolerable risk that varies among people. Joni

[Rachel Morley]

I agree with kathyGG, Rebecca, Stephanie S, Holly, Erica etc. It's actually not as difficult as you might think once you get past the point where you don't care. If, like me, you are/were scared that people would know then there's a problem because your fear translates into getting read more. Nowadays, I'm ok with people knowing I'd just rather that they didn't make it obvious that they know by calling me sir or some such thing. Fortunately, being called sir when en femme has only happened to me once. In other words, I'd like to stay in the fantasy if possible. :D Most of the time (from GGs) I get smiles, which I can't really tell if they are "knowing smiles" or just that people are being friendly. With guys, nothing really happens they look at me once or twice and that's it (usually). Perhaps they're thinking, "ugh .... no thanks" :devil:

[megan163]

Em, I understand how you might question the stories, but for me personally I can say it has been a progression to get to the point of going out without getting so worked up about it. I started out with the late night drive-and-dash scenarios but have steadily built up courage to go out and move about freely at malls and in day time. Over time came to realize that even if anyone does read you, it doesn't matter. Well, at least if it's not someone who knows you anyway. But still, it still is scary at times.

[kerrianna]

I'm not sure that anyone of the stories are false, maybe over streched by some, because they are excited about what they just experianced, however I can tell you I have been out 3 or 4 times in day light an at night an it is still never racking, my latest venture out was back in Nov, to a aid foundaiton event put on by a bunch of devas, was lots of fun but even there I felt like I was being watched :devil:
I hate this pic but just so you know I was really there my wife was there with me an I think she had a better time than I did :heehee:
Ivey

No wonder you felt like you were being watched Ivey. You looked gorgeous! :love:

I love that pic...:happy:

[katia]

Hi Emma
I agree with you,i have been out a couple of times but it was always driving just as it got dark,i drove for a while stopped to get some cash at a cash point in a very quite town.
As i drove out of that town i stoped at a junction and a car pulled up beside me and the man was looking back at me and i thought sh*t but he never gave me any abuse so i must had passed,but i kept looking in my mirror as i drove away :o
I have also got out at a quite car park to stand watching the river and to recycle some clothes in the recycling bank but thats as far as my outings have gone.
There have been a few people about when i have done the above but always a distance away and to be honest the buzz i got from that is enouth for me ( at the moment ):hiding:
I don't think for a second that i will ever be bold enouth to go out shopping dressed ( I do shop as a man for womens clothes ),but i think the main reason for that is i think that even when plastered with make up i think i still look like a man and would be noticed straight away and to be stuck in a shop and stared at is not my ideal of fun.:thumbsdn:

[Sally2005]

I believe most of the adventures to be true. How can you make this stuff up? It is not easy to build up the courage to do it, but once you do it really is easy. Most times there is a nervousness, but if you can overcome that, then it is really is a joyfull experience. Passing 100%, maybe in our own minds, but having 100% no negative feedback, that's true. A lot is having a positive attitude. I feel a lot less stress after actually going out than thinking about life passing me by and me having done nothing except worry about what would happen. You have to try it to really understand and with experience I think you can spot the 'fake' stories.

[Kate Simmons]

As you can see from a lot of the postings, there is a lot of trial and error involved and sometimes it takes us years to get to the point where we are comfortable going out whether we really "pass" or not. It's the confidence and comfort level that makes all the difference. When I'm reading the various experiences of other members, the thing that mostly runs through my mind is kind of a sharing of what they were going through and what I would maybe do if I was in that particular situation. This is a way we learn together.:happy:

[Joanne f]

I was not going to reply to this thread for a very good reason, "no one likes a baddy" but i feel like i have to now.
Yes it might be easy to go out but in some case`s it can have a bigger effect on your life than you think, i have lived through the hell it can cause i thought it would be fine may be get a bit of flack, but i was unprepared for what was to happen, not just to me but to my family also ,i have been attacked had constant verbal abuse my kids have been bullied at school and my house has been attacked , i am very clad that i seem to be the only one who has suffered in this way and i am not trying to put anyone off going out , i think it depends a great deal on where you live , but i only done this to remind you that it is not always going to be easy, i am sorry i had to write this ,

[Jennifer_G]

I was not going to reply to this thread for a very good reason, "no one likes a baddy" but i feel like i have to now.
Yes it might be easy to go out but in some case`s it can have a bigger effect on your life than you think, i have lived through the hell it can cause i thought it would be fine may be get a bit of flack, but i was unprepared for what was to happen, not just to me but to my family also ,i have been attacked had constant verbal abuse my kids have been bullied at school and my house has been attacked , i am very clad that i seem to be the only one who has suffered in this way and i am not trying to put anyone off going out , i think it depends a great deal on where you live , but i only done this to remind you that it is not always going to be easy, i am sorry i had to write this ,

Hi Joanna

I for one am glad you wrote this. It brings some balance to this thread of what can go wrong.
I think before you go out be aware of what can go wrong and use common sense and plan ahead.
I stupidly for instance got clocked by a neighbour about a month ago all because I didn't check the street before getting into my car. I assumed that it was 2am that no one was about. I was wrong my neighbour was unloading some boxes from the back of his car.

Just think a little and plan ahead. It could save you a lot of grief in the long run.

Jennifer

[MsJanessa]

Hi Emma---you know the first few times I went out, even though it was a TG friendly venue, I felt like you did---run to the car, hoped nobody would "read" me at stoplights or walking into the club then hoping the key to my hotel room would work on the way back---but after years of doing this it has become old hat---the denoument occurred a few years ago when I was wearing the same outfit you see in My avatar--tight black leather minidress, thigh high boots and shoulder length black leather gloves---returning to My hotel room with another person----couldn't find My key---had to go to the front office about 11 pm and talk to the two night clerks to get another one---and you know what---no problem---most people, particularly aduts, are tolerant, or at least polite---they normally don't stare---not more than a few seconds anyway, don't laugh , don't point etc----granted going to the local shopping mall is probably a little more stressfull than a gay night club but if you dress appropriatly, wear conservative hair and makeup and don't misbehave genrally nobody will say or do anything to embarass you. As somebody mentioned above the key to "passing" is not really caring whether you do or not--once you reach that level of self confidence, the rest is easy. I do believe that some of the Girls here might not be strictly truthful in some of thier posts, but by the same token I feel that most of the going outside stories are probably fairly accurate.

[SherriePall]

Yes, there are some stories here that are pure BS, but I think the majority of us recognize them for what they are.
As for me, I have been out maybe a half dozen times in the daylight (never at night). I dress away from home (about 12 miles away) and only go to what I consider safe locations.
Oddly, it has never been a problem walking out the door dressed. My only problem is remembering to stand up straight.

[katia]

I was not going to reply to this thread for a very good reason, "no one likes a baddy" but i feel like i have to now.
Yes it might be easy to go out but in some case`s it can have a bigger effect on your life than you think, i have lived through the hell it can cause i thought it would be fine may be get a bit of flack, but i was unprepared for what was to happen, not just to me but to my family also ,i have been attacked had constant verbal abuse my kids have been bullied at school and my house has been attacked , i am very clad that i seem to be the only one who has suffered in this way and i am not trying to put anyone off going out , i think it depends a great deal on where you live , but i only done this to remind you that it is not always going to be easy, i am sorry i had to write this ,

Hi joanne
I live not that far away from you and thanks for reminding us to take care,i made a mistake a year or so ago and sold some stuff on ebay,forms,boots but also sold something which one of my neighbours saw parked out side my house.
I did get a few snide remarks about you have to watch the quite ones and selling your dresses,i told him that if he wants to see me in a dress he will have to rely on his imagination as it would only be in his dreams or fantasys.
My dessing is a secret and like you said if i got caught i would be prepared for a bit of flack but i didn't think any further ahead than that until now.
:hugs: katia

[LindaTS]

I think I know what you're saying Emma. As for me, I go out quite often, always during the day to do my shopping. For some reason nothing exciting ever happens to me so I must be doing something wrong. Like most of us I've been read a couple of times but even that never caused any problems. I guess I just need to keep trying and SOMETHING will happen to me.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Better late than never I hope (never on weekends).....My first couple of times out were "nerves" city.....I shook like a leaf. Then I got more comfortable, and then I sorta got "oh what the..." about people reading me. Last time out was to a club and I was totally relaxed and had a blast.

I have only adult children in other cities, and a soon-to-be ex-wife. I have nobody to please but me. I will agree with those that are concerned over what the risks might be to their family. Going out can come with costs sometimes. In my case I really can't see any ( unless I run into my ex in the ladies room, and THAT will get ugly! ).


Emily Ann

[Stephenie S]

My point was never to say that we won't get "read", only a fool would think they could pass 100% of the time with everyone. I only meant to say that if you dress and act appropriately, it really doesn't matter. Most people just don't care.

And, as was said by someone above, the saddest words ever spoken are, "If only I had." Please don't get to the end of your life and have to say anything like that. We only get to go around once.

99.9% of the people I see and react with when I am out return my smile or engage me in friendly conversation. Do some figure out I'm a guy? Of course they do! But by then, they are committed. They have already been "friendly". It's too late for them to act like a jerk.

Last week, when I was early for my electrololysis session, I was sitting on the floor outside her studio for about 1/2 hour. Perhaps 30-40 people passed by in and out of the building. Two young men went by and stared and when they got outside, I could see and hear them just break up! They thought it was so funny! I just made their day! Well, if that's the worst that happens, where is the harm?

Going out dressed IS easy. You just do it. Is there stress and tension? Of course. I still find myself tense and uncomfortable occasionally. But you know, GGs feel tense and uncomfortable occasionally too. Men stare, and whistle, and make rude remarks all the time. Welcome to the world of women. But you will get over it, sweetie. And the rewards are so great. You DID it! And every time it gets easier and easier. Until one day you find yourself just heading out, being yourself, at one with the world, saying, "So, what was the big deal, anyway?"

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Robin Leigh]

Yes, it can be hazardous going outside en femme in some locations. Every city has its rough areas where macho young men can make life unpleasant or dangerous for the CD/TG person. There are little country towns where everybody knows everbody else's business. And there are plenty of regions where the population has a high proportion of good old-fashioned rednecks.

So, don't CD in such places! If you live in a little town, go to another town for your CDing adventures.

When I was younger, I often lived in the rougher parts of inner Sydney. I got verbal abuse a few times, and was chased or followed several times. Still, nothing bad really happened. And besides, I've had smart-ass comments yelled at me from passing cars when in guy mode anyway. If I'm going to be abused for not being sufficiently masculine, I might as well go all the way. :D

These days, the worst I get is the occasional stare. I know I don't pass up close, but I'm getting pretty good at failing to be read. :) As others have said, confidence is the key. But that confidence should be realistic.

:hugs:

Robin

[vbcdgrl]

I can't speak for the other part-time CDers, but I do got out shopping or running errands quite often, en femme. Since I am single, I don't have to make any excuses or sneak around, so there's no apprension or guilt involved. When I get out there, among the public, I really enjoy the experience. I have never had a bad experience, either I pass well enough that people don't pay undue attention, or I don't and they don't care. I really don't care either.
Today (Mon.), I went to do some shopping at Mervyn's, en femme. They really do have some cute things. I bought a skirt and 3 tops. I really can't say whether the SA made me or not, but she was very nice to me and we wished each other a nice day. I used my debit card, so no ID required. When I got home and tried on my new purchases, one of the tops didn't fit. I decided to return it and exchange for another. The same SA helped me, again no problem. This time, since it was later, there were a whole bunch of GG shoppers in there. No one gave me a second glance.
Personally, I think all of you who want to go out, but are too scared to set foot out the door, are missing out on the best part of CDing.

Vikki

[michelleupnorth]

Going out is scary as hell. Since I don't pass as a woman and I know that the only pplace I am comfortable going out is in a big city like Toronto. I have gone out here where I live and nobody has said anything to me just looks. My biggest fear is running into someone i know here. So yes it isn't that easy, it takes all I got to go out dressed. I can tell you that once I am out after a while I relax a lot more and get this I don't give a attitude.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I for one take everything that i read here as gospel, do you mean to say it just might not be? Well for real I do not have any problems going out en-femm, well let me revise that, I do have to be careful leaving the house or my home area since I am not out to anyone other than my wife. I don't worry one bit about anything outside of that though and i have never been one to seat the small stuff in life so when i relate an experience it is pretty much factual give or take 100%, just kidding. I do hope that people here take everything that helps them and then the rest of the stuff they can file away as Huh, Huh information. Nothing in life is black and white except death, tax's and crossdressing!!!!

[KimberlyS]

Emma, that is a very valid question. I understand your thoughts and concerns. Most of us have been there and still are. I would say most of the outing stories here are a true account of how we see our outings. And in most cases similar to how you would see it also if you were along. But that being said, my guess if we were to give you all of the back ground and past outings we have already been on. Told you of the prep work that was done prior to the outing, the planning, the pre-site outings, all of the feelings and thoughts that were going on, and much more the outing may be more believable for you. But than for many of the outings we would need a novel set of books for you to read.

So if it sounds easy, in most cases I would say you are missing a lot of information and just getting a very small view of what happened, has happened in the past, what was felt, and what was done, prior, during and after the outing.

I also think a lot has to do with the level of personal acceptance the person on the outing has, their relationship and family status. Where they live and where the outing is at. Along with where the CDer is at on the TG spectrum and just the life of the CDer. Unless you really follow a person as they post and get some background on them, if it is available, I will agree from the point of someone who has not been out, things look a lot different. Including scary, unrealistic, not doable, and many other things.

I started to write up a quick background summary that I could add to one of my current outing posts and it was over three pages 8.5x11 pages. And that was just the start of a very brief summary. I do not think that is something most would want to read on every one of my outing posts.

I tell people that really want to get out in public to get out of town. Way out of town away from those you know. Scope out a safe area and just do it. Yes you may get some looks and maybe some comments. Actually expect some and you may be surprised at how few you get. But expecting to get the comments and looks takes a lot of stress out of your mind. But the overall feeling of being out will make it positive. And you will quickly learn that being out is mostly between your ears and little to do with achieving the perfect look.

[karynspanties]

Well I can assure you all of my adventures are 100% real. It all boils down to confidence and not worrying about what others think or say. I have been out enfemme and had people point and laugh. (Very hurtful and a blow to the self confidence) I have had people not even bat an eye at me. It depends how you are dressed for the given time and place. Now, I am an ehibitionist and have gotten into some interesting situations. But they are all true.

[Stephenie S]

Michelle, from your avatar you look just fine, sweetie. Don't worry about not looking perfect. NOBODY looks perfect. You don't need a perfect look, just a normal look. And a big smile. Everyone likes a smile. It will be your best friend as you go out. Just like your avatar. That kind of smile. Wear it all the time and you will be fine. Really!

Lovies,
Steph

[Rikkicn]

I've had a few very embarrassing moments early on. I was pointed at by two sa's in a dept store and I saw them giggling as I hurried out. I went to a drive thru once and the young woman broke out laughing and her boss stepped in and politely helped me. People have stopped and turned around to watch me with frowns on their faces.
Your right, there are all kinds of emotions that over came me. Humiliation, shame and on and on.
I kept going out though and getting better and better at my presentation. I got more and more comfortable being out and eventually the bad stuff stopped. Oh, I still get "looks" from time to time but now it doesn't bother me and in fact I kind of like being a trans activist. The more of us that are seen the easier it is for the rest of us to come out.
The wonderful experiences far, far out weighted my bad ones.
When the emotions come up then it's good to remind yourself that the your a kind , loving person with the right to lead your life how you wish.
Getting through the emotions feeling stronger and better has an amazing effect.