Am I a hypocrite cos of how I feel?

[Felix]

Have been thinking again as I have been a lot lately. Am I a hypocrite because of how I perceive myself? I don't feel that I am although the nice little boxes people like to put ya in sometimes makes me feel strange about myself. Then I start questioning everything. Why do I feel this way? What makes me feel this way? Has something happened to make me feel this way? Ya know and numerous other questions that are analytical of myself and my situation. So What do ya all think? I think I'm going into beating myself up mode again and that's not good. So can you guys and gals help here? Thanx, Felix xx :hugs:

[Kieron Andrew]

Transgenderism is a HUGEEEEEEEE spectrum, and not everyone fits in the perceived little boxes or labels...do what you feel comfortable with, personally i hate boxes and labels! im me and how i chose to present at any given time is up to me, im not hurting anyone.........stop beating yourself up and just go with the flow of things and see where it takes you, i willl guarentee until you find you, so to speak this will change from minute to minute :) :hugs: love yourself for who you are & not what you are trying to be to please others

as for, Are you being a hypocrite? no i dont think so, you are just trying to work out where you fit in within society thats all :)

[Kate Simmons]

Felix, You are not a hypocrite, you are just yourself. Don't be anything less and don't feel any less of yourself. We all love you for who you are and I love reading about things you do that make you happy. I'm sending some positive energy to perk you up if that is okay. Love you lots.:love: Sal

[Sally24]

That questioning phase comes and goes. I'm almost 53 and go thru it of and on still. If you're a good, honest person than anything you do for yourself that doesn't hurt others is great. You sometimes have to think about yourself first. Find what makes you happy and helps you express how you're feeling. What that is may change over time. And try not to overthink things. Even all the shrinks and doctors don't really understand cause and affect for us so why should we totally understand it?

[Abraxas]

You're not a hypocrite, no. Everyone-- at least, all intelligent, open-minded people-- question themselves from time to time. And it could be about anything from gender identity to whether they're in the right career, to what they're having for dinner tonight. Questioning is good. It means that, rather than turning a blind eye and accepting things as they are, or as they appear to be, you're really thinking about how things actually are, and how hey affect you, and how you want them to affect you.

I've questioned myself-- I think we all have, all of us here. And whether or not we like the boxes, the labels-- they do make things a lot easier. Transgender is a wide category, and where you fit into that category (and where you fit into society) is important. Maybe not labeling it, but understanding it is important.

I remember the first time I really questioned myself. The first time I went, 'oh. I'm trans.' wasn't a big deal to me, at all. It just seemed right. It felt natural. But then, about a year ago, my brother cornered me. He said, 'have you ever considered that you might not be trans? Considered that this may be a phase, or just a personality quirk, or something?'
That scared the hell out of me. Seriously freaked me out.
The thing is, pretty much everyone has at least one thing they define themselves by. I'm a musician. I'm a writer. And I'm transgendered. These are all facets of me, things I define myself by. And losing any one of these things would be like losing an enormous chunk of myself. If I woke up one day, and couldn't play piano anymore, or couldn't sing anymore, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. It would be a huge identity crisis, and I would go completely nuts trying to figure out how to get that part of myself back. Going on without it wouldn't even be an option. It's the same thing with being trans. It's a scary thing to have, to be, but I think it's a much scarier thing to lose. Because gaining something in life, equals a win. Losing something is terrifying. It's natural to question it, because we don't want to lose it. We want to make sure it's ours to hold onto, and that nothing and no-one will be able to take it away.

At least, that's how I see things. *shrug*

[Ermintrude]

Hypocricy usually means condemning another person or people - particularly when the accusation could just as easily be levelled at the speaker (as in "the pot calling the kettle black"). This is not something that you're guilty of, hence you're in no way a hypocrite - I'd say you're the exact opposite. :)

[MJ]

you're in no way a hypocrite , i do the same thing. you are just trying to work out where you fit in within society just like me :hugs:

[privateperks]

I think its cool to question your reasons for doing things - but too much navel gazing can be unhealthy, you know? Theres a dif between questioning yourself and criticizing yourself. If the voice in my head sounds like my grandmother's (think insane betty crocker in a mickey mouse sweatshirt) then I know I've slipped over the edge of reasonable questions. If you start to criticize yourself too much then you're helping other people to put to put you in the box. And those little boxes are there just to make it easier on other people and not because they actually exist in some platonic universe.

[Lanore]

Hello Felix
You're not a hypoctite, you are you. I believe, when you accept yourself for who you are, you'll find the world more enjoyable to be in. When you are all alone, do you like who you are? Everyone is going to have an opinion, but the one that should really matter is yours.

Lanore

[Holly]

Hypocrisy is saying one thing and doing something different. That's not you, Felix. The occasional "reality check" we all go through is nothing more than taking a few moments to check our growth/progression and make adjustments in our course of life. We are living, dynamic beings and the means to get from point A to point B will never be a straight line. It's all the little detours that give life it's flavor... savor them!

[Felix]

I love how you all philosophize you do it so well and it helps me tremendously so thank you all :hugs:

Holly I agree hun ya so right!

Hi Lanore and welcome as we have never spoken before :hugs: I have accepted myself really I think what I have trouble with is other peoples acceptance or not but that is something I have to work on. Thanx for your support Hun!

Thanx Private your words are very wise!

Thanx MJ Hun x

Thanx Ermintrude and welcome you are very kind :hugs:

Thanx Abs what ya said makes a lot of sense :hugs:

Thanx Sally Hun ya right over questioning is not a good thing so I'll just have to watch myself.

Awww thanx Sal ya such a warm caring person thanx Hun!!

Hi Kieron thanx for that Hun. I think I have found myself thus why I'm subtly coming out to more people and if the ask questions now I will be ready to answer. Like I have been arranging something in work and when I text people I have put my male name on the text at the bottom, even on those who don't know yet. So I feel I have come to an acceptance of myself to be able to do this.

xx Felix :hugs:

[mistunderstood]

I understand the question thing. I went through it first befor I left the closet on being gay then when I asserted myself as trans. I have a lot of baggage in the past and wanted to make sure I was really gay and really trans. It took me a long time to step out and see the world. When I did there was for me a really great person waiting for me.

Good luck with finding you.

[Wren]

This may be compeltely off. I forewarn. But before that, Felix you are a cool guy, not a hypocrite. *thumbs up*

What Abraxas said has got me thinking.. About losing some aspect of yourself and freaking out.

When I broke both of my hands I was pretty much unable to do anything, and having lost the ability to do stuff I started thinking more, stressing, obsessing and became a pile of depressed.
Questioning is a natural thing that everyone does, but it's the kind of thing that can be aggravated by excess stress surrounding you. I started to question myself a lot more during and after the injury. Because every aspect of my life felt like it was collapsing.

Escapism is bad, dwelling is bad, but somewhere in there is a happy medium. I suggest you put yourself in a positive environment and do things that make you focus on the good things in your life.

Don't let dumb people and labels box you up. Sometimes you have to trust yourself and your choices and when you begin to question yourself, keep in mind that you are right in the way that you are living.

I ..may have wandered off there and made no sense..didn't come out as i wanted but I don't feel like deleting it. I too suffer from over analyzes and most of the time i get confused in my own thoughts.. So I'm going to go eat some Ice Cream..

[Felix]

Hi Wren and thanx :hugs: I do trust myself cos at the end of the day I know myself best and I've always believed that. Like you I may have wobbled at times but I've always got back on track with the help of Yachica and my friends here. Before that I have nearly always sorted my own head out so it's nice to have others to help me now :thumbsup:

Thanx Mistunderstood I know what ya mean about making sure you know who you are before coming out. I knew who I was when I came out as Lesbian and that was still like a mountain to climb because of family. So I'm far more cautious where that is concerned now.

xx Felix :hugs:

[Question Mark]

Questioning is perfectly healthy. I think that probably one of the worst things you can do is to never question, since then you have a higher chance of going along with little boxes. So, I think you're far from a hypocrite, Felix.

[Felix]

Awww thanx Hun :hugs: :hugs: xx Felix :hugs:

[Tristan]

I agree with Mark. It's better to really think and question things then to just jump in very little thought at all. I guess I'm a big believer of the only you have to live with how you see yourself. Whether that's male or female, a mix of both, or none of the above, your perception's what matters. Try not to worry about the boxes so much, Felix. And who says you can't have your cake and eat it too.

[bi_weird]

Felix, anything I have to say has already been said. You're fine the way you are.
Wren, you're a man after my own heart with that ice cream bit. :-)

[kerrianna]

I think you can see that what you are going through Felix is something a lot of us here experience. I really like what Abraxas had to say about not wanting to lose those important parts too. That's one of the reasons we self-question - it's like pinching ourselves to see if we're dreaming.

As far as what you THINK others might think about you...you know, one thing I'm figuring out as I get older is NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING! We're all running around doing the best we can and making stuff up. Perceptions and ideas are changing all the time. The whole field of TG/TS is in constant flux. You can read a number of differing opinions on how, why, what should be done. There is no right or wrong way of doing ANY of this. And anyone who is judging you is doing just that and ONLY that - judging you based on whatever motives, ideology, etc drives them. That's not about you at all - in fact the only thing it has to do with you and your life is how they impact your day to day decisions...and those you can change at any time. Because in the end that's really ALL you can change - the way you deal with other people's stuff - you're not going to change them by trying to appease or please them. They only change when they want to, not when you want them to.

Felix, man, I really think you're one of the most levelheaded people on this forum. What you're feeling is common. Sometimes I catch myself feeling that way when I'm feeling tired and kinda sad and thinking I don't deserve to be happy.

You, dude, deserve to be happy. :hugs: :love:

[Felix]

Thanx Kerrianna that's made me feel real good inside ya a good friend xx :hugs: