So I Summoned up Courage ...

[Mitch23]

... And asked my wife if i could go to my local support group on Friday. She had never heard of such a thing so we had a very interesting conversation in which i explained all about it, why i wanted to go and what i expected to find there (It would be my first so i dont really know). To my surprise, the discussion was a lot more positive than previously. I have left it with her but i think she will say yes!!!!

Another small step - and again total honesty. i felt very vulnerable about bringing the subject up - i really wanted to just make up an excuse and go but i knew (after discussions with you girls) that it wouldn't be the right and honourable thing to do,

mitch

[Di]

Congrats on being honest with her...it is a very hard scary thing to do. I wish you best wishes....and she might have more questions and some ups and downs. :hugs:

[kittypw GG]

Us wives can be very reasonable. If you let us into your lives and tell us what going to a suport group means to you and tell us what you expect to get from it (you are brilliant Mitch for being so open) we will have nothing to fear from you doing it. I wouldn't be surprised if she would eventually go along with you if you encouraged her. I have said this before but fear really is the driving force behind non-acceptance. If you have the confidence to be open and honest about yourself we have nothing to fear. We can stop using up all that energy fearing and start putting it towards loving and understanding, and that by the way goes both ways. :D :hugs: Kitty

[EricaCD]

Good for you. And I am pleased that you have been able to move the discussions with your wife into a more constructive direction. That's wonderful to hear! Enjoy the meeting....

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Mitch

It's nice to hear that through discussion with your wife you will be able to attend the support group :)

Communication is obviously the key

[Dixie]

Good Going!! Keep the lines of open, honest, and understanding communication open!
:hugs:

[TxKimberly]

. . . exactly the right thing! After you check it out, the next thing you might want to consider is inviting your wife. She may well say no, but it is important to invite her so she knows she is welcome to be a part of this side of you.
After going to a few events and meetings with me, my wife has pretty much decided she would rather sit around and pull her hair out one by one then hang out with a lot of TG folks, but she knows deep down that she is always welcome if she wants to. maybe I attach too much significance to this but I think it is important. No doubt a GG here or there will offer an opinion. (hint , hint)

Kim



... And asked my wife if i could go to my local support group on Friday. She had never heard of such a thing so we had a very interesting conversation in which i explained all about it, why i wanted to go and what i expected to find there (It would be my first so i dont really know). To my surprise, the discussion was a lot more positive than previously. I have left it with her but i think she will say yes!!!!

Another small step - and again total honesty. i felt very vulnerable about bringing the subject up - i really wanted to just make up an excuse and go but i knew (after discussions with you girls) that it wouldn't be the right and honourable thing to do,

mitch

[Mitch23]

then i blew it by switching over when she came into the room while accessing this site!!! just fear i guess and being caught out. so now i've got to let her into that too - i'd love her to meet some of you folks.

so now i've got some more talking to do ....

'sometimes its hard to be a woman'

love

mitch

[Mitch23]

then i blew it by switching over when she came into the room while accessing this site!!! just fear i guess and being caught out. so now i've got to let her into that too - i'd love her to meet some of you folks.

so now i've got some more talking to do ....

'sometimes its hard to be a woman'

love

mitch
and now we've just had that conversation - and yes it was all about trust and honesty. the temperature was a little frosty but i think have learned another lesson. in future if i am going to access this site i shall tell her!

i think i'm learning ....

mitch

[Tree GG]

Careful. You are not, should not be asking for permission. As a wife, it goes a loooooooong way just to be given the option of inclusion. Instead of switching the screen, say something like "I'm on CD.com, wanna take a look?"

I'd bet a fair amount that you'll get a quick glance at the screen, a peck on the cheek and a "No thanks, hun" or a "Maybe later".

If you act like there's nothing to be ashamed of, afraid of or hidden, she will care less and trust you at your word.

Good luck


and now we've just had that conversation - and yes it was all about trust and honesty. the temperature was a little frosty but i think have learned another lesson. in future if i am going to access this site i shall tell her!

i think i'm learning ....

mitch

[susie evans]

a lot of good advice i can be on here and the wife comes in and asks what i'am doing i tell here some times she will look at a few posts but most of the time she says how are the other girls doing and goes about her bussines :hugs:

susie

[Mitch23]

thats great advice susie - thats what i should have done and what i will do in future - i guess the furtiveness and feelings of guilt and shame are so well ingrained that honesty and integrity take a little time to develop. i think its so important for our continuing relationship!

mitch

[Billijo49504]

Fantastic!!! I'm glad to hear that you are telling the truth. It's much easier to remember what you said. My puter is in the dining room, so if my wife walks through, she can see what I'm doing. She looks at some of the pictures, and says she's cute. Is that a girl or a guy? Then she asks what is Karren wearing now? What's really fun, is going shopping with your wife, for both of you. That's really a rush....BJ

[ErikaLeigh]

I tried to make an excuse for over a year to go (and never did). My wife recently found out about me, so I asked if I could go, she was a little apprehensive, but said OK. Funny thing is she actually asked me the other day if I was going to the next one. So bottom line, being honest is so much better and knowing my wife knew where I was was even better.

[sterling12]

It's a darn good idea to try and involve your wife, if that's possible. In a lot of these groups the wives often have their own meeting, parallel to The Gurl's Meeting. I know that's certainly true in Tri-Ess Groups. Of course if she wants to stay with you, that's OK too.

I also believe that most of the wives and S.O.'s feel a whole lot more positive about "the situation" after they talk and commiserate with other women who share their thoughts and ideas about CD husbands and B.F.s in their lives.

If nothing else, she will get some idea about how benign the whole thing is. No orgies, no weird practices, usually no weird people. If she eventually gets bored with it, been my experience that once they know what's going on, they aren't worried about hubby being there without them. She will probably figure it beats the heck out of some other possibilities that you might be up to, if not attending a meeting.

Hey, I'm really happy for you.....enjoy!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Mitch23]

I tried to make an excuse for over a year to go (and never did). My wife recently found out about me, so I asked if I could go, she was a little apprehensive, but said OK. Funny thing is she actually asked me the other day if I was going to the next one. So bottom line, being honest is so much better and knowing my wife knew where I was was even better.
Yes - i'm determined that my wife will know at all times where i am going and what i am doing. no more little secrets and lies. and you know what - its already improved our relationship a million times by greater levels of communication. and she loves me still.

and also i've taken a vow of chastity. only she is able to access my sexuality now. so no more porn for me - no maam!

love mitch

[TxKimberly]

. . . My wife was walking by as I was reading this! I swear, no joke - talk about timing! She DID look over my shoulder and she said "yep, exactly right!"



Careful. You are not, should not be asking for permission. As a wife, it goes a loooooooong way just to be given the option of inclusion. Instead of switching the screen, say something like "I'm on CD.com, wanna take a look?"

I'd bet a fair amount that you'll get a quick glance at the screen, a peck on the cheek and a "No thanks, hun" or a "Maybe later".

If you act like there's nothing to be ashamed of, afraid of or hidden, she will care less and trust you at your word.

Good luck

[Eva Diva]

and also i've taken a vow of chastity. only she is able to access my sexuality now. so no more porn for me - no maam!

love mitch


No porn? Now there's a huge step! :D

[Roxi Loh]

Sneaking around does not work. If you want to do something discuss it girl...Great job girl.

[Mitch23]

My wife told me today that my son (aged 10) has been wearing her perfume and using her jewellery! she raised her eyes to heaven long sufferingly and said 'and all i wanted was a normal family!'

I sort of get a like father like son feeling!

mitch

[Carin's Wife GG]

. . . exactly the right thing! After you check it out, the next thing you might want to consider is inviting your wife. She may well say no, but it is important to invite her so she knows she is welcome to be a part of this side of you.
After going to a few events and meetings with me, my wife has pretty much decided she would rather sit around and pull her hair out one by one then hang out with a lot of TG folks, but she knows deep down that she is always welcome if she wants to. maybe I attach too much significance to this but I think it is important. No doubt a GG here or there will offer an opinion. (hint , hint)

Kim

not only am I on here more often than Carin (poor girl has to work to support this ginormous family) I LOVE being among the transgendered. I find the group (in general) really interesting and different. Intelligent, diverse, comples, all the factors that turn me on, lol.

Told you girls I was a little nutty!



Louise.

[Mitch23]

... And asked my wife if i could go to my local support group on Friday. She had never heard of such a thing so we had a very interesting conversation in which i explained all about it, why i wanted to go and what i expected to find there (It would be my first so i dont really know). To my surprise, the discussion was a lot more positive than previously. I have left it with her but i think she will say yes!!!!

Another small step - and again total honesty. i felt very vulnerable about bringing the subject up - i really wanted to just make up an excuse and go but i knew (after discussions with you girls) that it wouldn't be the right and honourable thing to do,

mitch
So I went and it was great - about 40 of us including about 6 other halves. Really liberating to be amongst so many similar folks - a really nice crowd. some of the girls are really good musicians so we had some music, coffee and biscuits, loads of chat and lots of opportunities to network.

When i got home - wife was asleep but rolled over and asked me how it went - i went to sleep a very happy bunny! This morning was kind of interesting. despite me having explained it very carefully, she seems to have got the idea that it was some kind of AA meeting where we would all sit round in a circle and share our success in kicking our nasty little habit. Then it kicked in that everyone was dressed and i was dressed - she found that very freaky. strange because shes an intelligent woman - must be a denial thing. when i wanted a cuddle she said she didnt know if she wanted to cuddle a girl. later on she asked if i had used the flannel - well er erm, yes actually! In future can you use cotton balls and baby lotion!

so i guess were still on the right track and im keeping up with openness and honesty but i suppose these kind of reactions are to be expected

mitch

[dds]

Mitch
I am very impressed with your openness and courage! I told my SO that I was interested in going to a support meeting and, at first, he said that that would be OK with him. After a little conversation, I mentioned something like "but I don't have anything to wear" and he was shocked to think that people went to the meetings dressed. I was surprised, like you, that he wouldn't just assume that people at the meeting were dressed. Once he heard that, he started thinking that the whole idea of a meeting was somehow ridiculous, which really crushed my confidence. I still haven't been able to convince myself to go to a meeting, but we have talked about it since then and he is a bit more supportive again. Maybe someday!

[DAVIDA]

Hi Mitch,
I have always thought that the truth is the best path to take.

Now there is always the times like when Jean asks me if the pants make her butt look big. They don't, but I tell her "yes" anyway!

[Mitch23]

Hi Mitch,
I have always thought that the truth is the best path to take.

Now there is always the times like when Jean asks me if the pants make her butt look big. They don't, but I tell her "yes" anyway!


and on the same note, I've decided that if Mitch wants to buy girlie things, then Mitch is going to have to go out and buy them for herself. Yes the thought scares her rigid but its dishonest of her to expect Mike to go out there and buy things for her on some pretext or another. And if some things need to come via the internet then wife is going to know just in case Mitch is not around when they arrive or if wife doesnt approve. So is that a bold step or what ....


mitch

[Sheri 4242]

Us wives can be very reasonable. If you let us into your lives and tell us what going to a suport group means to you and tell us what you expect to get from it (you are brilliant Mitch for being so open) we will have nothing to fear from you doing it.

Mitch: Kitty is right! You have got to give your wife a chance to reasonably participate -- from simply knowing what you are thinking and doing, all the way to possible participation in the forum and the natural support of her peer group. It would be my hope that you could get your wife to join this forum and thus be able to have heart-to-heart talks with the GGs.


not only am I on here more often than Carin (poor girl has to work to support this ginormous family) I LOVE being among the transgendered. I find the group (in general) really interesting and different. Intelligent, diverse, comples, all the factors that turn me on, lol. Told you girls I was a little nutty.

Mitch: Louise is NOT -- repeat N-O-T, not -- nutty!!! She is a shining example of why your wife needs to be encouraged to join the other GGs on the forum! Just as we CDs come with diffrent histories, thoughts, and desires, our GGs are no less diverse -- and that can be tremendously helpful to your wife!!! (And, BTW, if it helps your wife with her comprehension and understanding, it WILL help you in the long run!!!)

Look at it this way: most GGs I know receive tremendous help by being able to discuss all aspects of our CDing with other GGs who "have been there and have the t-shirt." You want your wife's support and encouragement?!!? Obviously, you aren't going to get it if she feels -- real or imagined -- that you are being less than forthcoming! You place yourself in a potential win-win situation by (a.) being honest, and (b.) trying to get your wife to talk to other GGs who can explain things as she needs to hear them (b/c they speak from experience and not what "might" be considered to be a self-serving point of view)!!! It doesn't matter that our GGs might ave different "takes" on CDing. Kitty might look at things one way while Louise has an entirely different perspective. Your wife can handle that as long as she feels she's inside the loop!

Good luck!!!!!!!

[Mitch23]

great posts guys - you are all sooooo encouraging and speak with so much wisdom! 6 months ago, our marriage was going to the dogs - and now its fantastic!

love

mitch

[kimdresses]

I think you are doing a great job of being honest and upfront with your wife. Think about inviting her to the next meeting. Let her know that other spouses are there and that talking to them might help. Good Luck Mitch.

[TxKimberly]

and on the same note, I've decided that if Mitch wants to buy girlie things, then Mitch is going to have to go out and buy them for herself. . . its dishonest of her to expect Mike to go out there and buy things for her on some pretext or another.. . .

mitch

Assuming that "Mike" is you in male mode, I'll be darned if I see anything dishonest in your bying girl things while in male mode. If YOU feel it is dishonest to use "some pretext or another" then don't! Go buy what you want and offer no excuse to anyone.

Kim

[Sheri 4242]

Assuming that "Mike" is you in male mode, I'll be darned if I see anything dishonest in your bying girl things while in male mode. If YOU feel it is dishonest to use "some pretext or another" then don't! Go buy what you want and offer no excuse to anyone.

Kim

I agree with Kim. Assuming "Mike" is you, there is nothing wrong with buying girl things while in male attire.

[krisla]

Mitch

I admire your honesty, I also go to a support group and my wife also approves, but I also thinks we are trying to kick the habit. Just today I told her don't go into a certain closet unless she wants to see Krisla's wardrobe. But I also told her anytime you have questions just ask. Don't get me wrong I love my wife and I am cool with the way things are, I can ne Krisla almost anythime I want and she does not complain. I wish you and the family the best

Krisla

[krisla]

Mitch

I admire your honesty, I also go to a support group and my wife also approves, but I also thinks we are trying to kick the habit. Just today I told her don't go into a certain closet unless she wants to see Krisla's wardrobe. But I also told her anytime you have questions just ask. Don't get me wrong I love my wife and I am cool with the way things are, I can Be Krisla almost anythime I want and she does not complain. I wish you and the family the best

Krisla

[Mitch23]

Assuming that "Mike" is you in male mode, I'll be darned if I see anything dishonest in your bying girl things while in male mode. If YOU feel it is dishonest to use "some pretext or another" then don't! Go buy what you want and offer no excuse to anyone.

Kim
Good point! I think if you make statements like that, you've got to see them through!!!! I'm getting ready for my second 'day out' and already I'm starting to rethink that one. I suppose it depends what you are buying - some you can get away with, some you're better going en femme anyway. i suppose the word is again 'honesty' - not being bashful about it being for you.

mitch

[Mitch23]

And here, I hope, is a piccy of me taken a few minutes ago just before my second outing. wish me luck girls!

mitch

[Mitch23]

Hi,

just got back - thought i would share. Didn't go quite as well as Id hoped - felt very timid and vulnerable. in fact got back into the car and nearly drove home but put my sunglasses on and felt a little safer behind them. relaxed a bit bought some lunch then some frillies (a first for me). I think the problem was i was wearing a more boyish outfit last time with jeans and a top but this time tights with culottes over (knee length formal shorts). also my makeup wasnt brill today - looked more like a drag queen! Did see another cd and wanted to chat but she clearly didnt want to know which was a pity. still a great experience - must persevere - really do need to link up with others and go out together!

mitch

[KatieC]

And here, I hope, is a piccy of me taken a few minutes ago just before my second outing. wish me luck girls!

mitch

Looks like I missed the chance to wish you good luck, but I think your look great in the photo you shared. I wish I looked half a good!

-Katie

[NIKKI99]

Hi,

Like the look. Enjoy reading about your trips out. Maybe in the future I may be that brave but I have a lot of things to sort out (including telling my wife) before I get that far. I do like those patterned tights and have been meaning to buy a pair of those.

Love Nikki.

[Mitch23]

Now I've got a bit of a dilemma which i hope you girls can advise on. I've been invited to an all girls work do next month as a honorary girl - just as long as i ... you've guessed! We'll do a show and a meal and i cant wait.

They have plans to dress me and make me up! I either have to risk the consequences and possibly end up looking rather unfortunate, or politely decline their offer and come as Mitch.

I dont think anyone would be that surprised if i did, but would it not only spoil their fun or introduce a different element to the evening?

mitch

[sandra-leigh]

I suppose it depends what you are buying - some you can get away with, some you're better going en femme anyway. i suppose the word is again 'honesty' - not being bashful about it being for you.



I can't think of anything at the moment that I can't "get away with" buying in drab. While in drab, I've bought panties, skirts, dresses, wigs, makeup, had femme clothes made, even had complete bra fittings.

People I interact with don't seem to have much trouble "reading" me, and it isn't just that I haven't even tried for a femme voice (I've been recognized 25 feet away across a dim crowded room). One thing to consider is: if there is a noticable chance of being read, then is it better to try to buy those things you were referring to en femme and risk being seen as "trying to get away with" "disguising yourself" to buy them, or is it better to just go in drab and be honest about it?

[Mitch23]

sorry to follow up on my own post - i guess i think too much.

I didn't express it very well first time but my fear is that up to now, my cd activity has been pretty much behind closed doors with my recent forays into the world ie 2 shopping trips to the big city and one support group meeting being scary but with little possibility of being recognised. The girls at work know i'm wierd and there has been much good natured banter about 'being in touch with my feminine side'. If i let the girls dress me up for the night out, then i can allow that to continue and that would be the safe course.

If on the other hand, I go out as Mitch, then it will be quite obvious that i am a 'professional' crossdresser and i have effectively outed myself. I live in a small community and i think that if i did this, then there would be no going back and i would have to consider whether I and my family are ready for the consequences of outing.

I think i know what i must do, but i would really value your advice and guidance please!!

mitch

[Mitch23]

A few more hesitant steps along the journey today. Went to plymouth for the third time in four weeks today. just got back so writing this while fresh in my mind. decided to be more interractive this time. Got dressed and made up at home and then got into the car - no disguises or subterfuge this time - just straight in and away - probably the scariest bit!

Got to the big city - headed for debenhams which i'd heard on another site have a tolerant cd policy. chose a great looking top and pants and decided that this time i was going to enquire about the fitting rooms. said would there be a problem if i used them - got a why would it be a problem - then she clicked and her jaw dropped. tried on the gear, looked great so bought it and had a laugh with her! Felt great - my first time in ladies changing!

Feeling well chuffed - went round looking for summer sandals but didnt find any. felt very confident and sexy - even managed a wiggle! stopped for a bit of lunch where i had previously been - think i'm becoming a minor celeb there - all chatty and friendly. Finally headed for M&S where i enquired about some concealer and foundation as beard concealer. the girl was brilliant. helped me choose, applied it for me and showed me the results - amazing. said that they sometimes get guys in and i could come in for a makeover and beauty advice anytime. she said i looked great and i think she meant it!

Anyway - time was pressing so i returned home, parked in the drive and straight into the house - did a few pics and then my adventure was over!

mitch