cought wearing a bra

[tiffanysharon]

I did a bad thing today. I wore a bra under my work shirt and jacket. A woman I work with patted me on the back and gave me a little rub telling me what a good worker I was, as she was rubbing her hand up and down my dack. She stoped on my bra three times when her face got red and she left quickly.. What should I do?

[rose382832]

stop wearing the work shirt and wear a mini skirt? not serious no idea but what the heck it might work, or you could ask her for some wardrobe tips.

[MJ]

well it's time for total truth between you. she knows you should sit her down and tell her..

[TxKimberly]

well it's time for total truth between you. she knows you should sit her down and tell her..

Looks like the cats outta the bag. You have no idea what she may think of Cross dressers or you being one, so a candid conversation may help if she is comfortable talking about it. I'll bet her mind and imagination can easily put pictures in her head that are far "worse" than the reality.

Kim

[marie354]

A similar thing happened to me about 10 years ago.

The secretary where I worked was also in charge of renting the apartments and rooms that the company had. One day, for whatever reason she had, she went into my apartment looking through my drawers. I never knew what she was looking for. But she found all my girlie things. (Bras, panties, etc...) She was always nice to me... Until then. She has hated me ever since. (I know that 'hate' is a strong word, but...)

You have to play it by ear and see if things change before you jump to conclusions. Just wait & see how it goes for now.
:hugs:

[jennig]

Hi and good luck with the bra issue. mabey telling her a little white lie is in order. Like the outher day when you rubed my back I noticed you touched my back brace and then you got red in the face and walked away and I just wanted to ask you why! I hate to lie but if you tell her the truth she might out you at work. well just a thought.
huggs jennig:2c:

[MJ]

you touched my back brace
please please be honest the woman knows the difference between a bra and a back brace, like someone who went out with mascara on when the girl notice he said NO !!!!!! girls know they are not dumb
and then you wonder why the gg get mad at us don't lie about it

[Stephanie Anne]

I wish I could say that sitting down and talking it out would work but I don't know your work situation or the openess of this woman. She either was embarresed that she invaded your space or excited that she caught you.

I would take it very carefully and judge her behavior before you try and confront the issue. She will either accept it or reject it but the most important thing is to not let it stop you from doing what you love.

I also don't know you enough to give too much advice but you either will use this as a wake up to realize that work and home are two seperate things or that you need to be more open about who you really are.

I agree with MJ that if confronted (in a mature and rational way) that you be honest. I have a feeling this women is far more embarresed than you are and has no intention of adding to it.

Stay as calm as you can and don't panic ;)

[Alice B]

You must talk to her and as soon as possible, in an open and friendly way. If you don't she may talk to others and cause greater problems.:happy:

[Stephenie S]

I agree with Viktoriya. Why do you have to discuss your underwear with anyone? It seems to me that it's nobody's business. I would do nothing. Underwear is not an appropriate subject to discuss in the workplace.

Do you question what others wear? No? then why would someone question your underwear? . . . . . . OK, so you think she has already questioned it and is likely to start talking about your underwear around the shop. So maybe you should not wear a bra to work. I guess it's sort of like "If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen", isn't it?

Well, many of us do wear women's underwear to work and many of us don't want anyone to know about it. So wear panties, wear pantyhose, wear stuff you can hide. But a bra! Geez, girl. Just look around you. You can't hide a bra! Half the population wears them and it's just SO obvious. EVERYONE can see a bra. What ever were you thinking? You just can't hide the fact that you are wearing a bra.

Now, seriously, you did ask what we think you should do about it now. I say do nothing. Don't do anything at all. The damage, if any, is done. At least one person at work knows about it. Maybe she will gossip and maybe she won't but what's done is done, now. Bringing up the subject again is sure to get it talked about. Just leave it alone. And, unless you plan on becoming more comfortable with others knowing that you do wear a bra occasionally, I would leave the bra at home in the future.

Stephenie

[marie354]

You shouldn't discuss anything until you're sure. STOP WORRYING! It may be nothing after she's thought about for a while. After all... People are people... Well, you know what I mean. Just relax and take it one step at a time and I'm sure it will work out... Maybe she will be a good shopping buddy.
:hugs:

[Victoria Anne]

I must agree with the other girls,be honest,don't I repeat don't lie about it. Look I was buying panties one day when this woman behind me started to give me some static and the woman checker said dont worry about it sweetie, we all wear them and that was it, no big deal,just reax and be honest

[Alice Torn]

I would not wear one, to work, at all. Sadly, the cruel double standards, are here, may always be. A guy found out wearing women's clothes, or underwear, at work, will be marked. A woman wearing men's clothes, is totally accepted, at work places.

[Carin]

I think you could go to her and ask her if she is OK, that she seemed to be upset when she was in your office yesterday. That opens the door. If she is receptive to more discussion, you can say that you think you frightened her and you did not man to.

[Kate Simmons]

I prefer to tell everyone on a "need to know" basis. It's like talking to the IRS, they don't ask, you don't volunteer information, just answer the question.:happy:

[CathyLee]

Don't Worry about it I have not gone without Wearing a bra and panties for about two years! When I am at home on my days off I wear a camp shirt and a sleevless mock turtleneck, and women's jeans, and a pair of shoes with a 2 and 1/4 inch heel. I have NOmen's underwear of any find, and I do not want any:D

[UASIANGAL]

I'm really curious as to how no one noticed up in the front. Loose clothes? On the main topic, I would not say anything. I don't know what kind of environment you work in so to play it safe, I would not come out with it to anyone or her. She is not 100% sure of anything at the moment. You can say you wear a man bra because you have man breasts if she ever confronts you. There are such cases. I would not confess as I don't get that she is a close and caring friend. Worst case, if she came out in the open at work, you can sue for sexual harassment. If a man brushed a woman's back a few times at work, he can be sued so it works both ways. (Seriously hope this will never happen). I'd stick to wearing panties to work if I have the urge. Nowaday, so many boys undies looks like girls undies anyhow. HOM and Calvin Klein has tongs for guys. Now how fem is that!

Good luck! I hope I didn't sound silly!
Uasia

[Jere Oneil]

I used to wear one to work in the winter, when I wore heavy shirts and jackets. As for your situation, wait to see if her attitude changes towards you. If it does, ask her why she is treating you differently and if she says anything about the bra, just say you were afraid it was about that. Then explain to her that you have a rash around your nipples and your shirt rubbing against them causes you a lot of irritation and pain. It was almost unbearable until you decided to try a bra, and it has helped a lot..

[RachelDenise]

I like Carin's idea. It opens the door if she wants to talk and also shows her that you're sensitive. Could be the best syuggestion as to how to approach the problem. I don't think letting it sit there until something bad happens is the right way. Be honest and give information. No sexual overtones!

[Carroll]

"the thing is, I lost a bet with a friend and the loser had to wear a bra for the whole day" or just tell her the truth

[Michelle 51]

Too late to do much now dear.I don't underdress with a bra for that reason.I did once at work and same thing.A girl came up and gave me a hug and a big hello and then a funny look on her face but she never said anything.Same day i tell a joke and a guy puts his hand on my shoulder and says thats a good one.Now i'll only wear panties Much safer Justabit

[Staci G]

If you had been the one rubbing her back and stopping at her bra she could have easily had a suit filed against you. She had no business rubbing any part of you. Not that it is not a bad thing understand BUT All is fair in crossdressing!! If she says something to you ar anyone else you might ask her in private why was she rubbing you and you feel violated, it might make her think twice before she says something to the wrong person..

[Teresa Amina]

One day, for whatever reason she had, she went into my apartment looking through my drawers. I never knew what she was looking for

Money? Jewelry? Were other tenants missing things? Think you had a thief there, and the last I heard was that kind of thing was illegal.

[MJ]

i feel honesty is the best policy if you lie then you have to make up more lies you can end the cycle and be true

[DeeInGeorgia]

As an engineer, I expect to not be touched by anyone at any time. If they have a problem with what they feel when they touch me, that is their problem, but I will say nothing, other than express my displeasure with them touching me if it is more than I am comfortable with.

If someone were to ask me about it, now that I have time to think about it, I would mention that that is an inappropriate question for a business environment. If asked outside of work, I would say I have a medical condition that I do not want to talk about.

Dee

[karynspanties]

I would not wear one either. I do wear panties and a co-worker saw the waist band about two weeks ago. He actually works for me in my department. He did not say anything to anyone as far as I know. I am a designer in the plastic mold industry. Very macho environment. So if he did, I would have heard by now. Ever since that day, he has been more attentive. He will roll over to my desk in his chair whenever he gets a chance. I am sure he is just trying to see something. I did notice he was wearing black nylon one day. I do not know if they were male or female underwear. I think maybe female. I wear panties every day (don't have any male anymore) and I have deliberately let the lace show. He has noticed but not said anything. Bottom line, if you don't want poeple you work with to know, don't wear anything femme. Because sooner or later, they will notice.

[joann07]

Sorry you got caught, but like everyone else said.
Its better not to wear one, while at work.

I got caught by a co-worker, but not because I was wearing a bra.
I wear pantyhose all the time and, one day, I had taken off my shoe to adjust the seam of my pantyhose on my toes.
My co-worker came up behind me and I could see his eye widen.
He asked me if I was wearing stockings and I tried to deny it by saying that I was wearing some special thermal socks.
Well, to make a long story short, the next day I told him the truth and said that it was pantyhose that I'm wearing.
I reassured him that I wasn't gay, or anything, and that I love to wear pantyhose and that's all.
He said that he has no problem with it and that he was just jokingly giving me a hard time.
He said that I have the right to wear whatever I want and so we left it at that. He hasn't said a word about it since and this has been over a year go.

[MsJanessa]

Don't do or say anything youre not comfortable with----first of all, what is said above is correct---she has no business giving you a "back rub" at work---it is sexually harrassment if its unwelcomed---secondly what you choose to wear for underwear is your business, not any body elses---I bet she will never bring the matter up and hopefully she will be cured of her touchy feely habit.

[JoAnnDallas]

I wear panties, pantyhose, bra, and camie a lot under my clothes at work. Sometimes instead of pantyhose, I'll wear a garter belt and stockings. Then too I also wear a white lab coat, so that hides a lot. I have my own office and I don't walk around the building a lot, so I minimize my exposer.

[katia]

I wouldn't say anything but leave the bra at home, if she tells anyone they will come up to you and pat you on the back to check for themselves and when they don't find anything they won't believe it.:rolleyes:
If you want to tell the truth i can see it getting around your work place in days ,you know what these women are like :heehee:

[Lisa Golightly]

I wouldn't do anything.

[EricaCD]

First of all, everyone: whether what the other woman did was sexual harrassment depends on a LOT of factors as to which we have no knowledge. While I generally agree that between the sexes, the workplace is best protected by a hands-off philosophy, a bunch of armchair lawyering is not helping our friend with her problem.

Tiffanysharon - I think it boils down to this. If you are confident that the woman would not tell any other person what she learned about you (or if you don't care if she did tell others), then I would not say anything.

If you are not so confident about that, your best chance (and it's not a sure thing) to prevent your secret from leaking further is to talk to her asap. I would just say something like:

1. As you probably figured out, I am a crossdresser.
2. I didn't think it would be any sort of issue - really hadn't expected to be found out by a back rub (and if she views this as a subtle reminder that her conduct may have been inappropriate, so much the better)
3. I would be grateful if you would not let anyone know about this

And I'd have that talk mighty fast...before her tongue gets loosened by a few after work drinks or whatever.

Erica

[Sweet Jane]

I would do nothing

[Katrina]

I would probably act like nothing happened. I know that a back rub from a co-worker, male or female, puts that person at risk for sexual harassment issues, but she may also have serious issues with crossdressers too. That may be the reason she bolted. Also, your under garments are none of her business.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

I too have worn a bra to work. I have been patted on the shoulder many times, but not on the back. I agree that what you wear is your business, BUT unfortunately, it can affect your job if people find out.

I have also learned that it is best if I do not tell you what to do. There are many suggestions in this tread. you have to decide what is right for you and act on it.

Good luck,

Kim

[Dixie]

Man that's a tough one. My standard answer has always been that I lost a bet with the wife, and have to wear a bra for a week and do the dishes, if I were to get caught. But I haven't been caught yet, at least to my knowledge, so I haven't tried it out to see if it works.

[TxKimberly]

I think you could go to her and ask her if she is OK, that she seemed to be upset when she was in your office yesterday. That opens the door. If she is receptive to more discussion, you can say that you think you frightened her and you did not man to.

This is a great idea. It lets you approach the issue while giving you plenty of wiggle room.
Kim

[Jenny Wilson]

Man that's a tough one. My standard answer has always been that I lost a bet with the wife, and have to wear a bra for a week and do the dishes, if I were to get caught. But I haven't been caught yet, at least to my knowledge, so I haven't tried it out to see if it works.


Well, with my luck, since my wife doesn't know I crossdress, whomever I used that excuse with would someday run into my wife and ask her about the bet, and then the cat would be out of the bag. And I hate cats, in or out of bags. Gimme a good ol' dog any day.

Jenny

PS: Actually, a cat in a bag isn't that bad of an idea. At least they couldn't piss on the rug if they're trapped in the bag. Now please, you cat lovers... Don't call the SPCA on me. I didn't say I actually keep cats in bags.

[Jenny Wilson]

Well, many of us do wear women's underwear to work and many of us don't want anyone to know about it. So wear panties, wear pantyhose, wear stuff you can hide. But a bra! Geez, girl. Just look around you. You can't hide a bra! Half the population wears them and it's just SO obvious. EVERYONE can see a bra. What ever were you thinking? You just can't hide the fact that you are wearing a bra.

Stephenie

I agree about a bra being SO obvious. Maybe it's because of how I'm wired, but I spot bras on women all of the time. Sometimes the top or dress they're wearing is sheer and you can see the color contrast. Sometimes the bra band is too tight and it "prints" through their top, even if the material is thicker, such as a sweater.

I know that I'm paranoid about someone seeing my straps, but they aren't bra straps. I can't see how my straps print through my shirt (a blue oxford button down dress shirt, sized to be loose) since they're in back, but the friends I've asked claim they don't see the straps. So far, so good. I know when I look in the mirror I see telltale bulges on each side at my "love handle" area, but then, I know what I'm looking for. I'm working on reducing the love handles, so there should be less of a bulge on each side in the future, unless I change over from the PPK/s to a full size, double stack .45 and a pair of its thick mags. In the meantime, I guess the fact that I'm "packing heat" is invisible. Imagine the shock of someone who innocently gives me a hug and feels the concealed artillery. LOL!

Which is worse? Innocently rubbing or hugging someone (a guy) and finding a bra, or finding a gun? Or better, finding both!

For the time being, I'll stick with just the shoulder holster and skip the bra. The panties are there though.

Jenny

[KELLYANN]

HMMM. GIVING YOU A LITTLE BACK RUB? MAYBE SHE LIKES YOU IN A SPECIAL WAY. I WOULD ASK. just my :2c:

[Sweet Jeanette]

Ive been caught wearing a bra, - at our local Walmart! :eek:
I walked in, wearing my blue shirt, and forgot to button up the front of my shirt.
The black bra was "Highly prominent", when I went to the bathroom & looked in the mirror!!!! :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

[TeRe]

I have gotten to the point where I wear a bra to work every day and was real careful to only wear a racer back bra...because of the closure being on the front so the only real telling fact were the two adjusters on my shoulders. Well one day a bra i ordered from a great bra/pantie store was a back closure...i was a bit mad but it was so gosh darn cute i kept it. I got bored with all my RBs that i said what the heck...i dont care ... wouldnt you know it that day someone patted my back at work right on the closure (think it was my boss letting me know he was behind me and not to back up. I work in a deli -- coldcut department) But even with him brushing against me and even still does it today, i wonder if he knows whats on my body... and if he knows I dont care at least I'm happy and glad that he remined my of my wonderful taste in clothing. I'm me and I aint gonna let anyone stop me (well almost no one have to be careful around family)
TeRe

[Sally2005]

I say don't worry about it. Unless she saw it and you removed your top to show her and confirm that it was a bra who is to say it is. It could be a bra, a back brace, a wire, a camera strap, a peice of gum stuck on your shirt, etc. etc. I wouldn't even entertain an excuse. If she or anyone else says anything, just deny it and ask why they think that is the case and why it is important to them? Now if they don't leave you alone, then start recording incidents and talk to your HR about being harrassed for something someone thinks they felt on you... but probably the best is to jokingly deny...'ya ya, very funny, I don't know what you thought you felt, but it is not what you think it is'...

[Jere Oneil]

Maybe both. I recall seeing a bra holster somewhere that would hold a small .380 auto.

[Cheyenne]

Once I wore a bra to work. I had to wear the company's white polo. I had a white t-shirt underneath then a bra. I didn't think it showed that much but it must have because a few people called me ma'am as I was bagging their groceries! I was on edge all day after that.

[Gloria Wetson]

I haven't been caught wearing a bra since I was a young teenager, but it turned out OK. I used to dress in my mothers underwear, clothes, nightgowns, etc, when I was home alone depending on what I felt like at the time. We lived on the third floor of an apartment building, so I was sure no one could see me, and I didn't pull down the blinds. One day, while I was outside I passed a group of boys a little older than me. One pointed at me and yelled out, "He wears a bra". I kept on walking, but noticed that no one cared, or possibly no one believed him. I never heard another word about it. Hopefully you will have the same result.
Love,
Gloria

[MsJanessa]

Since we are both lawyers, it is not unusual that we would disagree(after all that's what attorneys do) Let me suggest that if any one gave a co-worker an uninvited back rub, and the victim felt uncomfortable with it, then the coworker is guilty of sexual harassment and it would be the rare judge and/or jury who would buy the "many other factors" defense. More importantly very few HR managers in either the public or private sectors would take that kind of complaint lightly---if Tiffany were to complain, I'm sure the co-worker would be disciplined---all that is needed to maintain a complaint for sexual harassment is an uninvited touching of a personal,intimentt nature which the victim is uncomfortable with. My advice to Tiffany would remain the same--unless you trust the co-worker enough not to out yourself completely, its better just to say nothing---chances are she is as embarrassed about it as much as T---and after all what is she going to tell people "I was putting the moves on a guy at work and felt his bra strap"? If T thinks that despite this the co-worker is the chatty type, then perhaps the best thing to do is to tell the woman upfront that she doesn't appreciate the uninvited back rubs and please don't do it again, as she feels very uncomfortable about it---don't have to discuss your private crossdressing with her, but still gives her the definite message that she has crossed the line and that if it continues and she doens't just drop it, there will be consequences. btw If Tiffany lived in Maine she would be under the protection of the Maine Human Rights Act which prohibits discrimination in the workplace based on gender expression or identity That would include harassment by coworkers that the management didn't take effective measures to stop. A couple of years ago in my workplace at mtf TS janitor was taking a ribbing from other members of her crew--she complained to mangement and it stopped

[ashlee chiffon]

i would never say anything until she brought it up...obviously, there is very little explanation necessary, unless you choose to make up a story...but she'll probably see thru that! If she asks, just say you wanted to see what it was like to wear a bra...its a half truth...and to please not say anything to anyone else...
you were busted! its part of the intrigue...no?

[JoAnnDallas]

Found out that the year before I came to work here, that one of the ladies filed a sexual discrimination suit against the company due to someone touching her in a way she did not like. As result they now have a 0 tolerance policy toward touching another person. The only exception is handshaking. You can shake another persons hand, but that is it. One can not even touch another co-worker on the shoulder to get thier attention, let alone pats on the back. In fact I noticed the other day, one of my co-workers was passing an object to another co-worker. He had to set it down and romove his hand from it before the other co-worker could pick it up.

[Mitch23]

wore one to work under a shapeless fleece - very confident that i was going to get away with it. lucky i realised that i was going swimming in the afternoon!!! those marks sure took a long time to go away :->

mitch

[samantha78]

I have a back brace that hooks up kist like a bra and I have to use it under my pecks cause i had taken out my back. The snaps in the back are like hard so it presses against my nerve in my back releiving pressure!(or something like that) just tell them thats what it is if they ask

[carolinewalker_2000]

I wouldn't recommend starting a conversation about your underwear, but if you continue to wear a bra to work there is a good chance she will "catch you out again" and if she raises the issue, you should give her an honest reply. Who knows you might find you have a friend who is willing to help with your transformation. Good luck!

[Julie York]

You people are so stupid sometimes.
:eek:








The original post passes the Julie York test perfectly.

[Paulette66]

I have to ask why did you wear it to work in the first place? I know it can be exciting but you don't know how people will react. There's a lot of screwed up people out there (and I don't mean US!) now you have the worry of what happens next and little control over the outcome.
I hope she turns out to be very open minded and understanding but I would say nothing unless she raises the subject.

[sandyz]

I did a bad thing today. I wore a bra under my work shirt and jacket. A woman I work with patted me on the back and gave me a little rub telling me what a good worker I was, as she was rubbing her hand up and down my dack. She stoped on my bra three times when her face got red and she left quickly.. What should I do?

Hi Tiffanysharon...just ignore her and she will go away

[Missy]

ok leave it alone do not bring it up
if she dose ask about it be honest and keep it simple
I wear one about 90 per cent of the time
even at work if it is no big deal to you then it well be no big deal to others

Missy

[stormrider]

First of all, while I seldom hug or pat or rub anyone, I don't really mind anyone doing it to me. In fact I like it from both men and women. It is a sign of affection to me not sexual harrasment. I also wear a bra to work on occasion and I like how it supports what little breasts I have. Although your eyes are open now about the risk involved, don't feel forced to stop. I had an incident a couple of years ago with a man who grabbed the back of my jeans and obviously saw and felt my pantyhose (I won't go into detail, but it was a necessary thing for him to do). He didnt' say anything, neither did I, and the subject has never come up in subsequent converstions. I sometime wonder if that had been any of the other people in the group. Would I have been outed on the spot? I honestly can't say, but I appreciate his silence and am still wearing pantyhose to work almost evey day.
I would strongly suggest what you may already have done, be yourself with her. You have done nothing wrong and neither has she, neither of you NEED to address what may have been an embarrassing situation for you both. If she wants to discuss it, she may open up to you in private about it. If she is put out about it, that is not your problem. Obviously she likes you as a person and respects you as a worker. Being the same person and worker you were before the incident will reenforce that in her mind. Good luck

Michelle

[Mindys91503]

While I do understand the desire to dress, when I see a post like this my first thought is "Do not put yourself in a position like this."

While I understand the strong desire to dress all the time as I have them too I also believe that for me to dress I need to make sure that things are taken care of financially that means doing nothing to put my position at work at risk. While our goal is acceptance we know that it probably will not come so we need to be careful.

Why would someone that does not want to be found out wear a bra to work? That opens the door to being found out! I feel if we are going to dress we need to be responsible with it and treat it like any other person treats their personal likes. Unless you are in transition why bother ruining your reputation at work simply to wear a bra? I do not get it.

I am sorry if I offeneded anyone but I feel that we need to be more responsible than others because we are trying to combat a negative stereotype. Just my :2c:

[Cathy38c]

Let her deal with it. She touched you. I wear a bra every time I get my hair done and if the strap shows or I'm brushed, she, my hair dresser knows. It's not your fault this woman was getting physical with you in your space.

[Sharon]

You wore a bra and were caught, but it seems to me that there is a part of you that wanted to be caught, otherwise why would you do it?

Anyway, I would probably keep mum about it, unless your co-worker mentions it. Worse comes to worse, you can always threaten her with sexual harrassment for rubbing her hand on you like she did.

[Rene L]

And I have a lot of respect (still do) for the woman that caught me. She never said anything to me and I haven't to her. Our working relationship has stayed the same. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to have the same outcome?

[Mitch23]

While I do understand the desire to dress, when I see a post like this my first thought is "Do not put yourself in a position like this."

While I understand the strong desire to dress all the time as I have them too I also believe that for me to dress I need to make sure that things are taken care of financially that means doing nothing to put my position at work at risk. While our goal is acceptance we know that it probably will not come so we need to be careful.

Why would someone that does not want to be found out wear a bra to work? That opens the door to being found out! I feel if we are going to dress we need to be responsible with it and treat it like any other person treats their personal likes. Unless you are in transition why bother ruining your reputation at work simply to wear a bra? I do not get it.

I am sorry if I offeneded anyone but I feel that we need to be more responsible than others because we are trying to combat a negative stereotype. Just my :2c:
There has to be a reason. I was 'instructed' by mistress to wear a bra to work on more than one occasion for her dom/sub games in order to feminise me. obviously there was a chance of getting caught so i made sure i wore a baggy thick fleece over the top. now i am well and truly feminised, do not see mistress any more so have no need to wear a bra at work. My handbag, nail varnish, jewellery and demeanour are quite enough to identify me.

mitch

[yvonne10]

talk to her

[gennee]

It's time to'fess up.

Gennee:D

[Pippilotta]

Just ignore it. Whatever you wear beneath your outside clothes is nobody's business but your own. If she wants to draw conclusions - well, let her, but do not help her !

[Toyah]

It may just be me but I am sure that all those who wear fem undergarments to work really want to be caught otherwise why do it ???

[Brenda_h_j]

I wore my bra once under my work shirt at my part-time job. I had to change some light bulbs and when I got down off the ladder, I had some ceiling tile dust on my shoulders. My boss seeing this, got a lint roller and began rollering my shoulders and brushing with his hands. I am sure he felt the straps on my bra, because he stop shortly after feeling them. He didn't say anything then or since and that was 2 years ago. By the way I don't wear my bra under my work clothes anymore.

[serinalynn]

I did a bad thing today. I wore a bra under my work shirt and jacket. A woman I work with patted me on the back and gave me a little rub telling me what a good worker I was, as she was rubbing her hand up and down my dack. She stoped on my bra three times when her face got red and she left quickly.. What should I do?


First of all I don't like other people touching me anywhere for any reason. My wife used to rub her hands up and down my back when ever she got the urge to, even out in public and she would make a "whats this " comment when she got to my bra. I wear a bra alot when NOT working I kinda feel naked with out one. I as a rule never wear a bra to work you never know what kind of reaction you will get. I can imagine once that word got out it would travel around the office faster that a 5 alarm fire. It would take months to live that down if at all. After all, men in the work place(unless working in a ladies clothing store)are suppost to be men. I suppose talking to the lady would help, and then again if she is you immediate senior at work she may not be interested in talking to you
my wife feels a bra is a gender specific item and even with my full B cup boobs she has lightened up some now and even goes through my bra collection to find one she can wear. my wife wore one of my bras to her work today she actually looked good in it.

[janedoe311]

It wore in the same place as a bra, to keep the middle of my back straight. I still have it. I injured my back, pulled some muscles, and needed it for a few weeks. The other brace was for my lower back.

Seems she freaked out. She might be relived of another explanation other than a bra!

[sandra-leigh]

After all, men in the work place(unless working in a ladies clothing store)are suppost to be men.

I was hired for my technical skills, not for my gender. I'm not employed to "be a man", I'm employed to produce results. And what does it mean, "to be men", anyhow? We have no problem employing gay people, and we never ask whether they are "tops" or "bottoms".

[sandra-leigh]

Why would someone that does not want to be found out wear a bra to work? That opens the door to being found out!

So does going out in public, "open the door to being found out". One can't hide in one's room with the shades pulled down and the doors locked all of the time.

[helenr]

I agree with the other gurls-the double standards, the forwardness of touching another-I recall my son in junior high received a 'titty twister' from a female classmate-she thought it was funny, it was painful instead-and I thought had my son given her a titty twister, he would have been sent to reform school or worse. I would love to wear my Rampage cross crop bra daily, but the rare chance of a back touch would create too much attention. I will never know why GGs tend to be so unaccepting of men wearing ladies' undies--heck I see 'boy short' style briefs for women advertised in the Hanes catalog-but this is our Society. I like the suggestion of asking her directly, with a friendly look, if she is upset, does she want to talk a little. might gain a better friendship, help reassure her that you aren't a sex pervert,etc. helen

[Kyoko]

Tiffany,
That is so funny.Just keep wearing the bras.O,Yes keep away from that woman she will not understand.

[chrissietoo]

I sometimes wear a bra to work, when I know I'll be wearing clothes that will cover it. I have several clients who are women living together, and I like to go for meetings and interviews with at least panties and a bra. I feel very close and able to be myself, and very creative like that! :happy:

[Cindyloo]

I agree with MJ. Lying will not get you anywhere but into more trouble.

[Ashleigh]

In the 18 May 07 The Kiplinger Letter, they mention that Congress is ready to prohibit workplace discrimination of gays and gender identity individuals. This new law will require equal treatment on pay, hiring, firing, and so on and would ban employers from taking into account sexual orientation or gender identity. They said 18 states currently have this law in place.

We can only hope that they get their act together and pass this law completely and without hesitation but more importantly, that the states and employers will take it seriously. No law is good unless it can and will be enforced.

Let's watch closely.

A:doll:



btw If Tiffany lived in Maine she would be under the protection of the Maine Human Rights Act which prohibits discrimination in the workplace based on gender expression or identity That would include harassment by coworkers that the management didn't take effective measures to stop. A couple of years ago in my workplace at mtf TS janitor was taking a ribbing from other members of her crew--she complained to mangement and it stopped

[suzy]

personally..... I would not do a thing....
Let it go and wait to see what develops...No sense outing yourself unneedlessly!:D

[Lou Lou]

I don't think you should have a talk with the lady. She was invading his space. Why did she assume it was ok to give him a back rub. If I was his wife I would be furious.

[Alex!]

Well, if your objective is to keep your crossdressing a secret, then you must expect from time to time that a clue will be dropped. Wearing a bra to work under your guy clothes is pretty risky, it seems to me. You never know what might happen, and besides which bra straps can be discerned under clothing more often than you might think.

Also, it sounds like the coworker was patting you on the back, not giving you a sexual rub-down (like some have suggested here). It totally makes sense that she would inadvertantly feel the bra strap. This is based on you original post, and I don't have all the information - so if I'm wrong I offer my apologies.

In any case, the bottom line is that it really is no one's business what you wear, especially when it comes to underwear. Be advised, though, that the rumor mill is no doubt cranking...

[O2B Barbara]

I wear panties as well as a a bra on many occasions. I am sure that the panites show when I bend over dont't they all? As for the bra, I try to wear a front hook as well as having the adjusters in the front, Less telltale pumps. With todays anti harrassment laws I would think as long as you are not flaunting it is nobody's business. It really comes down to you and how comfortable you are wearing a bra. I once told a someone that I was told by a doctor to start getting used to the idea as I had Gynecomastia and would probably need on in a few years anyway. Consider it a training bra.

[Hali]

Well i have never worn any Girly stuff to work, but more often (when i use to CD alot) ma sister use to ask "are you wearing eye pencil?" i'll say MAY BE, then change the topic, hey dont worry just be bold and say something like 'its a long story i'll explain later' if she asks again continue to tell her that its a long story when she sits you down and ask you about this long story then that'll be the time to tell her about your CDing but just alittle DOSE of the CDing just enough for her to get a grip, you can tell her that its a game you play or its a BET you are doing with someone, HEY COOK-UP something. Tek care

[Cathy38c]

The first thing someone at work would notice is I shave my legs. I work as a Grounds Keeper so I wear those shorts with cargo pockets, a Tee shirt, and hat. I sort of dress like Bill Murray in Caddy Shack so I'm very reluctant to wear a bra, as my Tee shirt gets wet quite a bit from lawn sprinklers. I do wear panties 24/7, and during the heat I wear sexy thongs under my shorts.
If people ask about my shaving my legs, I just tell, yes, It's cooler, and I don't like body hair. If they have ever noticed a panty or thong sticking out my waist band, I've never been asked or told.

[Joanne_'jojo']

I would suggest doing nothing. Your co-worker will eventually figure out what this means to her, probably not much, and carry on much as before.

If she does figure that it is a big deal and changes her dealings with you drastically such that you feel you can no longer deal with her "emotions", then I would approach it much as Carin suggested.

Just say that you've noticed a change in your working relationship that is causing strain/stress and that you hope you haven't done anything wrong and is there anything she would wish to discuss. Leave the owness on her to bring up and also come away as a caring co-worker, a normal person per se.

Honestly I think all the talk here about Sexual Harassment charges are ridiculous and in the end self destructive.
I believe in giving people there own space and I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable rubbing anyones back at work. However once the threat is on the table, if she decided to ignore it or feel hurt by the accusation, it's only going to hurt the both of you.
Yes, she'll probably get disciplined and depending on the company could loose her job, however there would no longer be any doubt in the whole of the company over why the charges where laid in the first place. I know that HR is bound to keep details confidential, but do you think she would feel the same after such an accusation and the threat of losing her job.

Leave well alone and probably stick to just the panties at work is probably the best advice.

[Mitch23]

I apologise if i missed it but have there been any developments since you were 'discovered'?

mitch

[heatherts21]

That is an odd situation. I wouldn't do anything. If she decides to say something, she will. I wouldn't bring it up though.

[tiffanysharon]

:o Thank you everyone for all the advice to my mistake. I have since not worn a bra to work. My co-worker has avoided me a lot. I feel she is bothered by what happened, but has not told anyone that I know of. So I decided to do more dressing at home. I like to have frendly atmosphere to work in, and it is feminine intuition that tells me somthing is wrong. I will do more dressing at home, less thrill but safer. Thanks again everyone Tiffanysharon:sad:

[Sheri 4242]

Wow! Wish I had read this thread sooner!

First, Tiffany Sharon, you didn't do, "a bad thing." It is your business what you wear! Of course, you have to consider the possible consequences, but above and beyond that, I'd say, "so what."


You wore a bra and were caught, but it seems to me that there is a part of you that wanted to be caught, otherwise why would you do it?

Sharon I think you are absolutely right. When any CDer goes out dressed (inclusive of underdressing at work), there is a component regarding possibly being caught and the ramifications of that happening -- the possibility does exist! I think there is a certain mental excitement just knowing it is a possibility! It actually can be fun and exciting!!! I think the most obvious time that I experienced was when the wife and I were out of town. I was loading the car at the hotel when a rain shower cropped up and I got drenched. When I headed back to our room -- after having passed a number of people in the hallway, both guests and hotel staff (and realizing I was getting many stares) -- I realized that my shirt was VERY wet -- enough for my bra to really show big time!!!

Third, the legalities (in the U.S.): the actions of the girl who gave Tiffany Sharon, "the little back rub" could be easily construed as sexual harassment. Much of the time, the law looks to see if the person committing the act has some power over the other (to promote, demote, fire, make life difficult on the job), BUT, this isn't a hard and fast rule. The mere fact that this particular GG could have gone to her superiors (and thus made life difficult for Tiffany and/or hold her out to ridicule) makes this situation rise to a level of sexual harassment b/c, if told to superiors (and co-workers, too) there could be the creation of "a hostile environment" that is "so pervasive so as to dramatically change the terms and conditions of (Tiffany's) employment." The starting point is very simple (and an easy burden to meet): was the action unwelcome! And it doesn't need to be sexual advances or the seeking of sexual favors; all it has to be is "verbal or physical conduct of an unwlcome sexual nature."

AND, while we are awaiting new protections to be passed by Congress, Title VII has been held by a number of courts to prohibit harassment of, and discrimination against, a person just b/c they do not conform to certain socially expected behaviors associated with their gender!!!


I'll bet her mind and imagination can easily put pictures in her head that are far "worse" than the reality. Kim

That could be the case, Kim, but I am wondering if the GG has a poblem with it at all?!!! It is possible she doesn't.

BTW: I have seen the "I lost a bet" line work -- and work very well. That said, maybe Carin has the best idea:


I think you could go to her and ask her if she is OK, that she seemed to be upset when she was in your office yesterday. That opens the door. If she is receptive to more discussion, you can say that you think you frightened her and you did not man to.

That's good, Carin -- let the GG talk and see what she might be feeling. Who knows, she may of had an idea about the CDing, liked it, but got embarassed after confirmation?!! Maybe not -- the point is, you can't know unless and until you talk, and Carin has presented a great format for such.


I prefer to tell everyone on a "need to know" basis. It's like talking to the IRS, they don't ask, you don't volunteer information, just answer the question.:happy:

True -- very, very true. The problem, Salandra, is that many people don't know how to answer questions "in a legal way." For example, if someone walks up to you and asks if you know what time it is, most people (with a watch) will look at their watch and give the time. This is no big deal in the regular work-a-day world, but in a legal setting it can be a huge mistake. In a legal setting if you were asked this exact question, and you have a watch, your answer should only be, "yes." The point: people tend to be too forthcoming and/or talk too much.