Better Late Than Never - Dating Tips Needed

[CaptLex]

I recently had two sessions with my therapist where we discussed relationships (the amorous kind) and it dawned on me (okay, so I'm slow) that I've never had to pursue anyone because everyone I have ever dated came to me and initiated "first contact". Now I'm realizing that I'm the one that has to go out and do the pursuing, and that I have absolutely no social skills in this area. I have to learn stuff that boys 30 years younger than me are learning, so I'm coming in really late to the party. :rolleyes:

I'm good at walking over to someone, introducing myself and making conversation, but I don't know how to go from that to making the situation more interesting. :battingeyelashes: I was socialized as a female for so many years, I know how to check out guys as a girl (women are usually a lot less obvious), but I don't know how to check out guys as a guy. Well, I've been told to look them straight in the face and smile, but this doesn't come naturally to me - I'm really gonna have to work hard on that. :p

So if you have any tips on how to do this: pick up lines that work for you, etc., please share. This question is open to everyone, but please keep in mind that it's guys I want to attract. :daydreaming:

[kerrianna]

Sorry I can't help hon...I never knew how to do any of that myself. :sad:

Thank god for personal ads. :p

[CaptLex]

Sorry I can't help hon...I never knew how to do any of that myself. :sad:
And yet . . . you're at the top of the class at flirting. :confused: I guess it's easier when it's not in person. Can I practice with you anyway?

[Nat]

Wish I could help you out too, I'm so socially akward around people (usually women) I'm attracted to it's not even funny :(

[MJ]

wow great post. you know i never knew how to date women or pick up lines the only one i know is *you and me babe how about it * :rolleyes:
i guess you now know why i never had a clue or many dates Lol
but now i live as a woman i also don't have a clue this will turn good for me too thanks capt:hugs:

[Kieron Andrew]

Take Das with you and do the 'my mate fancies you' thing, all boys do that lol

[CaptLex]

Take Das with you and do the 'my mate fancies you' thing, all boys do that lol
Don't think that would work for me - Das usually gets most of the attention if we're in the same room. :rolleyes: I think he's a lot better at this than I am.

[Kieron Andrew]

I think he's a lot better at this than I am.
Then watch and learn from the master :heehee:

[CaptLex]

Then watch and learn from the master :heehee:
Oh I watch and take tips from everyone - including you! :heehee:

[Kieron Andrew]

Oh I watch and take tips from everyone - including you! :heehee:
lol i must admit you are getting better at flirting online....especially when flirting with Poccy....now all we gotta do is get you doing it in person

[kerrianna]

And yet . . . you're at the top of the class at flirting. :confused: I guess it's easier when it's not in person. Can I practice with you anyway?

:cute: ...why sure...:battingeyelashes:


lol, it is easier not in person...and smilies help! Maybe you could make some RL smilies to pull out. :heehee:

I'd probably get all bashful and hide under the table in RL. :blushing:
(ahem...I know what a few guys are thinking now...stop that! Boys! :rolleyes: )

[CaptLex]

lol i must admit you are getting better at flirting online....especially when flirting with Poccy....now all we gotta do is get you doing it in person
Actually, I think if I flirted in RL as naughtily as I do with Poc (and few of the other guys here), I'd scare the guys away - or attract the wrong ones. :eek:


I'd probably get all bashful and hide under the table in RL. :blushing:
Yeah, that's my problem too. :p

[Kate Simmons]

Just be friendly, make conversation and nature takes it's course my friend. Works for me talking to guys and I'm well, er--a guy. Believe me, they are not just interested in my pretty (!?) face.;) :^5: Now, go get 'em Tiger!!:happy:

[Leah B]

Actually, I think if I flirted in RL as naughtily as I do with Poc (and few of the other guys here), I'd scare the guys away - or attract the wrong ones.


Well, I don't know what kind of flirting you do here, but guys are generally more receptive to brazen come-ons than women. Of course, with homophobia out there, things could be different than for hetero flirting.

But as far as flirting in general goes, if you can approach someone cold and talk to them, even if it's not "flirting" or making a move, you've mastered the hardest part. If you've had a good conversation, you can end it with something like "Hey I gotta go, but would you like to have lunch sometime?", or "Aww, you're leaving already? Well, maybe we could meet up again sometime?" Basically, they sound like proposals to extend a friendship, except that guys generally don't make these types of proposals unless they're making a move. Add in the right kind of nonverbal language and it'll be clear you're asking for a date.

Just don't make the mistake I did for years and years and assume that a first date is about making progress. First dates are pretty much just friendly outings -- a chance to grow into being un-awkward around a person. Subsequent dates are about making moves.

[kerrianna]

Yeah, that's my problem too. :p

Okay...meet you under the table...:heehee: :p

[Kieron Andrew]

Okay...meet you under the table...:heehee: :p
Carol!!!!! :whistling:

[kerrianna]

Carol!!!!! :whistling:

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! :shush:

*tries to stifle a giggle from under the table* :heehee:

(you might want to permanently copy that "Carol!!!!! :whistling:" - you might have to use it a lot. :p )

[Kieron Andrew]

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! :shush:

*tries to stifle a giggle from under the table* :heehee:

(you might want to permanently copy that "Carol!!!!! :whistling:" - you might have to use it a lot. :p )
lol already copied :p

[Tamera]

Capt,
I don't know if your catching guys in guy mode or fem mode but here is what I have observed.

In the gay bars I have went to guys hit on other guys just like they would girls.

Now if you are a girl and want to pick up guys. What I have noticed is that some will go up to the bar and look for a seat that is not taken and strike up a conversation with who they may be seatin with.
Or,
Other guys may come up to you and talk and some may even buy you a drink, ask to dance, or flirt with you.

Now being a girl you need to HOLD BACK and let the guy do the moves.
A couple flirtaceous moves girls do to let the guy know you are interested is;
twirling of the hair, batting of the eyes, a slight touch on the arm, and some other slight flirtaceous moves.

Maybe he'll even take you a restaurant?
LOL
Tamera

[Dasein9]

Don't think that would work for me - Das usually gets most of the attention if we're in the same room. :rolleyes: I think he's a lot better at this than I am.


Not really. I kind of suck at the flirting thing.

[Kate Simmons]

Not really. I kind of suck at the flirting thing.:sigh: Guess I'm gonna have to come up there and give you guys some pointers.:p

[Kieron Andrew]

:sigh: Guess I'm gonna have to come up there and give you guys some pointers.:p
theres me thinking they had learnt from Poccy and me.....looks like we've got our work cut out Sal

[happyfish]

Nope, I have no idea how to flirt. Sorry.

[MoonBaby GG]

Just be friendly, make conversation and nature takes it's course my friend.


I agree that making conversation in a relaxed, friendly manner does work wonders...puts everyone at ease. I'm also a big fan of quirky-smart people who make me laugh. That is genuinely sexy and preferable over prefabricated pickup lines.

Good luck on your adventures.

[Tristan]

I suck at dating and etc too, Capt. I haven't had a real life relationship since I was like 14 that was anything beyond a date or two. I meet my partner online because I find it a lot easier to relax and be myself, luckily he fell for it and we're meeting in real life after doing the online thing for a long time.

[MJ]

theres me thinking they had learnt from Poccy and me
Lol i need all the help i can get :angel:

[Dasein9]

:sigh: Guess I'm gonna have to come up there and give you guys some pointers.:p

Okay. You can sleep in my bed. :D

[Kieron Andrew]

Okay. You can sleep in my bed. :D
:eek: :eek: :heehee:

[Dasein9]

Ahem! Kieron, you do know I'd be taking the couch, like a gentleman, right?









Right?

[Kieron Andrew]

Ahem! Kieron, you do know I'd be taking the couch, like a gentleman, right?









Right?yeah sureeeee! :rolleyes: :tongueout

[Dasein9]

Tee hee!

It would be the least I could do after hauling her up here to the Bronx, and making her climb the stairs to my 6th floor walk-up!

[Kieron Andrew]

and making her climb the stairs to my 6th floor walk-up!
urghhh remind me never to want to stay at yours if and when i come over, way too many stairs

[Dasein9]

Well, if someone else could carry the chair, I could carry you.

Navigating with the chair might be difficult. I have a lot of books.

[Kieron Andrew]

Well, if someone else could carry the chair, I could carry you.

Navigating with the chair might be difficult. I have a lot of books.
nah i hate being carried and im heavy!! :p.......whoa really going off topic here lol

[Dasein9]

Wha'? We're showing the Cap'n how to flirt!

Not very well, I'll grant you, but we are.

[Kieron Andrew]

Wha'? We're showing the Cap'n how to flirt!

Not very well, I'll grant you, but we are.
LOL.....flirting with me, hmmm Lex will get jealous :rolleyes:he'll want a go

[Dasein9]

Well, brace yourself. I have a feeling that once he gets over his lack of self-confidence, he'll be all over you.

[John]

Well, I can give all of no help here, exept go for it. What's the worst that can happen (well, they beat you up, steal you're shoos, and dump you on a freight train going to mexico... but... anyway....)

[Evert]

Flirtin'? What's that? :heehee:

In RL I suck at it. Never had a girlfriend. Okay okay, I kissed some girls but that was only because they were flirting with me. :heehee: But even if I knew how to flirt, I would only knew how to do it with girls. So I wouldn't help either.

I wish the next contestant more luck. :p

[Kate Simmons]

Well, I can give all of no help here, exept go for it. What's the worst that can happen (well, they beat you up, steal you're shoos, and dump you on a freight train going to mexico... but... anyway....):heehee: That's what I'm trying to tell them John. Some of us are impressed by guys with a little "moxie". It gets me all tingly inside. Faint heart never won fair maid or man.Don't worry, I'd promise to restrain myself and not beat anyone up.:p

[kerrianna]

Flirtin'? What's that? :heehee:

In RL I suck at it. Never had a girlfriend. Okay okay, I kissed some girls but that was only because they were flirting with me. :heehee: But even if I knew how to flirt, I would only knew how to do it with girls. So I wouldn't help either.

I wish the next contestant more luck. :p

Man what's with us that can flirt wonders in cyberspace and not in RL? Cuz you are a number one cyberflirt Evert! :happy: You've got great lines. I know they turn me to mush. :daydreaming:

Okay, so those lines might not work with a guy. Hmmm, too bad, cuz I was going to suggest we could put a little device in the Captain's ear and feed him lines as we watch him flirt.

Let's not use Das or Kieron though because that was pretty sad flirting guys. :heehee: :tongueout

[Evert]

Man what's with us that can flirt wonders in cyberspace and not in RL? Cuz you are a number one cyberflirt Evert! :happy: You've got great lines. I know they turn me to mush. :daydreaming:

Okay, so those lines might not work with a guy. Hmmm, too bad, cuz I was going to suggest we could put a little device in the Captain's ear and feed him lines as we watch him flirt.

Let's not use Das or Kieron though because that was pretty sad flirting guys. :heehee: :tongueout

I know, I'm a smooth talker. To bad I'm already hiding somewhere before I have the guts saying those lines. :heehee:

Somebody interested in giving us all some flirt lessons? :p Or beter, a course so I will stop hiding? :rolleyes:

[kerrianna]

I know, I'm a smooth talker. To bad I'm already hiding somewhere before I have the guts saying those lines. :heehee:

Somebody interested in giving us all some flirt lessons? :p Or beter, a course so I will stop hiding? :rolleyes:

We each need a simulacrum (a copy of ourselves) we could send out to do our flirting, while we feed it lines from our safety. :happy:

...of course the simulacrum would probably get all the action too. :rolleyes:

[Evert]

...of course the simulacrum would probably get all the action too. :rolleyes:


Well that's a problem! :rolleyes:

*would be easy to send it to Canada though :heehee:*

[Kate Simmons]

Simula who? Oh, you mean a "ringer". Ah, that's no fun Kerri, You have to learn to talk your own way out of it. Gets you to think on your feet very quickly.:heehee:

[Kieron Andrew]

Well, brace yourself. I have a feeling that once he gets over his lack of self-confidence, he'll be all over you.
oh sh*t im not coming over now lol

[Kieron Andrew]

i have a question that no one has asked.....is the reason Lex started this thread because he actually has someone in his sights in RL

[Kate Simmons]

I was wondering the same thing Kieron. Cap has a subtle way of approaching things sometimes.:happy:

[Dasein9]

Let's not use Das or Kieron though because that was pretty sad flirting guys. :heehee: :tongueout


Teach me! :o

[Kieron Andrew]

Teach me! :o
<<<what he said!!:D

[Dasein9]

Letter-woman showed up yesterday.

I was all groggy from waking up late and went to a bakery for breakfast. She showed up, and we chatted for a moment. Then she went away, and I settled down to read and eat my bagel. Then she came back and asked if she could join me and sat with me all through my breakfast.

It was just weird.

[Kieron Andrew]

Letter-woman showed up yesterday.

I was all groggy from waking up late and went to a bakery for breakfast. She showed up, and we chatted for a moment. Then she went away, and I settled down to read and eat my bagel. Then she came back and asked if she could join me and sat with me all through my breakfast.

It was just weird.
sounds like shes a bit obsessed by you dude!:eek: , if it gets worse now that youve done the softly softly approach you're gonna have to tell her you are just not interested!......i couldnt cope with a weird person as a friend....hmpft what am i saying i have loads of weird friends lol

[Dasein9]

Well, there's weird-wacky, which is good. And then there's weird-stalky. That's not so good. She said she's moving, so I'm pleased about that, anyway.

[Kieron Andrew]

She said she's moving, so I'm pleased about that, anyway.
just make sure shes not moving to your block lol:devil:

[Dasein9]

Nah. Out of the city.

[CaptLex]

In checking in on this thread this morning, I realize that you're all a big help - NOT! Well, there is some good advice here actually, but most of you are in the same boat as me: either you suck at flirting too, or you can only do it from a safe distance. Maybe we can all learn together. And Kieron and Das . . . seriously guys . . . Kerri is right, that was kind of sad :heehee: (and now I have visions of Das carrying Kieron up the stairs). :p


If you've had a good conversation, you can end it with something like "Hey I gotta go, but would you like to have lunch sometime?", or "Aww, you're leaving already? Well, maybe we could meet up again sometime?" Basically, they sound like proposals to extend a friendship, except that guys generally don't make these types of proposals unless they're making a move. Add in the right kind of nonverbal language and it'll be clear you're asking for a date.

That was a very good answer, Leah, thanks. My therapist gave me similar advice, so I'm taking notes here.

Kerri, I think the idea of a ringer wouldn't work for the same reason you mentioned - he'd get all the action. It reminds me of an episode of Will & Grace where Will was feeding Jack all the lines when he was trying to come on to Patrick Dempsey - and in the end it was Will who ended up with McDreamy.


i have a question that no one has asked.....is the reason Lex started this thread because he actually has someone in his sights in RL
LOL . . . leave it to you to dig this up. :heehee: Not that I'm confirming anything, but . . . did I ever tell you you'd make a good detective?

[CaptLex]

Just be friendly, make conversation and nature takes it's course my friend. Works for me talking to guys and I'm well, er--a guy. Believe me, they are not just interested in my pretty (!?) face.;) :^5: Now, go get 'em Tiger!!:happy:
Thanks for your vote of confidence, Sal. You make it sound so easy. I think you should definitely come over and give us pointers. :thumbsup:


I agree that making conversation in a relaxed, friendly manner does work wonders...puts everyone at ease. I'm also a big fan of quirky-smart people who make me laugh. That is genuinely sexy and preferable over prefabricated pickup lines.
It sounds simple, I know. My problem is how to get it from a friendly conversation to something more fun. How to go from "nice weather we're having" to "I think you're really hot". :idontknow:

[Kieron Andrew]

In checking in on this thread this morning, I realize that you're all a big help - NOT!
Did you seriously think a bunch of guys would have any serious answers, you're better off asking the GGs how they would like to be approached by a guy!


(and now I have visions of Das carrying Kieron up the stairs). :p
lol :eek: not a good picture the poor man would be breaking his back



LOL . . . leave it to you to dig this up. :heehee: Not that I'm confirming anything, but . . . did I ever tell you you'd make a good detective?lol you've told me many times!!! :D....so come on dish the dirt! whats his name? how old is he? where d'ya know him from, is he trans or not?? oooh so many questions lol.....but see we need the bigger picture if we're gonna help you out! *thats my excuse and im sticking to it lol:heehee:*

[CaptLex]

LOL.....flirting with me, hmmm Lex will get jealous :rolleyes:he'll want a go


Well, brace yourself. I have a feeling that once he gets over his lack of self-confidence, he'll be all over you.

Gee, thanks . . . why do I get the feeling you're both trying to pawn me off on the other? :rolleyes:


Well, I can give all of no help here, exept go for it. What's the worst that can happen (well, they beat you up, steal you're shoos, and dump you on a freight train going to mexico... but... anyway....)
That's a good point, John. Well, I do worry about things like gay-bashing (it goes on even in our wonderful city), but at this point I think the scariest thing would be if someone didn't reject me. :p

[CaptLex]

you're better off asking the GGs how they would like to be approached by a guy!
Well, they're certainly welcome to give me their tips and pointers. That's why I said the thread is open to everyone.


lol you've told me many times!!! :D....so come on dish the dirt! whats his name? how old is he? where d'ya know him from, is he trans or not?? oooh so many questions lol.....but see we need the bigger picture if we're gonna help you out! *thats my excuse and im sticking to it lol:heehee:
Nah . . . no one in particular, really. Just any hot guy would do right now. ;)

[CaptLex]

I don't know if your catching guys in guy mode or fem mode but here is what I have observed.
No, hun, I don't do "fem mode". :eek:


In the gay bars I have went to guys hit on other guys just like they would girls.
I've never hit on girls either, so that doesn't really help me. And the ways some guys hit on me when I was a girl, I wouldn't wish on anyone.


Now if you are a girl and want to pick up guys. What I have noticed is that some will go up to the bar and look for a seat that is not taken and strike up a conversation with who they may be seatin with. Or, Other guys may come up to you and talk and some may even buy you a drink, ask to dance, or flirt with you. Now being a girl you need to HOLD BACK and let the guy do the moves. A couple flirtaceous moves girls do to let the guy know you are interested is; twirling of the hair, batting of the eyes, a slight touch on the arm, and some other slight flirtaceous moves. Maybe he'll even take you a restaurant?
You must have missed the part of my post where I said I was socialized as a female and learned all about this, but now I need to learn how to do it as a guy instead. I appreciate your tips, Tamera, but this is exactly what I'm trying to un-learn so that I can re-learn it the right way - as a guy hitting on another guy. I'm sure there may be similarities, but the last thing I want to do is come on to anyone as a female because I don't want them to think they're getting together with a woman. :p

[Leah B]

It sounds simple, I know. My problem is how to get it from a friendly conversation to something more fun. How to go from "nice weather we're having" to "I think you're really hot". :idontknow:

Well, if you were picking up girls I'd say "don't." But guys? I get the impression we appreciate more direct moves like this. I'd be happy to hear a girl say "You're sizzlin'!" to me.

Anyhow, don't bother with saying that sort of stuff until you've gotten to know someone enough that they can't turn you away easily. But don't wait SO long that you're just a friend.

[Kate Simmons]

Well, Cap'n, I know just how bashful guys can be. Used to happen to me all the time at school dances. I was scared to death of people now I realize they are probably just as bashful as I am, which is why you gotta show you are friendly. After I decided to come out as Victoria, that all chaged somehow and bashful went out the window. Seems like something magical happened when I put that dress on. That was just a crutch though and now I'm outgoing as Rich as well and you can't shut me up as Rich or Sal for better or worse.:heehee:

[Lisa Golightly]

Don't ask me... I intimidate people :)

I have to admit that people that give me eye contact, who smile, and listen always get favourable results... but then being a bit of a girl I don't know if that is of any use to you...

[MJ]

hmm well Lisa i could get in to drab mode and try a few moves :love:
just don't laugh

or the captain can practice on me :happy: , here is my opening line why captain what big sword you have

come on kieron when i get back the UK i just got to have some lines :heehee:

[Kieron Andrew]

come on kieron when i get back the UK i just got to have some lines :heehee:
LOL you're asking me?? you're a girl and I'm a boy......different semetics lol

[CaptLex]

Anyhow, don't bother with saying that sort of stuff until you've gotten to know someone enough that they can't turn you away easily. But don't wait SO long that you're just a friend.
Ah yes . . . finding that balance is still a mystery to me. I've definitely done the "I waited too long and now it's too late" thing - and then I'm afraid to make a move 'cause it'll mess up the friendship. :p


Well, Cap'n, I know just how bashful guys can be.
I hear guys say this all the time, but I still forget that's the case. Everyone just seems so much more confident than I feel. I still have a lot to learn.


I have to admit that people that give me eye contact, who smile, and listen always get favourable results... but then being a bit of a girl I don't know if that is of any use to you...
It couldn't hurt, Lisa. I think a friendly smile can definitely go a long way. I have to work on that, though. Usually when I smile at someone they take it as an invitation to tell me all their problems. I gotta find a smile that says I'm more Steve McQueen than Sigmund Freud. :rolleyes:


here is my opening line why captain what big sword you have
:lol2: Oh Lordy . . . if only . . .thanks, Marissa, you made my day! :kiss:

[kerrianna]

OK, here's some lines I found you might try. I'm sure they're all 100% successful!

• Are you the tiger on the Frosted Flakes box? Because you’re looking "Grrrrreat!"

• I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I’m the only one talking to you.

• Damn! And I thought I was good looking!

• Hey, did you fart? Because you blew me away!
(I did not make these up! Only a boy would make that up!)

and the best one:

• I’m not like all the other guys.

Maybe the tips here might help a bit, if you haven't already seen them.
http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-up-Gay-Men

Unfortunately mon Capitain, in the end it's all about the moment. That's where the rum comes in handy. Just go for it. Secretly text message a friend to call you with an 'emergency' if you decide you want to backtrack. That way you have an out which might give you more courage to start something up in the first place. I know part of my fear was OMG what if I realize halfway through I don't want to go any further and don't know how to politely extricate myself. A lot of it is, as you say, a lack of practice and thus not much self-confidence to think on your feet. Keep at it and you will get better. You are the Captain after all. We KNOW you can think on your feet. :hugs: :love:

[Kieron Andrew]

Maybe the tips here might help a bit, if you haven't already seen them.
http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-up-Gay-Men
cool link is there one for guys picking up girls lol

oops just looked yup there is! :p
http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-up-a-Woman

a few more for Lex ;)
http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Great-Impression-and-Pick-up-a-Date
http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Someone-up-on-Public-Transport
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Date

lol theres loads here for different situations i could spend hours here lol
http://www.wikihow.com/Special:LSearch?search=gay+man&fulltext=Search
http://www.wikihow.com/Special:LSearch?search=gay+men&fulltext=Search

[Leah B]

Usually when I smile at someone they take it as an invitation to tell me all their problems. I gotta find a smile that says I'm more Steve McQueen than Sigmund Freud.

Just roll with it. Just rock the "good listener" angle. The trick is to make it clear that you're attracted EARLY on. Good listeners are put in the friend box very quickly, so you gotta make your intentions clear early on and be persistent about it.

Unless you don't want to be the listener. In that case, be a bit of a jerk. Make a few inapproriate jokes. Speak brazenly without fear of reaction. Be a "bad boy." God knows why some women fall for bad boys, but it works. Bleh.

[Kieron Andrew]

Lex do I gotta come over there and drag you out looking for guys to practice on?:devil:

[Dasein9]

• I’m not like all the other guys.

LOL! That's one way to know for sure he's just like all the worst of the other guys.

And if a guy tells you "I'm a good guy." then don't believe him for a minute. He's trying to convince himself, not you. (If his friends say it, listen as much as is appropriate, taking the friend's character into consideration. But anyone who has to say it about himself is not worth your time.)

[Question Mark]

Agreed, Das. I've known many a jerk who thinks of himself as a good guy. :P

Lesse. Uhh... I'm also not the best with the dating shindig. I think the key is really to kind of push yourself to approach them and just talk to them like normal. Once you get to know them a nice bit you could probably tell them straight-out you're interested in them. Of course, the key part is working up the assertiveness for that, which is where I have trouble.

[Abraxas]

I'd love to help out... But I suck. At flirting, I mean.

I generally refuse to speak to people I've never met, so that's a big part of it. If I know the guy, and am interested in a little action or whatever (I never bother with the whole 'relationship' thing these days-- just not worth the effort to me at the moment), I just walk up and say, 'hey, wanna make out?' (or worse, sometimes-- well. Y'know). I mean, it's not rejection if they take it as a joke, right?
Or kind of insinuate, or... someone will bring up a story about me at a party, doing naughty things, and I'll say something like, 'yeah, that was fun. I'd do it again.'
Too. Blunt. :heehee:

[Tamera]

Well I'd say if you find someone interesting. Stike up a conversation and when you find similarities in interest, keep talking about those.

Either you can do the "Hitting" on guys.
or,
You could wait for them to "Hit" on you.
and,
You can either be the "Aggressive Type" which I don't care for, or the more "Suttle" type.
All depends on your personality and mood at the time.

Also observation is also good.
Sit back and watch how others make their moves....
LOL
Tamera

[Kate Simmons]

Lex, I'm feeling pretty good this morning so, here is a cheer for you: "You can do it if you try, V-I-C-T-O-R-Y ! Yay, Lex!:cheer: "Yay, Lex, he's our man, ir he can't do it, NOBODY can!Yay Lex!":cheer: You can do it Hon, trust me.:thumbsup: :happy:

[Leah B]

I think you're generalizing too much when you say that all men who say they are good guys aren't. Some of us STILL are.

[CaptLex]

Thanks for those links, Kerri and Kieron, those were really helpful. Kerri I had to bookmark that page 'cause I know I'll be going back to that many times - lots of helpful info there. Kieron I liked yours too, especially the one about how to pick up guys on public transport. Lord knows I see hot guys on the subway all the time and I'm too shy to even make eye contact. Gotta work on that . . . definitely.


Lex do I gotta come over there and drag you out looking for guys to practice on?:devil:
Um . . . yeah, dude! :heehee:


Just roll with it. Just rock the "good listener" angle. The trick is to make it clear that you're attracted EARLY on. Good listeners are put in the friend box very quickly, so you gotta make your intentions clear early on and be persistent about it.

Unless you don't want to be the listener. In that case, be a bit of a jerk. Make a few inapproriate jokes. Speak brazenly without fear of reaction. Be a "bad boy." God knows why some women fall for bad boys, but it works. Bleh.
Once again, good advice, Leah. I find it hard to be a jerk, though, but the old adage about nice guys finishing last seems to be true, right? Lots to think about. Lots to work on. I really feel like a work in progress now. Thanks.


Either you can do the "Hitting" on guys.
or,
You could wait for them to "Hit" on you.
and,
You can either be the "Aggressive Type" which I don't care for, or the more "Suttle" type.
All depends on your personality and mood at the time.
I know what you're saying, Tamera. Unfortunately, I can't afford to sit back and be the one that gets hit on anymore 'cause that's not getting me anywhere. The only ones that hit on me are lesbians because they assume I'm one of them. I think guys also mistake me for one, which is why they won't approach me. So, it looks like I have to make the first moves if I'm going to get anywhere.


Lex, I'm feeling pretty good this morning so, here is a cheer for you: "You can do it if you try, V-I-C-T-O-R-Y ! Yay, Lex! :cheer:
Sal, if I didn't know you better I'd say you were on happy juice this morning. But I know that's just your natural exuberance coming through. Thanks for the cheer - it made my day.

And thanks everyone for the advice or for making me feel like I'm not the only one that's clueless in this department. :happy:

[Question Mark]

I think you're generlizing too much when you say that all men who say they are good guys aren't. Some of us STILL are.

Well yeah, it's not a universal truth. Nevertheless, it is better to err on the side of caution until you get to know people a little better.

[false_dichotomy]

I'd say that when flirting with guys it's best to be on the blunt side. In fact, being just a little over-the-top about it will give you greater deniability if he isn't interested, and maybe even a little more fun if he is :D It's all about confidence in the end, or even just pretending to be confident. If you can hit on someone as though it would be unreasonable if not impossible to turn you down, chances are they will believe you.

It's also important to remember that communication when speaking is only 7% verbal. It's all about the way you say it and how you use your body. That's probably why this stuff is so difficult to learn; everyone neglects the most important parts!

[Dasein9]

I think you're generlizing too much when you say that all men who say they are good guys aren't. Some of us STILL are.



Maybe. But I'm rather wary of the character traits that tend to go along with self-praise of that nature.

[CaptLex]

I'd say that when flirting with guys it's best to be on the blunt side. In fact, being just a little over-the-top about it will give you greater deniability if he isn't interested, and maybe even a little more fun if he is :D It's all about confidence in the end, or even just pretending to be confident. If you can hit on someone as though it would be unreasonable if not impossible to turn you down, chances are they will believe you.

It's also important to remember that communication when speaking is only 7% verbal. It's all about the way you say it and how you use your body. That's probably why this stuff is so difficult to learn; everyone neglects the most important parts!
Thanks, Neil . . . that all makes sense *taking notes*.

[kerrianna]

Thanks, Neil . . . that all makes sense *taking notes*.

:heehee: ...I can just see Capt Lex feverishly making notes and furrowing his brow while the admiral's ships bear down on us and the crew all looks up to him for guidance. :p

[CaptLex]

:heehee: ...I can just see Capt Lex feverishly making notes and furrowing his brow while the admiral's ships bear down on us and the crew all looks up to him for guidance. :p
:haha: I can see that too (I visualize everything anyone says). I guess this is where that invisible ship's library can come in handy . . . I have to find a place to store my precious notes before they get blown away by the wind or ripped up by the impatient crew. :heehee:

[Eva Diva]

Dating? Woody Allen said something about success being 90% showing up. Success in hooking up - whatever that means today - starts with trying. There are hundreds of cliches, but "you snooze, you lose" works as well as any. Salespeople have a saying "no is just a step towards yes". You can't be thinking that every "no" is a personal rejection. If it took you ten attempts to get on with one person, you'd feel pretty bad, but if you try one hundred times, that's ten successes - not bad, no? You just have to accept that everyone has the right to say no to you without it being a black mark against you. Maybe they just like taller partners, or someone with blue eyes, or someone who's in to goth music. Give them permission to decide against you and move on to the next person.
The funny thing about "knowing what to say" is that once you get started talking, one word follows another. People are funny like that - including yourself. For your purposes, it doesn't matter what you say - it only matters that you get the person's attention and engage them. The subject you end up talking about 30 seconds later will be different in any case.
If you really need it, you can give yourself an assignment. Decide that when you go out to a bar, you're going to talk with five different people. Do so with no intention of anything coming of it - you're just going to chat for at least a few minutes. There's no pressure because you've already decided that the "goal" is simply friendly talk - not a relationship. Do that a few times and you'll be an old pro at getting started. Later, you can move on from there.

[CaptLex]

:eek: Wow, that was excellent advice, Eva. Thank you. :koc:

So . . . you come here often . . . ? ;)

[xsideburnsx]

With men, I was always super bossy to the point that I automatically wore the pants in the relationship. Drove them crazy and that didn't last long. I wasn't really feeling dating men though. I think I did it because I thought that's what I was suppose to do as a female. I just sucked at being a woman haha.

I use to get walked all over when I dated girls at first because I was too nice and I was a total pushover. But I've learned through the years the art of picking up women. No girl wants a nice guy right off the bat. She may say that, but it's not true. I've come to the conclusion that everyone likes a little bit of a challenge. Someone that stimulates their minds and that has some self confidence. When I talk to women, I treat them as I would my friends so that it makes me less nervous. I make a bunch of retarded jokes, with an added "pick on the girl like I'm a fifth grader" and if it makes them laugh...awesome. If it doesn't, then I know that if they can't handle my brand of humor, they probably aren't worth the time anyway. I always play the game as if I'm generally not interested in the female I'm attempting to pursue. If our conversation is flowing and we are hitting it off in conversation...I ask her out. If not, well I move on to something else. No use in sitting around and wondering what went wrong.