Seriously freaking out. Lol.

[hayden von beethoven]

So Deana (My lady) told her mom everything. And I couldn't be there while she did it. But fact is she called me, and was totally silent which told me it went bad. And all she would tell me of what was said was her mother asking "What are you going to do with Hunter?" And "What are you going to tell Hunter?" (For those who don't know Deana's five months pregnant, little boy, and we finally decided on a name!) She's afriad her mom is going to think differently of us now, which she is. Her mom said she doesn't approve which stung Deana, she's upset and I feel like (and I'm sure she feels like) I pressured her to do this. But I couldn't stand in a delivery room with her mother for that many hours in september without her mother knowing. Her mom is convinced Deana and I are lesbians. And that Hunter doesn't need to be raised by lesbians. So I don't know what to do. I considered writing her mom a letter (I'm out of the state at the moment.) and explaining everything to her, and just try and make her feel more comfortable with Deana and I's relationship and our ability to raise Hunter. I know Deana's mom is worried about Hunter as am I. I've been pulling my hair out ever since Deana and I got together and I decided to stay and raise Hunter, with questions of What do we tell him? Ya know? Gah. Deana's mom doesn't understand that I am planning on a full transition and I do plan on providing the best life for her daughter and grandson. But all she sees is a once-was woman. She doesn't understand the concept of FTM and she doesn't understand that I will be the best Dad to Hunter I can be.


I need a hug. :(

[Dasein9]

First things first: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Okay, now it sounds like y'all are doing everything right. These things take time for people to absorb. Some never do. THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

I don't know your relationship as well as you do, but you may have to do one of the hardest things in the world, which is let mother and daughter work this out. If you need to do something, you'll know.

Okay, now the most important for last: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Victoria Anne]

I agree with Dasein , let mom and daughter work it out just be there for support.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[happyfish]

I don't have any advice to add, so:
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[GACountrygal]

First things first: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Okay, now it sounds like y'all are doing everything right. These things take time for people to absorb. Some never do. THAT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

I don't know your relationship as well as you do, but you may have to do one of the hardest things in the world, which is let mother and daughter work this out. If you need to do something, you'll know.

Okay, now the most important for last: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:
I'm with Dasein on this one.
And some more :hugs: :hugs: : for ya!

Nic

[John]

:hugs:

[kerrianna]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Maybe Deana's mom will make the effort to educate herself in the best interests of her daughter and future grandchild, and will come to understand what you're all about. There aren't too many people that 'get' it right away. Give it a bit of time, but don't back down. Do what's right for you.

Good luck. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Tristan]

:hugs: Congrats on the boy on the way. Hunter's a great name! Her mother probably just needs time to absorb what's going on and maybe just needs some information on the subject. I hope it works out for you. I don't have really any advice except hang in there.

[CaptLex]

You've got good advice already, so I'll just reiterate that it takes time for some people to get it - if they want to get it at all. If they don't, it may make things harder for you, Deana and Hunter, but ultimately it's your life. It would be nice to have her support, but you don't need her approval, you're just letting her know what's going on.

And before I forget . . . :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :bighug: (and some rum). :happy:

[bi_weird]

Oh man, *HUG*
That sounds pretty intense. You're doing the right thing, though, so be confident that. Be understanding that this seems really strange to, well, most of the world. It doesn't mean that her Mom's a bad person, just that she needs to be educated. Be patient, but insistant about your place. And yeah, to some extent, realize that it's between your girl and her Mom. Best of luck!
*'NOTHER HUG!*

[Felix]

Hi Hun and congrats on ya soon to be son. I agree with Das let them sort it but be prepared for her mother never to be totally accepting andd here's lots of :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: to help ya along the way xx Felix

[MJ]

hi Hayden
here is your hug :hugs: , you have to give this time Deana and her mum have to work this out. just like everybody here. it takes time to understand and accept there is nothing wrong with "same sex couples" raising a child , i know thats not you but you know what people think and you will be a great dad give this time
hugs Marissa

[mistunderstood]

I wanted to say the letter thing might be a good idea. I too went through this problem with my girlfriends mom. She did not want to accept that her daughter was gay. So I set down and wrote her a letter asking her if she wanted to lose her only daughter over this issue. I also asked her what she thought it meant to her about us being gay and if she had questions. It took her a few months to come aroud but she did come around and now we are best friends. Now when I come out about being a guy she just looked at me and asked me what took me so long about comeing out. Some times time can be your friend. Let her think about this. Ask her if she has questions( be prepared for some real hard questions and some real painfull questions at that). If she does ask questions be as honest as you can. But over all just wait and see, see might come around.
Hope that helps you out.

[hayden von beethoven]

Haha again wow, thanks for the hugs and rum and words everyone! I guess today Deana's mom is comming around she's actually talking to Deana now which is a good sign I guess. I am going to write her a letter and see what I can do to help the situation, she still wants me in the delivery room, and she still wants me to adopt Hunter so that made me jump about six feet off the ground with a big ol' grin =D



xx Hayden

[Dasein9]

The letter's a good idea because she can read it when she's ready. If she forgets something, she can go back to it without having to apologise or feel embarrassed.

Keep in mind it might take her time to absorb it, and you should be fine.

You think this takes patience? Wait 'till the baby's born! :D

[Question Mark]

Hunter is a nice name. Not too common, either.

So, what was it that her mother didn't know before? The pregnancy and relationship and you being FTM, or the latter? If all of those, it's probably going to take a while for her to absorb that information. If it's only the FTM part, I don't quite get why she would have a problem with this, if she already thought of you guys as a lesbian couple who was going to raise a baby. At any rate, it's a good thing things seem to be working out better.