Curious - of reactions after coming out

[Princess29]

I was wondering for those who have told family members, friends or anyone else close to them about their interest in crossdressing (part time, full time or whatever you're into), after the initial shock and reaction had subsided, what happened then? Is it something that they talk about with you? eg does your sister phone up and ask you to go dress shopping or is it never mentioned again even if the people you told reacted in a postive manner. Do they bring it up in any way or is it a case of "yeah that's great, but just keep it to yourself ok".


Melissa

[AmberTG]

Well, my mother-in-law has never brought up the subject of my gender identity issues sense I told her, when I told her, she said it didn't change the way she felt about me, that I was always welcome at her house. She's the only one that I've told except my ex-wife (still getting used to saying that) so far and the ex knew before we got married.

[Princess29]

Has anyone been out in public with the friends or family who they've told while dressed enfemme or has anyone been enfemme around those friends or family while at someone's house?

[Joy Carter]

Princess I really hope and pray for all who do decide to come out to friends and family. I didn't have a choice and was outed by a friend to my other friends. It's been over three years since I have seen them. I'm pretty broken up about it.

[Rebecca_Annette]

Well, I told my sister last weekend, she did suggest a "shopping trip" together, we later talked about shoes, and about driving in heels (I've never done it, I can't even drive in the safety boots I have to wear for work), but as to whether the subject is ongoing, or is now closed, we'll have to wait and see..........

[Princess29]

I told my sister just before she left on an overseas trip and she returns tomorrow, I guess I'll find out how she feels although we can't go shopping together or anything like that anyway as she lives in Victoria and I live in Queensland. The other people that I have told never really bring it up although we can only really communicate via email they live so far away

[yms]

Hi -

Not including my partner Lori, most of the friends I told have been indifferent to it. It's not something they ask about directly, but if I bring it up, they don't freak out. I sometimes think they just don't know how to take part in that particular conversation.

Only a few have gone out with me when I crossdress.

Even so, it is good to not have to pretend.

Yvonne

[battybattybats]

My mum's been good about it so far. She hasn't brought it up much but she seems quite fine when I do.

[Jena11]

Well, it took a great deal of courage to tell one of my firends and then she told a couple of others. I then told my best friend and she told one of her friends. That happen because she was asking about my legs being shaved. Not a big deal now but I was a little stressed at the time. She is cool with it. I met and made friends with a couple of other people and finaly told them. All of my friends that know want to help me and go out with me dressed up. They have asked me questions and I have shared everything that I can. It is great that I can be comfortable. I have moved quite a few times in the last couple of years and now I am closer to certain people. You may not think this is a big deal but when you stay with friends and they have no problem washing your clothes. I do not have to be shy about panties in the wash and other girl clothes. I only really have a couple of people that are friends I see ocasionally that do not know about me. I really stick close to the ones that really know me and that I can be open and honest with. Jena

[MJ]

thanks to my ex everybody knows i had to tell my side of the family my younger sister and brother are not happy, but my older sister is great in fact she is coming for a visit today so when i get the chance i will take pictures :happy:

[CindyFinalyFree]

I consider myself blessed that none of the family members I've told have had a 'severe' reaction. I only say severe because one (of 6) is my only full brother, and isn't really sure about it. The others seem to be fine with it, especially my older sister and mother. Amazingly, two of my half-brothers seem to be fine with it, although one of them, I don't think understands that for me, it's ongoing, and progressing.

I've only been out (to family) for 3-6 months (depending on which family member we're referring to). I keep telling myself to take it easy and pace myself when it comes to disclosing more and more details. Remember.. (for those of us who consider themselves TG) While it may have been a lifetime of contemplation for us, To those who only 'just' found out, we must be aware that they've already formed a mental image of us. Telling them one day and showing up on their stoop the next in femme is generally not recommended. Just give it time. In some cases, they may not be aware of the sincerity of your ambitions, or the depth from which they come. There 'are' those that have fetishes, which a lot of people tend to draw a correlation between CD'ing and such things, and it may be difficult for someone to distinguish our plight from such things unless they understand what it is we're trying to accomplish through our TG behavior.

My roomate, on the other hand, is super understanding. I 'do' spend a lot of time talking about it with her, of course. I told her about Cindy before we even 'set' a first date. We still went out, but in the end, she didn't want to deal with the whole 'competition' for femeninity thing, which I fully understand. We ended up becoming close friends, and I eventually moved in as a house-mate. It's great to be able to come home, change clothes (although I hardly have time) and lounge around. We even go shopping together (me in drab... I'm not quite 'public' in femme, as I'm trying to assemble a fair wardrobe first.. hell, I 'just' bought my first purse two days ago).

Anyway, like I said, take it easy. While we've had a great deal of time to think it over, those in our lives that only recently found out may need time to adjust before being able to accept 'all' of our new persona. Part of that is open discussion. Again, unlike many of us, they aren't pre-occupied with these thoughts. Just because you tell them, doesn't mean they've actually 'thought' about it since that moment in time. If it's important to you that a particular person should know more details, it will most likely be up to 'you' to fill them in, don't expect them to bring up the subject. Don't assume they aren't willing to discuss it either, just because they don't initiate the topic. Just don't be obsessive about it. Don't assume they're 100% comfortable either. The conversations can be awkward, to say the least. But trust that in time, if the person is truely accepting of your new image, they'll hear you out. And you'll be more confident in starting and carrying on other 'discovery' conversations with those who aren't so warm to the idea.

Hope that helps.

[Holly]

Both of my adult children know and rarely ask about anything gender related but still treat me as dad, like nothing has changed (I guess because nothing has changed:D ). My wife and I talk about TG issues more regularly but not what I would call often. She is a very compassionate and understanding woman whom I love dearly. As for other friends I have told, the relationships have not changed but we don't talk about gender except on rare occasions. What this tells me is that my gender identity is of little or no significance to them. There issue is with me as a person and whether I identify as male, female, or somewhere in between has no impact. I'd say that is a good thing.

[bgirl]

Its almost the same except she knows. I feel she hopes it will just go away. I drees by myself and any other activity is by negotiation over a long period of time. Shaving my face is one of those negotiations. We are ok just a little confused. Planning a field trip out and have been putting the pieces together slowly for a few weeks down the road. I can only supress the urges for so long. Eventualy she will see that is so. I am still happy about this. I am still married to a wonderful woman that still accepts me the way I am. She just doesn't want to see her.

[CindyFinalyFree]

... What this tells me is that my gender identity is of little or no significance to them. There issue is with me as a person and whether I identify as male, female, or somewhere in between has no impact. I'd say that is a good thing.

Very good point, Holly. Everyone has their own issues. What I was getting at is that it would be selfish to expect others to put dealing with 'our' issue ahead of other things in their lives. To them, like you said, it may not be an issue at all. You know the saying... 'Don't make a mountain out of a mole-hill". With most of the family member's I've told, I expected mount St. Helens and got rolling plains.

[Gina_darling]

So far it's been a case of do what you feel but don't involve us! I hope one day to just be accepted for who I am on the inside, but that will only come with time and patience. If it never comes then I will accept that too.

[Stephenie S]

When I told my sister, she said, "Isn't it great that as we get older (don't even think of asking), we can do things that we never would have done before." She is the only one of my siblings I have told directly. They all live a ways away. I have heard nothing else from my sister except normal brother/sister stuff, and don't really expect to. My gender confusion doesn't really affect her life.

My wife, on the other hand, talks openly about my gender with her friends. Thus, all her friends know, or know of, Stephenie. She has told one daughter-in-law, who was visiting at the time, so I don't know how many other family members know at this point. A few of her children are fundamentalist Christian, so I am a little concerned about their reaction.

I do feel that I have to take responsibility for myself in all of this, and present to the world as I really am. You know, this is the way I want to dress, so I better get used to other peoples' reaction to it.

And, as I have said, OVER and OVER again on this forum, when push comes to shove, NOBODY seems to give much of a damn how I dress. I really think that 99% of the people I pass by just don't see me, and those that I have to deal with directly (i.e. when I have to open my mouth and speak), either don't care or are too polite to say anything. Once you can get someone to smile at you, the battle is won. So if you are wondering what someone's reaction to you is going to be, stick a big s**t eatin' grin on your face, (a la Karren Hutton), and get out there. You'll do just fine.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[JessiRed]

My parents stance on the subject was, "You were born male, you are a male, and that's what you are supposed to be. We don't agree with your feelings but we will support and love you no matter what you choose."

While it wasn't the MOST supportive response ever they do support and love me so I feel lucky. As for my friends, most of them know, except for the guys in my band. I don't know what they would say but I'm not ready to find out either.

[Angie G]

Only my wife knows we talk of it a bit she is great about my dressing and we some times go shoping for :hugs:
Angie

[joann07]

None of my family knows and only two of my friends know.
My one friend is gay and we've known each other since we were little kids. He's like a brother to me and when I told him he was very accepting. He said that he had no issues with me being a crossdresser. Initially, he asked me if I was gay, but said no. I told him that I've always been attracted to women. Its just that I also want to wear what they're wearing.
I figured he would be the first one to tell since he's very understanding and I owed to him since he was first to come out and tell me that he is gay.

My other friend is a GG whom I've known since our college days. We have a very close friendship and when I first told her she wasn't shocked at all. I started our conversation by telling her that I wasn't gay and that I'm attracted to women.
The next thing I did was take off my shoes and show her my nylon covered feet. When she saw them, she wasn't surprised. She actually commented at how pretty my toe nails looked since I had painted them with red nail polish.
After I show her that, I mentioned that there was more I had to tell her so then I proceed to tell her about my history of wearing mainly pantyhose and then, more recently, buying shoes, panties, bras, skirts, and dresses which then lead up to me fully crossdressing. She was very open and said that she has no problem with me crossdressing. And as long as I'm happy she's happy. I thanked her for being understanding and told her the reason why I had chose her is because I noticed that she always wears outfits and dresses that are nice and stylish and so I figured she would be a great fashion consultant.
She was very flattered and said that if I need any help she would gladly lend a hand.
I thanked her again and then asked if she could come help me find a new outfit for my next support group meeting. She said that would and so we went out shopping.

I've gone over to her place to model clothes and she has been very helpful in mixing and matching various outfits as well as giving me advice on make up. She's a great asset!

[Jenn2716]

Well, due to a relationship crisis a couple of months ago, my wife and I decided to come out to both of our parents. Her parents were like, "we still love you both, and want you to stay together and be happy." The said it didn't change how they felt about me and that they still cared for me and respected me. They live far away but are coming for a visit this weekend. My mother-in-law even joked that I had better stay out of her suitcase, she'll be watching. So that's good that she can joke about it.

My parents took it a little harder. Worried that my cding might lead down the path of a sex change, which is what my wife has been worrying about lately (which in turn lead to our relationship crisis). Once I was able to convice everybody that living full time as a woman is not on my to do list, they were able to accept it and tell me that they still love me. My mom can't quite to actually talk about specifics (words like crossdressing, transgender, dressing up) but she is happy my wife is supporting in this again. My Dad knows but we don't really talk about it. He just ask if "things" are going ok between me and my wife, and as long as were happy, he's happy.

So, that's about as good as it gets when it comes to having accepting parents.

[Princess29]

I've told pretty much everyone who's important in my life who I wanted to know and their reaction has been basically positive and they had questions for me (understandibly) but they don't treat me any different.

[Mitch23]

I was wondering for those who have told family members, friends or anyone else close to them about their interest in crossdressing (part time, full time or whatever you're into), after the initial shock and reaction had subsided, what happened then? Is it something that they talk about with you? eg does your sister phone up and ask you to go dress shopping or is it never mentioned again even if the people you told reacted in a postive manner. Do they bring it up in any way or is it a case of "yeah that's great, but just keep it to yourself ok".


Melissa
as others have suggested, there comes the initial rush when you are 'out' and you want to tell the world - like have a big neon sign revolving above your head. then you get a bit surprised and disappointed by the reaction which is generally indifferent. then i suppose comes wisdom - its no big deal, you tell who you want and just get on with life.

mitch

[Princess29]

as others have suggested, there comes the initial rush when you are 'out' and you want to tell the world - like have a big neon sign revolving above your head. then you get a bit surprised and disappointed by the reaction which is generally indifferent. then i suppose comes wisdom - its no big deal, you tell who you want and just get on with life.

mitch

Mitch, you've hit the nail right on the head there. That sums up the situation perfectly to me