Laws of Attraction

[MoonBaby GG]

My spouse and I have been working through our own set of issues and have leapt over many tiny hurdles but the one that knocks me down, time-and-time again is the issue of transition. My partner mentioned today they are going to have FFS (essentially a feminization procedure on the face), but not going through hormones or the final surgery/body modifications. This may not happen for a few years but it still gives me pause.

I feel so many conflicting emotions hearing this bit of news. It also makes me wonder about if so many things change body-wise...are you really traveling with the same person you set out on the path with? I'll try not to get too "New Agey" but I believe that the body is merely a SHELL that encases and holds our energies. We shouldn't be defined by our genetic sex at all. It would be lovely to have a blend of both genders and everyone express those parts equally and without societal limitations.

I also understand how they are still the same person on the inside/soul level...but what about if the subject is approached from they dynamics of physical attraction?

On a personal level I will tell you this:
I love diversity, am bi-sexual, open minded and fiercely monogamous and devoted to my partner. "Normal" is a ridiculous concept. I have don't have any problems with folks being straight/hetero, androgynous, gay, bi-sexual, lesbian, trans-sexual or whatever label is out there. They all seem to limit us. I genuinely want to understand, be more compassionate, grow together, reconnect, and learn how to be attracted to my partner in both forms ~ however he/she chooses to dress and act. I'm just not certain how to bridge the gap and you literally can't force desire. I welcome any thoughts, advice and your responses.

(FYI: X-Posted to the MHB boards for further comments. Those of you who frequent both places might see this post again.)

[Kate Simmons]

On my personal journey, I have learned that what you say is true Moonbaby about our bodies merely being a shell that contain our energies. Balancing those energies is the key and that goal is part of who I am and what I'm all about. I try to get the point across that our physical appearance is much ado about nothing but sometimes I wonder if anyone is getting it.
Sometimes our own physical appearance is what we use to define ourselves plus the feedback from the outside world. The important thing is who we are as a person inside, our living essense, our soul as it were. Being physical beings, it's hard to overcome the physical parameters sometimes because physically we exist in 3 dimensions. There is much more to it than that, however, as I'm sure you are well aware. This creates a great deal of confusion for some.
In my mind it's the quality of who we are, regardless of what we look like. This is why I have chosen to shift my perception from the physical aspects to the spiritual ones and that is what I look at in others. The people here are my friends and what makes them happy makes me happy, mainly because I am happy for them. We come from various backgrounds and various experiences and some may feel they need to alter themselves physically to really be themselves and that is fine and in some cases necessary for both their well being and a true sense of self.
The only thing I am saying is that in my mind, my friends are my friends and I accept them for who they are and who they want to be but they don't necessarily have to change as far as I am concerned as they are my friends regardless. I used to think I needed to change myself because I felt there were very few options. I no longer think that is necessary as I've come to accept myself and integrate my feelings and have a whole different outlook and am in control of my own destiny. Not a bad place to be really. Everyone is different though and has to make their own decision in regard to this and that may mean feeling that they have to make changes.:happy:

[AmberTG]

The main problem with physical attraction is that it is purely a physical thing. It tends to get in the way of sensible thought, survival of the species, the urge to procreate, all that stuff! Leaving the fun factor out of it for this discussion, that instinctive drive can be hard to ignore and sometimes doesn't make any sense at all. Also, It's really hard to change the things that attract you to another person, even if you could figure them out, you either are or are not physically attracted to someone else, based on physical traits. If someone changes those physically traits too much, you could very well end up being no longer physically attracted to them, it's an instinctive thing that we just can't do too much about. I can see where it would be a struggle for anyone going through this process with a significant other.
All I can do here is wish you luck with the process and I hope it works out well for you.

[Shelly R]

Moon Baby.
First off, I have to commend you on your views about social diversity, and "alternate" lifestyles! :hugs: The world would be a far better place with more attitudes like yours.
Your understandable apprehension, or confusion about what your "partner" is doing "to" herself, and maybe her whole future, has managed to jar your foundation. Like throwing one tiny pebble in a still pond, the ripples have changed the pond. Like your partner is making a physical change, her inner self will never change, the pond is still there, she is still the same person you started out on your journey with. The physical presentation, is only a presentation of how we feel about ourselves. putting ourselves in alignment, so to speek.
You said it yourself, "learn how to be attracted to my partner in both forms however he/she chooses to dress and act" but nothing about the physical presentation she has chosen to change. "Dress and act", tells you that the MAN you are involved with will always be there, to change the physical pushes the boundaries of , if she does this, will she still be the man I knew? It's how you choose to look at your situation. Right now he has "rocked your world" with the revelation that "status quo" has now changed, in his favor, seemingly to exclude you, and your feelings. The ball is now in your court, to decide if physical changes are the deciding factor in yes, or no.
When you say "physical attraction" do you mean the "rutting instinct" the instinct to pro-create? or the simple act of sexual gratification between a couple that "loves" each other? Right now as I see it, you are in no danger of loosing the "man" you have come to know and love. The road through transition is a long, and hard road, ask anyone here. This was not over an overnight decision on the path we decided to follow. She may not ever continue down this path.
Please, continue to "leap" over the hurdles you two have to go through, you both can only get stronger in the end.
My heart goes out to you, and your partner, this is a tough moment in any relationship. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Much love, Shelly

[kerrianna]

I can see why Karen is so in love with you Moon Baby. You seem like a wonderfully perceptive, loving, open person, and I think if anyone can make this work you two can.

I know this has come at you very suddenly and I admire the way you've handled it. I sense that Karen is eager to make up for lost time - I know exactly how that feels - but I do hope she is including you in her plans. It's a very difficult position for both of you, but by working together I can see it working for you.

The question of physical attraction changing is a good one. Because it's premeditated on her part it's a bit different, but the fact is as we age together we change physically too and sometimes those changes aren't for the better as far as one partner or the other is concerned. But if they happen over time hopefully a stronger bond builds and that supercedes physical atttraction.

Personally from her picture I think Karen is pretty cute and not far from feminine as it is, so maybe in her case the surgery wouldn't be too altering, more subtle. Maybe what you guys need to do is get a good idea beforehand what she will look like afterward and see how that strikes you. You might indeed find you like it as much or more.

I hope Karen learns to take enough time so you both don't feel off balance. I sense she's starting to settle into it a bit, so keep talking it out and stay honest and true with each other.

Good luck. :hugs:

[KrazyKat]

MoonBaby, if you are a partnership of 2 people, I'm finding that I am transitioning with my Mate. Luckily, I also have no hangups about being "normal", I hate the term. But there are still feelings I have to change some of my thinking about. Bottom line, I'm 53, and still madly in love with my Mate, man, girl, gypsy, or whateever!

I felt like this from the beginning, but I did have some ah-ha moments, some anger that confused me, and I have worked thru all of it, most days. I'm farther ahead, but it's not always because of support sites, sometimes they make things worse, like I've a new audience who decides how I should feel. I have to step back and meditate on how I feel, period. Hope this helps, Kat:hugs: