Well girls it happend - breakup with gf

[veronicagurl85]

After 4 months together my gf broke up with me. She just could not handle that I was a cd. I told her from the very beginning and she said she was ok with it and even went shopping with me on numerous occasions. But she had been lying to me the whole time she was not ok with it and even called it gross, weird and disgusting. It realy hit me hard that she didn't tell me earlier but I should have seen it comming. Well just wanted to let you girls know. Do you girls have any similar stories like mine where they lied to your face and left you? Would love to hear. Thanks for listening to me.

Hugs and kisses
Vero

Ps Vero is not going away hehe I've come to far to quit with my dressing

[Dixie]

That's never happened to me, but then my wife is the first person to know about it, and she was the one who initiated it in our relationship, that was in 1987, haven't had to hide since, except from othersw.

[Carin's Wife GG]

for you especially but for her too. Imagine living with yourself knowing you are a liar?


Louise.

[MJ]

i am sorry to hear that, but you now have a chance to find someone who will accept you for who you are

[marissatv]

Don't worry sister, at least you were honest! You'll find someone. The thing I don't get about some of these GG is they think it is perfectly ok to wear men's clothes and complain that men are not sensitive enough. I'm bi and prefer my playmates in panties.

Good luck hon.

- Marissa

[Katrina]

I'm sorry you broke up. It is better to be on your own than in a relationship with an unaccepting person. Sounds like she did you both a disservice by lying about her acceptance. Its her loss.

[sandra-leigh]

she said she was ok with it and even went shopping with me on numerous occasions. But she had been lying to me the whole time she was not ok with it and even called it gross, weird and disgusting.

She might have been hoping she would "grow into it" but found that it just didn't happen for her.

[Sallee]

To bad I am sorry to hear that But it doesn't surprise me. They or she in this case could handle it intellectually but not emotionally. My wife is kind of the same way. We use to go out together and hang with other CD GG couples but the novelty wore off for her. In her case she still puts up with it but would rather not and certainly won't encourage it any more. It takes a special GG to deal with CDing I will agree with your x gg it is weird but thats OK and even kind of fun :2c:

[krisla]

I'm with Marissa you were honest. I told my wife before we were married and she affirmed that she loved me but would not participate or help. She was also honest and we have made it work. It's a hobby she is not into like golfing. You are lucky you found out early she could not handle it.

Wishing you the best

Krisla

[Bianca T-Girl]

I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out for you, but you can't win 'em all and life must go on.

Bianca

[lindase4da]

I can't help but wonder if the CDing was the only thing that caused you to separate. Often there are other factors that are present in relationships that cause them to derail.
I agree that honesty is the best basis for any relationship. Keep tellling the truth.
My best to you both.

[Andrea84MN]

Veronica,

My GF and I broke up about two weeks ago. We had been dating for about 1 and 1/2. There were a lot of little things that were going wrong in the relationship but me CDing was definately one of them. She helped me a lot too. We went shopping, she helped me pick out my first and only wig, bought me breast forms for X-mas, all kinds of stuff. She later told me that she hated seeing me dressed as a girl and hated the fact that I did it when she wasn't even around. I guess there's nothing I can do about that.

The thing I'm now worried about most is dating again. CDing has become a bigger part of my life. I do it almost everyday and I'm close to wearing panties 24/7. I'm also 23. I'm worried girls my age won't understand and it will be hard for me to find that special someone.

Anyways, I know exactly how you feel. I hope things work out for you.

Hugs,

Andrea

[Carin's Wife GG]

Veronica,

My GF and I broke up about two weeks ago. We had been dating for about 1 and 1/2. There were a lot of little things that were going wrong in the relationship but me CDing was definately one of them. She helped me a lot too. We went shopping, she helped me pick out my first and only wig, bought me breast forms for X-mas, all kinds of stuff. She later told me that she hated seeing me dressed as a girl and hated the fact that I did it when she wasn't even around. I guess there's nothing I can do about that.

The thing I'm now worried about most is dating again. CDing has become a bigger part of my life. I do it almost everyday and I'm close to wearing panties 24/7. I'm also 23. I'm worried girls my age won't understand and it will be hard for me to find that special someone.

Anyways, I know exactly how you feel. I hope things work out for you.

Hugs,

Andrea

I would hope that if she had told me about her TG status back then I would still marry her. But I honestly do not know. all I know now is I love all parts of her and always will.


Louise.

[Roxi Loh]

...but moving on may be the best thing. I have always believed that being up front is the best way to go. I am not going to give you experiences that I have had because all of these relationships are different. Better that you were not married. That can get more involved. Being CD can be lonely at times. Not sure any of this helps.

[lindsaycd75]

sorry to hear that.

[SandyR]

Veronica,

Honest is best. It may not seem like it now, but I think it will work out. Been married 23 years, she just found out 6 months ago. Its working out, but I would not recommend it. I really respect your honesty!

Kisses.

SandyR

[Jennaie]

Look! She tried to accept it, it just did not work for her. Perhaps you see it as a lie, but I have on many occasions told someone that such and such did not bother me or offend me when it actually did.

I was trying to be understanding, and yes, they had other qualities that I admired, but it did not take too long before I had to admit to them that I could not tolerate the offending behavior.

I give her credit for trying and don't think you should be angry towards her when she did her best to accept and simply could not come to grips with it. She did try.

[CindyFinalyFree]

I too agree with the honesty approach. It's one thing to hide it from new 'acquaintance's... but when the prospect of a partner or soulmate is in the balance, it is ALWAYS best to be open and honest in all ways and from the beginning.

I have a success story, but only after a failed relationship. My x, whom I lived with for some total 15 years, left me at the '7 year itch' stage (I guess women have them too..). We got back together a year later, but 'AFTER' I had told her about CD'ing. We even did the 'halloween excuse' get-up for me. She moved in a week later, I felt satiated (at the time), and 7 years later, she let's out that she can't stand to see me 'that way'.

Sooo, a month after she left me, I met a wonderful lady. We flirted, and ended up trading phone numbers. Well, a week later, we went out, but the night before, I told her on the phone that I prefer to be in femme to relax, and we 'still' went out on a date (me in drab of course, I'm not public 'yet'...). After two dates, though, things changed. It turns out that she doesn't want to compete for the feminine attention... ie, she wants to be the female in the relationship, and 'needs' a masculine partner. That's fully understandable in my book, and I applaud her openness in telling me instead of lying about it for years on end.

Well, after all that, her and I (my new lady friend) grew closer. two months later, we share an apartment, shop together, and share intimate thoughts (her about her boyfriend, and I about my gender identity journey). So let that be a lesson for you. The first girl, lied, and wasted time, but only because I didn't press the issue and tell her myself, just how much of a part of me that femininity is. After all, 7 years ago, I was only discovering it, and at the time, thought I was satiated until about 2 years ago. The second gal returned my honesty with equal honesty, and we ended up as what 'I' consider best friends... the 'girlfriend' kind.... the best kind.

So be honest in your quest for a new relationship. You don't always have to end up as lovers... more importantly, ALL involved need to be worthy of friendship. Both relationships require complete honesty if you want to live happily

[Satrana]

It is sad that she lied about how accepting she was, if she had told the truth that crossdressing bothered her, you could have approached the issue quite differently and been considerate to her feelings and taken things slowly step by step. This may have led to a different outcome.

This is really the counterpart situation of cds not telling their SOs. Cds don't want to hurt their partners, don't want to be seen as a bad person, don't want to scare their partners away so they decide to remain in the closet. Your gf basically did the same thing, she withheld her true feelings and remained inside her own closet for similar reasons.

The best course of action is for everybody to be honest but it is difficult to do as we habitually withhold our "bad" thoughts and behaviours from those we have close relationships with.

Can I suggest that you take this as a learning experience. Women are not educated or conditioned into beliving men have or want to display femininty. This means that any woman you met who claims to be ok with it you should be cautious in believing. You should try to uncover why she thinks crossdressing is ok and why it does not affect her. From her answers you can deduce for yourself if she really believes in what she is telling you.

For example in my situation my wife was exposed to the GLBT community her entire life so was completely unfazed with my crossdressing since she had seen crossdresssed and effeminate men from childhood onwards. Understanding your partner's belief system will give you a good indicator if she is telling you the truth.

[RachelDenise]

My very first serious long term relationship ended shortly after my letting the secret out. It didn't end right away, just sort of fizzled out after being together for 2 years. I think it colored my telling others. Unfortunately my wife found out the hard way....by accident and although it hasn't ended, it certainly has made our marriage diffferent.

[Tamera]

Honesty is the best Policy:

At least now you have money $$$$ to spend on YOUR girly stuff instead of HERS:2c:

LOL
Tamera

[MsJanessa]

A lot of GGs initially think they are "ok" with transgendered behavior but the more they are exposed to it, the less likly they are to accept it---you are lucky she came to that realization after 4 months, rather than after 4 years, a marraige ceremony, a house purchase and kids---trust Me its a lot easier to walk away from it now. I personally think your best bet to find a good personal relationship is to look for a GG (or guy or another TG, depending on your taste) who is really into TGs, and /or femme guys---it really only works well if both partners are enjoying it.

[Josephine 1941]

Hi

I hope I don't drag this out to long. First my exwife of 30 yrs new from day one an as long as she did'nt see, it was suppost to be all right. She brought it up thur the lawyer an as I told my lawyer it was a non issue. My new girl friend an I were having a glass of wine at her home an I told her. We talked for a while an she told me no problem. We now have what I think is a great relationship, we are both the same size. She wears more of my cloths then I of hers. We CDs have a better fashion sense then some women. To find some one to share all aspecks of life is great, but rember life an women change. So enjoy what ever please you.

Josephine

[Cheyenne]

If I knew it was destroying the relationship I would have stopped cd'ing right away. Relationships aren't exactly easy to come by.

[Karren H]

That sucks, V.... Sorry to hear about that...

Karren

[Priscilla Ann]

Veronica, I have had similiar experiences. At first they said they were okay with my crossdressing then later told me I was a total weirdo. When this happens all I have to say is "Next".

[Tree GG]

...They or she in this case could handle it intellectually but not emotionally. ...


Look! She tried to accept it, it just did not work for her. Perhaps you see it as a lie, ...

I give her credit for trying and don't think you should be angry towards her when she did her best to accept and simply could not come to grips with it. She did try.

:iagree:

OK, she probably should've said, "I think enough of you to give this a shot, but I'm not sure." Instead of, "I'm OK with it". But IMO you're not appreciating the effort - even though it wasn't successful. Please realize that 90% of the population have no clue what CDing & TG is. Accepting/tolerating/supporting those gender issues for the community in general is one thing, but to make it your own lifestyle is something completely different - especially for those of us without the TG feelings.

I'm sorry you're feeling hurt, angry & betrayed. I'm sure she could've handled it more honestly, but it does sound like she may have believed it was no big deal in the beginning, but found it did make a difference to her.

[Di]

Your being honest with her was worth it...because it is up front and yrs down the road...your life doesn't blow up in your face....and I do not think she lied I think she wanted to accept but found she could not.................also it is good she spoke the truth............BUT there are girls that are accepting out there...trust me there are...you just did not find THE one.....best wishes.

[Marcie Sexton]

Keep the faith...

Its her loss, not yours...

[Angie G]

Sorry about thh GF hun I know it 's hard but life gos on so getout there and live life :hugs:
Angie

[Rebecca_Annette]

But she had been lying to me the whole time she was not ok with it

Could it be that she wasn't just "out-and-out" lying? Perhaps she thought enough of you to try to come to terms with what she felt was strange, and in the end she just could not do it?

Just a thought.

Anyway, I'm sorry your relationship is over, try not to be too down, some things are not meant to be, and when they are not meant to be, they wilt and fade. Some things are meant to be, and when those things happen they blossom like a beautiful and perfect rose.

[Fab Karen]

The two big fears for GG's are that you want to be with men, or that you are TS and want to change your body.
The third issue which some have is the old myth that a man is the exact opposite of a woman. If they require that a man play that role, then they probably won't be able to handle having a relationship with a CD.

[Bernadina]

I think you played that one right.

Upfront about everything. And then found out before it was too late that there was going to be a problem.

Sorry it happened. Better now than later.

Keep looking. Accepting GG's are out there. I found one and married her.

[az_azeel]

If I knew it was destroying the relationship I would have stopped cd'ing right away. Relationships aren't exactly easy to come by.

I know from reading a lot of posts on this forum that you can't stop c/ding no matter how hard you try...


Veronica I am sorry to hear about your break up... but at least your free to find someone that will accept you. It took me a long time but I did eventualy... good luck on your new found freedom, take care :hugs:

[Sweet Cindy]

That sucks, Vero. Sorry to hear about the breakup. They're never easy, no matter what the circumstances. Keep you pretty chin up - you'll find something better!

Cindy

[faltenrock]

I'm sorry to hear that.

A loss also means a new beginning and start. Perhaps you'll be able to find someone, who can actually accept it and perhaps enjoys it as part of you.

Doreen

[Lady Phoenix]

you werent aware of, and cding is a ready made excuse to run for the door.

[EmmaB GG]

I think that we all have to be aware that the ex-gf is not here to give her thoughts on this, which is sad as it's all too easy for any of us to hear and see what we want to when it's a one sided point of view.

But the main thing, she tried to understand, which is a lot more than many gg's do, I'll bet! And trying is, at times, more than hard, it seems impossible, pointless, desperate .... you name it, many of us GG's here have possibly been through that and more. Your heart breaks then you fall in love again, then you get frustrated and so the circle goes, sometimes for years - you may have no idea of the rollercoaster that 'becoming accepting' can be.

Don't be too hard on her, and that's to all of us reading this - she might just be tearing herslf up inside about it, you know. The rollercoaster isn't for everyone ...

[Sheri 4242]

" . . . you are lucky she came to that realization after 4 months, rather than after 4 years, a marraige ceremony, a house purchase and kids---trust Me its a lot easier to walk away from it now."

Wow is that ever the truth!!! And, it is true with a lot of aspects regarding marriage. One of my daughters was so'ooo close to marrying her bf -- felt she had to b/c they made a baby (and he made her feel like nobody would ever want her b/c she was "damaged goods" b/c she has a baby -- his words). It was becoming evident that he was quite abusive, as well as controlling and a deadbeat!!! Far, far better to know at this point!!! Read the post I just made to Dee about my life experiences and my first marriage and divorce. It is sort of long, but it illustrates that there are plenty of accepting and supportive GGs who will truly have no problem with CDing -- who will embrace it as a very important part of what makes you, you. Like I heard on the radio the other day, this is why engagements should be about a year -- it gives you both a chance to find out about the other. What seems to be often isn't after the "new" wears off!

[Sheri 4242]

But IMO you're not appreciating the effort - even though it wasn't successful. . . . but it does sound like she may have believed it was no big deal in the beginning, but found it did make a difference to her.

We really can't judge if she made any effort at all. Maybe she thought it was a passing thing -- OR maybe she just wanted to get married so badly that she decided to say it was okay. (Seen too much of that lately, starting with one of my daughters!) Maybe she really did believe it was okay and wouldn't make a difference. Maybe she did try. Maybe it was something else altogether. We don't know b/c we haven't heard her side -- and probably won't. Regardless whether she tried or not, it is better he found out now.

[veronicagurl85]

I first of all want to thank all you lovely ladies for responding to my thread. To tell you all the truth I don't feel to bad about the breakup I knew it was bound to happen. What I'm trying to say is that also she told me countless times that it was no problem and even encouraged it but I never really exposed it to her. But it was a constant thing of me reminding her that I was not gay and other things. But she had always told me it was fine I mean I knew she tried to understand and accept but it just wasn't happening. But anyways thanks again girls for al your support and words of kindness. Thanks. I will eventually find that special lady who accepts vero. Thanks again so much ladies.

Much love
Vero

[chantelle]

Not sure what to say to this, every person on this planet says they are okay, but most times they are just hiding it. Welcome to reality. May your heart heal from this and we are hoping that you dont leave here so that we can talk to you more about it.
Hugs
Chantelle. (Smiling)

[Kristen Kelly]

It takes a special person to accept us, a person that can think on their own and not be worried what others might think. I wouldn't worry or do things different in the future be honest to yourself and her and keep the communication channels open.

[latinatv]

I think someone said it before, there may have been another reason and this was the best way for her to break it off and hurt you in the process.

[Lisa Golightly]

Don't be too harsh on her... Love blinds us into declarations where nothing matters, but all too often it does and we end up eating our words like ashes... Maybe she really wanted to accept you, but couldn't... Let her go, and be happy... Those who touch our lives do so for a reason.

[Rita B]

A few weeks ago the wife and I had some very strong arguments. There were threats of separation and living apart. At first, I was really at a lost of how I was going to live and get by on SS etc... I thought that I would have to go back to work at my age which is not easy. But the idea of separating and living on my own was the trigger to get me back crossdressing. Right now my wife is in Florida on holiday until the 27th of May. If when she comes back, the issue of separation comes up again, I will just let it happen. I have not done any crossdressing since we got married some 15 years ago, but we all know that it never goes away. I have met so many wonderful crossdressers in the past few weeks that I know if I had to live alone, I would have a lot of friends

Hugs, Rita