Should I Come Out to My Brother

[trannie T]

I am going to a family reunion this summer and will see my brother for the first time in four years. We haven't been close for years and usually go years without seeing each other. I call him a couple of times a year, he rarely calls me. I am somewhat of a free spirit, he is a Methodist minister. I live in California he is in the midwest. I am single and if I were to pass on unexpectedly it would be pretty obvious that I had been a crossdressser when my bras, dresses, shoes and a gazillion pairs of panties are discovered in my house. I don't know what I would gain or lose by coming out to him. I am not counting on him for any kind of acceptance although I am sure he would either be accepting or at least give the appearance of being accepting.

While I have posted many times advocating honesty in relationships my brother and I do not have a close relationship so I do not believe he has an inherent right to be informed of my crossdressing, then again he is my closest relative.

I shall carefully consider each piece of advice offered before I make a decision and post the outcome.

[cd_elsie]

I thought what looked liked it might my bother in a picture post and thru some emails to him with answers to questions he would oly know it turn's out i not only have a brother i have a sister also. Way cool. we have now more in common and get together more often. meaning more than once every four years. Whaty can I say we are family it just we did not know it.

[sami1952]

I always wanted to tell my sisters and brothers about my CD'ing but i haven't had the courage to do it,my sister is gay and she came out a few years back and we don't treat her any different then what we had in the past,but me being a CD is different,i guess, maybe i'll tell my sister about it when the right time comes.we have always been close and i don't think that it would be a problem,but that waits to be seen.

[shericd7]

I'm in the same situation,of telling my brother or not...He lives in calfi.and we havent seen each other in about 10 years or talked except throuh mom and christmas cards...any way I know he is gay,but would he except me as a crossdresser...I'm just not sure and affaird to let him know this...

[MJ]

well i am not sure that it will help. my brother and i were not close but when he was told about me he now wants nothing to do with me and we have not talked in years the family reunion is this month and my family are arriving now but guess who is not invited !!! my oldest sister is over here and i will only get one day with her, better than nothing , just because i live as a woman i lost the love and respect of some of my family.. you must ask yourself is it worth it i wish you all the best...

[Sharon]

I don't see the need in telling everyone in your family that you are a part-time crossdresser, especially if you're not close with them. If you're concerned about what may be found if you die before someone else, then why not just write a letter explaining things and having it attached to your will to be opened when the fateful day comes to be?

[Roberta Lynn]

Unless you feel it's absolutely necessary to tell him. I don't see anything to be gained by doing so.
You're not close to him, you're not being dishonest, you really don't have a relationship with your brother, anyway not one that necessitates that kind of disclosure. :2c:

Of course the reunion could change things
Wait till then to see how you feel.

[Daintre]

I don't sense any closeness between you and your brother, so I don't any need telling him. If you are wanting to become a bigger part of his life then I would gradually lead up to the dressing.

[Jennaie]

Nah, just put a letter in with all your female things: John, Tom, Dick, I know that you will always love me and think of me, but I want you to have these to remind you of all our times together. Keep them till you die, and then we will finally be together again.

I love so much,

Jennaie :D

[crusadergirl]

I have asked myself the samething should i tell my brother. For you tell him if you want too its your life. I'm not that close to my brother either so telling him wouldn't make things better. Now i'm not saying we don't get along its just we don't ever have time to talk one on one.

[Angie G]

Whatever you do good lusk hun :hugs:
Angie

[Jennifer_G]

I am going to a family reunion this summer and will see my brother for the first time in four years. We haven't been close for years and usually go years without seeing each other. I call him a couple of times a year, he rarely calls me. I am somewhat of a free spirit, he is a Methodist minister. I live in California he is in the midwest. I am single and if I were to pass on unexpectedly it would be pretty obvious that I had been a crossdressser when my bras, dresses, shoes and a gazillion pairs of panties are discovered in my house. I don't know what I would gain or lose by coming out to him. I am not counting on him for any kind of acceptance although I am sure he would either be accepting or at least give the appearance of being accepting.

While I have posted many times advocating honesty in relationships my brother and I do not have a close relationship so I do not believe he has an inherent right to be informed of my crossdressing, then again he is my closest relative.

I shall carefully consider each piece of advice offered before I make a decision and post the outcome.

What will you gain by telling him? What will you lose if he takes the news badly? If there is nothing to gain by telling him but potentially more to lose I can't see the point in doing so. I mean he doesn't need to know does he?
Just because we think we are being honest and doing the right thing by coming out sometimes the other party is not so thrilled !!
I wish you well in whatever decision you make.
I'm just errrring on the side of caution.
I'm not saying don't tell, just be 100% sure of your reasons and own motives before doing so.

hugs, Jennifer

[trannie T]

Thank all of you for your advice. The reunion is in July and I have until then to make a decision. One thing I do not wish to do is to leave a note with my girl clothes to be found when I'm gone, that seems pretty tacky to me.

[Jaquelyn]

This story may be a bit lengthy, but it may help both you and I by me telling it.
About 18 years ago, my wife and I had just gotten together, my sister, 10 years my elder, came to us to come out about being gay. She had hidden this from me for fear of rejection. Quite honestly, at the time, I was taken back by this, but, accepted my sister for who she was, and I loved her, she was still my only sister. Really, I should have known all the time, she had always been a dikish female, in dress, and actions. After this, she also came out to several of our family members who live in the midwest, (we had been raised in the S.F. bay area). These were family members she trutsted at the time, but they betrayed her, and before long, the whole family knew, and being the midwest folks that they were, rejected her, and quite frankly, our whole family. After all, what had my parents done wrong that she went down this road, eh?
Fast forward 12 years. Sis is living in the bay area, again (after several years of living in the bible belt getting her masters degree from Oklahoma University) happily being who she really was. She met a lady from the state of texas, whom she fell in love with. She announced she was moving, and buying a home there; ignoring the advice of myself and my wife to stay put here. She hoped to put back together some of the family relationships she longed for, especially since she would be within driving distance of most of our aunts and uncles who had basically shunned her, for so many years.
Well, it didn't work, they made comments of abomination, and going against god, you name it. Furthermore, even though she lived near Dallas, attended a mostly gay church there, the folks of Texas weren't too happy with her either, moving there and contaminating one of their local girls.
You mentioned that your brother is a minister. I would venture to guess that even if your brother wanted to accept you now for who you are; his flock is not going to go for this, and may even go so far as to oust him from his parish if they were to find out that he knew about you. Maybe not, but it is a risk. One that you may want to consider before doing this.:2c:

[Seville]

Lessee, now, he's a Methodist Minister and apparently estranged
from his own family. I see that as a BIG Red Flag. What people
say about love and acceptance in the pulpit does not
necessarily translate into their own personal life.

I vote NO!!!

Seville

[Dena]

I came out to 2 of my sisters about 10-15 years ago. Our relationship
has not changed and the subject never came up again! So I also do
not see a reason to tell unless your paths might cross while you are
dressed.