You want to wear my Bra?

[Melissa Jane Martin]

Hi Girls,

I know that many of us have dressed for a long time. For me it took years and years to really figure it out. Why I wanted to dress and how much I wanted to dress, etc. Until two years ago I didn't have a clue that there were others like me and that a great community of people who existed and were supportive, etc.

I have been thinking alot of the journey (cross dressing wise) that I have been on these last few years. I was reading a post about coping and I thought of something I have not thought of in years. I think it must have been about fifteen years ago at least (my wife and I have been married 25 years). Anyway, I recall a day, when out of the blue I asked my wife if I could wear one of her old bras (which she was throwing away). Wow, you should have seen her face! I could see her smile turn to disgust instantly. I dropped it immediately and backed off. I am sure I made up something like I was just kidding, etc. But I remember feeling the pain that I felt when when I realized what she was thinking at the moment I asked. It made me feel so low, so bad.

That must have been one of my first attempts (lousy) at letting her know that the man she married wore panties (and more).

I am curious about "first discussions" or "first efforts" to communicate your CDing to your spouse or girlfriend. Only now am I really remembering all of the things I did in atempting to open up to her.

Your thoughts?

[JC]

i asked to wear a pair of her panties ... she just walked to the dresser and got a pair.

jc

[bredalee25]

Hi Melissa,
Well here are my thoughts on opening up I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for five years now. I told her up front what i did and she forbid it didn't want any part of it. Recently we were having some problems thinking of breaking up but after alot of talking and sole searching she said she'd accept my dressing. She embraced it with an open mind and heart she joined the forum to learn more about CD's. We shared my dressing and my most inner thoughts. Until she said she couldn't deal with it anymore so i stopped dressing in front of her thinking she just needed some time to adjust. That wasn't the case at all it turned out that my dressing bothered her alot more than she thought it would. So think long and hard before opening up to your wife. Now everyone is different she may act all together the oppisite of my girlfriend. Thats just my thoughts.

[rose382832]

after years of therapy ( for unrelated issues) my therapist suggested that ( to help diffuse the anger i felt) that i should try to get in touch with my femme side. i told that to my wife and she has supported me ever since(she goes shopping with me now, she went out alone and got me my first two outfits.) we have gone out on and off for a full weekend and she enjoyed herself and my alternate self and the gurls that we met. we are going away to the rainbow mountain for a long weekend where i will be dressed the whole time.half of my wardrobe used to be hers ,things that she outgrew, but could not bear to part with. with some work (taking in almost every where they now fit and she still has them?

[MJ]

well Melissa i assume she still does not know, for me i drop hints but nothing happened and then when my doctor told me i need to wear support stockings she laugh so hard but as it was from the doctor it was OK after getting runs in my stocking from my toes we ended up painting them it help i was happy but she was not i tried hinting again it would be fun to dress up all the way she wanted nothing to do with this there was other things i did that she found out OK i got hormones off the net bad idea she found out and that was the last straw i told her how i felt , why i wanted to dress then 3 days later she told me she was telling everybody we knew i wanted to become a woman two days after that her family came over and i was ask to leave , after 21 years it was over , so if your wife is not happy with your wanting to dress watch out

[Seville]

Hon:

I told my wife BEFORE we got serious. Only problem
is that I dress much better than she does. The
jealously thing, you know.

Seville

[EricaCD]

I think the fairly clear consensus on this forum - based on ample experience of the members - is that revelations of our CD nature are best handled by "general" discussion: "I am a crossdresser and this is what that means....." As contrasted with a CD-specific request such as "can I wear your panties?" So I think your best interest would be ideally served by either having a candid discussion, or alternately remaining completely silent.

[Billijo49504]

The other morning, she asked to barrow one of mine...BJ

[Mistybtm]

I told my X wife who I trust and we are still the best of friends That I like to cross dress she is the only one that I have come out to. She is very supportive of me and want to help me in any way that she can, even offered to help me buy a few things on her next visit, also help with make-up.
She excepts me for being me no mater what I am wearing. But she did ask that I do not go out that way and only dress at home or when she is around.
For me it was a very big step in letting some else know what is going on with me. Had to answer a lot of question from here but that was expected.
I sent here some pix of me being dressed and she said i had good tast in clothes.
But I am still a little nervous that I let some one else know plus some what relieved that I did.
Who knows maybe this will bring us back together again.
Mistybtm.

[VeronicaKate]

I think the fairly clear consensus on this forum - based on ample experience of the members - is that revelations of our CD nature are best handled by "general" discussion: "I am a crossdresser and this is what that means....." As contrasted with a CD-specific request such as "can I wear your panties?" So I think your best interest would be ideally served by either having a candid discussion, or alternately remaining completely silent.

Lighten up sister, we are all adults and not all of us handle questions the same way. I think it is nice to see some humor in these threads that do not intenionaly hurt others. I am sure she knows humor when she sees it.

As for the question, I myself have recently came out to my wife. We are best friends and I know we will not seperate becuase I like to wear the finer things in life. It was hard still to open up to her. Really if you read through the threads and listen to what the GG have said, they would rather know, than be lied too. And I believe that this is how my wife also feels. She is a great woman, but I think she is still geting used to the idea of me in a skirt. I know she will be supportive and stand behind what I would like to do.

Any how we all come out at some time or we don't. I simply told my wife that I would look "great in that outfit" and she said "put it on". I think the make up and wig was too much for her, she didn't freak, but she looked at me with curios eyes, I don't think she thought I would look that much like a woman. After the initial "WOW" we cackled and gossiped over some coffee:D wow, what a out of body experience. Really no big deal with her. So as you can see the for some the " can I try those" aproach might work. For others, well they may have a long road in front of them. Which path you and your SO go down, it is still terrifing and exciteing for any CD to form those first words " I like to wear womans clothes". Any ways I usaully don't post becuse I am still learning, but that is my:2c:

I wish the ones with a long road luck, and that you and your SO can find your way together.

Have a great day!
VK

[Ruth]

When you are opening up to your wife or SO, I really don't think that focusing on items of her clothes that you want to wear is a good approach. Unless you're aware that she freely lends her things (including underwear) to girlfriends, you would, for a start, be encroaching on her personal territory. Since you have a rather difficult subject to explain, it would go better if you're not crowding her in that way as well.
I told my wife in a very general way what I liked to do, stressing repeatedly that I still loved her, both emotionally and sexually, and this was a separate thing from our relationship.
Whether this goes for you or not I don't know, but I also stressed that I was not gay, did not want to go with men, and had no ambitions to have any sort of sex-change therapy or surgery.
I did not even suggest she might like to see me dressed, and left that off for some while until she was the one to suggest it.

[LARIE]

I eased into CD'ing gradually over the last couple of years, not a concious effort to do so. I have a medical problem that helped if I wore a waist high girdle. The less expensive girdles, and easiest to find were in the womens dept. From the girdle to panties as they let the girdle slip on easier. So far the wife was happy that I had found a solution that kept me from having surgery. The waist high girdles gave in to the all-in-ones as they were more comfortable and did not roll I abandoned them when using the restrooms got to be a pain. Control top pantyhose came next, and I still had the wife's support, but she did say "You are not going to want to wear dresses, are you?". The pantyhose rolled and were uncomfortable so I suggested a posture bra (I have a slight round in my back) and used 2" long suspenders to connect the hose to the bra. Every thing was fine, so far. Night gowns came next and for six months I wore them from early evening to late morning. She laughed at me a few times, but accepted them as I was so comfortable and relaxed, plus the fact that it appeared that I had had an "attitude adjusment". We held hands more often, went shopping together more, etc. She freaked out when I mentioned that there is not much difference between wearing gowns than having a dress on. She believed that this was a step to changing my gender. After much explanation and after printing an article on cross dressing, she has been a little more acceptive of my dressing. In my case, I dress because of the comfort of the clothes. To me there is nothing like having my legs not encased in pants, plus having the choice of such a wide selection of styles and colors that men's drab do not have.
We were going out last week, and I asked her if I had to change out of my skirt, and she stated " You need a wig to go out like that.". Maybe someday that will happen, as well as make-up and shoes, but that may be a long way off.
As you can see, my wife accepted dressing as long as there was a medical reason, but when I crossed the line into dresses, there was a problem. To me it is important to go very slow, and be open to my wife. Dresses and skirts are now standard for in house wear. I am careful to keep some drab laying around the house in a few places in case I need a quick change.

[marie354]

I told my SO on the third date and she just said OK. I dressed for her once, she smiled and told me that she didn't care to see it, so I kept it hidden. 6 years later she just came up to me and told me that I could dress freely whenever I wanted. A real day of joy for me.
:hugs:

[Mitch23]

Hi Girls,

I know that many of us have dressed for a long time. For me it took years and years to really figure it out. Why I wanted to dress and how much I wanted to dress, etc. Until two years ago I didn't have a clue that there were others like me and that a great community of people who existed and were supportive, etc.

I have been thinking alot of the journey (cross dressing wise) that I have been on these last few years. I was reading a post about coping and I thought of something I have not thought of in years. I think it must have been about fifteen years ago at least (my wife and I have been married 25 years). Anyway, I recall a day, when out of the blue I asked my wife if I could wear one of her old bras (which she was throwing away). Wow, you should have seen her face! I could see her smile turn to disgust instantly. I dropped it immediately and backed off. I am sure I made up something like I was just kidding, etc. But I remember feeling the pain that I felt when when I realized what she was thinking at the moment I asked. It made me feel so low, so bad.

That must have been one of my first attempts (lousy) at letting her know that the man she married wore panties (and more).

I am curious about "first discussions" or "first efforts" to communicate your CDing to your spouse or girlfriend. Only now am I really remembering all of the things I did in atempting to open up to her.

Your thoughts?
but it is those first reactions that can set you back for years - the look of disgust. if you're in anyway sensitive and shy about asking. nothing you can do about it though!

mitch

[karynspanties]

I really never told my wife. She new I liked the feel of nylon and satin during sex. One time, during our first year of marriage (24 years ago) during sex, she took of her camisole and put it on me. That was it, from then on she has bought me panties, cami's, slips etc.

[Angie G]

Melissa my wife had a problem with me wearing a bra I made a deal with her not to weat one in front of her and that was ok.
So is your accepting of your dressing in other items :hugs:
Angie

[Dixie]

My wife dressed me on our 4th or 5th date, so I never had to ask or tell it has just kinda always been so. She has tried several times over the years to get me to go out in public and I have only just recently done so. She said it would be great and she was right!

[Donna Marie]

My wife & I had been separated for a while, but were working on getting back together. So I decided to "have the talk" one evening after a nice dinner date. I explained how seeing a young gal striding along effortlessly in 4inch spike heels at a Sam's Club (!) led me to buy a pair to try on for myself. And how one thing quickly led to another, etc, etc. She seemed amused and bemused. Afterward, she said she was glad I shared that with her and we kissed goodnight. I thought it went really better than I could have ever hoped. After two weeks and hearing nothing more about it, I asked how she felt. She said she did not want to hear any more about it and wished to ignore the matter. And the signal to move back in turned bright red for NO.

Later on I bought a new computer and gave her my old one after purging the files (I thought). Turns out there were some emails that were hiding somewhere and she found them. She told me she was glad I had told her all about me, and that the emails were actually helpful to her understanding. Phew, that could have gone really badly!!

So, here we are 6 years later and still living apart. But we have gone all over the place together. We drove to California and back - about 5,000 miles round trip and 3 weeks. We flew to Ireland for a 3 week stay in the Dublin area. And last year we toured eastern Canada with a stay in Halifax. And we attend church together and take care of each other's dogs as req'd. I guess this ain't too bad - I get to dress up whenever (except when we travel boo hoo). So ya never know how things will go.

[Kristen Kelly]

Hi Girls,
I am curious about "first discussions" or "first efforts" to communicate your CDing to your spouse or girlfriend. Only now am I really remembering all of the things I did in atempting to open up to her.

Your thoughts?

Here are some old Posts how I worked up to tell her, and how she reacted


http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=452762&postcount=1
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=491919&postcount=1
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=493685&postcount=14
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=493759&postcount=17
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=496872&postcount=21
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=507696&postcount=29
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=510646&postcount=1
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=510648&postcount=2
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=510650&postcount=3
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=510862&postcount=10
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=534884&postcount=12
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showpost.php?p=534932&postcount=14

Will sit down soon and write a new update, as my comfort level has improved so has hers.

[juliek]

Twice my wife gave me a pair of panties to wear when we were messing around. The first time it was a gold thong. The second was this pair of panties. Both times she giggled and started messing around and both times she made me take them off within minutes.

I've told her I like wearing them but she always freaks out, gently but says no. To make it worse, she always refers to my boy undies as panties and makes CD remarks. When I respond positively, she always makes it clear that she is just kidding.

Like the other day we wearing watching What Not to Wear and during the makeup part she asked if I was getting any good tips. I said yes, and that I should thin my eyebrows. She agreed.

Just a couple days ago, she made a comment about liking only real men. Dang it.

[Melissa Jane Martin]

As an add on to my fist post....

Yes my wife know about my dressing and has slowly come around. Fifteen years ago (pre-internet) I had little idea of what cross-dressing was. I am sure I didn't consider myself as one (as of course I do now). I just knew that I liked wearing panties and bra. I didn't know why. I didn't really care about the why at that point I guess. But it has been a gradual awakening for me as well. In the past three years I have gone from panties and bra to a closet full of clothes, makeup, three wigs, etc, etc. Luckily I am married to a woman who can adapt!

[Kasandra_]

For me I just had a great experience a few nights ago with my gf ive been with about 2 years now. It first started one night a few months after being with her when I took her panties and put them on and she came to bed and she seen me and thought it was kinky and was kinda turned on by it. Ever since then I can wear her panties whenever I want and she doesnt care because I told her I think there more comfy then boxers and she wears my boxers all the time. (Kinda like an exchange program lol)
So to get back to the story, We're laying in bed finishing up a movie and I put on a pair of her red satin bikini cut panties and jumped back in bed. So out of know where she jokingly called me a crossdresser lol, so I was like you would like that would'nt you. She goes I want to see you in one of my skirt and let me do your make up. So I acted all non-chelant about it, and was like well what do I get for letting you do it (even though I was almost dying for her to do ever since we started dating) she replied "whatever you want".
Now i'm gettin bonus points for letting her do something i've always wanted to lol. So I said to her well do it next week and maybe ill get a wig for ya and entertain you some and if I look good maybe well go shopping(I actually just ordered a wig last week, how convenient haha). She goes, why so we can buy you some more skirts, I jokingly laughed but o wow was i turned on by the whole thing. So this weekend I hope we follow through with this. I'm in no hurry to go out en femme, but hey if I look good fully dressed, as i've never fully dressed before I might take a shot at it.
All in all she seems very open-minded about it even though I havent directly told her yet and I just play everything off like a joke or its her idea and its worked beautifully for me, and I feel very lucky about it because much of what i've been reading many girls have tried this with there SO to little or no success. I wish others like me luck with there first and ongoing communications/coming out!