HELP! What on earth do I do, or say?

[Sarah Plumber]

Ladies I have a big dilema...

My wife recently found some of my stuff. This led to some heated discussions as she has done this many times on and off over the years.

This has led to her telling me that she finally realises what I am (a transvestite) and that there is no way she believes that will change. She cannot and will not live with that. Now rather than suggest that we seperate she says we can continue to live in the same house and I can do what I wish as long as the kids or she never see's it. She does expect to see evidence though and can live with that...so she says...We should stay together until the kids have left home and take it from there. That would be about 10 years or so. Our love life stops here aparently. I have also finaly got my own cash and bank account after many years to spend on what I like.

So technically I'm being let free to dress in what I like when I like but at the same time it seems my marriage is pretty much busted. Seperate beds and all that..Although she says that she will not be looking for anybody else.

So what do I do or say? I'm almost getting what I've always wanted but at the same time loosing something that is very very important to me. I can't help thinking she is trying to force my hand and see my reaction, or trying to get back at me. She claims she is not. She's had enough and as far as I'm concerned I'm a TV and she cannot have an intimate relationship with such.

I suggested that I will be going out shopping this afternoon just to test the water and her reply was, "fine no problem". She will find me somewhere to put my things!

Oh what to do

[trannie T]

Both of you are in desperate need of a good marriage counselor. It looks like you are both unwilling to see the other's point of view. I hope you will be able to communicate with each other and settle your differences.

[Sarah Plumber]

Oh I see her point of view. I always have. I have tried and tried to figure all this out for years. I've stopped, started, stopped, started on and on... I just can't keep away...

I feel so sorry for her and the one person she needs is the one person who is the problem....

[jenni_xx]

Ok, I feel that this may be a little harsh, but please believe me when I say that my intentions are for the best.

Firstly, your wife says she cannot have an intimate relationship with a TV. This, when you actually think about it, is not true. For she has had an intimate relationship with a TV.

Secondly, I think it was wrong of you to test the water by saying that you are going out shopping. That to me, isn't testing the water, but shoving her face right in the water. Her reaction of "Fine No Problem" is a brush off - I believe a reaction to your own insensitivity here. I would suggest a more tactful way of "testing the water" if you want any kind of positive reaction. Just my opinion you understand.

Thirdly, I would suggest you spending some time away. Take a break from work, even offer to take the kids away somewhere for a week for example. You need space from eachother, and, despite the separate beds, being under one roof will not afford either of you this space.

Fourthy, Respect her wishes, but also express a few of your own wishes also. Do you want your marriage to end? If so, end it, not in ten years time when the kids have grown up, but now. A unhappy homelife is an unstable homelife and is a life that the kids will undoubtedly pick up upon. Don't fool yourself into thinking that just because mum and dad are still living in the same house, that the kids will not suffer. They will suffer either way. Look at it this way - your wife is angry with you because you have been dishonest with her - and yet she wants both you and her to be dishonest towards your own children? If she hates you because of your dishonesty, then how do you think your kids will feel if you are dishonest to them? No facades, no games, this is the time for total truths.

Finally, you both need to sit down, after affording one and another some space, and TALK. nothing more, just talk. That means one person talks, the other listens. Then vice versa. Let her go first.

Good luck.

xxx

[Angie G]

I think Jenni has it hun do some thing :hugs:
Angie

[Joy Carter]

She needs an education once she has settled down from the hurt that she has at the present time. She really would benefit from being on the GG forum here and reading the appropriate books.
It ain't that bad in my personal view. I find in my case it's an affront to her up bringing and morals. That one I don't understand. But I have to respect her for that.
Good luck.

[Joanne f]

Hi Sarah,
i think that Jenni is right you need to back off a bit and not shove her face in it, i think it is better to talk about it at the moment rather than you doing it in front of her in that way she might see that she is more important to you than the dressing , then hopefully if she has some feelings for you she will start to think about your needs and come to some sort of sensible arrangement, good luck




joanne

[karynspanties]

I hate to say it. But if that's how she feels....no amount of education on crossdressing is going to change her mind or the image of you dressed. You can definately try counseling, but I would lawyer up.

[Sarah Plumber]

Thanks Girls.

I can see all of your points. But bear in mind we have been discussing this for many years on and off now. She has done some research but refuses to do more even though I have hinted at various organisations/ Websites and Forums. She just doesn't want to know. None of this is new to us at all. We've been through the lot.

So she has been living with it for the last 17 years..Thats quite along time ... In everything else we get along just great and have a fair bit in common. Not everything but more than many. We still love each other. At least I believe so. If we didn't then we would'nt have quite so many problems. Just like most people here it's just so hard to stop perminantly. If we seperate I'm scared that it will unleash a monster in me and I will have almost free reign. Just what I've always wanted to be free to dress, but I still find that hard to deal with if it should happen.

I agree we probably need time apart but that isn't really practical at the moment. I guess we'll just ahve to deal with it the best we can and see what happens. Maybe "suck and see" for a few months then look at things again and see how we feel.

As for the kids. We are both pretty sencible and as every other aspect of our lives is not bad we may be able to cope.

Oh well ......back to it ..........

[Kate Simmons]

I was in your situation Sarah and blew it. Your wife needs to know that she is loved and cherished above everything else. Only you know how important CDing is to you. We now live apart and I have "free reign" but for me it is mostly empty because I am alone and I dress these days mostly by default. If I were given a second chance, I would gladly take it. It's like the old saying:"be careful what you wish for". The "genie" never told me it would be like this.:straightface:

[Emily Ann Brown]

Sounds like my last 18 months Sarah........wish I had perfect advice, but I don't (since my marrage failed I have ZERO good advice). I do know our communication broke down after a while (she asked same question, I gave beginning of same answer, she screamed she wanted Em gone and her hubby back, and I got drowned out) so DON'T QUIT TALKING....about ANYTHING !!!!!!!


Emily Ann

[Andrea Nicole]

You made the ultimate committment years ago by having children. You have not lived up to that committment as far as your wife is concerned. You have made your choice, you chose your "want" vs. the family.
This is over, realize it. Soon, it will be a lot more than separate beds.
You have really let your family down .....
Life is full of choices ...... you made yours ...

[MJ]

i don't wish to sound cruel ... but it's over .. make sure you get your cheque put into your own account find your self an apartment and move on

there is nothing worse than staying in a house with the one you love with all your heart and she had totally rejected you no love no sex nothing , and it hurts because she is right there it's better to move on

your children will adjust with love and understanding from both of you

you are not a bad person don't you think you deserve a good life too why go through 10 years of hell

sorry but how i feel i do wish you all the best :hugs: :hugs:

also people remember this if cross dressing is in us it will not go away , there is no cure we are who we are ... we cant stop oh and a little compassion whould not hurt

[Stephenie S]

Yeah, I agree. What she said.

[Opie!]

You made the ultimate committment years ago by having children. You have not lived up to that committment as far as your wife is concerned. You have made your choice, you chose your "want" vs. the family.
This is over, realize it. Soon, it will be a lot more than separate beds.
You have really let your family down .....
Life is full of choices ...... you made yours ...

I do NOT aggree with this at ALL. A family is more than just one person, this is a failure of Sarah, this is a failure of communication, and of understanding. IF CDing were something that one could just 'turn off' this board would be nonexistant. I can't speak for everyone, but the effects of me trying to hide who I am from myself and everyone else were quite real, depression, anxiety attacks, general apathy, none of which are conducive with a good relationship. Am I saying this is the fault completely of the spouse? No, but to say that Sarah let her family down is ludicrous. If the spouse truly cannot live with Sarah's CDing, then that is her CHOICE, a choice to close a door. Let's not forget that marriage is a commitment to stick to each other no matter what happens, Sarah is doing what she can to be happy, and her wife is not fulfilling this commitment just as much as Sarah by trying to hide this from her. It may well be over but it is NOT a failure of just one of the two.

Growing up in a family where my parents did not get along, but stuck together for the kids, I can tell you, though, that staying together for them is one of the worst things one can do. Better to go between two loving households than walking on eggshells all day. I'm not saying split up, I'm saying if this is not something the two of you can work through (marriage counseling) then don't stay in denial, rip the bandaid off, find someone who can make you happy, and that you can make happy in return.

[KimberlyS]

Sarah, You have been given some good advice especially from Jenni. I think you have a major decision to make in your marriage. Your kids will feel any tension between you and your wife. Be kind to your kids and do not make it 10 years of tension for them. Work on it or get out. Out kids knew something was going on from the comments that we got after things were worked out. Like "Mom and Dad are not as grumpy as they were last year." and similar types of comments.

When things blew up with my wife and I, a lot ended up being the trust issues as well as the CDing and lack of information. We both said we did not want our marriage to end and were both committed to working on it. As a sign of commitment I quit active CDing. It was over a year of hell, discussions, being upset, we started counseling, and finally leading to better communication between the two of us. Also in the year I was able to gain back some trust. I was able to show her I was still the same person and I had always had many feminine qualities many of which she really liked. I treated my wife well and made her feel loved. We went out and did things together we had not done for awhile. In a way I dated and courted my wife. I compromised on almost everything. If you want more details see some of my past posts or PM me.

Things seemed to turn around for us when my wife wanted me to compromise more on my CDing. I asked her what she wanted me to compromise. I have given up everything but being a CD. And that was who I was, a part of me. And we both knew what happened when I last tried to give up being a CD. It just made me want to do it more and lead to the blowup.

One other thing we did within that year was we went to a SPICE conference. We told everyone that we were going to a marriage enrichment conference and that is what it ended up being for us. It gave both of us some different views on CDing and affects on each other. It also I think gave my wife a better feel that we were not the only ones going through this. It also improved our relationship and communication skills.

It worked for me, for us, maybe some part(s) of what we did will help you and your wife.

[Andrea Nicole]

Opie..
Learn what the term COMMITTMENT is. Sarah, like us has this propensity to cross-dress, and since the spouse does not approve ... well, pretty basic .... make the choice ... CD or family. Which means more to you .... yourself or the family. Granted those with the weak personalities tend to look for excuses like depression, anxiety, seclusion, etc. There comes a time to grab the bootstraps and act responsibly, live up to the committments you made ... quit looking for excuses, that is the mark of a LOSER, and losers always lose, in ALL aspects of life.
I can sort of see your view point, similar personalities tend to gravitate and side with eachother .... comfort zone, no threat ....

Take Care ...
Andi ..

[Dasein9]

Thanks for saying pretty much what I was thinking too, Tracy Victoria and Opie.

Sarah, first of all: :hugs:

Now, it looks as though things are coming to a head in your marriage. Please do what you must to protect yourself, including making certain that you have an emergency place to stay and that there is some money in your control. If you never have to use these things, all the better. But it's much better than needing them and not having them. Trust me, I speak from experience.

The marriage may yet be salvageable, but probably not without help. A good marriage counselor can do wonders. Or can help you both muster the strength to do what must be done. You don't need to make a decision about your entire future right now. Wait. Think. Watch and see what happens.

When my marriage ended, this is how I looked at it: We made vows to love, honour, cherish, etc. These vows boil down to a promise to look after one another's best interests. But there came a time when it was in his best interest to be without me, and in my best interest to be without him. So, we released one another from our vows, so that we could live better lives apart.

[Dasein9]

Sarah, I've thought of another point you might want to think about. I'm a little hesitant, because you know your relationship with your kids better than anyone. So, if this doesn't bear on your situation, please disregard, and know that I'm only making the suggestion out of respect.

Kids learn from parents. You may have to decide what you want your kids to learn from you -- living in a way that society rejects, but being true to yourself, or living in a way that successfully quashes your true character but satisfies society. Only you can answer this one.

[kay_cd]

Well, I have been through this. My now exwife felt I betrayed her. She was right in a way. She could/would never get used to my being cd.

But life does move on. One thing my ex told me was to be very honest about my crossdressing from the get go when I met someone new. I was and now have a "promised" GF who is crazy about my crossdressing and has done more to draw the "Kay" out of me than I could have ever imagined. I mean, she is disapointed if I am not wearing a bra when she sees me and showers me with clothing and lingerie.

[Sarah Plumber]

Well, I didn't expect to set all that off !!
Come on girls stop fighting! For my sake maybe?

Ayway we have had an afternoon of talk and I spent a couple of hours wandering the shops. Then back to more talk.

The bottom line is that my wife had hoped that I would stop but has now got this idea that I probably can't and won't. I guess it's a self protection thing that she is going through and I don't blame her after all it's all my fault. So she says for what ever reason I what I am and she can't be intemate with a TV. Fair enough I can try an see her point of veiw. So we've pretty much come to an impass for the time being. She is almost expecting me to dress every time he back is turned which almost puts pressure on me to behave as expected. I guess in time things will now get better. There has already been an improvement this evening when the subject turned to decorating and stuff we will be doing later in the year. I think we might just get through this but we will both be a little wiser about each other...

Oh and I've been through the divorse thing already ! I know what it's like to sit your room all alone and I know what it's like to just about loose your kids..bin there got the T shirt so to speek...but that was 18 years ago!! Oh and CD was part of the reason...

xx Sarah

[Lilith Moon]

I can't speak for everyone, but the effects of me trying to hide who I am from myself and everyone else were quite real, depression, anxiety attacks, general apathy, none of which are conducive with a good relationship. Am I saying this is the fault completely of the spouse? No, but to say that Sarah let her family down is ludicrous. If the spouse truly cannot live with Sarah's CDing, then that is her CHOICE, a choice to close a door.

This has cropped up several times recently...the idea that we do CD-ing because it is a bit of fun or a "want" and that we can simply curtail our activities by an act of will and everything will turn out OK. Depression, anxiety attacks and general apathy happen to be my close and constant companions right now and things are slowly getting worse. Why ? Because my wife is unaccepting and as part of our "agreed compromises" I hardly dress at all when she is around.

Eventually, I'm going to have to do something about this in order to to survive. If that "something" happens to be more dressing than she would like or whatever else that upsets her than am I "letting her down" or betraying her ??

[marie354]

Don't be two quick to call it quits with her.
A few months ago, my SO allowed me to dress as freely as I wanted and I went straight into the "pink fog". We went shopping together for fem things and we still do actually.
After a couple of months, she realized that this wasn't just a "faze" with me and wanted to split up. She said she needed "some space" of her own. Her reasons weren't all CDing, but that was a part of her thinking.
After a couple of months of sleeping in separate rooms, she changed her mind. (She is known for that.) We still sleep in separate rooms because I have RLS and it keeps her awake at night, but everything else is back to normal.

So, just give her a little time before you make your "own space" somewhere else. After all, isn't she worth a bit of extra effort on your part. Cut back on the CDing a bit, wine & dine her a bit, spend some "quality" time with her & the kids.

Maybe things won't ever work out between the two of you ever again, but you'll have at least given it your best shot.
Things worked out for me, but I'm very patient with her. And I listen to her... When she says to "cool it", I'll stop dressing as much, and don't wear makeup or do my hair up. I say "as much" because the closest thing I have to men's clothes are now jeans & T-shirts, even though they are women's, she's more at ease when I don't have my face and hair done.
I haven't really been out of the house in a dress or skirt, but I do wear women's clothes all the time.
:hugs:

[Sandra]

Sarah try to keep the communication going but don't push things with her, have you thought about suggesting she join here? it might help her to know that there is other GGs in the same postion as her and others who have worked together with CDing and are still in a relationship.

[Dixie Darling]

Sarah,

Your dilemma is not unlike that of many others. Although my wife had very strong suspicions that I was crossdressing for many years, it was just that – suspicions. However, in 2001, the weight of keeping that secret inside became too much for me. I had long since prepared a binder full of reputable information about crossdressing, what it was - and more importantly what it wasn’t – to give to her when the time presented itself. And so I did. I’ve never known what became of that binder, or whether she read everything that I’d included in it. I DO know that her attitude and perception of crossdressing has changed little, if any at all since then, but I have the satisfaction of knowing that at least she is aware that I DID tell her on my own.

And in similarity to your own situation sexual intimacy ceased to be after that night. We still love each other and I still do everything I possibly can to please her and make her life enjoyable. Unlike your situation we’ve never had any type of ‘agreement’ which would allow me time alone to satisfy my need to dress from time to time, in fact it’s pretty much the opposite since she seems to go out of her way to be sure that I DON’T have any time alone to do so.

In all other aspects of our marriage we are the same as we’ve always been – still love each other and do things together. Our children are grown and out on their own now so there’s minimal issues of their finding out anything. I am retired so I’m at home now 24/7. Before I retired there were opportunities to dress when I would be out of town on business several times a year, but that’s a thing of the past.

Like your wife, mine absolutely refuses to read any more about it and the only time she hears anything is when there is an occasional television documentary which is related to crossdressing. When such programming is aired I make it a point to be sure that she understand the vast difference between crossdressing and transsexualism since she has the mistaken idea that they are closely related. Maybe you can apply the same idea to your own situation.

You didn’t mention your age, but with it being 10 years or so before your children ‘leave the nest’ I an under the assumption that you’re a relatively young person. With your wife appearing to be aware and SOMEWHAT tolerant of your dressing it may be possible that the two of you could reach more agreeable terms in the future. As more information becomes available about crossdressing and is presented in a respectable and dignified manner in the coming years, maybe – JUST MAYBE – she will hear/see/read something that will cause her to see it as the need that it is rather than the curse she currently views it as.

In conclusion, there is a lot of CLEAN information about the subject on my web site. Some of it is specifically for the wives/girlfriends or crossdressers, some is for the crossdresser himself, and some is for both. I realize that you’ve said that she refuses to read anything more about it, but if she ever decides that she might want to know more it might be beneficial for her to see some of the material you will find there. The link to my site follows my femme name below.

Dixie -- http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd

[Tamera]

There seems to be a lot of "Threads" on "Acceptance of your SO"

From what I have observed, (and this is not 100%).
But,
For the most part if you have a "CD" life it is best to be single.
Yes,
There are GG's that will accept. But to what degree.
"OLD SCHOOL" GG's as I call it seem to have a harder time accepting.
Their Perception of what a MALE is, is taken away when they find out.

It seems that many don't "TAKE ACTION" of their CD life until later in years "AFTER" they have already established what some would call a "NORMAL MALE LIFE".

Which of course this is not "FAIR" to the female involved who has "PERCEIVED" you as "MALE" by her standards.

As we get "OLDER" we see things that should have been changed but we did not change them.
WHY?
Because some of us also "LIE" to ourselves about our "ROLE" in life. And that is to live this "NORMAL MALE LIFE".
BUT,
Inside we have "HAUNTING" of our CD life that is "LINGERING" and "STARVING" for existance.

So did we "Lie" to our spouses about who we are?
Did we "Lie" to ourselves about who we are?

Does my SO have every right to feel the way she does?

Only "YOU" can answer those:
LOL
Tamera

[Sarah Plumber]

Tamera,

I'll go with that. We have been discussing how I "tricked" her into marrying me. I dissagree. I asked her to marry me because of all the "normal" reasons. At the time CDing was a very minor part of my life. Although I had, I was pretty content to put all of my effort in to my relationship. I had very little time fro annything else. Once the routine of being married set in and kids came along our relationship became significantly different. I drifted back to my old ways. Over time it has become more and more of an issue for me let alone her. The advent of the internet, like many has opened up a whole new world to me and shown me that I am not alone but one of many. This has obviously effected my attitude.

[Dasein9]

Sarah, just wanted to stop by again and touch base.

I keep typing stuff and then deleting it. There really aren't any fix-all words of wisdom for something like this, but I figured it was important for you to know that folks here care and we'll support you whatever may happen.

:hugs:

[Dixie]

I do not know what I would do? I guess you have to decide for yourself what your priorties are. Good luck with a most difficult situation.

[Tamera]

Sarah,
Your right there was "NO TRICKERY", there was "NO DECEIVING".

You were doing what your "MALE" side was telling you. While your "Female" side was 2cd at that point.

CD's are like a Split Personality. That show's at different times/or all the time(Depending).

What CD's do is HORMONAL from what I have figured out. There is an actual MEDICAL reason.
We are not just some "CRAZED" person.

And back when I was young. Mom and Dad raised you for the "GENDER" you was. It was "UNTHINKABLE" to raise you any different, or change you(by hormones or surgery).

ALL IN ALL YOU ARE OK.
AND I KNOW ITS HARD REGARDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

LOL
Tamera

[Amanda Shaft]

Hi Sarah, I’m afraid I have no easy answer for you, I wish I did! I just wanted to say to you stay positive! There seems to have been some pretty negative replies but you have to keep the faith and if you wish to keep your marriage then you need to believe it’s possible. Negotiate and compromise from both parties will succeed but only if you both have the same goal: a continuing happy, caring relationship. Its not your fault you are who you are and making a choice between being true to yourself and keeping your family is unfair to everyone. Keep the dialogue going but don’t be ashamed, don’t allow your cding to be some demon that is the route of all evil: its an issue, all be it a large one, which can be adjusted to in the same way any change in circumstance in a relationship can be, but only if you both want to make it work.

I hope you and your wife can find away through this. I don’t believe that my cding makes me less worthy, less of a person or less of a committed partner; I hope that your wife will understand that of you!

Amanda x

[Ashleigh]

There has been some good and bad advice given here I believe. I am a believer in not giving up - especially the family. I am not saying to stop dressing since I know that for the most part it is a major part of who and what we are. What I am saying is that any professional counseling, counseling by a "qualified" person who has training and experience in talking with CDers could be the beginning. My motto "Finis Origine Pendet" meaning "the end depends upon the beginning" is very true in all aspects of our lives. All decisions we make, even the small and so-called inconsequential ones, do affect our lives and so many others though they may not be apparent immediately.

Advise your wife that you would like for her and you to see a qualified counselor not to convert her to your ways, but so that you can learn more why and she can gain understanding as well as both of you being able to keep the communication open with a moderator.

Things can happen for the benefit of both if both are willing to at least understand and work with each other.

I was in the same boat as you for awhile, but through communication and understanding, I am now allowed to dress at any time and as much as I want in front of her. We are even going out this weekend to look for nightgowns for her and me. This may not seem like a big deal, but my wife is a very conservative and straight arrow, but because of her love for me and understanding that this "need" we have to express our feminine side more openly, we have turned our relationship around 180 degrees. It may take time, which you have. It will take patience which you may have and if not, you can develop. It will take study and communication which you both can do. But one thing needs to take precedence. Do not, do not, do not give up your family. The end, depends upon, the beginning.

Good luck.

Ashleigh :doll:

[SouthernLady]

I went thru a similiar situation. My ex-wife, suspected I was a cross dresser (have been most of my life) but I never confirmed my feminine side to her. She was down right vindictive about it. Once, she bought a pair of panty hose that were the wrong size and color and said sarcastically, that they would look better on me than on her. I took her dare! And made sure she knew! She never accepted me and rediculed me every chance she got! Big mistake on my part. She tried to use my crossdressing in the divorce. Didn't work, my attorney was better than hers!

I remarried a few years ago to a sexy, lovely and understanding lady who actually enjoys my femininity! This time I didn't hide anything. I was truthful and straighforward up front. She was a little hesitant initially but quickly accepted me as i am. We do everything together, facials, our toenails, wax our legs, and shop together. She calls me her best gf. Of course she gets whatever she desires. It's so much more fun when there is not hiding and stress. Life is so much better.

Trust me, if it's not working out out for you there is someone else who will understand. The problem you have are your children but going thru what you're going through is nothing but misery for everyone! And she will make your life miserable! I'm not saying that the grass is greener on the other side. I know it is!

[bobi jean]

A tough one indeed!!!!
I am very much in the same boat so to speak. The wife has known for about 17 years that I crossdress. She has never accepted that fact, however she does realize now that after purging, god only knows how many times, in an effort to quit, that isn't going to happen. Now, after many, many, many, many arguments, we have somewhat come to a compromise. She will let me wear panties whenever I want which is nearly all the time. the only time I am not allowed to wear them is in bed. I also wear my heels around the house as I desire. She has never seen me completely dressed and probably never will unless by accident. Cell phones are wonderful, she now calls (every time) about ten minutes before arriving home. A few months ago, I started leaving the house while dressed to drive to work. I am usually in full dress (minus make-up) at 5 am and leave about 5:30. I am in a posittion that I can underdress every day at work so just removing the wig and breast-forms, heels and other extremely obvious items and I'm ready for work.

Long enough............. Point is......................COMPROMISE/HONESTY(with yourself and your wife).............communication(which took me years).
MY BEST TO YOU AND YOURS
GOOD LUCK

[Mitch23]

Well, I didn't expect to set all that off !!
Come on girls stop fighting! For my sake maybe?

Ayway we have had an afternoon of talk and I spent a couple of hours wandering the shops. Then back to more talk.

The bottom line is that my wife had hoped that I would stop but has now got this idea that I probably can't and won't. I guess it's a self protection thing that she is going through and I don't blame her after all it's all my fault. So she says for what ever reason I what I am and she can't be intemate with a TV. Fair enough I can try an see her point of veiw. So we've pretty much come to an impass for the time being. She is almost expecting me to dress every time he back is turned which almost puts pressure on me to behave as expected. I guess in time things will now get better. There has already been an improvement this evening when the subject turned to decorating and stuff we will be doing later in the year. I think we might just get through this but we will both be a little wiser about each other...

Oh and I've been through the divorse thing already ! I know what it's like to sit your room all alone and I know what it's like to just about loose your kids..bin there got the T shirt so to speek...but that was 18 years ago!! Oh and CD was part of the reason...

xx Sarah
That sounds a lot more positive than your first post. It seems that you are talking, the talking may be painful but you are both hanging in there. It seems to me that you both want to work it out for the benefit of your marriage committment and your kids so there may be some hard discussions and some compromises to make or boundaries that should be set. We're thinking of you and many of us have been right where you are right now

Mitch