Wive's and SO's with TG issues of their own?

[Karren H]

I've chatted with a few women that have or had husbands that crossdressed or were TG/TS and they admitted that they had TG issues of their own.... Some of them were pretty wild too..

So that got me thinking..... (Probably a big mistake.... Hehe.... But anyway) How many supporting or tollerent GG SO's have these kind of issues also? I figure that the intollerent one's well probably wouldn't have them and wouldn't be here to answer the question anyway... Lol. So I'm asking those that are here or their spouses... Or Ex's... Anyone with knowledge.... Just wondering...... Outloud again....

Love Karren

Disclaimer.... The above question was not asked to insight a riot, or piss anyone off.... Lord knows I do that way too much... Question may not be valid in all states, subject to FCC regulations... Equal opertunity question...

:D

[Tree GG]

What issues?

Did I ever want to be or impersonate a man?

Do I not behave like the stereotypical, more gentile sex?

Do I feel there is world-wide social injustice?

Are we talking self-image here or public presentation?

Are we talking gender or sexual preference?

Not trying to be difficult, but asking if I have TG issues is a bit vague to my little mind - please clarify. :D

Thanks

[Teresa Amina]

A semi-not quite-kind of-so gg friend of mine mentioned her own "tg issue". She would like to have my "extra parts". But then she's bi so no real surprise there :D

[Karren H]

Well Tree.. I think I'm being vague because I don't really understand my question but to rephrase it somewhat... Have you or do you condiser yourself (GG SO's in general) as anything other that a straight female.... If not, please explain why and how that effects your relationship with your husband......

Make any sence?

Love Karren

[Kerry Owens]

nope, not here Karren, plain vanilla GG.

[mylitta]

nope, not here Karren, plain vanilla GG.

And me

[Carin's Wife GG]

surprise, surprise.

removed info as it is too personal




Louise.

[Lou Lou]

I am happily married to a crossdresser and have no other aspirations.

[suzy]

Karren,

Usually you make a l,ot of sense... But my wife and I both are having a difficult time understanding what it is that you are asking....

In a nutshell we are both happily married together and don't want nor intend to venture outside that arena....:D

[Tree GG]

What issues?

Did I ever want to be or impersonate a man? No

Do I not behave like the stereotypical, more gentile sex? Only when it serves my mood/purpose

Do I feel there is world-wide social injustice? In many arenas, not just TG
Are we talking self-image here or public presentation? I am me first, part of that is having been born as a female of the species - I think of myself as Tree, not female or male and I dress according to the occasion for an active, not highly socialized, middle class citizen of US
Are we talking gender or sexual preference? Again, I am a female although that is just part of me - sexually I'm straight - only attracted to men and male physical traits.



I would say, in a nutshell, I am TG as far as non-militant feminists are not TG. I believe no one should be limited by their gender, but only by their ambition, capabilities and desires. I fly airplanes, camp w/o plumbing, mix mortar, dig holes, and like sports. I also sew, quilt, wear silky nighties, and wear makeup.

I don't think I am at odds, however, with my birth gender. It is what it is and I do as I please (or can) regardless of that genitalia.

Sexually, has to be a man. Preferrably with dark hair, fair eyes, charming smile, large hands/arms/shoulders. Hmmm, sounds like my husband !? :D

[kittypw GG]

I'm not bisexual but I would not consider myself plain or vanilla. I don't have issues with my gender and at times I find my sexual attraction to my hubby in a dress odd (he can be quite beautiful when all is said and done). I just don't think about it too much. I'm ok with being a choc/vanilla sworl. I also like the term gender queer maybe that is what I am :hugs: Kitty

[sobe1ove GG]

This is an interesting question. My answer will be opposite of what you probably expect.

For some weird reason, when I was younger I put on a facade of acting like a boy. I didn't pretend I was a boy, but I did boy things. I acted tough about everything (I still do that to a degree) and I refused to wear or do things that were overly girly. I, oddly, thought that this would make me some friends. It didn't. I think that maybe people realized that I was acting. I didn't feel inside like how I was acting on the outside. So yeah, this is how I acted for all of elementary school and part of junior high. I didn't have any friends in that time. After seventh grade I slowly realized whta I was doing and how I wasn't really being myself. In high school I began to get more girly. I really came into myself, though, when I moved away from home and lived by myself. That's when I truly became the full me. I now have WAY more skirts that pants, my favorite color is pink. Heck I just got a pink and purple butterfly tattoo'd on my arm. My true self is very girly and it took about 20 years for me to actually act that way.

Weird, right? Anyway, because of this, I've always had a connection and understanding of TG'd people. That's probably why Leah B gravitated toward me. It's also why I was so mad at myself when I realized that all my acceptance didn't mean that I wanted a relationship with a TG. That was hard.

In a way, I sort of feel like a girl trapped in a boys body, trapped in a girls body. WEIRD!

Ramble, ramble.

Sobe

[kerrianna]

Louise and Sobe...I don't think either of you or your situations is weird at all. :hugs::hugs:

We keep saying over and over on this forum that people should feel free to gender express themselves in whatever way works for them. Why should you expect to be all girl or all boy? Lots of us cross back and forth, or we would if we felt free to.

Now that Carol is a member here I'll let her speak for herself :p if she wants to, but I know that she has a male side that I see once in awhile and that actually makes it easier for us to meet in the middle. It's really cool, except when we both want to be the 'girly' girl. Then she gets dibs. She was there first. :happy:

[AmberTG]

Just a little side note here, being accepting of, and being attracted to, are two entirely separate things. That was the situation with my now ex-wife. She was, and still is, quite accepting of me and my issues, but she's attracted to straight men with a highly developed sex drive. That's just the way it is sometimes.

[GACountrygal]

I wouldnt say I have gender issues. I'm more androgynous then anything.
I can dress down/up in jeans and shirts.
I cant stand wearing skirts or dresses though, cause I keep feeling like I'm gonna flash someone :eek: And they aint very practical chasing kids around.
I will wear em when I need to (like an upcoming wedding) and can play semi girly fairly well.
I guess I'm just a rough n tumble country girl through n through.

Nic

[Kate Simmons]

I know what you mean about going back and forth Kerri. Sometimes I meet myself like that guy who makes the donuts. We're all a mixture of both , however that happens to come out and I think most of us here are cool with that. All I ever ask is that everyone just be themself, whoever that "self" happens to be. I've had my fill of gender stereotypes enough to last a lifetime and am never going back to that kind of thinking. The coolest people I know are right here and they are my friends after all.;):happy:

[Sheila]

I am me,

I do what I can and have to do, if I need to I can drive lorries, carry 50+ kilos, give birth, rock a baby gently or smack a sod hard (if needed), I can cry or be stiff upper lip, I can make love to/be made love to or make love with my partner, (sex either way is also good with him:D:D)


nope, not here Karren, plain vanilla GG.

:iagree: and I am not hampered by societies view, on how a female should act, I will continue to be me regardless of how others thnkl I should be, and be proud of who I am just my 0.02

[Karren H]

Now I find the replys so far very interesting... And I figured it would a mixed bag since its a mixed bag as to why we crossdress... I had the instance to chat with 3 memorable women who were married to or engaged to or divirced fron crossdressers... And we cchatted numerous times and at length.... Two of them had been abused by previous husbands or men and one left for dead... And were attracted to their crossdressing mate becaues of their gentle nature... On of those women was a F2M crossdresser also and one was vinilla... Love that word!!

The thrid was very fem yet large.. Tall... From the photos I saw and her husband was TG, ended up being TS and ran off with another TS... She had dabbled in F2M crossdressing but didn't anymore... Ohhh and she wears a male prosthetic, tucked... Always... Still haven't figured her out.. But she is still very intersted in TG's...

Sooo I'd still love to hear more.... Is there any correlation here between non-acceptance and "straightness" or SO TGness?? Don't know...

Love Karren

[Carin's Wife GG]

but will give it a shot anyway, lol.

I suspect the more unvanilla one's life is the more likely it is that the TGness of a mate would be less of an issue. That is really what got me to where I am now. Our very everyday existance is so far from vanilla that NOT accepting and embracing carin was incongurent with my life and our family's values.

As for gender....well in this house the women are strong and powerful (not in stature in every case though, lol). My daughters certainly know they are young women and use their voices quite clearly. My sons, while strong and powerful also, know when to listen to those female voices.

Carin and I are more balanced now but really, in all honesty, I am the dominant of the two. I think she would agree! I come from a Matriachal society where women, even if they are quiet, are really in charge. And so I am who *I* am in great part because of that. Only I am not quiet! I do remember being attracted to Carin because of how gentle and softspoken she was (she had a cute butt and beautiful eyes too, still does actually!)

My twins (bio) turned the big 18 today. Men I guess now. Wow, how the heck did that happen?????



Louise.

[battybattybats]

Hmm...
One minor point. Some unaccepting SO's could have repressed TG or bisexual issues. Becuase of the repression they would be very fervently unaccepting. Of course it'd be too easy to assume that is why someone is unaccepting, its not something an unqualified person could diagnose.

[CaptLex]

Good question, Karren. Lots of interesting answers here. :thumbsup:

[Carolka GG]

Hmmm, very interesting - Kerrianna and I speak often of these things.

I must have wanted to be male when I was a kid, because was such a tomboy and always played with boys, but don't remember consciously wanting to be male (although attempts to urinate while standing up went badly). I just picked up lots of boy mannerisms, like acting tough, taking lots of risks and getting grubby often. The boys had all the adventures, of course I wanted to follow them around and join in. Woe betide my poor mother who tried so hard and unsuccessfully to get me into a dress! And yup, dresses and skirts are just not practical!

As an adult I followed some conventions and became more girly, but I wanted the obvious privileges that came with being male. I got so fed up with being treated differently because I was a female, that I used to do things like sign correspondence with my first initial rather than my female name so that the people I was dealing with would think I was male and that would be their first impression. I certainly hit the glass ceiling in the business world on more than one occasion - and became a strong feminist along the way. And I never made a distinction between militant and non-militant feminism - never even used that word. Feminism by definition requires commitment. If that's 'militant' well - isn't that what we are talking about right here? It's all in stereotypes and those we tick off are going to think of things to call us to put us down. 'Militant' is one of them, especially when we become more than a thorn in the side.

I don't subscribe to stereotypes and I think adherence to stereotypes are a huge part of what is wrong with the world. I realize it's utopian, but we ought to all be free to be you or me. (Apologies, as I'm not sure who the author of that song was.)

Part of being a feminist is fighting stereotypes and gender convention in all its forms, which I have spent a lifetime doing and will continue to do.

I like myself exactly as I am. Kerrianna says I have a few male traits, but I don't see behavior as either male or female. My outsides just match my insides, as often as I can make it so. What you see is what you get. Wouldn't we all just like to be who we are, without the conventions (male/female/dog/cat/horse, etc.) that our culture wants us to wear?

Just tonight Kerrianna and I noticed that our dog acts like a cat sometimes and our cat can be very dog-like. Lucky them, no one is insisting that they be one or the other!

:heehee:
Carolka

[JulieC]

I had a girlfriend once who was very unsupportive of crossdressing, yet expected me to be supportive of her being bisexual. Thought that was odd. No small surprise, she and I broke up.

My wife is supportive of my crossdressing, but has zero TG aspects herself.

[Sheri 4242]

Val said she'd have to give this some thought.; I will, too. As far as I am concerned, she was definitely a tomboy when younger -- maybe still has some tomboyishness in her, although she can be as girly girl as any GG. One thing she has mentioned several times is that as baby boomers, we grew up in a time when (like in elementary school) girls wore dresses or skirts, period, and boys wore pants (no jeans: pants, period). By the time we were in h.s., girls were starting to wear pant suits (yet many wore miniskirts). Now, it is anything goes . . . and it is quite okay for girls to wear what was formerly male clothing and be considered chic -- but . . . well, you know the old argument! I do think Val sometimes worries about what it might say about her if she says I look particularly nice while crossdressed. Frankly, I just think it says I look nice and there shouldn't be any other connotation.

[Fab Karen]

but will give it a shot anyway, lol.



Carin and I are more balanced now but really, in all honesty, I am the dominant of the two. I think she would agree! I come from a Matriachal society where women, even if they are quiet, are really in charge. And so I am who *I* am in great part because of that.



Louise.
I'm curious where that Matriarchal society would be?

[Carin's Wife GG]

I'm curious where that Matriarchal society would be?


very Matriachal.



Louise.

[Dixie]

Louise, my wife is Native American, she too comes from a matriarchal society. That could explain alot hehehe.
:hugs: Dixie

[Satrana]

An interesting question but a problematic one because the standard female gender role today already incorporates many facets which are considered TG when men try them. Women have already borrowed so much behaviour, mannerisms, interests, pursuits, sports etc as well as clothes from men that women in general could be considered as living a transgendered life. As such I would not expect women to have TG issues since they have much more freedom to express whatever level of masculinity/femininity they want on any given day. They are expressing "ME" with no thoughts to gender roles.

I have always thought that if boys were brought up under similar freedoms then transgendered forums like this would likely be populated by TS and full time TG since the concept of crossdresser would cease to exist.

[Tree GG]

...They are expressing "ME" with no thoughts to gender roles....

I have always thought that if boys were brought up under similar freedoms then transgendered forums like this would likely be populated by TS and full time TG since the concept of crossdresser would cease to exist.

Exactly! Thank you. And that's exactly why I say modern GG attire is NOT crossdressing. We are not attempting to present ourselves as the opposite sex. We may wear what was once traditionally male clothing, but we still have our femme hair, makeup, features, etc. There are FTM crossdressers, but wearing jeans isn't the badge.

As to the second part, perhaps if so many CD's didn't insist on going out in the 1950's stereotype look (or the "take me now" look), but would just incorporate femme elements in their everyday wardrobe, it wouldn't be such a shock to people and social acceptance (or at least tolerance) could progress at a more comfortable pace. Most people can't go from 0 to 100 as quickly as CD's tend to without shutting down. An employer once told me, "People will usually spit out what is forced down their throat. You have to educate them and allow the to choose to accept & swallow." (He was a salesman, of course :heehee:)

[Dixie]

But I like the "take me now!!" look. Giggles:heehee:

[Marcie Sexton]

I would suppose I am one of the lucky one...my wifes biggest issue is how we come to an agreement on "our" wardrobe...She tends to be a bit more reserved than me, guess it the hussie coming out in me...For her she likes capri's, for me daisy dukes...

Oh well I'm sure we can and will make room for each others taste in clothes...:heehee:

[Rita B]

Well Tree.. I think I'm being vague because I don't really understand my question but to rephrase it somewhat... Have you or do you condiser yourself (GG SO's in general) as anything other that a straight female.... If not, please explain why and how that effects your relationship with your husband......

Make any sence?

Love KarrenHi Karen, tough question. Let me tell you that it took a GF to launch my "career". I have also had some very understanding and cooperative girlfriends who loved everything about me. Unfortunately, I happened to marry a woman who made me promise never to dress again and we never talk about it. Then she asks me why I am always so quiet and what is making me depressed, duh! So I have had both. It is the greatest feeling to have a mate who loves you and understands. As a matter of fact it helps to keep the "femme mystique" within sane limits if there is such a thing. Hugs again Madame President

Rita S

[IMkrystal]

I have also had some very understanding and cooperative girlfriends who loved everything about me. Unfortunately, I happened to marry a woman who made me promise never to dress again and we never talk about it.

I am always reading about CDs and their supported "Girlfriends" I have spent a good portion of my life looking for them, but have come up depressingly empty. Can someone direct me on how to find them or are their any GGs here looking for a Cds girlfriend ?

[renee99]

How to find one? Be yourself, be considerate of their feelings and needs, and constantly be on the lookout for ways to indulge their desires. Be available and not shut yourself behind closed doors. Have interesting non-CD hobbies that you can share, showing that you're not a one-dimensional person. Works every time.

[Dixie]

I just lucked into meeting my wife, call it fate. Actually it is a long story, and I think very romantic, that just proves it was fate.

[Denielleinheels]

All I can say is I am blessed with my other half. She didn't get me to begin with ... but she stuck around long enough to know "ME" and our life is great together and I think God for her daily.

[Di]

"Is there any correlation here between non-acceptance and "straightness" or SO TGness?? Don't know..."


Been thinking on how best to describe me.....I'm just me....I feel we have prob three relationships...each having its own energy and part of our relationship first there is our guy/ girl relationship..........a girl/girl when Sher is dressed and we are home just chillin....then lets see...when i'm more a take charge girl/girl (not dom really)..but I kinda take on the protective role.... this kicks in when we are out and about.

[morrisworful]

What issues, men in dresses just turn me on and I'm so so so in love with my CD it's crazy. It's like the best of both worlds. Haven't you ever thought if only certain qualities from different people were rolled up into one person, they would be the perfect person for you. Well I got that, two people in one body. It's like a gay man who has the hotts for you.

[Fab Karen]

What issues?

Do I not behave like the stereotypical, more gentile sex?


how do they differ from the jewish sex? :heehee:

[Fab Karen]

An interesting question but a problematic one because the standard female gender role today already incorporates many facets which are considered TG when men try them. Women have already borrowed so much behaviour, mannerisms, interests, pursuits, sports etc as well as clothes from men that women in general could be considered as living a transgendered life.
It wasn't that long ago that women doing such things WERE considered TG ( though that term wasn't used then ).

[JamesAlan]

This is something my girlfriend and I've talked about. Actually all my friends have made some comment on it about me. Growing up I could be a girly girl or a rough and tumble tomboy. I worked on cars at 4yrs old. I cooked with my mom. It has made me somewhat androgynous. I took a tickle test on-line (just for fun) about how masculine you are...I scored a 45% masucline. Pretty much what I had expected. My dad used to say that he got the best of a daughter and a son with me. I could work in the garden with him in the morning, and be all prettied up for homecoming that night.

For a year in high school, I did cross dress F2M. It was very comfortable for me. I still dress in men's clothes (I'm a large person and they fit me better). I also have thought about having a sex change myself, but I enjoy being feminine too much. I'd end up being a crossdressing male if I had a sex change lol.

I have noticed though with my girlfriend, even before I knew of her CDing (and later her TGness), that I tended to take stereotypical male postures with her. I'd put my arm around her shoulders and she'd snuggle into me. A friend of ours has been calling us lesbians since we started dating. It doesn't bother me (I'm bi anyways). Being with my girlfriend has really gotten me to thinking about a lot of different things. I can dress as fem as I want, or as butch as I want, she doesn't care.