Friends as couples?

[Maggie Kay]

My wife and I were talking about social relationships. We have not had friends much in the last six years since we moved and are focused on getting our daughter through college. She is staying with us as she attends university. She is almost done now and we are looking forward to the empty nest. We have been working overtime so that she won't have a debt to pay after she graduates. The idea of getting together with other couples has come up and it was a major OMG. I have been progressing in my CD expression to the point that I wear women's clothes full time and have earrings and long hair. I do not look like a typical male anymore. SO where would we seek compatible friends?

I can't even go to my male hobbies events anymore. Instead, I do knitting and sewing and we shop the local craft stores. I suppose we look like a lesbian couple. I don't think we have a lot in common with other lesbian couples. Also, my wife is not ready to consider the lesbian environment. She doesn't get along with women very well. She has accepted me but not the idea that we are part of the TG community. ( There isn't one where we live and we hate travel with all the road rage experiences we have had recently) It is a miracle that we are together. I wonder if we will be alone now because of my new appearance. Who could understand or relate to us at a dinner party now? Anyone else feel this way?

[Calliope]

She doesn't get along with women very well.


Ouch. I would think women would be your best bet for friendship. (Certainly has been my experience.) Any chance your SO would consider you and her having some solo friends?

[AmberTG]

I don't have an answer for you on the friendship thing, but as for hobbies, I continue to go to model railroad events, even with my "different appearance". I'm not going to let my appearance, or other people's opinion of it, interfere with my enjoyment of my lifelong hobbies. Women partissipate in all of my hobbies, my shooting, my railroad related hobbies, my musical hobbies. Don't isolate yourself and new friends will just happen.

[Maggie Kay]

My wife and I are soul mates and best friends. Even before we had my TG issues and did have "couple style" friendships, it was not smooth. We both are very introverted and do like private lives. Still, sometimes we think about having some folks over for a get together. This is a process we are now in to determine how we will arrange our lives with it just being us. She has no current female friends and only two that she had any sort of connection with evaporated when we became parents. She cannot get into the "how rotten my husband is" conversations with the gals. She doesn't feel that way in spite of the crushing disappointment of me as a "husband". We still love each other.

My past hobbies (in the company of men) feel very awkward now. Lewd jokes about women now really take on a new meaning and are not appreciated. Also, I can't get into the "how bad women are" conversations because... I'm one of them.... The only male "friend" I have is really in my business and he lives 8000 miles away so we will never actually meet. If he knew what I am really like, I doubt he would continue. However, being a European, he is very polite and never lewd.

I suspect that we will settle into the routine knitting in front of the TV watching old movies with the occasional trip to the beach for a Subway sandwich. Pretty boring actually for others, anyway.

[kerrianna]

Hey we'd get together if we were nearer...even though Carol and I are introverts too. We don't do socializing too easily but with the right people it's fun. We always found it tricky to find a couple where all 4 people liked each other, regardless of anything else about them or us.

Just be yourselves. Be open to meeting new people and exploring life. But above all be who you truly are. Otherwise you will find yourself in a stressful awkward situation having to p'o the hostess by disagreeing with her that men who wear dresses are fruitcakes. :rolleyes:

Why don't you (you yourself unless your SO wants to do it too) join a knitting circle or club or class (or something like that) regardless of whether you or anyone else thinks it's not for men. Just go with confidence and know that you will meet people of like-minded interest (the knitting) and you never know as they get to know you they might be cool to socializing...on your terms.

It's hard for us introverts to have confidence period, let alone when we are TG, but as they say...fake it til you make it. :happy:

[Siobhan Marie]

I don't have an answer for you on the friendship thing, but as for hobbies, I continue to go to model railroad events, even with my "different appearance". I'm not going to let my appearance, or other people's opinion of it, interfere with my enjoyment of my lifelong hobbies. Women partissipate in all of my hobbies, my shooting, my railroad related hobbies, my musical hobbies. Don't isolate yourself and new friends will just happen.

I agree with Amber on this as she is so right on this.

:hugs: Anna x

[Scotty]

Meet at a golf course, a casino....?

[Maggie Kay]

Thank you for the suggestions. We have been avid golfers but my wife has a hip problem that has prevented that. I'm certainly not going to be in a foursome w three guys! The comments they make about gender issues relating to the golf game are many and lewd. She is also a master level knitter so she is THE source for my instruction. She may teach a class someday.

My post was more to the point of the incredibly small number of possibilities we have to socialize until we settle on how I am to present myself. In my ambiguous mode, I look like a feminine man which many times causes more attention. If I went on to pass as a woman, we could possibly go out but again it is that lesbian couple thing which she is not ready to accept. Yesterday, we were called "Ladies" by a stranger greeting us. It caused her to finally begin the process of facing that we have to deal with my gender expression more directly. It hurts her to hear me called "lady" At some level she feels that it is wrong. I don't know whether she is ashamed of me or that she grieves over losing her husband or not wanting to have others view her as a lesbian or something else. However, we have been living this way so long with this unresolved that it is time for her to face it. She told me so yesterday. Naturally, I am a bit nervous.

[AmberTG]

Kay, I think it could be a bit of all those issues for your wife. You're still there, butin a different form, she's losing the "man" she married and that's a lot to deal with for her. I hope things work out well for you two.
I can see how golfing with other men could be a problem at this point. Like most sports, when men get together to golf there's usually a bit of testosterone fueled competition, and always the rude jokes and comments. I can understand why that would make you uncomfortable.

[MistressWickedness]

Im sorry hon I hope you two make it together but to be honest its rare, I know I went through stages in my life were I would repress my feminine side to try to overt some of the abuse but I never could last very long and whenever I was in a relationship it usually meant the end because the women began to resent me, even though id been honest and informed my ex's that I had transgender issues I think they thought "oh you just aint been with a real woman yet" and when my feminine side came busting out after a few months they would feel slighted and resentfull that they werent enough to change me. n I could feel the resentment n couldnt deal with it so I'd move on lol why I only deal with lesbian women now, although I do have friends of all walks, gay, les, strait I get along with everyone, and like someone else said I too do whatever I want stereotypes be dammed, for instants I was trying to make some quick money when I got hurt 4 years ago, half my family drive big rigs, and my dad taught me how to drive at age 11, so I took a job training students on how to drive big rig cross country. Had alot of truckers buying my meals lol. so I say do what makes you feel good hon.