Confidance issues

[CrossdressinGoth]

I was wondering if any of you with s/o's have this similar problem. My fiance is sooo worried about how others might be to me while I want to try to go out dressed. Ive noticed that I have more confidance with her not being there then when she is. Its weird because I feel exactly the same way when I go places with her or without her, it just seems I actually succeed a bit more when shes not around. Anyone else ever have this? I mean, I love her with all my heart and she supports me 100%, but I think I just chicken out while Im with her because I know just in general she doesnt like getting stared at so I think I do it more to ease her nerves. Any thoughts?

[Dixie]

NO not me

[Sheri 4242]

Interesting. I am more comfortable with my wife being with me, but I know there are times when my wife would not be comfortable being with me while I am crossdressed. It is sort of convoluted -- she doesn't seem to have a problem with me driving down the interstate while dressed (maybe I drive better en femme -- *giggle*), yet when we were talking about going to something like Southern Comfort she got uneasy saying, "what if we run into someone we know?" (We formerly lived in Atlanta.) I reminded her that "if" we ran into somebody we knew at such an event that they would be CD/TV/TG/TS and we'd just be discovering friends that we shared something in common with. Made sense to me, but I don't think it convinced her.

[Sharon]

I think I can understand your feelings. You are not so fearful for yourself, but you are fearful for your fiance, both at what may happen while she is with you, and at her short- and long-term reaction if something untoward should occur.

I think you have two choices here: you can go out with your fiance and hope that she and you both get used to mingling with the public over time, or you can just avoid it altogether and go out alone or stay home. To ease the way for her, perhaps you can start by initially going to CD or TG events, dinners, or support meetings(Tri-Ess has a good rep). Then by talking with other couples and learning from their experiences, you may gain confidence and/or a heck-with-it attitude.

Good luck!

[EricaCD]

Helene and I don't go out together when I am en femme, so I have no idea. So far, though, she has not expressed any concern about the fact that I go out by myself.

[CrossdressinGoth]

Thanks for the comments. Ive been looking into a support group to go to because it would be much easier and its a way to find people around me that enjoy this part of life as well. Maybe with a little luck I can find a couple to help out too. With that and the support you girls give on here I see the light at the end of the tunnel more :)

[Holly]

Perhaps there is another angle as well. Your wife may not wish to see you in what she may be afraid is an uncomfortable or embarassing situation for you. Just a thought.

[rose382832]

if you both try to dress as flashy and as outrageously as possible you both will feel more comfortable knowing that they are staring because of the outfit rather than the fact that the clothing is not oriented to your gender. most people wont even notice you just the clothing.

[Dixie]

My wife does encourage me most of the time, but she is quick to point out the places I should avoid.

[susie evans]

i think you should give it some thought and figure it out between the both of you :hugs:

susie

[AllieSF]

I think she is sending you a clear message. At the present time she is not comfortable going out with you dressed. Maybe she is thinking of how you may feel being read, or, she feels uncomfortable when other people are around. To me, it is totally understandable. I recommend going to the CD/TG groups with her if she would go. This would be a great opportunity for her to meet other CDs and SOs. I think the meeting other SOs would give her someone to talk with and share her feelings. This will help her work through this awkward situation. Maybe she will decide to just let you go out alone, but at least she will have had the opportunity to talk with other GGs regarding the issues as she sees them. Good luck.

[faltenrock]

I agree with Aluchi and with Holly.

There might many different reasons why our partner does not wish to be around when we go out dressed.

I'll never forget my last visit to the US in 1998. My wife already knew about my CD since 3 years. In Germany, I did not just pack my male clothes into our suitcases. I also packed two skirts of mine, pantyhoses and a blouse. I intended to drive dressed up a few times in ouir rental car. My mistake was, I didn't tell her about my plans - that was stupid. Perhaps I knew she would not tolerate.
Anyway, frist we stayed at a friends house in Berkeley. After a couple of dayes, we were heading north along the coast. I told her I wanted to buy some new pumps to go out. She would let me look for them, not joining me in the stores. So ended buying a pair. Later, a a motel in Cresent City, I got all dressed and tried my new shoes and asked her to go to the beaches. She looked at me - then after a few minutes she started crying. She thought, well this in the next step in becoming a woman.
Anyway, I took off my clothes to give her some rest.

The result of this strange night was the birth of our second son 9 months later - how weared...

My wife never went out with me. She is in fact afraid of beeing recognized by someone we know, she is also afraid of dangerous situations and for my safety.

Doreen