MoonBaby GG
05-17-2007, 08:23 PM
Current mood:http://stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/mellow_sp.gif calm
"Blade Runner" is my favorite movie. Thinking about the characters in the movie, I think my partner might enjoy my intellect and dry wit resembling Rachel's, but knows that physically and personality-wise I'll always favor Pris. I'm drawn to that athletic, androgynous cross between male and female. The instinctive blend of warrior spirit and vulnerable heart. With that in mind I can easily say there is a part of me that wants to protect, nurture and provide support for my partner. It goes ideally with the piece of paper we signed that united us in marriage and it's a good concept for relationships. Obviously it's not fail-proof and I won't succeed all of the time, but it's noteable that I should get a passing grade for effort.
These qualities are considered masculine and indicative of my own gender blend. I'd do almost anything to make my partner feel secure and most of those things are illegal and thought of as immoral in most of the states. (LOL) We live in a state that isn't thought of as very tolerant towards diversity. You hopefully get my point and why this has been a difficult process for me. I don't want to be the cause additional stress and unhappiness within my marriage.
As I've said before, I don't feel very "girlie" and although friends will swear up-and-down that I'm womanly and come across as feminine, it's just not something I notice very often. I'll wear high heels, pink as an accent color and polka dots ~ but only if they are backed by black. I can live with these "limitations" and so can the love of my life. Which makes me question why I can't be more beneficial in his transition and need to be a woman? It doesn't mean that I am forced to embrace all of the mythical-Unicorn like traits that are status trophies won in Estrogen Land. It doesn't have to be every female attribute (heaven-forbid, I'd lose my sanity quickly) and my partner would wonder what alien race conquered Earth and transplanted a Pod creature for his wife. I *can* pick and choose certain behaviors and interests, and so can my partner...if I'll just quit being a steamroller and let her rock-n-roll.
My partner thinks like a girl so much of the time that it genuinely surprises me when he acts or makes choices like a man. If anyone might understand how I feel it's supposed to be them, right? The past week we've been working out the boundaries of cross dressing. It occurred to me for various reasons such as safety for the both of us and also that I feel comfortable with her womanly side, that I need a more *gentle* approach to it, rather than jumping off a cliff without a parachute style that we've been doing. (JUST.NOT.WORKING.)
We've agreed that she wouldn't dress outside of the house and I would be her solo companion on the maiden voyage away from the house. Some might not understand my hesitation about me being the first person who gets to have this experience with her, but it ceases to be about other people and more about what is necessary for us as a couple. In fact it's almost like sex and virgin territory. We need more bonding and I definitely need interaction with his femme side or I'll never be at ease when he is dressed as SHE. If I am not relaxed during those times I doubt that I could force an attraction, since sex for me involves the brain. It's like an electrical switch that must be turned on.
As of now our paths have been barely intersecting and somewhat adversarial, shallow and limited ~ much like when a parent makes their child befriend a neighbor's kid that they wouldn't normally approach, hang out or relate to. There are good intentions but it's stressful and weird if forced. It's my belief that it doesn't have to be that way but it requires a great deal of communication and patience. I'm owning up to one of those things and I'll give you a hint, it starts with the third letter of the alphabet.
After a series of intense discussions that rivaled the U.N. Peace Treaty talks at Malta and hotly-debated moves found within a World Championship game of chess, (but should've been considered more along the lines of Leap Frog,) and channeling Veruca Salt from the original "Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory", I fully expected my teenage-brained partner to burst out into song, "Don't care how, I want it NOW!"; but eventually we reached a satisfactory decision.
I suggested that we spend the long holiday weekend concentrating on our relationship and improving conditions for the both of us, stressing how I didn't want to share it with anyone else. Selfish? Yes, admittedly, but it's important and I think we need it or things are going to get worse.
Something that's been on my mind and considered a rite of passage in the South where I grew up, is a party when a young woman is officially welcomed into adulthood either by her mother, grandmother, an aunt or a close guardian or female friend. Many different cultures recognize the tradition and have different names for it: Quincera, Sweet 16 party, debutante ball, high school prom, tea-party, and even GIRLS NIGHT OUT celebrations. It's an important time in development and I would like to be the person that initially guides my partner through this experience. Since I don't want her to be a clone or carbon-copy of me, later on she can include friends and other people to help mentor her along the journey. I suppose my hesitation is within the fact that it seems selfish to stifle her progress any longer and my partner isn't out to his/her mother about the cross dressing or TG issues, so regardless of what I do, they wouldn't be able to share this memory. That and I honestly want to do something special and grow closer. Plus it's a good excuse to eat cupcakes and ice cream without the calorie restriction or guilt. ';^)
Give me some input...should I let go and allow her find her own way along the path or make the first steps *fun* and "throw a party"? http://moonbabyd.icons.ljtoys.org.uk/mi/dot.gif
"Blade Runner" is my favorite movie. Thinking about the characters in the movie, I think my partner might enjoy my intellect and dry wit resembling Rachel's, but knows that physically and personality-wise I'll always favor Pris. I'm drawn to that athletic, androgynous cross between male and female. The instinctive blend of warrior spirit and vulnerable heart. With that in mind I can easily say there is a part of me that wants to protect, nurture and provide support for my partner. It goes ideally with the piece of paper we signed that united us in marriage and it's a good concept for relationships. Obviously it's not fail-proof and I won't succeed all of the time, but it's noteable that I should get a passing grade for effort.
These qualities are considered masculine and indicative of my own gender blend. I'd do almost anything to make my partner feel secure and most of those things are illegal and thought of as immoral in most of the states. (LOL) We live in a state that isn't thought of as very tolerant towards diversity. You hopefully get my point and why this has been a difficult process for me. I don't want to be the cause additional stress and unhappiness within my marriage.
As I've said before, I don't feel very "girlie" and although friends will swear up-and-down that I'm womanly and come across as feminine, it's just not something I notice very often. I'll wear high heels, pink as an accent color and polka dots ~ but only if they are backed by black. I can live with these "limitations" and so can the love of my life. Which makes me question why I can't be more beneficial in his transition and need to be a woman? It doesn't mean that I am forced to embrace all of the mythical-Unicorn like traits that are status trophies won in Estrogen Land. It doesn't have to be every female attribute (heaven-forbid, I'd lose my sanity quickly) and my partner would wonder what alien race conquered Earth and transplanted a Pod creature for his wife. I *can* pick and choose certain behaviors and interests, and so can my partner...if I'll just quit being a steamroller and let her rock-n-roll.
My partner thinks like a girl so much of the time that it genuinely surprises me when he acts or makes choices like a man. If anyone might understand how I feel it's supposed to be them, right? The past week we've been working out the boundaries of cross dressing. It occurred to me for various reasons such as safety for the both of us and also that I feel comfortable with her womanly side, that I need a more *gentle* approach to it, rather than jumping off a cliff without a parachute style that we've been doing. (JUST.NOT.WORKING.)
We've agreed that she wouldn't dress outside of the house and I would be her solo companion on the maiden voyage away from the house. Some might not understand my hesitation about me being the first person who gets to have this experience with her, but it ceases to be about other people and more about what is necessary for us as a couple. In fact it's almost like sex and virgin territory. We need more bonding and I definitely need interaction with his femme side or I'll never be at ease when he is dressed as SHE. If I am not relaxed during those times I doubt that I could force an attraction, since sex for me involves the brain. It's like an electrical switch that must be turned on.
As of now our paths have been barely intersecting and somewhat adversarial, shallow and limited ~ much like when a parent makes their child befriend a neighbor's kid that they wouldn't normally approach, hang out or relate to. There are good intentions but it's stressful and weird if forced. It's my belief that it doesn't have to be that way but it requires a great deal of communication and patience. I'm owning up to one of those things and I'll give you a hint, it starts with the third letter of the alphabet.
After a series of intense discussions that rivaled the U.N. Peace Treaty talks at Malta and hotly-debated moves found within a World Championship game of chess, (but should've been considered more along the lines of Leap Frog,) and channeling Veruca Salt from the original "Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory", I fully expected my teenage-brained partner to burst out into song, "Don't care how, I want it NOW!"; but eventually we reached a satisfactory decision.
I suggested that we spend the long holiday weekend concentrating on our relationship and improving conditions for the both of us, stressing how I didn't want to share it with anyone else. Selfish? Yes, admittedly, but it's important and I think we need it or things are going to get worse.
Something that's been on my mind and considered a rite of passage in the South where I grew up, is a party when a young woman is officially welcomed into adulthood either by her mother, grandmother, an aunt or a close guardian or female friend. Many different cultures recognize the tradition and have different names for it: Quincera, Sweet 16 party, debutante ball, high school prom, tea-party, and even GIRLS NIGHT OUT celebrations. It's an important time in development and I would like to be the person that initially guides my partner through this experience. Since I don't want her to be a clone or carbon-copy of me, later on she can include friends and other people to help mentor her along the journey. I suppose my hesitation is within the fact that it seems selfish to stifle her progress any longer and my partner isn't out to his/her mother about the cross dressing or TG issues, so regardless of what I do, they wouldn't be able to share this memory. That and I honestly want to do something special and grow closer. Plus it's a good excuse to eat cupcakes and ice cream without the calorie restriction or guilt. ';^)
Give me some input...should I let go and allow her find her own way along the path or make the first steps *fun* and "throw a party"? http://moonbabyd.icons.ljtoys.org.uk/mi/dot.gif