Coming out to an long time ex girlfriend??

[faltenrock]

Hi there,

since I get more clear about my CD, this forum is very helpful, I wonder about coming out to a person that I respect and like since a long time. I kind of feel the need to come out a bid more - but there are alwayes doubt and fears.

My very first gf, back 20 years ago, is a US girl. She used to live in NYC and moved to CA and later on to Seatlle with her long time partner bf.
She is a very sensitive and intelligent woman, now about 48 years old, no kids and not very wealthy. Through her life in NYC, LA and Seattle, she has seen a lot - so my CD wouldn't really make me a weared stranger. She might even have thought about it. One time, back in NYC in 1987, she ask me I wanted to wear her silk body and a pantyhose. At that time I wasn't able to deal with it and out myself - I was afraid to loose her.

When we were in love, I was pretty direct that I liked the feel and look of stockings and skirts and lacy underwear. She didn't have a prob with it to wear it for me a few times. She's met my wife when we visited her in Seattle in 1998. So far she does not know of my CD. We e-mail regulary and call each other, last time a week ago, that was after we didn't talk for technical reasons for almost two years. She is sometimes concerned about me, she knows of some regular depressions (I think I have them because of many scars/burns in my face).

I just wonder, this is also a question for the GG, if I should let her know, which seems a bit difficult over such a big distance of 6.000 miles. Emotinally we're very close and she is a tolerant and open minded woman (nursing).

I'd rather do it, if at all, facing her directly, not on the phone. Does anyone have an advice for me. It's not that I really must do this now, but I kind feel I wished I did.

Dotreen

[renee99]

I would first make sure your wife is ok with the idea of it, and also your reasons for doing it. I think you will find the answer in her response.

[Dixie]

I think Renee is right!!

[Wenda]

Renee has summed it up. It sounds like your wife is aware and ok with your CDing. If you feel some need to come clean with someone who was important to you in order to have a clear conscience, it may have some value, but I question the merit in opening emotional files that are 20 years old. I can relate to your connection to an old friend, but, what are you risking, and what will you gain? All the best with this. w.

[Angie G]

If you do tell her I hope it comes out OK for you hun :hugs:
Angie

[faltenrock]

Thank for the answers.

My friend called me yesterday - it's so nice to talk to her over such a big distance. We talked for almost 90 min.

I decided not to let her know about my CD, it's not really an issue between me and her, as an ex-girlfriend. She kind of influenced my life quite a bit, bit I don't really need to out myself, doen't make sense, since she is so far away.

There would be no benefit for any of us.

Doreen

[JulieC]

Thank for the answers.

My friend called me yesterday - it's so nice to talk to her over such a big distance. We talked for almost 90 min.

I decided not to let her know about my CD, it's not really an issue between me and her, as an ex-girlfriend. She kind of influenced my life quite a bit, bit I don't really need to out myself, doen't make sense, since she is so far away.

There would be no benefit for any of us.

Doreen

Doreen, I've got a very similar situation. Similar time frame too. Reading your story...almost sounded like I was reading my own.

I had a girlfriend of just over three years, starting back in 1987. We've remained very good friends, almost like sister/brother. When we were together, she knew I liked pantyhose (my crossdressing was almost entirely pantyhose then) and often indulged me in wearing them for me. She had me wear pantyhose once too, without my prompting at all.

Fast forward to today; we're very close friends, and often have long phone conversations. My wife knows, fully approves, is not threatened by her, etc. A recent phone conversation came to the topic of trust, honesty, etc in friendships. She mentioned that she's never held anything back from me. *gulp* I've held back from her. Do I tell? I'm still wrestling with that.

She's 3000 miles away from me now. While we are close friends, my informing her of crossdressing seems...I don't know. What's the point? She'll never see me dressed. We would likely never discuss it. So, tell her and then forevermore never have it come up?

For now, I've not made a decision, so I haven't told her. I think it unlikely I'll ever tell her. My wife knows, and supports. That's enough.

[faltenrock]

Doreen, I've got a very similar situation. Similar time frame too. Reading your story...almost sounded like I was reading my own.

I had a girlfriend of just over three years, starting back in 1987. We've remained very good friends, almost like sister/brother. When we were together, she knew I liked pantyhose (my crossdressing was almost entirely pantyhose then) and often indulged me in wearing them for me. She had me wear pantyhose once too, without my prompting at all.

Fast forward to today; we're very close friends, and often have long phone conversations. My wife knows, fully approves, is not threatened by her, etc. A recent phone conversation came to the topic of trust, honesty, etc in friendships. She mentioned that she's never held anything back from me. *gulp* I've held back from her. Do I tell? I'm still wrestling with that.


She's 3000 miles away from me now. While we are close friends, my informing her of crossdressing seems...I don't know. What's the point? She'll never see me dressed. We would likely never discuss it. So, tell her and then forevermore never have it come up?

For now, I've not made a decision, so I haven't told her. I think it unlikely I'll ever tell her. My wife knows, and supports. That's enough.


My wife actually met her and her long time partner bf together with me back in 1998, when we visited last time. My wife is completely ok with it. She knows that my friend once meant so much for me. I think, we still have a special kind of appreciation and love for each others, not in any sexual manner. So we miss eachother, it's hard to find close and reliable good friends.

Our distance is twice your distance, approxm. 6.500 miles.

Well I don't really see any point telling her. We won't be able to go out togehter (me dressed up), and perhaps I won't see her within the next couple of years.

Thanks for your story

[MsJoann]

I had a similar situation happen recently and it had some tough repercussions. I would let sleeping dogs lie.

[Karren H]

I don't know... I guess my spin on that would be that an Ex-anything even one that is closeish has nothing to gain or loose by knowing and you've got everything to loose.. Ex's to me would be a bad choice to come out to just because they are Ex's for a reason.. And that reason is most likely, partly or totaly, your fault, at least in their eyes...

Alternately , a wife or current SO is an intragal part of your life and also has a lot to loose if your publically found out... Hence if they are not totally repulsed by it, they tend to keep a secret better than someone with no ties to you.. Probably unfair to share the burden with SO's and that's how some of them see it..

Love Karren

[SilkyStacey]

I was thinking about letting one of my ex's know (she probably has the idea already) but It would feel good to let someone know that I trust.