question about wife

[Jaquelyn]

Ok, so I have been a little more open to wife about wanting to dress fully, not just panties and lingerie. When we first discussed this, she seemed ok, but now that I have taken a few more steps twoard this, she seems hesitant. I can totally understand this, as frankly, I am nervous also. She has expressed that she doesn't know how she will feel seeing me dressed, and that she worries that I will like it alot, and want to be that way all the time, or that I am secretly tg ( I don't feel that way, but she is concerned) and she can't live that way, she married a man, and wants a man. However, she isn't completely put off either, so, what to do now? She has said she may be interersted in seeing this forum, maybe asking the GG's questions, etc. What do you all think? I have read plenty of posts that the best way is to go slow, which at this point, I am trying to do, and ok with that. I don't want to jeoprodize our marriage, frankly, this lady means more to me, than life itself. She is a wonderful, understanding person, but, if she is hesitant, I wish to respect that. I figure there is someone in here that has been in this same exact sitution, and can offer advice. It seems that there has been someone in just about every situation you could possibly get yourself into involving c/d in here, so, what do you girls think?

[Dixie]

It sounds to me like you have answered your own question.

[Sandra]

You are right taking it slow is the best step no matter how hard that is for you to do so. As for your wife joining the forum I think that is a good idea, she will be able to talk to GG who are /have been in the same position as she is, if she changes her mind about here she is welcome to e-mail me if she would like, just pm me and let me know.

[Angie G]

Get her here to talk with some of the GG's it may help and do go slow hun :hugs:
Angie

[Wenda]

You have studiied this very well. CDing has been a secret for generations, and your wife is reflecting that view. There is a shortage of good information on dressing, and a lot of poor information, so it is not unexpected that she would have some misconceptions. All the best! w.

[Kerry Owens]

Finding out she is not alone is half of the battle and having others who have stepped into those same situations there to talk to will help your wife. Even the GG who is in a troubled relationship with her SO/husband is here to learn and understand and that in itself is a positive thing.

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

Its very very hard for the SO to have to deal with the c/d and its not just the dressing, its everything else thats involved with it as well . just baby steps @ first is best way . For SO's to take this on board , and carry on as normal is very hard :o we only human as well, so softly softly is the best approach . c/d makes some people very selfish , so including your wife ( when she is ready ) will help alot :hugs:

[AllieSF]

Have her join the forum, get her 10 posts and then join the GG only forum. It will help her and you too. It will be well worth the effort.

[O2B Barbara]

I would take it slow at first. Let her know that you are still a man interested in her, but there is also a woman inside trying to be allowed out also. The first time I mentioned being in heels, my wife was fairly sure she just couldn't see me in them. Now when we go shopping she will point out the ones that she thinks I would look good in. Even suggested a pair of red 5" Stiletto pumps!!

Going slow certinally helps.

Barbara

[AnnaMaria]

One thing that I would suggest would be for you to get her one of the books by Helen Boyd. She is an author from New York who writes about her life and experiences dealing with her husband being a tg. But, keep in mind that Helen does write in a very no bs style and she is very open and honest about all aspects of the tg lifestyle including transitioning. Which for some so's could be very scary.

Or the book by Richard/Alice Novic, M.D., psychiatrist and crossdresser called Alice in Genderland. Though I have a feeling that Alice's book is much more for us as tg's than for the so's. I am still working on reading it myself. But from whot I have read myself of Alice's book I can tell that she is actually telling her own life story about what has happened to her over the years and how she and her wife have dealt with it.

The only other thing that I could suggest is that when your wife decides that she might be ready to see you dressed for the first time try letting her see a picture or two of you dressed before she see's you in person so that she has a chance to allow the whole thing to sink in. I did the same thing with my wife and it did seem to help somewhat with the whole thing. I have also included my wife in most every aspect of this part of my life even before she saw me for the first time. In fact I onlyhave like one outfit that I picked out completely on my own and the rest of them my wife helped me pick out. She also helps me with my hair and makeup when we are going somewhere with me dressed. It is something that we have done since I came out to her and it seems to have helped a lot with her ability to deal with the whole idea of me being a tg.

Also, keep in mind that most people automaticly assume that just because a person is tg that it also means that the person is gay, sue to sterotyping. That was one of the first things that my wife thought about me until I explained to her that I was not and that I had no intention of leaving her for a man, or that I had any intention of transitioning.

You really need to make sure that your wife understands especially these two things up front because you can almost bet that these two things will be the first things that have come to her mind about you. And if she asks questions about this part of your life try to answer them as best, and honestly as you can so that she understands that you want to include her and remain her husband.

best of luck

Anna

[Sheila]

I don't want to jeoprodize our marriage, frankly, this lady means more to me, than life itself. She is a wonderful, understanding person, but, if she is hesitant, I wish to respect that. I figure there is someone in here that has been in this same exact sitution, and can offer advice. It seems that there has been someone in just about every situation you could possibly get yourself into involving c/d in here, so, what do you girls think?

Perhaps you could get your wife to read some of the threads on here with you and especially the bit I have underlined in red, and if she wants to join the forum and apply to join the GG section we will love to have her here and in there

Jess

[Nigella]

So far you have been advised to take it slowly, tread on egg shells and be open and honest.

Who can add more to that, I certainly wont try. What I will say is this, it works. My SO has commented on your thread, and I believe is one of the most respected and listened to GGs. We have had nearly 20 years experience of my CD'ing, and it was not all a bed of roses, but we worked it out slowly and today I dress in female clothing 24/7.

I am still the "man" she married, that will not change, but I am different, I "do" all tha man things, the mending of the fence, cutting the grass, and all the rest of it, but because I am 24/7 I am not a testosterone filled "Bloke", but a more gentle, in tune person.

Your comment about your wife being "EVERYTHING" rings true for me to, my wife is my world too, and she has accepted my world, it has made us a stronger couple.

Your wife will not find a better, more supportive bunch of GGs than on this forum, so apart from listening to the previous advice given, one more piece, try to see if she is willing to join the forum, and especially the GG forum.

[Holly]

Hi Darlene. First of all, congratulations to the two of you. You both seem to be in tune with the others feelings and are sensitive to them. That is a huge plus! Believe it or not, the two of you are alot further down the road than many others. As most of the others have said continue to take it slowly. And key along with that, is to constantly reinforce your love and commitment to her. Remember, while this is something that you have been dealing with for years and years, it is all new to her. It is only fair that she be given some time to take it in and come to terms with it.

By all means, invite your wife to join this forum. As it was liberating to you to find out that you were not the only CDer in the world, she may find equal relief in knowing that others in her situation (having a CDing partner) have not only survived, but in many cases the relationships have thrived. The GG's will be able to share with her, their unique perspectives on how to make things work as well.

Both of you need to understand that there will be boundaries that must be applied and honored. This is nothing that is unique with CDing. A spouse would become just as angry if their partner insisted on going bowling every night.

Finally, if your wife is concerned that she is losing "her man," then reassure her in ways that she can see and understand that this is just not the case. If she cherishes the times that you sweep her off her feet, then do that! Does she like being surprised with spontaneous outings, then do it! Does she swoon when you send her flowers (or chocolates... or both) for no reason other than you love her, then make it happen. If you start putting your partner first, she will do the same for you... it's the natural response of love.

Please let us know how things go,