My mind is a black hole lately....

[Evert]

I'm confused. Because I've got someone confused. I probably lost you here already. I'm a member of a Dutch gay board and once in month they arrange a meeting. So you can see each other real-life. I try to come as often as possible because I love the fact they all know the real 'me'. Evert. I'm a him to most.

But last Saturday it all went, well not wrong, but pretty strange. There were only 6-7 people so I ended up with a girl (M) who I knew from other meets. We get along well, and she always respected the fact I am trans, even treats me like I was born a guy. Eventually we even ended up alone so we talked about more personal stuff. She told me she was confused lately. She knew she was gay, but lately she fell in love with two guys. One called J. ... the other one Evert. I took me a few minutes before it hitted me. She meant me!! From that moment it all became a blur. We talked and such.. well she talked and I sat there all confused and listened.

At the end of the day I sended her a textmessage saying that I was sorry about the fact that I was silent during our conversation. She replied with: It's okay. Have a save trip home and we'll talk about it later. I just think you are a really sweet boy.

I really wanted to cry that moment and I don't know why!

I don't know what to do now... I never expected someone to love me. I never expected her to be that one. If she just walked by on the street I never would have thought about her and me together. I maybe wouldn't even notice her!

I'm confused. I don't love her.. but I don't don't love her. If you can understand that.. I don't. I think. Argh! :(

[bi_weird]

Wow that's wonderfully confusing. But it's wonderful to be loved, so at least it's a good confusion. So you've never thought about this girl before in that way. Now that she's opened your eyes, do you think there's a chance you could like her? If you're confused enough about her for it to bother you a lot and for you to post on here, then maybe there's something there. It sounds like she's really neat, and loves you for who you are which is a plus. If there's a chance then you should go for it. Be honest that you're just seeing where things could go, but have a good time exploring it - might be something really neat there.
Just a word of caution though. She may say she sees you as a guy, but if she's only been attracted to girls in the past then that's something to be aware of. Is the other guy she likes a GM?

[kerrianna]

Sorry I didn't see this sooner hon. I would have scratched her eyes out! :Angry3:

Nah, I'm just kidding. I'm happy for you. I can see why she thinks she loves you. I can see why it gobsmacked you. hehehe that kinda thing always does.

It's hard enough to deal with this without being trans.

I think you need to make sure that you keep things at your pace seeing as she's served the ball into your court. I'd be real honest with her, like you have been with us. Tell her you're not sure how you feel because you never really thought it was possible and you need time to absorb it. Maybe you guys should just try to get to know each other a bit better by doing a few things together.

I remember when I was young how the notion of love was volatile and all-consuming (well I guess it still is - you just learn how to deal with the emotions a little better). It's wierd how we can fall in love with people without really knowing them. I guess that's what gets people into trouble sometimes.

I would think one of the things for young single trans people that is hard to deal with is thinking there aren't many people out there who will 'get' them, so when you meet a person who does get it and declares they love you, it must be awfully tempting to bypass your true feelings and jump for it thinking it might be your only chance. But that wouldn't be fair to either of you. I'd say the best thing is just entertain the thought but resolve to go slow enough to find out more about the person and see how you feel as you get to know them better. Just make sure they understand that. For some people it might be too hard if they are really crushing on you in an imbalanced way, for others they might see it as an opportunity to get to know you better and explore their own feelings. It's easy to mistake infatuation for love. They are not the same thing.

The fact that she is confused too really shows a need for you guys to try to figure out what is going on. Bi is right about her needing to know how she REALLY sees you. I always wonder myself when I'm talking to my trans friends and they are treating me like a girl, but what do they REALLY see when they are honest about it? For the record I really do see you as male. But does she?

I do know that anyone who gets to spend some time with you is a lucky girl, and I can understand how she's fallen in love with you...or thinks she has.

Take it slow kiddo, you know how fast some girls like to move. :p

And if she breaks your heart I'm coming over there to scratch her eyes out. :straightface:

[Charleen]

Sorry I didn't see this sooner hon. I would have scratched her eyes out! :Angry3:

Nah, I'm just kidding. I'm happy for you. I can see why she thinks she loves you. I can see why it gobsmacked you. hehehe that kinda thing always does.

It's hard enough to deal with this without being trans.

I think you need to make sure that you keep things at your pace seeing as she's served the ball into your court. I'd be real honest with her, like you have been with us. Tell her you're not sure how you feel because you never really thought it was possible and you need time to absorb it. Maybe you guys should just try to get to know each other a bit better by doing a few things together.

I remember when I was young how the notion of love was volatile and all-consuming (well I guess it still is - you just learn how to deal with the emotions a little better). It's wierd how we can fall in love with people without really knowing them. I guess that's what gets people into trouble sometimes.

I would think one of the things for young single trans people that is hard to deal with is thinking there aren't many people out there who will 'get' them, so when you meet a person who does get it and declares they love you, it must be awfully tempting to bypass your true feelings and jump for it thinking it might be your only chance. But that wouldn't be fair to either of you. I'd say the best thing is just entertain the thought but resolve to go slow enough to find out more about the person and see how you feel as you get to know them better. Just make sure they understand that. For some people it might be too hard if they are really crushing on you in an imbalanced way, for others they might see it as an opportunity to get to know you better and explore their own feelings. It's easy to mistake infatuation for love. They are not the same thing.

The fact that she is confused too really shows a need for you guys to try to figure out what is going on. Bi is right about her needing to know how she REALLY sees you. I always wonder myself when I'm talking to my trans friends and they are treating me like a girl, but what do they REALLY see when they are honest about it? For the record I really do see you as male. But does she?

I do know that anyone who gets to spend some time with you is a lucky girl, and I can understand how she's fallen in love with you...or thinks she has.

Take it slow kiddo, you know how fast some girls like to move. :p

And if she breaks your heart I'm coming over there to scratch her eyes out. :straightface:

:iagree: Yeah, that! Go slow, and talk! Love and xxxx, Lily

[Evert]

Is the other guy she likes a GM?

Thanks for your reply, Bi. :)
Yes, J. is a GM.


And if she breaks your heart I'm coming over there to scratch her eyes out. :straightface:

In fact I almost find this comforting me. :heehee:

But you exactly say what my problem is. I never thought about her and me togheter but she is sweet to me and friendly and such. But when I would give it a try, would I love her because I already did of because sees me as a guy? If it's the last one, I would only hurt her in the end. And I don't want that.


Take it slow kiddo, you know how fast some girls like to move. :P

O really? :p

[kerrianna]

But you exactly say what my problem is. I never thought about her and me togheter but she is sweet to me and friendly and such. But when I would give it a try, would I love her because I already did of because sees me as a guy? If it's the last one, I would only hurt her in the end. And I don't want that.

You know that might be something you never really could answer.

Emotions sometimes are just so hard to pin down. They intermix and ebb and flow and what is triggering them and influencing them can be really mysterious. I guess it comes down to figuring the intellect stuff out first, then the obvious emotional stuff, and finally relying on intuition...well, finally relying on the universe after that. Again all I can say is take your time.

Because you do have lots of that.

Well, unless global warming or something brings on the end of all things in which case go out there and do it man!
:D

[John]

Wow, and here was me thinking from you're title that we where going to have to talk you back from the windo or something ;)

hm... I don't think I've anything to say that hasn't bean said already, so I'd just follow the sound advice you're already bean given.

[Evert]

Wow, and here was me thinking from you're title that we where going to have to talk you back from the windo or something ;)

hm... I don't think I've anything to say that hasn't bean said already, so I'd just follow the sound advice you're already bean given.

Nah already stood there quite some time ago. Still alive, and grateful. :D

[Leah B]

Sometimes we start out liking someone for one reason and learn to love them more completely. Many of us might be attracted to someone because they're hot, but find out their personalities are beautiful as well. If this girl likes you because your trans, that doesn't mean she can't like the other stuff about you too. If you're interested in her, give it a shot! It doesn't look like I need to tell you to be honest in your intentions and expectations; you sound very noble to me. You're not taking advantage of her as long as she knows what she's getting into.

[CaptLex]

Wow, and here was me thinking from you're title that we where going to have to talk you back from the windo or something ;)
Me too . . . :whew!:

Wow, Evert, I'm jealous - somebody's noticing the cabin boy's cute cheeks. ;) I think the advice about taking your time and getting to know her is a good one. Right now your mind is probably spinning and you don't know what to feel. Give it time to settle down and eventually you'll be able to figure out how you feel about her and whether you'd rather be friends or try to take it further - especially if you get to know more about her feelings for you. Good luck with it all. I hope you'll at least get a good friend out of the experience.

Look out, ladies, Evert's in town! :cool:

[Felix]

Yeah take it slow hun and see what happens. Good luck Hun xx Felix :hugs: