Purging

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

I really dont understand alot about this subject "Purging" , from what iam aware of, is it when you decicde to quit the c/d for awhile and get rid of your clothes etc ?? & if iam right with it, how does that feel to do that ??
Is it something that affects you a great deal, because your stopping because you have to +? or does it affect you because there are times when you just feel like it "needs to go away for awhile" +? & when you do purge , do you completley get rid ? or put it away for awhile , from when you feel the need to c/d again +?:rolleyes:

[Dixie]

When I purged it was out of guilt, and it was an "everything must go!!" type of affair.

[Staci G]

For me it is a feeling of guilt and condemnation coming from within not without. Although I am married to a intolerant woman she does not know about my "stash" so can't tell me to get rid of it.. To purge is to throw it all out and get it it out of my sight I will never wear another panty or stocking again. It always comes back though even stronger than before, I wish I had all the things I have "purged" I could fill a walk in closet with the dresses alone. I hope this answers your question I can only answer for me there may be others that are different..

[Kate Simmons]

Yeah, I've done it a couple of times Angie but finally learned to use it to my advantage. I've "purged" that word from my TG vocabulary and now the only "purging" I do is when I don't feel well. Nothing left to purge really, it's all me either way.:happy:

[Stormgirl]

When I purged it was out of guilt, and it was an "everything must go!!" type of affair.

x2

my sentiments exactly

OP,I love Taz! :love:

[Jenna1561]

I've only truly purged twice. I don't count the numerous times when I was young and tossed out the 3 or 4 things I had to keep my parents from discovering them - paranoia parentus - or something like that, lol.

I purged once just before I married; getting rid of several pieces of clothing, shoes and a limited amount of makeup. And then again just after the birth of my 4th child, again clothes, shoes, purse, makeup - everything I had.

I agree with Dixie, both times it was out of guilt and a desire to try to stop. But I couldn't. That last time was almost 14 years ago.

You should see my closet now - 3:1 women's to men's. And let's not talk about shoes. Well, O.K., since you're forcing me. I have 3 pair of men's shoes, 1 pair hiking boots (unisex really), and 1 pair of snow boots. I just counted and not including flip flops & slippers, I have 22 pair of women's shoes including sandals, pumps, flats, ballets, and tennis shoes and 4 pair women's boots!

If I purged now it would simply kill me emotionally. I, like most everyone else, have tossed some things that I wish I hadn't. Next time I thin out my wardrobe, I think I'll try ebaying.

I know I wandered off-topic, sorry about that. But for me the purges were an attempt to disassociate myself from the behavior, again mostly out of guilt and shame. But I'm well over that now. :happy::happy:


Jenna

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

Thank you for telling me what it meant :happy: i sort of twigged , but i wanted as well to ask @ same time how it felt when you did purge +? which you are kindley doing as well ty :hugs:

[Lissa Stevens]

For me it was guilt and shame that caused me to purge. I would get rid of everything, and that was it! I would never crossdress again. Of course, anywhere from a few weeks to a few months that old urge would hit again and I would start over. I have not purged in over 15 years now and I think I know why. In my early days, like a lot of others it seems, my CDing was at least partially sexual. These days it has nothing to do with sex but with gender identity. When I was younger I had these two things confused. I would be afraid I was "gay" or I was a weirdo. Now I know it has nothing to do with that. I still have some issues but some things are cleared up in my messed up mind.

[Dixie]

It's funny, but I felt guilty that's why I purged, but after purging I felt guilty for purging.

[RachelDenise]

When I purged, it was driven by guilt. Now when I get rid of something, it's because it is too old, doesn't fit, or torn!

[Rita B]

I could open my own boutique with everything that I have purged over the years. All I know is there are people out there who must have gotten hold of a lot of neat things because I used to buy nothing but the best. Will not do it anymore unless it is something that I know I will never wear again or just don't like it. I notice that "purging" is really a female trait too. I see my wife going trough the process many times for different reasons I am sure. Women tend to buy a lot of things on impulse which they will never wear and let hang in their closets forever. Men are a lot more sane when it comes to buying clothes ( especially us older guys). You only replace clothes when the ones you have on your back fall off. . .or your wife refuses to wash them anymore. . .haha

[Daintre]

I have purged 3 times now, it was a decision made out of guilt, it was complete and on the one hand I felt good that I was doing this, but deeper inside I knew that I was only hurting myself.

Today because I am moving I find myself in the purge mode again...I find that I need to dispose of a lot of Jennie's things, I am not liking it but it has to be done.

[battybattybats]

Indeed. In my teens I got annoyed with my preocupations. It felt good at the time, I would be strong, I would be in control of myself etc... It came from fear, from guilt, from denial of natural desires. Eventually the desires crept back and I really regreted throwing out those stockings. In the end all I had done was put myself through frustration and pain.

When my GF decided she couldn't handle the possibility when I told her my desires had returned (I thought they might go away now she was in my life but I still had the decency to tell her I'd done it in the past and might want to again in the future before we got serious) and asked me (well demanded) to stop I refused to throw the few things I had away. Instead they went into a box. I only came to an understanding of how important this part of me was to me when it was denied me.

[Paulacder]

Purging has a definate up side. It allows you to discard all your fem. attire then at some point and time you can re outfit your wardrobe with later and more trendy fashons. The downside it's very expensive. Beleive me it happens.

[Leah B]

I was fortunate to have an understanding mother. I've never purged, and I've sworn that I never will.

[Rachel Morley]

I've only purged twice in my life and the last time was about 10 years ago. Mine was all about feeling wracked with guilt and hating my myself for not being "normal". I told myself that I should not be "fanning the flames" and that what I am doing is not "normal for a guy" and (I was single at the time) if I was to find a girlfriend I'd have to stop all this and "become a man". Funny thing was .... I found my dream woman, (now my wife) Marla on a crossdressing forum :D Weird huh?

[LindaTS]

Although I discovered myself at an early age of about 6 I've never purged. I think I can understand why it happens to some of the girls but thank God I've never felt the need to do it. I can just imagine how a guilt trip could lead to doing it but at least it seems not to last forever. Welcome back to all the girls who have purged.

[Karren H]

I've only purged a few times anf they were smallish... And it was because I didn't understand why I was doing what I was doing... Still don't understand why and don't care why... (Don't get me going on that....).! B.

That was then and this is now and there will be no more purges in my future.... Small wardrobe reductions from time to time..... So I can support my main adiction....... Shopping for Womens Clothes!! Lol


Karren

[Emily Ann Brown]

First 2 purges were small ones, and it was as mentioned guilt driven. Third time was WIFE driven (I could have said no of course) and was like 60% of wardrobe. NO, she didn't know there was 40% she missed. All three times I felt better for about a day. Felt I had taken charge, stopped being a pervert, claimed my manhood back. Then Em came back to call and OMGosh what have I done. Like Karren....isn't happening again (divorce eliminating the need and guilt).


Emily Ann

[Lovely Rita]

I really dont understand alot about this subject "Purging" , from what iam aware of, is it when you decicde to quit the c/d for awhile and get rid of your clothes etc ?? & if iam right with it, how does that feel to do that ??
Is it something that affects you a great deal, because your stopping because you have to +? or does it affect you because there are times when you just feel like it "needs to go away for awhile" +? & when you do purge , do you completley get rid ? or put it away for awhile , from when you feel the need to c/d again +?:rolleyes:


I purged in the past because I had decided never to CD again. It was a decision that I took because I was saying goodbye to cding forever. I never did it to just take a break, too expensive. I now regret the times I did purge because I will never be able to replace many of the shoes and dresses.

I still think back to some of the shoes and can almost cry.

Today, I embrace my cding and accept it fully. If I need a break I will just take a break from it, but the clothes are precious booty for me. I think back at all the unopened packages of hosiery I threw away and..........oh well let me stop thinking about it.:D

[Tina B.]

Very young the first time, guilt and shame, and all that. Second time, meet a woman and wanted to be the man I knew I should be, so out it all went. Yes it felt good to take charge, and not give into feelings that where not NORMAL, but then one day you wake up, and relize you are not normal, and now I don't even want to be. Buying all new is fun, but I do miss a great pair of pumps that I had, and have never been able to find a pair that nice again.
And I have promised myself, the last purge, was the last purge, even things that don't fit, get packed away, just in case I loss the weight, and can get back into them again!
Tina B.

[Denielleinheels]

I have done it a few times in my life. I felt like a freak.. I felt like I had to make it stop. The end result was the need coming back even stronger so now I don't fight it, I go with it.:2c:

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

Thats intresting to read , in some ways it strikes me as if the "purging" was a easier way to get rid of what you were doing ( if you felt uncomfortable/unhappy @ the time ) :o if the clothes werent there !! then the c/d carnt be type thing +?:rolleyes:
thank you again for all your replies :hugs:

[terri jane]

I have recently purged in respect of wife's desires that I stop. i will honor her request to not wear her things vut the one thing I cannot purge is the desire. I am 59 and it never leaves and I hope I can someday be true to my calling. now that I am out to wife dont know if I can eever own a stash again but do i miss it. Terri

[Maggie Kay]

I purged two times as well. Both times were massive purges and led to crippling depression. The second was an ultimatum from my wife. It went on to a several month long depression and ability to work also suffered. When it became obvious that for practical reasons I had to get stuff back, we had very little money to spend on things. So instead of Chantelle, I have Costco specials. I threw out several thousand dollars worth of nearly new lingerie. Two huge garbage bags full. I still pine for those clothes. I learned that there is no way to get rid of CD for me. Then again, I now accept that I am TG and into transition now.

[Ruth]

If you have purged, or are thinking of purging, it's a sign that there is something wrong with your adjustment to CDing.
I used to throw things out when I was a secret CDer, partly from fear of discovery, partly (occasionally) in a brief sense of "ending this nonsense".
That's over now. Since I have come out to my wife, and owned my CDing as part of me, my dresses hang in the closet with my man clothes, my lingerie is in the drawer with my socks etc. They may get thrown if they wear out or go (even more) out of fashion, but I consider that they are part of the normal household scene and are here to stay.
And it is such a blessing and a relief to be in this situation.

[MJ]

i purged only once out of guilt and shame but i became very depressed and and so mad and up set ... i love my wordrobe and it's all gone i was so upset
that lasted all of about 6 weeks and never again i don't know whats worse the shame and guilt of dressing or the guilt of purging all my stuff or liveing a lie or all of it

[Alex!]

During my adult life, I would have an episode of crossdressing once a year for about a week or so. Then, I would through everything away because I felt ashamed and less of a man. Obviously, the urge to dress would come back, and I would start the whole thing over again. In the past year, while the frequency of crossdressing is the same, I no longer purge my stuff as I am no longer ashamed of my crossdressing, and I don't feel less of a man for doing it. I do, however, get rid of stuff that I thought was cool at first but really sucked upon further analysis :)

[Sonia_cd]

I've purged all of three times. The first time, it was out a mixture of guilt and fear of getting caught which made me get rid of some lovely clothes. The second time, it was because I had to leave town for a year to work in another city and was afraid someone would decide to clean my wardrobe and find the stash. Pity, cos no one ever did and I lost some gorgeous clothes that I still think about. The third time was because the few clothes I had purchased after the last purge were crappy and I felt so unsexy and dull wearing them.
How did I feel...the first time, relieved, but only for a few days until the need to dress resurfaced, the second time, relieved until I realized my fears were unfounded, then very angry with myself and the final time, happy that I got rid of rubbish! :D

Sonia

[Michelle04240]

My wife was in a mood one day, and was talking about my CDing. I felt guilt after and packed my things in some totes and put then in the attic. When she got home she asked what happened. We had another talk and then she helped me put my things back.

I have read many horror stories and would never throw anything away. I enjoy my CDing, wife is cool with it, and I hope to never even have to pack my things again.

[JacquiUKTV]

Reading previous posts....yeah, that's me too....the "guilt/shame" trip; the "time you grew out of it" thing. So...next time someone's purging: I'm UK size 12-16 depending on clothing item, and UK size 7 foot-size. We could talk....we could haggle.....:D

[O2B Barbara]

It's funny, but I felt guilty that's why I purged, but after purging I felt guilty for purging.


Dixie said it quite well. I have not purged in a long time but if I were to do it again it would only be to replace the entire wardrobe!! Oh what a thrill, get chills just thinking about it!


Barbara

[thea]

No more total purges for me. It's happened several times throughout the more than 25 years since I bought my first items. And, like others, I wish I still had some of those clothes. Used to be that when I'd want to make a fresh start of some type in my life, out went the women's clothes and in came a new attitude. Then my need for crossdressing would eventually come back. Now I tell the women I date before we become intimate, I don't worry that if there's some tragedy my wardrobe will be discovered, and I dress when I have the need, the desire, or the mood. When I made another fresh start last fall--moving to a new city and making a major life change--I did have to winnow the wardrobe down to one box, but it has my essentials, and I can slowly expand considering my tight living space and tighter budget. I also realized that for me, a haircut is a type of purge, so I think extra when I consider going from ponytail to crewcut--it still might happen because I think highly of Locks for Love, but it won't be a spur-of-the-moment encounter with the shears at a time when I feel good about being male. So for me, Iniquity, purging sometimes has been a measure of my optimism at being a strong male and not needing feminine things, but in earlier life it was guilt-driven. Now I know Thea is an essential part of my person--still private, but in need of expression from time to time.

[Mitzi]

I've never purged out of guilt, but have completely purged twice, the first time when I married, thinking the desire would go away, and the second time when given the spousal ultimatum, triggered by anger over an unfortunate mistake. Sadly, I couldn't overcome the desire and have reverted to dressing again. She suspects, but seems to have gone into don't ask (directly), don't tell mode.

The last time, I gave all my clothing to a thrift. After a week or so, I went back to see if I could buy back a few of the "good stuff". They were mostly gone, the remaining were priced more than I'd paid in the first place.

Then, to add insult to injury, perusing shoes on ebay, I came accross a couple of my well worn pairs given to the thrift...described glowingly...by a seller from the area.

Mitzi

[Roxi Loh]

Guilt...

[Lisa Renee]

It seems like most of that have purged have done it for the same reason. Its not normal, there is something wrong with me and I have to change, others see it as sick, SO can't deal with it. I'm sure there are many more reasons that we have purged. I also wish I had never purged and thrown everything away, I spent a lot of money on the things I threw away.
I now know I will never do it again, because I know my self and have accepted who I am. And there isn't anyway I would toss the wardrobe I have been building up for the last 17 years. (Unless it gets worn out or goes out of style)

[brenya]

when I was a kid there were a couple times when my parents purged for me, I don't think I'd ever do it willingly

[Deanna2]

I would never contemplate purging. I think its against my ethics (few though they may be) to do it anyway. I bought my femme gear and I enjoy wearing it. I have, however, discarded some items that I no longer wanted or were past their best-by date.

[rachel_rachel]

I've done it a few times.... Once i was feeling guilty about what i did and went and got the bags back from the botherhood bin i put them in, then while i was there grabbed more. Got some really sexy stuff in the second haul too.

Got rid of most of that when we moved house, and was devistated about that, so i went out and got more clothes. Never purged since, just updated the things i have.

[Angie G]

Not a good feeling Angie not good :hugs:
Angie

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

Thank you all again for your views :happy: seems like its a big thing with the purging, and it always comes back, maybe not straight away, but eventualy !! maybe perhaps like "Throwing a old friend out "?? :o

[Kelsy]

I use to purge on a regular basis. I was always at war with my Feminine self!
I would collect a few things and dress when I could always hiding my stuff. The urge to dress was always more than I could resist. I thought CDing was wrong and not normal. I think my past purges were out of fear of being discovered. Before long after I would purge the desire would drive me back to collecting and dressing, a viscious cycle. I have accepted the fact that this is who I am and I can't denigh it any longer so if the urge to purge returns I will just pack it up and put it away. I have way to much invested to trash my things and besides I love what I do and who I've become!!:happy:

Jennifer

[Gayle]

I believe it's usually out of guilt feelings, Angie. You know, being a gender traitor etc. However, there are probably alternative reasons.

I did it a couple of times many moons ago. In my case it was not guilt but 'all dressed up and nowhere to go'. I burnt them and then cried next morning when I saw the underwires from bras in the ashes. It's difficult to realize what it was like back in the 70's and 80's before the Net. I thought I was the only TV and did'nt even know that I was a TV.

Gayle XXX

[Andi]

I've purged several times out of guilt and trying to honor my wifes wishes. Problem is I was able to purge everything except the inner feeling that drives me. I imagine it's an addition or maybe worse. Any research on gene makeup as the cause of these desires?

[sparks]

Yes I've done it. Time and time again IT is a aweful low state of mind. I've never been able to shake the guilt of hurting my wife over this stuff and constantly torn between dressing to be happy and not dressing and being depressed about it.
When i've purged in the past I'm usually either feeling little about myself or feeling all pumped up like a rooster thinking "I am a man! I shall throw my girl stuff away!"
Yep....Meow.

[silkie h]

I have purged twice in my lifetime. On each occasion it was because I despised myself for being what I was in relation to CD'ing ( still do at times ), & wanted to make a fresh start. Also each purge tended to coincide with a major change in my life . On one occasion it coincided with a change of house & the other, a new relationship . A purge for me meant that everything to do with my CD'ing was totally destroyed. Each time, the desires gradually came back despite mental resistance . I finally gave up & now I just live with it.

[Deborah]

I've never purged. I've only thrown away outfits that were old or didn't fit anymore.
In the military i threw everything away to avoid being caught since i was single in the barracks and they had a habit of coming through looking.

Does that count?

[Iniquity Blonde GG]

So hiding them away ,or just putting them to one side wouldnt be the same as purging ? +? actualy no, because they would still be there, so the temptation would be too vast !! yet purging them , is a feeling of loss iam begining to see now :o

[sterling12]

I have no doubt I will be told that I'm not in a position to judge, as I have never willfully gotten rid of anything, at least not by purging.

However being transgendered, I think I can suggest a couple of hopefully though-out ideas. First thought: Ever hear of the expression, "cutting off your nose to spite your face?" I will assume that the guilt becomes such a burden, purging becomes a form of penance. Penitent Actions often become addictive behavior. For a brief period, the feelings of relief and penitence outweigh the logic of wasting a great deal of money and the deep regrets. I can only assume that this has a lot to do with Gurl's who repeat purges over and over again. After a certain number of times, surely even they understand that they will go back to CD and repeat this vicious cycle.

Second thought: I have never heard a single story about one CD who successfully purged CD from her life. Much like alcohol addiction, the "Monkey" is always sitting right there on your shoulder. Some people go for years but it seems that something always triggers renewed activity.

We don't have the equivalent of AA for Transgendered people, judging by the amounts of unhappiness that I see expressed, if the equivalent of AA worked for us, there would be an awful lot of people trying to"quit," and such a group would exist.

The best solution to purging that I can see is acceptance! learn to accept and embrace the unique person that you are without all the guilt....the purging will stop.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[krisinpink]

no no no no no...
Don't purge!

I've done it twice, and the result is 1/2 a day of thinking "I'm done with that" when we could no more quit dressing than breathing!

My purges have resulted in my simply giving up things I wished I still had.

CDing is not a 'hobby' or a phase...it is part of who many of us are. The notion of purging may at first sound like a rational approach, but in truth, it will only make a CDer sad later on, and cannot "cure" something that isn't a disease!!

"Just say 'NO' to Purging!!"

By the way, the description here of what purging is, is accurate...I've always taken it to mean the discarding or giving away of ALL itmes of femdom..clothes, shoes, accessories....

[Eva Diva]

just a thought.... the people who have purged and not "relapsed" probably wouldn't be here to say so.

[RuthieER]

I have had as much guilt and shame and fear about crossdressing as anyone here. But I knew that I could never stop; it was just too ingrained into who I was. But I often thought, "I've got to get this disgusting perversion under control at least!" So I would "edit" my wardrobe; get it down just the few items "I really need." It would then grow and grow and grow, and I'd tell myself that again. I think I edited my wardrobe two or three times, or more, before i reached contented acceptance and joy and delight in celebrating my femininity! My wardobe is huge and getting larger!

Ruthie

[SandyR]

July 06, stopped because my car fit the discription of a "store rober". Police had me out of the car, did a search only the stopping officer knew my "true gender". Never said a word. The other officers said "sorry for the trouble mam". Went to the room undressed, tossed it all in a garbage can.

It was the second time I purged, no more! I am me and proud of it!

SandyR

[Daintre]

Sadly I find myself in the position of having to purge this weekend. I have been going through my wardrobe and I think I have cut it down by at least 1/2. The Salvation Army will get a windfall this Saturday. I need to move and the new place just won't allow my current wardrobe.

[CalvinKlein]

At the end of my freshmen year of college I was cleaning out my dorm and figured I could throw away my bag of lingerie and convinced myself if I didn't wear any of it for a while i never would again. I thought this was a step that I had to take. Well, a month later I found myself at VS in Mt. Kisco, NY purchasing 3 pairs of panties for $30 (might have actually been 3 for $27 at the time). A few weeks later I found myself at VS Semi Annual Sale in Mt. Kisco, NY, Southbury, CT, Danbury, CT, Waterbury, CT, Stamford, CT, Poughkeepsie, NY, Middletown, NY, and wherever else my travels took me during that time. After the sale was over, my collevtion was bigger than it ever was. My wearing, wanting to wear, etc, becomae more intense after the purge. I was able to get some great panties for really cheap, I was also able to replace a few pairs of panties (ones that I originally paid a lot for, but only paid $2.99 at the sales for), but was sadly unable to replace other pairs. Right now I'm just waiting for the Semi Annual Sale to begin in the stores, I will make many trips (as usual) including one at Pittsburgh International Airport because I am flying through there in June (how great is it that the airport has a VS?!).

[Sharon]

just a thought.... the people who have purged and not "relapsed" probably wouldn't be here to say so.

So true!! :p

I purged once, immediately after meeting my wife and being sure I wanted to spend my life with her. I not only wanted to hide my crossdressing from her, but I also thought that being with her would satisfy any feminine needs I felt. Dumb me.

The funny thing is that I knew within a day that I made a huge mistake and ended up telling her all about myself. So it was just a complete waste of time. Thankfully, everything I owned back then was really trashy and cheap, so it was no great loss when I started to replace my wardrobe.

[Sarah W.]

I've purged twice in my life. As with most the other girls in here it was done out of guilt and also a fear of being discovered. Both happened when I was younger and were attempts to give up CD cold turkey. Obviously I didn't give it up and in fact I regret my purges a lot (I threw out everything I had for both of them and my 2nd purge was expensive to replace!). After doing some growing up I've grown to except myself for who I am and have given up purging (knock on wood).

[TxKimberly]

Guilt and shame and it feels AWFUL!
Kim