Leering Men and Flirtatious Women

[CaptLex]

There have been several threads all over the site lately talking about men leering at women and this got me thinking (yeah, I know, but I can't help it). I used to really HATE that - sometimes to the point that I would get violent whenever I saw some guy with his tongue hanging out or making a crude comment toward a woman (whether it was me or someone else). Now I realize that it's not necessarily the case anymore. Well, actually . . . it's still true if I know the guys perceives me as female, but if I think there's a chance that they see me as a guy, then I don't have a problem with it. I'm not necessarily flattered by attention from guys I'm not interested in, but I'm not disgusted and fuming about it either.

On the other hand, I've never had a problem with women flirting with me - even though I'm not the least bit interested in them. If perceived as female, I think they're looking for a lesbian and if perceived as male, I assume they're looking for a straight guy. I'm neither of those things, but I'm not the least bit offended by their attention. Weird, huh? :confused:

[Felix]

Good thread Lex! Dunno if I am answering this correctly but here goes....
I don't mind harmless chat and flirtation no harm there but I have always hated slimy men and women for that matter who flirt in a sickly fashion and make people uncomfortable. I think sometimes it's worse when it comes off a man to a woman, it's horrible the dripping syndrome. Trouble is these slimy ones make it bad for nice honest blokes who then get the label of perve even when bein affectionate and not perverse in any way. There are women who can be like this too I have come across them on the scene and in the work place. We all like a bit of healthy attention and a bit of harmless flirtation, it makes us feel good.

As for me personally I was confused a little while back and used to think does it bother me that men are not interested in me? The answer is a definite NO. It does on the other hand bother me if women do not find me attractive. I don't mind my gay male friends bein a little flirtatious around me cos in my head that is different probably cos I see them as effeminate so the womanly link but that's all. Is this ok? xx Felix :hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

Not surprising to me Lex, considering you have become more comfortable, confident and self assured these days.:thumbsup::happy:

[Question Mark]

Ah, that's nothing strange at all. I sometimes get freaked out when a guy comes onto me, especially if it's a guy I don't know particularly well. There's only been one woman I know who was attracted to me, but I was more surprised than anything else with that.

[false_dichotomy]

Yeah, I also like getting attention from gay guys. By now I'm used to lesbians hitting on me; it used to bother me really badly when that happened, and I'm still not that thrilled by it, but I've only ever had one girl fail to back off after I told her I'm a gay man. I get angry when people, male female or anything, make crude comments about women, but not when people say things like that about men. This is what baffles me about my own attitude. And as far as straight girls flirting with me, I take it as a compliment. Only problem is, they tend to be 5 years or so younger than me (and percieve me to be in their age range). So meh to that.

Oh, and telling straight girls you're gay doesn't tend to get rid of them, sadly. There are some who find that even more exciting. :confused:

[Dasein9]

The point at which it bothers me is when there's a suggestion, implicit or explicit, that a guy (or even a CD) believes that the reason women exist is to look attractive for him, or that everything about women can be explained in terms of men. The sheer arrogance. And, in my experience, it's generally guys who don't really have all that much to be arrogant about who think like that.

[happyfish]

No one ever flirts with me, so I never have any problems. I've probably been checked out, but I don't pay attention so I don't know who's doing it when.
Yeah, Das, that bugs me too.

[Leah B]

Sometimes I think I'm crazy when I think things like "society hates men" then I read things like this...

Of course, these attitudes seem perfectly logical to me, but WHY? It's like it's okay to hate men, but we must exalt women.

And please don't tell me this is ridiculous, I KNOW that already.

[Cai]

Sometimes I think I'm crazy when I think things like "society hates men" then I read things like this...

Of course, these attitudes seem perfectly logical to me, but WHY? It's like it's okay to hate men, but we must exalt women.

And please don't tell me this is ridiculous, I KNOW that already.

I've seen that a lot, actually. Not that I haven't seen enough of people bashing women as well. I wish people would lay off all genders. No stereotype covers any group.

Edit: Just a note about the leering men/man-hater stereotype: I go to a women's college with a large percentage of lesbians, and many of them flirt/leer/drool/make comments in just as sexual a manner as any man I've met. And the straight girls make comments about the rare guy that comes through that reduce them to the level of objects.

[Dasein9]

Of course, these attitudes seem perfectly logical to me, but WHY? It's like it's okay to hate men, but we must exalt women.

NEITHER is okay.

I don't hate men. I love men. I hate male privilege. Big difference there.

And exalt women? What the heck for? Exalting is just another form of objectification; a pedestal is every bit as constraining as a cell.

[false_dichotomy]

Agreed. Putting women on a pedestal is just another form of sexism-- it's implying that they are the "weaker sex" and need to be taken care of, that they cannot do it themselves. It's patronizing.


I go to a women's college with a large percentage of lesbians, and many of them flirt/leer/drool/make comments in just as sexual a manner as any man I've met.
Yeah, that's what I was talking about in my post too. I have to ask lesbians not to objectify women even more often than I ask straight men.

[Leah B]

Okay, I was expecting to get flamed. This place is AWESOME. In hindsight, this is the perfect place to bring up unpopular views on gender...

I hear a lot about "male privilege," and see plenty of evidence, but do you think there's "female privilege" as well? Women don't hold the reins of power in this society, but I see women sometimes act with a sense of privilege too. Does there need to be a matriarchy for there to be a female privilege?

[Question Mark]

You're kind of missing the point. I think at least most of us are saying that there shouldn't be EITHER sort of "privilege". :P Everyone deserves respect based on the merits of their individual selves, regardless of gender.

[ZenFrost]

I kinda hate flirting no matter what gender it's coming from. I dunno, but I always get really annoyed when people flirt with me.

[Evert]

Well I must add about the 'weaker sex', I'm a strong believer in the old female-worshipping. The female as an life-bringer, a mother. Okay, little bit old for the 21st century. But nice to believe in. :happy:

Further nothing more to add, I never get flirted with. :devil:

[Dasein9]

Agreed. Putting women on a pedestal is just another form of sexism-- it's implying that they are the "weaker sex" and need to be taken care of, that they cannot do it themselves. It's patronizing.


Yep. We'll know we have equality when women are free to make their own mistakes, instead of being protected from them all the time. Of course, making one's own mistakes, living with the consequences, and learning from that is key to maturing. The da**ed pedestal keeps women from being able to do this, trapping them in a kind of permanent immaturity.

[Leah B]

Actually, Q-Mark, I agree with y'all. I've just run into the attitude out there from time to time that the solution to all problems sexism related has to do with changing men's behavior. THAT'S what I'm probing here. I'm an equalist. I'd LOVE to see men and women treated equally. Even if men and women had equal power, or if our benefits and drawbacks somehow evened out, I wouldn't be satisfied. Equality is equality!

[Emily Ann Brown]

I really don't care whether men flirt with me or not....just don't get crude and talk trash to me. Always knew I was different because I was grossed out by mens sexist attitudes.

My biggest fear is my company will discover I'm a woman and cut my pay by 40%.


Emily Ann

[gennee]

I have been hit on by men whether I'm dressed or in drab. Never a dull moment.

Gennee
:D

[cutie_yami]

you can always flirt with me :p