Advice please - inconsistent SO

[Diane098]

Hello, I havent posted in awhile and I was hoping for some advice. In my last post I met a girl who said she was accepting of Diane and had no problem with crossdressers. The first few times she met Diane she helped with makeup tips etc. It was great, a dream come true. The other night she made a date for the evening and seemed excited by the idea. I havent been able to dress in awhile. She even bought me a new black dress that looks fabulous on me. When she got home I had dinner ready and the house clean. I poured her her favorite beer and went in and sat on the couch. She came in sat on the opposit side of the couch and did not even look at me for the rest of the night till I changed. I asked her about it and she admitted that she is a little bothered by Diane. I was upfront with her about who I am and kept no secrets.Tonight after she gets home she wants to talk about it. I am afraid she is going to grow to hate Diane and I cant live without Diane. Thanks for reading and any advice would be helpful.

[Sonia_cd]

Hey Diane

I'm not great at the advice but I'll try. It seems you have been completely honest with her and despite that she seems to be developing a dislike for Diane. If that is indeed the case, I don't think you should consider putting Diane out of your life. After all she is a part of you and is not going away.

Also, it appears that the two of you are not engaged to be married or married or committed in any way so there are no pressures on that front either. You could try talking to her and understanding what about Diane is troubling her or upsetting her and whether there is a way to work around that. If there isn't, then you know which way to go. You are probably better of feeling balanced and happy with yourself than sacrificing something that would leave you feeling incomplete ever so often.

Whatever you decide, just talk to her first. It may be something trivial like her being threatened by how far you might want to take your dressing and all she needs is reassurance that the "man" is still around and will always be around. Hope this helps, just my :2c:

Sonia

[Diane098]

Thanks for the advice. We are getting married in August and I dont intend to break up with her, even if it means I cant share Diane with her. She says she doesnt want Diane to go away but is bothered at the same time. I love her so much and cant see spending my life without her. I hope we can talk it out.

[Sonia_cd]

Thanks for the advice. We are getting married in August and I dont intend to break up with her, even if it means I cant share Diane with her. She says she doesnt want Diane to go away but is bothered at the same time. I love her so much and cant see spending my life without her. I hope we can talk it out.

Congratulations Diane!! :happy: Wish you a very happy married life ahead.

Gut tells me that she wants to clarify a few things that are bothering her especially since you guys are getting married and that changes the nature of the relationship. If she is clear that she doesn't want Diane to go away then I don't think you have much to fear hun. All the best for the talk and wish that it all works out. Take care sweetie!

Sonia

[AllieSF]

Hi Diane,

Good luck with all of this. remember like many Cders, mood swings and exploration become a regular ritual for us. She may be doing the same thing as she learns to deal with Diane. Be patient, talk a lot, and try to get the details of her discomfort. Maybe it is your mannerisms (could they be overly feminine), or something else that would be easy to modify and satisfy her and help you be a better woman. Just remember that you will always need your moments to be Diane and she needs to understand that too.

[Di]

Congrats....hope you can work out a happy medium...what works for you both...but talk now and get it worked out...try to get her to open up exactly why. My guess is....she wants you to be happy...wants to enjoy Diane...but when push comes to shove and the time comes...she reacts differently...but only she would know the exact reason. Just talk hon.....kudos to you for being upfront...i'm sure you can get it worked out.

[Holly]

Hi Diane. A couple of thoughts...

Since she is invested in the relationship to the point of agreeing to become your wife (congratulations, by the way), she may be wanting to seek clarification of the role that Diane will be playing in the relationship. Please attempt to get her to open up to you exactly what her concerns are. Then work out together how to accomodate both her needs and yours. Honest communication should solve this issue for both of you.

[rose382832]

maybe she is just jealous of diane looking better in dresses than she does? since she buys you nice clothing try doing the same for her.

[Rita B]

maybe she is just jealous of diane looking better in dresses than she does? since she buys you nice clothing try doing the same for her. I know where you are coming from. Women can feel threatened by us. Maybe it is because we try harder at looking very feminine and that puts pressure on them especially when they just want to lay back. Several years ago, I made a comment in the kitchen while my wife was cooking. Well, she took off her apron in a huff and told me that if I thought that I could do better I could take over the cooking, and I did. She has not cooked except for herself in years. Everyone likes it when "Pep" (that's what they call me"):love: cooks. Every Sunday we have at least 10 to 12 people over for Sunday dinner. What the heck does this have to do with it? I dunno. Women are very insecure and you have to be careful what you do and what you say all the time.


Rita

[Holly]

:hiding:

[Sandra]

I know where you are coming from. Women can feel threatened by us. Maybe it is because we try harder at looking very feminine and that puts pressure on them especially when they just want to lay back.

Wrong, we don't feel any pressure because we are feminine


Women are very insecure and you have to be careful what you do and what you say all the time.

Not just women there is a lot of Tg people out there, say or do the worng thing and they throw a hissy fit. :Angry3:

[Sheila]

Diane,

congratulations on your forthcoming wedding ....... like the others have said talk talk and talk some more.

When I found out about my partners cding I did everything I could to encourage the emergance of Claire ....... perhaps to much too soon for my mental comfort, and so we ran into a few problems. Being honest I had a period of not being comfortable with Claire as a person, she is difernent to my male partner, sits differently, body mannerisms are very diferent and so it is like meeting a new person ........... she made me feel uncomfortable in our home and I didn't like it ......... we have since talked and things are a lot better, Claire is beginning to emerge as a person in her own right, and not a guest that I feel I have to be polite to, and that makes a huge difference.

Pehaps you partner would like to join the forum and after making 10 initial post including an intoduction in te intro section, then apply for access to the gg section where she can chat with other GG's that know how she is feeling.

All the best:hugs:



I know where you are coming from. Women can feel threatened by us.

Not this woman:Angry3:


Women are very insecure and you have to be careful what you do and what you say all the time.Rita

I know several insecure people of both sexes, and several very secure people of both sexes and a heap of people who are both secure and insecure in their daily life depending on the circumstnaces they find themselves in at any given time ........... insecurity is NOT a exclusive female trait

[Gayle]

What I would do, is tell your girlfriend that Diane is not going away. That way, she knows where she stands and can make a decision whether or not to stay with you.

Gayle XXX

[Kerry Owens]

Women are very insecure????! Sheeeesh! Talk about painting the whole flock!
I think that she did open the door so to speak and then kinda got "shocky" about Diane is just a momentary reaction. With talk, discussion and honesty this can be worked out. Don't give up, but keep that communication going.
One good point was maybe in return buy her a extra special dress, and take her out for a dinner....I think it all work work out with both parties working together on understanding each other.

[Ema1234 GG]

I don't know how much advice I can give, but I am a GG who is only just discovering and coming to terms with my partners CDing.

In the past I have also tried to support my partner by helping him with make up, buying him items, letting him wear my underwear etc and I also initially thought I could handle it with no problems what so ever.

However, my real big problem came with seeing him dressed. He is very inexperienced with dressing and the part that I found upset me the most was that I could still see him, the male part of him, underneath it. I fell in love and am attacted to him as a male and seeing him dressed as a female was very upsetting for me.

This may not be the case with your girlfriend, but perhaps it may be something to consider. It seems like she is trying to accept this part of you but is having a hard time doing so.

Someone else has also mentioned this, but perhaps it may help her if she joined this forum. I know it's helped me a lot in coming to terms with and understanding CDing.

I wish you luck in resolving this and congratulations on your up coming wedding. It seems like you to are very committed and I'm sure you can work through this. :hugs:

[Diane098]

Thanks for all of the advice it really helped! We talked and i think she is feeling more comfortable now. She even signed up for this site. I think it will help her alot to understand not only me but get advice from the other SO as to what boundries she is comfortable with.:hugs:

[Tree GG]

Women are very insecure????! Sheeeesh! Talk about painting the whole flock!....

:iagree:If that's not the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is.

Diane,

I see a tendency in CDs with SO's to take the CDing too far for the SO's comfort level. Not necessarily intentionally or with malice or disregard for the SO, but there's a frequency line in there somewhere that keeps fluctuating. Your initial post says you made a date, but doesn't say that she was clear who the date was with, Diane or her guy. Maybe she bought you the dress because she ran across it on sale and really didn't intend for it to be worn on this date.

I know you all keep saying you're the same person in femme or drab, but it's just not the same. Sadly, we SO's often have to learn to relax with your femme selves and that takes time. And I certainly don't want all my private time with my husband to be consumed w/ CDing. If I want/need a romantic evening, I don't want Darlene anywhere in sight. We can talk about "her" or even shop for "her" but IMO, "she" is a personna I don't really know yet, am getting to know the dynamics of what our relationship is/will be. I know the dynamic of the relationship with my husband and am comfortable with that (most times). Doesn't mean Darlene can't have dates with me if she wants, but I would hate to expect a "romantic reliving of yesteryear" and actually get a same gender evening.

New and different can be exciting, but some days tried & true is just what the Dr ordered. IMO, more effort needs to be placed on clear communication and expectations. Just 'cause your in the mood for Diane doesn't mean your SO is... and vice versa (which is another post). :happy:

[Dixie]

You need to resolve it BEFORE the wedding takes place! Afterwards it will be a difficult, painful ordeal, just my :2c:.

[Diane098]

One of her misgivings it turns out is jealousy. Not because I look better ( I'm a rather fugly woman in my opinion) but she works in a lumber yard around men all day. She wants to come home and get all dolled up and feel feminine to and was becoming jealous of the fact that I had the time too and she didnt.

[Dixie]

Maybe treat her to a day spa on her day off sometime,....Just her you just sit this one out, ...this time.

[Diane098]

I wish I could unfortunatly the nearest thing in this neck of the woods is a beauty college. I was thinking on our honeymoon to San Fransisco getting her a spa day. She really wants a mud bath.

[sobe1ove GG]

One of her misgivings it turns out is jealousy. Not because I look better ( I'm a rather fugly woman in my opinion) but she works in a lumber yard around men all day. She wants to come home and get all dolled up and feel feminine to and was becoming jealous of the fact that I had the time too and she didnt.

Ooo, yeah. I can see that upsetting her. That would upset me too. When us GGs get upset, it isn't always because of 'oh, he's a crossdresser.' If we get uncomfortable, it isn't always because we think you're 'disgusting.'

I have noticed a trend with the CDers on here. They notice their GG SO pull away and assume it's because they aren't accepting of who you are. That's probably not the case. There are many reasons why someone could be upset. It could be that she feels upset because you spend more time and money on your lady side than on her. Instead of speculating, actually talk to the girl. I say that to all of you.

Here's a little mantra that could help everyone: "Not everything is about cross dressing."

And man, if it IS all about cross dressing for you, I feel bad for your mate. (and the 'you' I'm referring to is all crossdressers, not just the original poster.)

[Diane098]

My suggestion was that when she comes home I will cook dinner and she can take a long bubble bath with a glass of wine and candles. She likes that idea. Now I have to learn how to cook!:eek:

[sobe1ove GG]

My suggestion was that when she comes home I will cook dinner and she can take a long bubble bath with a glass of wine and candles. She likes that idea. Now I have to learn how to cook!:eek:

That's a very nice idea. Through all of the self-pampering, never forget to pamper your SO. She deserves it, too.

[spaceycasey GG]

Hey, you all give great advice. Thnakyou so much. Diane and I have been talking it out for days. It's relieving to read your comments and feel understood.:hugs: