I've met someone... very interesting.....!

[Alicia_lynn419]

On the heels of a recent thread on dating and divulging, I find myself in the same situation.

I met "M" online about 3 weeks ago, not necessarily looking to meet anyone, but the more we chatted, shared emails which lead to IMs and eventually phone calls, and I sense a real feeling of mutual interest here. Wednesday night we are meeting for coffee, out first face to face meeting...

Now I realize from past experience that the face to face is usually the make it or break it moment.... We've exchanged pics (me in boy mode), and she is a very naturally attractive lady. From our conversations, she appears to me to be a "nice girl with a naughty streak", (I will not elaborate anymore on that other than to say our conversations have never been seedy or sleazy - quite adult and open so far). We seem to share many of the same ideas on relationships, family values, politics, etc.... But...

Last friday we were chatting on the phone.. She made mention of her "girl's nights" with her friends where they all get a little wild. I saw this as an opportunity to put out a feeler, masked in humor, "Cool, Let me know when you have the next girl's night, I'll put on a pair of heels", (she does not yet know about Allie).

There was a slight pause, and she responded, "Thats not something I think I could get into..."

I quickly responded that was a "joke", and that everyone has their own thing... What followed is truly confusing....

"Oh, I know.. its just that I dated a guy who said he was into that.. I don't think I could get into that.... initially..."

I have spent the last few days trying to figure out what that means....

Now "M" seems VERY open minded... trying to rationalize this I wonder if: a) she has no real knowledge/experience with cd's,
b) the guy she dated who was a CD was pushing it on her (I know that her being "pushed" is a deal breaker", or,
c) she might be willing to keep an open mind as long as it was not pushed on her, that a relationship had time to develop enough for her to get to know the man.....

I'd like to think the latter... I've spoken about this to many of my close GG friends and they all seem to agree ... let her statement go for now.. and from what I've read on this site, give it time to really KNOW each other as "regular" people, and if the relationship progresses to being serious/intimate, then re-approach the subject..... I would rather be honest than to be misleading....

We have spent hours on the phone, emails and IM's, and so far there seems to be something there.... Tomorrow we meet face to face, yet there is a sense of already knowing one another.... Does anyone have any thoughts about my predicament?

Thanks!

[AllieSF]

Alicia,

In reality it is not a predicament, it is an opportunity to meet someone very interesting who may have a possibility to maybe support or tolerate your CD activity. I agree with your GG friends that you should just get to know her and let her know you as a person. See where the relationship is going and go with the flow. You will know when the time is right to let the cat out of the bag. You took the risk and made the comment, got potentially positive reponse from her and now need to let it sleep for awhile as you try to develop a more definitive relationship. Since you were not looking when you met her, if it doesn't work out you are no different than you were just before you seemed to click with her. Enjoy her company and have some fun. maybe she will surprise you. Good luck.

[faltenrock]

Alicia,

i think there is a lot going on in your mind and fantasy - that's ok.

Anyway, after getting to know her, I wouldn't wait to long to let her know.

What if she directly will ask that one question - 'Are you a CD'. You should think about your answer before the quetsion comes along.

doreen

PS: Good luck for the date.

[Kelsy]

[QUOTE=Alicia_lynn..... I would rather be honest than to be misleading....

We have spent hours on the phone, emails and IM's, and so far there seems to be something there.... Tomorrow we meet face to face, yet there is a sense of already knowing one another.... Does anyone have any thoughts about my predicament?

Thanks![/QUOTE]


Now there's the gamble. Be honest out front and risk immediate rejection. Or, develop the relationship and then be honest about yourself and risk immediate
rejection with baggage. Of course she could turn out to be accepting and that would be great but there is a high probability that the odds favor and that is she won't accept it. The worst part of this CDing life is that we desire a female mate and the problems are difficult. I hope it all works out for you Alicia:happy:

Jennifer

[JulieC]

It's not much of a predicament. It's more or less the same situation many of us experience. When do we tell? For your own benefit, please please please discuss this with her in depth before making an offer of marriage to her (should it get that far). Sounds like she might have had a bad experience before. It's unfair for her to map that experience on to what may become your relationship. But, this is normal behavior for people too. We are influenced by our past experiences.

-BB

[MJ]

she is not in to it , it being the cross-dressing .. this could be a mistake and you both could end up hurt

[Dixie]

I agree with MJ, could be wrong but it seems to me she has made that perfectly clear.:drink:

[RachelDenise]

Go slow. What's the hurry? Get to know each other and see how well you mesh in person. It's easy to say things over the phone or in email. Wait a bit and if it happens, then so much for the better.

[Alicia_lynn419]

Thanks everyone... I guess my confusion is this... She said she knew someone who was "into it". She then siad, "I could not get into it - INITIALLY..." which makes me think that there may be a chance if the relationship develops, or the previous guy was being pushy... aside from that, we seem to be hitting on all 6 cylinders!

[Julogden]

My :2c:, tell her right away and don't read too much into the "initially" bit. She's indicated that at best, she's going to reluctantly tolerate your crossdressing, from what I'm reading anyway. If you can live with that, then I'd guess there's potential in a future relationship.

But if I were in your position, I'd be totally honest with her about CD'ing right away.

Carol:hugs:

[Alice Torn]

Maybe it would be good, to see her for three weeks, to a month, comfortable with each other, then, in a tactful way, when timing is good. Timing is very important. But, be prepared for a rejection, no matter when you tell her. This is not easy. But, I have been rejected humdreds of times, not for cding, but, just because, I was not what they wanted. After enough rejections, it gets easier... a little.

[Country girl]

Oh yeah, I agree, wait as long as possible before telling her. [heavy sarcasm here guys], I mean seriously what are y'all thinking??? A relationship that is started in deception will ALWAYS have that in the forfront of her mind. It really doesn't matter the reason. If you emailed and IMed and she's gotten to know you to some extent and your personalities mesh and you like eachother, then after a few dates, and I'm talking two or three, if it looks as if things could get serious in the least, then TELL her, don't wait, don't pass go, don't collect 200 dollars, tell her. If she is worth her salt and it is meant to be y'all will deal with the cards as they fall. TRUST me, this is advice from a conservative 48 year old woman who was told this info from her[now ex], by the way his choice not mine, CDing 52 year old boy friend of two years, 14 months into the relationship AND I was totaling accepting. I admit that is rare. BUT I also have to say after having just got back from DLV in Vegas that a lot of acceptance has to do with the personalities of the parties involved. If I had been told two weeks before I found out about my ex I would of told you you were crazy and if it were true I would be gone in a flash. Not only was and am I accepting of the CDing lifestyle, I enjoy participating in it. But I also think that a big reason that couples have problems is due to the dishonesty. Women have trouble believing that the guy is being honest about things when they have been dishonest about such a huge issue from the very get go. The longer the dishonesty goes on the harder it will be to overcome. I hope I've made some sense and not POed anyone. Good luck to ya. CG GG

[ToyGirl]

No point putting out a 'feeler' if you only looking for one response. It's early days , just tell her your a CD and get it over with. She will either stay or go , better now than later.

[Eva Diva]

If you told her this already....



"Cool, Let me know when you have the next girl's night, I'll put on a pair of heels",


then you've already told her you're a crossdresser. You may be too close to recognize it, but that is notthe kind of thing a guy says to a woman he's considering dating. And "I was just joking" doesn't cover it. It wouldn't occur to most guys to say such a thing in a million years. It's possible she didn't catch it, but you certainly did raise the red flag.

[flatlander_48]

Thanks everyone... I guess my confusion is this... She said she knew someone who was "into it". She then siad, "I could not get into it - INITIALLY..." which makes me think that there may be a chance if the relationship develops, or the previous guy was being pushy... aside from that, we seem to be hitting on all 6 cylinders!

Eight. You need 8 Cylinders; go find the other 2. In the mean time, talk amongst yourselves...

[Mitch23]

Oh yeah, I agree, wait as long as possible before telling her. [heavy sarcasm here guys], I mean seriously what are y'all thinking??? A relationship that is started in deception will ALWAYS have that in the forfront of her mind. It really doesn't matter the reason. If you emailed and IMed and she's gotten to know you to some extent and your personalities mesh and you like eachother, then after a few dates, and I'm talking two or three, if it looks as if things could get serious in the least, then TELL her, don't wait, don't pass go, don't collect 200 dollars, tell her. If she is worth her salt and it is meant to be y'all will deal with the cards as they fall. TRUST me, this is advice from a conservative 48 year old woman who was told this info from her[now ex], by the way his choice not mine, CDing 52 year old boy friend of two years, 14 months into the relationship AND I was totaling accepting. I admit that is rare. BUT I also have to say after having just got back from DLV in Vegas that a lot of acceptance has to do with the personalities of the parties involved. If I had been told two weeks before I found out about my ex I would of told you you were crazy and if it were true I would be gone in a flash. Not only was and am I accepting of the CDing lifestyle, I enjoy participating in it. But I also think that a big reason that couples have problems is due to the dishonesty. Women have trouble believing that the guy is being honest about things when they have been dishonest about such a huge issue from the very get go. The longer the dishonesty goes on the harder it will be to overcome. I hope I've made some sense and not POed anyone. Good luck to ya. CG GG
quite agree - because she doesnt feel she can fully trust me in one thing - shes not sure about trusting me in anything anymore and i will have to work very hard on that. lack of trust is poison - if i could have started our relationship all over again i would have done it a heck of a lot different,

mitch

[Bonnie D]

I think you have found out enough about each other already. The longer you wait the harder it will be on the both of you if she cannot accept your crossdressing.

Bonnie

[Ericka2]

I've met mi current girfriend on line and one the most important factor it's being truthfull, at the begining we got to know each other, she came to visit me,(she is from Canada) and i been there few times, but right before we went to the next level, i told her about my crossdressing and at my surprise she responded, " i tought you secret was that you were a serial killer" and we both took a deep relieved breath and she said that she was ok with and willing to get to know Ericka, we both love eachother very deeply, and we had some problems since i got 3 kids and my own bussines is hard to make time for our relationship and Ericka at this moment only comes ones ina while but i'm very happy that i met her, i wish you the best and hope my experience helped you in some way.


Love Ericka

[battybattybats]

Imagine this worst-case scenario: You put off telling her till later, then you fall head over heels in love, you keep it to yourself till you are ready to explode then.. you confess... and what if she can't handle it.. she demands you stop-do you purge? then years of frustration ensue with you getting resentful and snappy and depressed, finally after many years the relationship collapses under the weight of it all leaving you older, laden with cripling emotional baggage and suffering deep depression.

Alternate worst case scenario: You tell her this week, she can't handle it and never talks to you again. You take several months to get over it and get back on the market.

Comparing the two...
For the sake of rational thought itself do not, please, do not get caught in a relationship with this secret repressed away or hidden. It seems for some a horror story and my own experience has been bad enough (I told her right near the start but didn't understand it myself and thought it'd 'go away', when the urge returned we were both 'hooked' and things have been bad since). Let her make the decission of what she will or won't buy into in the relationship.

[lahr]

Maybe you could go slow and still persue it....Good luck!