Are you ready to be discovered?

[lynn27]

Tess's thread "I think my mom knows..." made me think. How many of us have considered and prepared for that day when someone you don't want to know finds out, be it your best friend, your boss, your family, maybe even the SO. I think deep down we all know that sooner or later it is going to happen.

I've been thinking about it because I have let my hair grow out and it is getting pretty long now. My appearance has changed over the last year and I'm sure some people are talking already. Instead of being caught off guard it seems wise to plan for the worst case and think thru, ahead of time, what you'd say to the people in your life.

So, what are you going to say? Are you going to deny it, tell a lie, make up a convoluted cover story or just tell the honest truth?

Myself? I'm ready to be honest to anyone with a direct question.:tongueout

[Emily Ann Brown]

Outted myself to my insurance agent yesterday.....only one I fear now is at work. But I'll survive when it comes. Already told them I was in counselling.


Emily Ann

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I kind of live with this fear every day, that sooner or later I will be outted. Either by my own choosing, (the closet I live in is getting pretty constricting as of late, I want to move into a larger one!!!) or accidentaly.

Right now I still make up an excuse or lie when questioned about things such as shaving legs, arms etc. But that's because I've never been asked outright are you a CD?

I also tend to show little too much detailed knowledge when discussing women's clothes, shoes, make up etc, with female co-workers, friends, family. Jocelyn

[Holly]

I sent the following email to my brother a couple of days ago... "Have you ever wished you had a sister?" This should start an interesting conversation! Yeah, I'm ready to talk... still waiting to hear back from him.

[Dixie]

Bring it on, I just don't care anymore. In the grand scheme of things it really just does not matter to a hill of beans.
Forgive me any insensitivity, :drink: too much last night and probably will again tonight and the next, and...

[lynn27]

I sent the following email to my brother a couple of days ago... "Have you ever wished you had a sister?" This should start an interesting conversation! Yeah, I'm ready to talk... still waiting to hear back from him.Nothing like forcing the issue.:D I guess as soon as you can accept yourself it is easier to allow others to accept you. I'd like to hear how he replies...

[Hali]

Am i ready to be discovered? the question is?

1. At work place?
ANS: NOOOOO

2. by my male friends?
ANS: NOOOOO

3. by My family?
ANS: NOOOOO

4. by My Kinky Girlfriend?
ANS: yes i WONT MIND.

[Kate Simmons]

First of all, I wouldn't be defensive as there is nothing to defend. This is who I am , like it or not. I've ceased long ago to consider any scenerio wherein I'm asking "permission" to be myself. You do that and the answer will most likely be "no", no matter who you are dealing with.Limits, yes, boundries ,yes when possibly dealing with a loved one but permission, never. It's like asking someone if you are allowed to breathe or eat.That may seem like kind of a "hard line" attitude to some but when you have gone through what I have, you have every right to be yourself, whoever that "self" may be. It's up to each individual to decide how to handle that kind of confrontation but if you have taken ownership of yourself and your actions, you already know what you are going to say when the time comes.:happy:

[Donna506]

If asked a direct question about my appearance or actions indicating they may suspect, I would answer their question with a question. Based on their response, I would keep asking questions of them. This puts the burden on them to expose their prejudices, unacceptance, condemnation, understanding, etc.

Sample:
I notice you have shaved your arms.
Why does that bother you?
I'm wondering if you may be gay.
Would that bother you if I were?
I'm not sure.
Why would you be concerned if I was?
I would be concerned that you would be at risk for abuse by others.
Thanks for your inteest in my welfare. I am not gay.

The above dialog is not meant to disparage anyone. Please accept it as a way to deal with prying questions.

[Leah B]

Here's the convsrsation, with person A's thought bubbles:



Sample:
I notice you have shaved your arms.
. o O(He's sure being defensive about it) Why does that bother you?
I'm wondering if you may be gay.
Would that bother you if I were?
. o O (He didn't deny it. He's gay) I'm not sure.
Why would you be concerned if I was?
I would be concerned that you would be at risk for abuse by others.
Thanks for your inteest in my welfare. I am not gay.
. o O (He's in denial)


I'm half-convinced everybody at work suspects I'm gay, or at least bi (I'm always sneaking glances at customers, and my coworkers aren't blind. Of course, half the time I'm admiring their clothes ;) ). They probably wouldn't care if I old them the truth, but Sobe would!

[Joy Carter]

I wouldn't say it was dishonest if you choose not to answer a personal question such as this. I'd call it none of their business.:Angry3:

[Alice Torn]

He is an older single man, gay, or bi, I suspected, but maybe not. I sent him some early photos of Lucille, in a pink fog, and a letter. He did not respond. I then felt guilty, left a message of apology, on his answering machine, then, sent him a letter of apology. Still no reply. I have done some work on his offic, for decades, but, he no longer calls me, now. I sent him a card, last year, again apologizing. Still no response. I take it he is very offended, embarrassed, might be gay, and is hiding, Idon't know, but he won't respond. I now know I made a big mistake, drunken on dressing at the time.

[Dasein9]

I go to another message board, where folks meet up every weekday. Someone outed me there. (He found something I'd forgotten I'd written.)

It's been good, in a way, because where most people have been accepting, those who haven't have given me some relatively safe training. They may be abusive, but I have time to think about how I'll respond to their abuse, and now I know how to respond when I hear the same stuff in real life.

[Karren H]

Outted myself to my insurance agent yesterday.....only one I fear now is at work. But I'll survive when it comes. Already told them I was in counselling.

Emily Ann

They already know Em... Didn't you get the email.. Something about the IT Cow, a blueprint machine and pervert used in the same sentence...

I don't know.. Hehe

I'm ready. But then again most probably already figured it out already.... All my fem things in my office... Neightbor mowing the lawn when I left the house dressed yesterday...

Karren

[Mitch23]

wife - knows
kids - rather not
work - soon find out if they're friends or not - probably know and are still speaking to me. have a tg and an openly gay guy in the house and we are ok with that so dont see why i should be treated any different
friends - not sure
family - not sure
problem is that all these groups overlap so i dont really know who knows what.

my story if asked directly is yes im a crossdresser and i will dress as a girl whenever and wherever it is appropriate for me to do so!

mitch

[Brianna Lovely]

Over the last few months, I've worn nothing but obvious fem clothing, hoop earrings and carry a purse, plus have my nails 5/8" past my finger tips and colored all tje time.

I've had people, in social situations, ask me why I'm dressed in fem clothes.
My answer has been, "This is who I am. I'm a Transgender person and I always dress like this." If the person seems to be rude, I'll add, "Why would you ask such a question? We're all part female, but some people are in denial."

Had a married GG friend/neighbor ask if I ever wear male clothes any more. Told her, no I don't.

Due to distance, I sent my sister a letter last November, explaining who I am.
Have never heard from her since.

[Annesah]

Hi Lynn: Just tell them the truth. Karren's right; they may have figured it out anyway. That was the case with me and nothing traumatic happened. Remember, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

[alshea243]

i do not care what people think this is whom i am i will not change for nobody my family.friends,and my boss knows i am a cross dreeser.i have been assult once but handle myself i have had threats on my live but it does not bother me.i do not cd at work besides wearing panties because i work in private security have to wear a suit and tie.my live is mine no matter how i chose to live it

[Rita B]

First of all, I wouldn't be defensive as there is nothing to defend. This is who I am , like it or not. I've ceased long ago to consider any scenerio wherein I'm asking "permission" to be myself. You do that and the answer will most likely be "no", no matter who you are dealing with.Limits, yes, boundries ,yes when possibly dealing with a loved one but permission, never. It's like asking someone if you are allowed to breathe or eat.That may seem like kind of a "hard line" attitude to some but when you have gone through what I have, you have every right to be yourself, whoever that "self" may be. It's up to each individual to decide how to handle that kind of confrontation but if you have taken ownership of yourself and your actions, you already know what you are going to say when the time comes.:happy:Sal, I am usually 100% with you on everything, but I have to think about this one. You know that discretion is the better part of valor. Too often we blurt out things to people just to get them off our chest and make ourselves feel good, without really thinking what the consequences may be. I know that I am thrilled with my"second coming" but I am sure that my wife would not be as pleased if I announced the happy news. Am I working up to it. Yes, but in such a way as the response will be a positive one. There is a lot of stake here. My devious plan is taking shape haha went shopping at Target. Bought nice sling back shoes. Fit perfect. Bought black skirt, too big must take it back. Bought nice print tunic to go with skirt. Makes me look pregnant. Bought thigh highs. Did not try them on yet. Could not find a bra at Target larger than a 38DD. Went to Lady Grace. Bunch of teenage hoodlums loitering right in front of the door. Chickend out. Will go back tonight. Send you more pics. Borrowing granddaughter's camera.:hugs:

Rita

[Michelle04240]

Wife knows, kids know, a few friends know, and anyone that has seen me out at the bar knows lol. I don't run around telling anyone, but if asked, I'd tell.

[marie354]

I've already been forward with a few people in my life, and some have found out by accident. The rest will come in time, I'm sure.
I don't want to hide it anymore. Just need the nerve to go out the door and the rest will follow due course.
:hugs:

[susie evans]

intresting topic some no and some don't most don't seam to care one way are the other and a few hate it so i just live with the fact that i am who i am and will probaly never change any way and if some one ask's i tell the truth i don't have to worry about what i said and if some one ask's me about another person my replie is ask them your self i'ts there life and they will share what they want with you :hugs:

susie

[lori m crawford]

hi i am 54 ever body knows but it it strange the tell me to be me an happy but the dont talk about it i dont crossdress in front of then my sister has seen me she says i shood have ben a women i look better then her hehe

[brenya]

I just don't know, I think sometimes when people who love you find out things like this (not somebody you're intimate with like your SO) they might just accept it quietly, I remember, when I lived in an apartment with two of my cousins, one of them found a stash of my panties, he had to sleep on the couch so we shared a space in my room for storing clothes, he just came out holding a pair and said something like "do I want to know what this is about?" and I just turned red and didn't know what to say, I acted in defense of him going through my things, it was a little bit of an argument, I admitted to nothing, just kept changing the subject, after a while it got quiet and I just said "Yeah, can we sort of act like all that never happened?" and he just says "ok" and that was the last that was said about it, we don't live together anymore (unrelated to the incident) but he never brings it up or acts weird around me, we're pretty good friends, but I think if I was 100% out and about with it he might turn on me because of that crazy male insecurity, as far as people who are not in my family, like if I was to move to a new town or something I think I'd want to be straight forward with who I am because nobody likes to hide their true selves, sorry if this post is rant-ish I've had way too much coffee today

[linnea]

I've thought about this many times, especially since I've joined this forum. I've rehearsed my response to my own imaginary scenarios. If things happen as I have imagined that they would, I would answer honestly and forthrightly and I hope sensitively. A part of me wants this. This, I think, is a cop-out, but I don't have the courage to initiate the subject and self-reveal.
When it happens, it will depend on the circumstances, but I'm pretty sure that I won't deny it. I'll take the opportunity to express and explain myself, and hope for the best.

[O2B Barbara]

Last Sunday I had on a lavender Lace top, with breasts of course, and a fab skirt with heels. (My wife actually picked out for me.) My wife was outdoors with the dog and had left the back door open. When I went to check on her and close the door, she was talking to the neighbor lady next door. Needless to say, she got a fairly good look. Her only comment was to ask my wife if I was still in pajamas. Have talked to her since and no questions or change in attitude. I guess I am out to the neighbor.

If she were to ask I would tell her the truth. I do not flaunt Barbara, but I am not ashamed of her either. Barbara is a big part of me.

[wtb Jessica]

I don't know if i am ready for evey one to know. But some of my famliy aready know and thats about it. Have to try and keep it out of sight. I would although like to be able to be more my self around my family if at all possable. really Just wish i could be my self all the time.
Stuck in between.

[JacquiUKTV]

I sent the following email to my brother a couple of days ago... "Have you ever wished you had a sister?" This should start an interesting conversation! Yeah, I'm ready to talk... still waiting to hear back from him.

Perhaps this is a slight "swerve" from the thrust of this post.....Yes, I do indeed wish I'd had an older sister....not about borrowing her clothes, but someone I could have confided in during my teenage years....an older sister that perhaps, hopefully, would have been a friend as well as sibling? A strange hunger I seem to have.

[trannie T]

I came out to a buddy a couple of months ago, he's cool about it. As time goes by I'll probably be out to others.
I am not prepared to be discovered, I'd rather be outed on my own initiative, but if it happens I will deal with it.
While being outed is a concern, I really doubt if it would be that big of an issue.
Am I concerned? Yes. Am I worried? No.

[Kelsy]

There are days when I could care less who knows then there are days when I get a little paranoid and wonder who knows! I just don't want anyone to get hurt, my kids for example they don't have a clue and I think it would damage my relationship with them. I don't help the situation though and they could find out. People in small towns talk and I get alot of stuff in the mail. Lucky magazine (clothes shopping and fasion tips) Cosmetique (monthly cosmetics) fredricks catalogs, tons from target. boxes from cvs, sock dreams you know put two and two together and it's easily recognized as not your ordinary guy mail stuff and everyone in the post office knows me. the PO is a notorious roomer mill. earings, long nails, etc. I'm sure the word is out. My land lady is very nosey and I could easily be outed by her so It is only a matter of time . I don't know how I will react when that moment comes , I guess it will depend on the situation. Part of me says it sure would be a relief not to hide anymore I'm tired of hiding, then the other side says it sure would cause alot of grief better be careful:2c:

[faltenrock]

One thing happened to me more than 2 years ago. I was on a six week businee trip throughout Germany. When not working, like in the evening,
I dressed up all the time, went to restaurants, malls etc.

A few weeks after the trip I was invited to a symposium by a former University collegue, who is a Prof. today, in a city, 400 miles away from home. There were many people who I knew from my studies.
I met him and we talked a bit. He asked me if I was staying and working at a particular city in former East Germany, because I've been seen/recognized by his son, who is actually a student there. I said yes.

I'm pretty sure, that I wasn't dressed and out en femme in that city, but this is in the air. So his son might have seen me, I'll never know.

Doreen

[Lady Phoenix]

Any one else its none of thier bussiness i told all the family its me learn to live with it beats them finding out and feeling betrayed by not having been told and a whole lot of others on the net knew before they did.

[barbra]

i dont worry about if people know.i do what makes me happy.i love crossdressing it makes me feel better and takes away all the pain from that day.i am very very happy to be a crossdresser and you should be happy to.dont worry about what people think or say.if anyone ask me i would tell them the truth.yes i am a crossdresser and love it.:happy:

[Ekatcha]

My short version is: nope. Totally not ready! This may be a bit morbid for this thread, and for that I do appologize, but... anytime I get ready to die I start to purge. I guess I associate the two these days, in that I don't feel I can leave myself to those who are left behind. Right now if I were to have an accidehnt or worse, there'd be a lot of explaining to do. My mother moved back to town a couple weeks ago and almost had to stay at my house... what a lot of explaining that would have taken! Thankfully there appears to be a god and while he hates me.. he appears to have taken pity on me for once!

[barbra]

dont care if anyone finds out.and if they ask i will tell them yes i am a crossdresser and love it.:happy:

[Sheri 4242]

How many of us have considered and prepared for that day when someone you don't want to know finds out, be it your best friend, your boss, your family, maybe even the SO. I think deep down we all know that sooner or later it is going to happen.

You NEVER know when someone will question you about it -- trust me when I say that it can come out of nowhere when you least expect it!!!!!!!

I have a friend who CD's regularly (as I do). He has a very accepting and supportive wife; he also has three adult children. One child knows for certain and is fine with it (and he dresses regularly in front of her). Another surely knows, but obviously doesn't want to discuss the subject or see it -- it is sort of like this second child doesn't want to know anything personal about the parents and their private life.

The third child knew nothing about the CDing -- or at least so my friend thought. Then one day, my friend was with this child at the doctor's office (yes, the child is an adult, but my friend went with the child b/c the child was so ill). Anyway, here was a classic "out of nowhere" situation. The doctor asked my friend (in front of the child and completely out of the blue), "well what GIRL did you dress up as for Halloween this past year?" Before my friend could regain his composure, much less answer, the doctor went on to say how he had enjoyed how my friend looked the year before as so-and-so, and the year before that as so-and-so, etc.

Well, the child must have sensed the father's absolute shock and discomfort, b/c they chimed in, "Dad doesn't know that I know he dresses up like that every year for Halloween and other occassions -- but I do know, and it is okay -- I just never bring it up b/c since dad has never told me, I didn't want to emabrass him." Great kid!!! '

Well, that just goes to show you two things. First, the subject might well be brought up when totally unexpected and wouldn't it have been better to have had a prepared answer instead of being caught totally off guard, turning red-faced, and left stumbling for words? Second, we often don't give our children credit enough to know what's what -- and today's youth are (not totally, but in general) much more accepting than any generation previous!

[Suzie S.]

The only one that knows is my lovely wife. I don't think I'm ready, nor is she, to be outed to anyone else. It is something I've given plenty of thought to, and prepared to respond to. If the day comes, I hope I'll be ready. :D

[lynn27]

I just don't know, I think sometimes when people who love you find out things like this (not somebody you're intimate with like your SO) they might just accept it quietly, I remember, when I lived in an apartment with two of my cousins, one of them found a stash of my panties, he had to sleep on the couch so we shared a space in my room for storing clothes, he just came out holding a pair and said something like "do I want to know what this is about?" and I just turned red and didn't know what to say, I acted in defense of him going through my things, it was a little bit of an argument, I admitted to nothing, just kept changing the subject, after a while it got quiet and I just said "Yeah, can we sort of act like all that never happened?" and he just says "ok" and that was the last that was said about it, we don't live together anymore (unrelated to the incident) but he never brings it up or acts weird around me, we're pretty good friends, but I think if I was 100% out and about with it he might turn on me because of that crazy male insecurity, as far as people who are not in my family, like if I was to move to a new town or something I think I'd want to be straight forward with who I am because nobody likes to hide their true selves, sorry if this post is rant-ish I've had way too much coffee todayI guess your experience makes my point. If you have thought it thru long before he found your panties, you might have still been red faced but you'd have been able to give some explaination. I that case you might have found it better to say something like you take the girl's panties every time you "score". Or you could have gone the route of saying, "dude don't knock it if you haven't tried it, they feel sooooo gooood". Knowing the person and how they might react should dictate how truthful you would be. It is probably a good idea to think that thru before hand.

I think the level of truthfulness depends on who is asking and the ramifications that coming out might entail. I might not want to be 100% truthful with the guy that signs my paycheck or a group of drunken truckdrivers ["yeah, they're my wife's, she forgot to wash my jeans"], but most of my family, a sales associate or someone in checkout line wouldn't be a problem.

I underdress and wear tight fitting junior hip hugging jeans when I go out about 80% of the time so I think I'm ready to be honest with about 80% of the people I know.

Good point Suzie, I always take my wife's well-being and concerns into consideration. If she was, and she is, concerned about our "good neighbors" finding out I wouldn't do something like wear a pair of tight femme jeans over to a party over there.

[lynn27]

My short version is: nope. Totally not ready! This may be a bit morbid for this thread, and for that I do appologize, but... anytime I get ready to die I start to purge. I guess I associate the two these days, in that I don't feel I can leave myself to those who are left behind. Right now if I were to have an accidehnt or worse, there'd be a lot of explaining to do. My mother moved back to town a couple weeks ago and almost had to stay at my house... what a lot of explaining that would have taken! Thankfully there appears to be a god and while he hates me.. he appears to have taken pity on me for once!First off, NEVER purge, just put them up for a while. Saves lots of time and money over time. If I die I'm sure my wife would make things right I don't have anything to hide from her.

Don't see where my mom finding out [99% sure she knows already] would be a big deal and I sure it would NOT be a lot of explaining, it is what it is, "I like wearing women's clothes". The way I see it, if she loved you before she'll love you after.

But you should be thinking about the "what if's" with your mom moving close to you. You never know when she'll pop in on you.

[Kate Simmons]

Just to clarify, this has already happened with most of my family members and while most of them have not accepted me as such, they nonetheless have more or less resigned themselves to the facts. I don't broadcast it to the world however and with others, such as the neighbors, it's more of a "don't ask, don't tell" scenerio. I know they have all seen me leave the house as Sal but never speak of it when I talk to them. If ever asked directly, though, I won't deny it or make up some story and certainly not seek "approval"as if I've done something wrong. I do always use discretion when the situation calls for it however.:happy:

[marie354]

Since the weather has taken a turn for the better, I'm taking things a bit further. Warm days means that my windows are all open and so are the doors. You can't really anything through the dark screened windows, but if you walked up to the front door you'd probably see me at my desk in whatever I'm dressed in. I'm not worried, I'll just take it as it comes.
:hugs:

[Joy Carter]

Just a little update. My lovely spouse told me yesterday that my aunt asked her what was up with my double pierced ears. She told he she didn't know :rolleyes:. I gave her the same reaction :rolleyes:.

[cdsissy12]

shaa shaa alaa

[RobertaFermina]

Yes.

[Seville]

Don't see where my mom finding out [99% sure she knows already] would be a big deal and I sure it would NOT be a lot of explaining, it is what it is, "I like wearing women's clothes". The way I see it, if she loved you before she'll love you after.

Not in my case!!! My mother and aunt would periodically scour the
house/garage/shed/cars to find my stash, put evil hateful notes
in its place, and show EVERYONE in the family what I was up to.
It became her hateful hobby. Thanks to her, I've been estranged
from family for decades. No Thanksgivings, No Christases, No Easter,
No family gatherings.
Sometimes the people who profess to "love" us the most,
are the most evil hateful people in our lives.:thumbsdn:

[Ekatcha]

First off, NEVER purge, just put them up for a while. Saves lots of time and money over time. If I die I'm sure my wife would make things right I don't have anything to hide from her.

Don't see where my mom finding out [99% sure she knows already] would be a big deal and I sure it would NOT be a lot of explaining, it is what it is, "I like wearing women's clothes". The way I see it, if she loved you before she'll love you after.

But you should be thinking about the "what if's" with your mom moving close to you. You never know when she'll pop in on you.
I've gotten out of purging and more into "storing" anymore. Admittedly though I've done it over the years trying to figure out what the world wants of me I suppose. I'm only 31, so I don't reckon it's time for midlife crisis just yet, though perhaps... I've already got the sports car. =) Mostly though, when I'm in an out phase, I'll store my stuff in boxes. Only real time I have to worry is when my folks come for a visit, they're both a bit snoopy. My father lives just a few miles away and my mother now lives a few miles beyond that. The only thing I absolutely dread is the stopping in unannounced. My folks may already know... it's certainly possible, but neither are the most accepting people in the world. My mother is on the extreme far right of christianity (picture the far right, and go a bit further) and so isn't exactly tolerant. My father... dunno, don't want to go there though. The older I get, the less I really care though... sorta. Working on it anyways.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

For me it's a policy of "don't advertise, don't deny."

A number of people at work know I perform as a drag queen (one who looks vampy, not campy (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=57418)) because I chose to mention it in "what did you do last weekend" discussions. A number of my female co-workers think it's kind of a cool -- a sort "he's secure enough in his masculinity to play with gender" kind of thing. A couple of the co-workers I'm close to -- as well as several friends -- know that my crossdressing isn't just for the stage, and they're fine with it.

That said, I haven't told me my family. I'm think my brother would be OK with it -- although his wife would freak out. I'm also confident my mom would be accepting, but I don't want her to worry because of it. (They also both live in different parts of the country and we don't see each other that often.) But if for whatever reason they asked, I wouldn't deny it.

Likewise, if I'm dating someone and it gets serious, I will disclose my CDing.

To be honest, in my experience a lot of people will take their cues from how you act about it. If you treat it like it's not big deal, so will they.

Standard disclaimer: Being out in public and being out (somewhat) is right for me, it may or may not be right for you. If you've got no desire to be out in public and/or out, that's fine, I'm not trying to push you out the door. But for those who've been yearning to do so, I just want to let you the world may not be as scary a place as you think.

[lynn27]

For me it's a policy of "don't advertise, don't deny." Kind of says where I am at. I'm not going to deny anything to anyone but I don't hang my undies out on the clothesline either. I do wear some very ambiguous clothing on a night out with the wife, but won't do that at a family picnic.

[Raychel]

My wife knows, although she has never actually seen me in a dress. I suspect my kids know. My mother in-law knows. Other than that I don't think it is really public knowledge. I imagine that someday someone will walk in on me while I am dressed, Then the cat will be out of the bag for sure. I hope that I am ready at that time. I don't think that I am ready now though. :sad:

[lynn27]

My wife knows, although she has never actually seen me in a dress. I suspect my kids know. My mother in-law knows. Other than that I don't think it is really public knowledge. I imagine that someday someone will walk in on me while I am dressed, Then the cat will be out of the bag for sure. I hope that I am ready at that time. I don't think that I am ready now though. :sad:You really should think through what kind of exchange might take place, whether you are caught dressed or just the out of the blue question while in drab. The worst thing you could do is to show any guilt or shame. You are doing something you love, so why should your reaction to being discovered be negative? If you are ready to talk about it in a constructive way the other person is less likely to see it as something BAD.

On discovery, if you react BADLY they are likely to see it as BAD. If you react in a positive manner they may see it in a positive light. :hugs:

[Stephenie S]

Most at work are convinced I am gay. Those that really know fall into four other groups. Some think I am insane, some think I am imoral, some don't care, and some are interested and friendly. That's pretty much it. I work with a pretty straightlaced bunch.

Steph

[Raychel]

You definitly make a good point Lynn. I have talked with my wife and we do joke about it at times. So if it were my wife to walk in on me, I am sure that we would just laugh it off. As far as the kids. That could be another story. I guess that I will really have to give that soem thought.

[CindyFinalyFree]

This being a public-viewing area of the forums, I'll be mindful of my response...

That being said, pretty much anyone over 18 on my mother's side of the family knows, and some have seen me in femme. Work doesn't know, but I am at the point now, that if asked, I am prepared to tell them that it's not their business (unless it's my boss, to whom I honestly believe I could be 100% honest with, and it most likely wouldn't get me fired).

As for my father's side of the family.. That's another story. I just haven't felt the 'need' to tell my dad, as we're not as close as I had hoped we could be. Quite honestly, I feel it's too late for us to develop 'that' kind of close and open relationship. Not to say or rule out that it couldn't happen... just..... I think some of you may know where I'm coming from here.

As for friends... well, I've mentioned it elsewhere, but I have limited my friends circle dramatically over the last 5-10 years (subconciously, I now believe) in preparation to permitt myself the freedom of exploring this path of femininity with as few roadblocks as possible.

As for those in my neighborhood... since I have been living at my current location, I have made it a point to look as femme as possible, in hopes that when they see me 'in femme', that it won't be such a contrast, and thus, less likely to cause waves in the community. I've ventured out a few times in femme, but only after dark, otw to a club. Once, one of my neighbors was just getting home, as I was otw out to the car. As I was approaching my car, which he had parked 'right next to' (next to my car's passenger door), I was like 'surprise surprise', and he just started talking about how he just got back from a run in Kentucky (he's an otr driver). Didn't get so much as a second glance or comment from him even a couple days later.

Sooo.. What would I say? At this point I don't know. Am I worried about it? Not really. Those that I'm close to already know, and for the most part are accepting, and in some cases supportive. Those that aren't, I doubt ever will be, so I'm not pressing the issue. However, I refuse to change on their behalf. I lived what may amount to half of my life (hopefully, I'll live long enough that it will be less than half) conforming to society's expectation of my born sex. It's time I live to 'MY' understanding of my true personality... Social acceptance be dammed!!

[Alice Torn]

Family can be a living hell. My family was, and still is, when I get around them. I really have to be careful, now, as one of my older twin brothers, is comeing, to work, and stay in my area, now, in Seattle area. If he were to find out, I would be in a world of trouble, because he would tell his twin, then, the sister, and parents. My mom has severe Alzheimer's, so, she would forget quickly, but, brothers, and dad, would fry me.

[sparks]

Sometimes I wthink I could talk about this stuff to anyone but my knowing and unaccepting wife.

Of course in this town I maybe left as squashed cd goo by the rest of the hicks.