Question for those with supportive SOs...

[Dixie]

If something were to happen (heaven forbid) and you lost your very supportive SO, would you continue to dress??
I don't know if I could. My wife is my soul mate, and we have been doing this together since what seems like forever. If she were to suddenly stop being there I don't think I could do it, it would be too painful.
Just wondering how others would react. I don't mean by means of divorce, I mean not there by way of..........passing.
Need help with this question to help solve a dilema that has arisen, sorry if it is too morbid but could use the advice, for a friend.

[Sheri 4242]

Very interesting question, Dixie! Quite thought-provoking! I can't imagine what dilema brought this up, but nevertheless, it is a valid thing to consider!

In my case, the answer would be "yes, I'd continue to dress." My wife is, indeed my soulmate and splt-apart! But, "if" she were to pass, I would still be me on the inside! True, my heart would be torn asunder, but I'd still dress!

The only thing I don't think I'd ever do is remarry!!! (And, for more than just CDing reasons.) This is the second marriage for both my wife and me, and we both are so thankful we found each other -- it just doesn't get any better than what we have!!! So, continue to dress: yes; remarry: can't see doing that; perhaps have more CD friends and/or go to more CD events: likely I think!

[melissaabom]

Yes , i would continue to dress ....probably more often .

Melissa

[StephanieH]

:straightface: I'm hoping and praying there's nothing too sinister or tragic behind this post, Dixie. It's a dark subject and I hadn't pondered something like this.

I suppose I agree with Babs. I would be emotionally wiped out for quite some time if something like that happened, but if I regained my senses enough to function once again, I'm sure I would continue. My desire to do this didn't begin when I met my wife, so it's obviously a part of me just like everything else.

I also don't think I would remarry either. Like Babs, I don't know how the one I have now could possibly be improved upon. Were she not there, I wouldn't want someone around to replace her, simply because she cannot be replaced.

Take care and God bless.

[DawnL]

Dixie,
I have been there and done that. My wife of 31 years passed away almost 6 years ago. We were soulmates did everything together, yes even this. She would even make me clothes to wear. We were just getting into dressing when she passed very suddenly. The short answer is, no. when she died the last thing on my mind was dressing. I think I was also afraid that without her there I would be outed real soon. I mean who would all these clothes belong to. My daughter-in-law pretty much moved in with me for about 6 months, doing laundry, etc, which meant that I had to get rid of all the clothes and really had no time alone. Now that my life has returned to "normal" I am back to dressing and have the full support of my wife,
There are a lot of things that you can't possibly imagine with the passing of a spouse.

I do hope this is just a hypothetical situation you are referring to.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Oh I can imagine what pickle your "friend" is in.....and if I'm correct, the safe answer is "eventually I probably would dress again because it is after all who I am, but the joy of doing it with my soulmate no more would relegate it to a much lower level of enjoyment".

And yes I would because it IS who I am.

Emily Ann

[Dixie]

Sorry if this is so dark, but then life is not all sunshine and roses. Sometimes we have the idea of our mortality thrown right in our faces and it has given me cause to think about things I surely wish I hadn't thought of. Thanks for the words of kindness.

[Toyah]

I think I would dress a lot more often in that circumstance

[Alice B]

I'm sure I would and most likely more, but after a reasonable time. My wife is everything and I would never want to be with someone else should something happen to her. I have a full life and plenty to keep my spirits up and to keep going.:hugs:

[Carin's Wife GG]

dressing. She gets tremendous emotional support from doing so and from the CD community we have joined. It would make this supportive SO very sad indeed if she decided not to continue.


Louise.

[Michelle04240]

I would for sure. I started dressing long before I met my wife, and will continue I think no matter what. I think I would dress more.

[marie354]

If I had to face that myself, there probably wouldn't be time until after the gatherings were over to dress the way I want. Only 2 of her kids know so far, so no dressing. My family's OK with it though, but they probably wouldn't be there as they aren't as close to her and her family as I am.
Afterwards though... I be back dressing as usual.

[EricaCD]

I expect that the loss of my wife would so profoundly affect me that predicting my moods and interests afterward would be a pointless speculation.

[rose382832]

never wishing that to happen but yes , and i would probably dress full time as a show that i miss her so much.dont do it now cause there are so many social and family reasons not to, but if wearing her clothing as a sign that i miss her maybe family might be more accepting.

[SandyR]

I hope I never have to find out, but I would imagine the impact would tear me apart, but in time I would dress agian, its me.......

Hugs.

SandyR

[az_azeel]

Dixie, Like so many have said I hope there is nothing dark or sinister in this thread. I would like to think that I would carry on dressing and eventually find someone else to share with. I can't contemplate life nor have given it a thought without Alexis its taken me a long time in my life to finally find my soulmate. Its an interesting question and I was talking to a new friend the other night.. whose wife had passed away a couple of years ago.. this person told me it helped him with his grief to dress and remember his wife....

Take Care :hugs:

[O2B Barbara]

Yes I would. Just the fact that my wonderfull wife is supportive of Barbara would seem like an insult if I stopped. She absolutely loves the time that Barbara is home as well as when Bruce is around. Without her support and love I would have a harder time looking good, but I am sure her guidance would still be there.

[JoanFlores]

I have talked with my wife about this subject on many occacions and what I have come away with is:
1.- I would not re-marry.
2.- I would go back to work in a different city to be alone.
3.- I would dress up more and try to be more fem.

[Dixie]

Nothing sinister, just life, and life can get dark sometimes besides the night. I do not wish to talk about the whys for this question, at least not now, but thank you for your answers.
:hugs: Dixie

[Brianna Lovely]

Although my wife was not supportive, she did tolerate my dressing around the house, now and then. After a long marriage, she passed away from cancer.
I spent many days, weeks, months, putting on one of her dresses and crying myself to sleep at night.
I loved her so much.

I kept a few of her things and a few of my dresses in the closet for years, but never wore them. I brought my "special" things with me when I moved to another state and hung them in my closet. I checked my closet every month or so and would touch my dresses, but then a tear would begin to form in my eyes and I would walk away, from my beautiful clothes.

It took a few more years and finding this forum, before I would dress again.

Now I'm out in the public and out in the sunshine. I have accepted myself.

Could I ever fall in love again? I don't know.

[JacquiUKTV]

As Chris Rea put it....."while we're here, and you're near...Let's dance......"

[suzanne]

I would probably dress more, for two reasons. First, while my SO is OK with my CDing, she still refuses to really embrace it. It's kind of like "I love you in spite of this affliction you have" So, if she is away, I feel more free to express myself. Second, I find dressing relieves stress, and I can't imagine anything more stressful than her being gone.

[Holly]

Having never been in this situation (and hopefully I never will) what I say here is nothing more than speculation. That said however, I believe I would continue to dress should my wife pass before me. She has shared this part of me for many years now and it would be different, without her being here to share it with me. But whether she is here or not, it is a part of me and just the fact that she is gone would not make Holly go away, any more than than I would cease to be a parent to our children.

[Jaquelyn]

First off, since she is practically life itself to me, I dunno what I would do with out her, period. Now that you have brought this up, you all should know that my wife is 12 years older than me, so the odds that she will pass before me are quite high. Since I/we are fairly new to this, I am not sure if I would continue to dress. But, here is some interesting perspective: I lost my sister in October of 2006. We had a strained relationship most of the time. However, I miss my sister tremendously now. I have noticed that my desire to crossdress is much more prevalent since her passing. What does that mean, I dunno. I am sure I could run up a pretty big shrink bill with this one. Do I think I am trying to replace her with c/d? I don't think so. She was gay, and very dikish, not really the type of girl I would want to look like! LOL She was/is still a part of me, and always will be. So, when I decided to pick a name for my female ego, I hyphenated her and my names. She always said she wanted a sister, well, here ya go, sis!:love:

[Kelly Greene]

I was dressing before we met and I would continue to do so however I may have some probles because Lori keeps me form going to far or doing something I may have a lot of truble, because we talk alot about what direction I should go with crossdressing and just how far I am able to go at present. My wife helps me think through what ideas I have run across my minde and decide if they should be followed or set aside for a whild or just thrown our because the ideas was just bad.

[Rachel Morley]

I often post that my dressing is "our thing" and not "my thing". To be totally honest with you, I am only accepting of myself because I've lost all of my guilt feelings because my wife Marla was, and still is, so encouraging of me to be feminine and also her being so loving towards me when I am dressed in women's clothes.

I really seriously doubt I would be the slightest bit interested in dressing without her in my life. Earlier this year she went to London for a week without me, her son went to his Dad's. I had ample opportunity to dress for an unlimited amount of time, yet I didn't dress ...... not even once! When Marla came home she was quite surprised because she expected me to be wearing her clothes every second of the day so that I would feel "closer to her" while she was away. All I felt was bland emptiness and wanted her home. :sad:

[faltenrock]

Yes I would, I've been a CD all my life. My CD is not really related to my wife, would be nice if it was - but it is not.

I've never heard of any CD, who suddenly could stop dressing up forever.

Doreen

[Sandra]

I would hope that Nigella would continue to dress, after all she has been full time for the past two years and before that it was a case of as and when. It is what she does and who she is and me not being there shouldn't make any difference.

[Suzie S.]

My God, I hope that doesn't happen for a long, long, long time! My life would be so empty without my wife. She is my soulmate, and best friend. I couldn't begin to think how I would be without her. But one thing for sure, I would still be crossdressing. It just a part of me, and would continue under any circumstances.

[Mitch23]

my wife is tolerant but not supportive. if i lost her, god forbid, i would continue to dress. I am Mike and I am Mitch and that is how i will be until i die. I could not kill off Mitch, she's too beautiful!

mitch

[Carroll]

I would stay at the same level since I have kids. My daughter see's a counseller and I brought up the qeustion of her seeing me dressed. She had no answer at the time because it has never been brought up in her many years in the profession. She is going to researsh it and get back with me. I would try to find another SO that is supportive. This is Ithaca, NY!

[sami1952]

I guess i would continue cding, mostly because i didn't marry my so because she let me cd but because we were in love and if the case was reverse i 'm sure she would date again.as they say"life goes on "

[Dixie]

Thanks everyone for your posts.
:love: always Dixie

[Teddie]

I'd probably dress more. It would help with the sever depression that I'd feel.

[Dixie]

Ok Gurls I'll come clean tomorrow morning at 7:00 A.M. my wife goes under the knife. She has Ovarian cancer and the doctors are going to remove both of her overies. I am scared out of my mind but did not want to burden you ladies with my problems. Some here know about what we are going through and I thank them for their support. I am sorry for keeping such a secret but I felt it was for the best, now I'm asking for all your prayers and positive thoughts.

I would be so lost without my love.

I want to thank you for your support in advance.
I'm weak I had to get drunk tonight just to deal with the stress, but will make it, and be there for her tomorrow.She is my whole world and I do not want to think of living in it without her so this has to work!

[O2B Barbara]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[LilSissyStevie]

Dixie, my prayers are with you both. God bless.

[Andi]

Dixie, I'm so sorry you have to face this challenge with your SO. Know that we are with you in spirit and prayer and she is in God's hands now. I'm proud to see you so supportive of her in her time of need like she's been supportive of you in your quest.

[Dixie]

Thanks everyone, she didn't actually go in until 9:00 A.M. this morning,......and now we wait.:(

[Dixie]

Ok, Good news and Bad news. First the bad: The doctors decided to just run a scope to start with and found way more than they bargined for when they looked in side. There is a lot of blood and she has tumors on her bowels as well.
The good: they are benine (sp?) so that is a relief. they are going to send her to Tucson to have a specialists perform the surgery to make sure that they get it all out.

[gwenrob43]

I've thought about this for some time. Neither of us is in great health, mine is probably better than my wife's, so it's very possible she will precede me. I will miss her immensely, but I will probably dress more often. I will get my ears pierced, I love long dangling earrings.

[kerrianna]

Dixie, I'm glad to hear that your wife got through the first surgery ok. That must be a relief, and a relief to know what you're dealing with. It sounds hopeful that they think it is benign, although it does sound like a gruelling ordeal she will be going through.

Just keep thinking positive thoughts, both of you, and make sure you look after yourself too. She will need you at your best hon, for comfort and support.

You both are in our thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how it goes. :hugs::love:

[Dixie]

Thanks so much for the support. I cannot put into words how much it means to me, but reading your kind words as well as others has me all misty eyed.

The love you have shown for us (relative strangers) is overwhelming and has not gone Unapperciated. THANK YOU SO MUCH!:hugs:

[O2B Barbara]

Dixie,

No cancer, what a relief. Hope the surgery goes well.

Hugs

[christie]

I would take a break from dressing, but I know I would continue to dress. It would probably be more regularly and more extensive. But there would definitely be a break while I get my emotions back in check.

Christie

[Lovely Rita]

Dressing is a big part of who I am. I think I would continue. She would want me to continue living my life. She loves me selflessly and so to do so I would need to live all of me.

My opinion

[Angie G]

I'd still dress and maybe use some of her things so to feel close to her :hugs:
Angie

[Mitch23]

Sorry shes not out of the woods yet but pleased that the outlook is better than hoped,

love

mitch

[Babette]

Dixie, et al,

I don't know that I could answer your question at the moment. We have been married for 31 years. I posed the question to her and she automatically said, "Sure you would"! If it happened, I fear it would take a very long time to deal with the grieving and depression. I would like to say that I would eventually return but the process of living can never be static, only evolving.

Best of luck to you both.

Babette