Still...is it or isn't it

[Xaff]

I am still bussy with the question, is it a phase or not.

Look, I like more boy's clothing, stuff, karakter and that kind of things. I like it when people think I am a boy, and since last year I always dress like a boy. And my confidence has grown a lot since. Somethimes I am jalous of little boys becose they can do the things I wasn't allowed to do when I was a little girl.

The other part of me says I still like it being a girl, becose it's all I have known for ther other 19 years. But I don't like any girl things. Somethimes I even say girls are stupid. I don't know why....

But also if I look back into my memory of my childhood. I remember when I was little and nowhan was looking I always looked and tutched my privet parts, and immangened there would be a willy. And thet maybe it would grow bigger to become a willy.

But I still am not shure if I am transgendered or if this is just a phase. I also feels like now I dress like a boy I am going to a second puberty. That also makes me so confused....

Xaff,

P.s. Sorry that I am at this time not so active on the board. I am quete bussy with my exams. After 1 june you will see me more over here. :thumbsup:

[pocoyo]

Hi Xaff...

Don't worry you're not alone buddy... I think we all feel very similar to you.

Your questions are what I often ask myself, and I know the other guys here ask themselves the same too.
Or in some cases..have done, before they decided to go forward with choosing to transition (or deciding that they are happy with themselves not transitioning).

I think that when people say we shouldn't worry so much about labels and putting ourselves in boxes, that they are probably right.

Basically, I think it is ok for you just to be you... whatever and whoever that is.
You know what you like and don't like... and who cares about anything else?

If you know you don't like girl's things.. and yet you "like being a girl because that's what you've known for 19 yrs"... well perhaps it's not necessarily that you like "being a girl" but that you like being YOU! And guess what... that never has to change :hugs:

I guess if you just carry on like you are... being you and experimenting with what you like and who you are... then eventually the answers will slot into place.

Being transgendered is difficult and confusing, but it is also a very good thing because we learn what makes us happy in life. Lots of people aren't so lucky that they ever question that.

Ok I am tired and stupid at the moment... but I hope that might have made some sense hehe.

Hope the exams are going well! Looking forward to you being on here more again :D

[CaptLex]

Basically, I think it is ok for you just to be you... whatever and whoever that is. You know what you like and don't like... and who cares about anything else?

:iagree: Well said, Poc . . . you beat me to it. Good luck with your exams, Xaff.

[Xaff]

Pocoyo: Thanks for your advice. Somethimes I idd feel alone in my quest. But I am (luckely) not the only one. I am glad you are on this messageboard too. :thumbsup:

CaptLex: Thanks for the encuraging.

[CaptLex]

Somethimes I idd feel alone in my quest. But I am (luckely) not the only one.
No, you're not the only one, Xaff. A lot of us feel the same way. There's a lot of confusion in all this sometimes. That's why it's a good thing we have each other to bounce ideas and feelings around with. Isolation is a very bad thing for us. I just can't believe how many years it took me to find others like me. I used to think I must have come here from another planet. Well . . . I probaby did anyway. ;)

[Felix]

yeah I agree with Lex Xaff we need each other here cos we all got confusion over stuff at times :hugs: I now what ya mean though I still feel and it must be my female side or maybe not that some things are treated like it's a male privilage :heehee: must be my feminist side coming out. Although thinking about it I think it's cos I find it hard to see boys/men doing what I want to do and I can't :sad: so I guess I do get a little jealous which I don't like cos I can't stand jealousy but then I'm human so a little is healthy I guess. Trick is not to let it eat me up keep the balance and accept what I have for now. Anyways hun we are always here for ya so don't forget xx Felix

[bi_weird]

Omw yes Xaff I can connect. I've been wondering lately if it isn't just me being uber-feminist and not liking to be boxed in the girl box. I'll try to say more later, but for now, I'm off: Pirates opens in two and a half hours and we plan to be the first ones in line!

[Kieron Andrew]

Pirates opens in two and a half hours and we plan to be the first ones in line!
sssshhhh dont let Lex hear you say that!

[Kimberley]

Okay guys, I know I have been less obvious of late... Dont start throwing things at me unless they are rum balls...:D

Anyway, Xaff, Hi. I am another of the wayward souls around the forums. So here is my penny's worth.

Only you know how you feel. Questioning is good but sometimes it can lead to more questions that end up in a cycle that you have to break. Most of the guys here are TS but there are a few who are CD/TG and there is nothing wrong with that. What matters is that they know who they are and accept that for what it is worth.

Wishing for a gender only adds to the confusion. Just listen to that little voice inside because that is where the answers are.

I think one of the things every one of us on the TG/TS side of things has to go through is the "death" of our biological gender. It isnt easy to give that up but when we do, we come to self acceptance a whole lot easier. The catch to it is that while we no longer identify as our bio gender, still have those memories and experiences growing up. They are always there and are always a part of us. Being transgendered just doesnt wipe out life experience.

Sometimes you have to let go of the branch to swim in the river.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[pocoyo]

Awwww, such wise words Kimberley :hugs:


Now enough of the nice stuff....

...WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN WOMAN???!!!

[ZenFrost]

It often takes time to figure things out, and there's no need to rush. It's okay to not be sure, just give yourself plenty of time and you'll figure everything out eventually.

[kerrianna]

Awwww, such wise words Kimberley :hugs:


Now enough of the nice stuff....

...WHERE THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN WOMAN???!!!

:yt: and the rest of you... good insights. It sure is confusing Xaff, like being raised by wolves yet knowing you weren't really a wolf. Yet all your memories are wolf-like. And that is something that you will always have - well until you get old and dotty and forget things. :heehee:

So embrace that as part of who you are today and move on. Where you are today will change too. Like Kimberely says it's letting go and letting the river carry you. Enjoy the ride...we all end up in the ocean so it doesn't matter how you get there.

And what do you mean "girls are stupid" ? :Angry3:
You are sooo asking for it mister! :gg:

Oh yeah, good luck on your exams...even if you aren't as smart as us girls. :tongueout

[pocoyo]

And what do you mean "girls are stupid" ? :Angry3:
You are sooo asking for it mister! :gg:

hahaha :lol2:!!

[Xaff]

WOW, many people have replied. :eek: Thanks guys and girls. I am idd very happy I am not the only one who is confused somethimes. I only have to look on this message-board to find you. :D Thanks, it makes my life so much better... :happy:



And what do you mean "girls are stupid" ? :Angry3:
You are sooo asking for it mister!


Hey, that's where I am a boy for! :drink:

Xaff,

[Nat]

Nope, you're definitely not the only one confused. Dont know any words of wisdom that'd help in the least, but poc's right, we've probably all asked ourselves your questions, or are asking them now.

Good luck on the exams, and hope things become clearer.