Am I totally dreaming?

[sparks]

So I've had a rough time dealing with all kinds of things going around in my noggin' for some time. I haven't come here in quite awhile because I tend to forget about rules and such and get myself full of trouble. But here is where I do feel comfortable and I get goofy.
Some of you no my past and some don't but I'm not going to get into the thick of it. The wife still doesn't understand and still wants no part of crossdressing and recently I thought I lost her for good. We're still together and slowly healing.
During this period i've cried lots been sullen alot but I'm coming around. I came out to my sister who has been a big help and said she is very cool about my whole cding issues. So great support there. She is absolutely wonderful but about 1000 miles across Canada.
This brings up today! I'm living a dream today and it maybe gone tomorrow but for today it's awesome. I decided to tell my troubles to a friend of mine in Calgary. Who just luved the whole idea of it. Thinks it's amazing but sympathized about how my wife had alot to deal with because this is not what she signed on this marriage for.
As the conversation continued he brought up a friend of his whom I've done artwork for. I've only talked to her and never really met her face to face. But anyway we were goofing with the idea of going shopping for some girl clothes for me and hitting some clubs where CDies can be comfortable.
Well I said if his friend would do my make-up I'm into it.
This was afterall just fun and games right not serious. Well he went to her office and asked and yep she is totally into it as well. The conversation was totally whacky but she said that I could have any make-up she no longer wanted and would even take me Bra shopping! Just on the matter of fact that she needed one too!
So a complete make-overby a GG, clothes and bra shopping throw in some club hopping and wow what a conversation.
Back to reality how do tell the wife that I want to do this because she is leaving to visit her family at the same time and I cannot get the entire week off to go with her.
Here is the other problem. I'm extremely shy and tend to be completely introverted at times. Typing on MSN is one thing and shopping for bras and club hopping are not in my comfort zone.
I have a week to decide. But I'm so nervous I could wet myself now.
Big decisions. Please help.

[LisaRose]

Hey Sparks,

The only suggestion I can give is just do it. I'm an introvert myself but I've found if I go beyond what I think would be my limit then come back just a step I've created a new comfort zone.

Take for example, I luv wearing nail polish and dearly luv hot pink. Originally I felt self conscious about having any polish on at all. So I challenged myself to wear hot pink one day. Basically no big deal. Some looks but nothing. Now I wera nail polish full time but I've backed off on the color unless I really need to step out. My comfort level has changed simply because I challenged myself, stretched the limit and now have a new comfort level.

Good luck. I'm sure you'll feel a lot better once you've taken that step 'On the Wild Side'.

[Karren H]

Firstly I never equated you and shy... You always sounded as shy as I am.. Lol. Secondly.. Yeah your dreaming!! Must still be hibernating for those long Canadian winters? Pinch the polar bear next to you and see if he's awake!! Hehe

Well I'm sure happy for you!!! Sounds like too good to be true!! Lucky girl!!

Love Karren

[Kate Simmons]

I'd say go for it. It's one thing to talk about it (which we seem to do plenty of here), it's quite another to actually do it for the RL experience. If you don't, you'll probably be kicking yourself for a long time to come. Opportunities like this are rare sometimes but it's your choice Sparks.:happy:

[Joy Carter]

Get your little Canadian A-- out there and have a good time.

Your big sister says so !:gg:

[Shelly Preston]

As much I would love to say go for it

Be very careful i honestly dont know the best way to tell your wife this but a word of caution

Think about what you could lose if you dont get this correct

[tammie]

Hi Everyone: For openers, U don't need tell your wife U R going to have a makeover. Just tell her U R going shopping and meeting a friend that night. Make sure your male friend is there and then U R only ommiting that his friend will be there. There is always time to mention that later.

Second do all the prep work before U go to her digs IE shaving everything that wants to be shaved which can be time consuming. U can reshave your face very quickly if need be. Take extra razors and gel with U. Take everything U think U will need and some more extra things that U would change into if U didn't wear what U think U R going to wear. She may offer to let U wear something of hers, which is so girly and wonderful.

Now here is the part that will "grease the skids" so to speak. Take a good bottle of wine to your hostess, and find someone that has a Rx for "valiyum" benzodiazapine Yes valium and get 10mgs for the start of the evening. U will be more relaxed and poised and enjoy the experience.

Last don't forget to have fun and keep reminding yourself; U R not doing anything wrong.

[dancinginthedark]

I hate to be a wet blanket here Sparks but it is never a good idea to do anything with another woman behind your wife's back, especially something that your wife is/ or would not be on board with if you were honest with her in the first dang place. Omission of facts is still deciet and in my book falls right smack in the same category as a lie. Could end up being a deal breaker. Plus if your wife feels this is something just between the two of you [as in she has no idea you share this with your friends at work etc] she could get a a bit of the green eyed monster. Rightfully so because you are sharing this AND it's with another woman. :eek: :angry: Misunderstandings and hurt feelings almost always result. Nix the idea and get your head outta those clouds kiddo or you may lose what ground you gained and lots more. JMO

dancin

[Rita B]

So I've had a rough time dealing with all kinds of things going around in my noggin' for some time. I haven't come here in quite awhile because I tend to forget about rules and such and get myself full of trouble. But here is where I do feel comfortable and I get goofy.
Some of you no my past and some don't but I'm not going to get into the thick of it. The wife still doesn't understand and still wants no part of crossdressing and recently I thought I lost her for good. We're still together and slowly healing.
During this period i've cried lots been sullen alot but I'm coming around. I came out to my sister who has been a big help and said she is very cool about my whole cding issues. So great support there. She is absolutely wonderful but about 1000 miles across Canada.
This brings up today! I'm living a dream today and it maybe gone tomorrow but for today it's awesome. I decided to tell my troubles to a friend of mine in Calgary. Who just luved the whole idea of it. Thinks it's amazing but sympathized about how my wife had alot to deal with because this is not what she signed on this marriage for.
As the conversation continued he brought up a friend of his whom I've done artwork for. I've only talked to her and never really met her face to face. But anyway we were goofing with the idea of going shopping for some girl clothes for me and hitting some clubs where CDies can be comfortable.
Well I said if his friend would do my make-up I'm into it.
This was afterall just fun and games right not serious. Well he went to her office and asked and yep she is totally into it as well. The conversation was totally whacky but she said that I could have any make-up she no longer wanted and would even take me Bra shopping! Just on the matter of fact that she needed one too!
So a complete make-overby a GG, clothes and bra shopping throw in some club hopping and wow what a conversation.
Back to reality how do tell the wife that I want to do this because she is leaving to visit her family at the same time and I cannot get the entire week off to go with her.
Here is the other problem. I'm extremely shy and tend to be completely introverted at times. Typing on MSN is one thing and shopping for bras and club hopping are not in my comfort zone.
I have a week to decide. But I'm so nervous I could wet myself now.
Big decisions. Please help. Oh Wow. Know what you mean. I'm in the same canoe! My wife who does , will not, ever, ever approve of my crossdresssing wanted to visit her daughter and grandkids in Florida. I was really not into going down there. They all smoke like chimneys and I have CHF and COPD and I saw an opportunity to have some alone time at home. What I did was offer to redo the kitchen if I stayed home. I mean paint, trim, clean the whole nine yards (wasn't that clever of me) She has been gone for two weeks and will be out for another. In the meantime, I am almost done with the kitchen. I have bought me a bunch of clothes. I have a whole outfit including wig and makeup so I can take some pics to share tonite. The only problem I have is that my wife's daughter and family live right next door. It's like a duplex. I can't sneeze without them knowing about it. So I have to wait until late at night when everyone has gone to bed to get my makeup and wig and nighties on. I tiptoe downstairs and get on my laptop for a while or watch movies. I just love going to bed en femme and waking up en femme. Have had some great time shopping. Sure wish that I could go to a party like you. Lucky girl. I could go on about the wonderful two weeks I have had. Now I have to figure out a way for her to allow me to do my thing.

Faint hearts never have a good time. Put your Nike's on and do it!

Regards,


Rita B.:hugs:

[Mitch23]

I hate to be a wet blanket here Sparks but it is never a good idea to do anything with another woman behind your wife's back, especially something that your wife is/ or would not be on board with if you were honest with her in the first dang place. Omission of facts is still deciet and in my book falls right smack in the same category as a lie. Could end up being a deal breaker. Plus if your wife feels this is something just between the two of you [as in she has no idea you share this with your friends at work etc] she could get a a bit of the green eyed monster. Rightfully so because you are sharing this AND it's with another woman. :eek: :angry: Misunderstandings and hurt feelings almost always result. Nix the idea and get your head outta those clouds kiddo or you may lose what ground you gained and lots more. JMO

dancin
i agree. i have a little bit of a problem with going behind wifeys back, either not telling or makeing up a story. my problem is that ive done it and its not good for your relationship. i tell mine everything now however painful it is, and i dont see 'mistress' anymore because its inappropriate - even though she got me into this in the first place. I think it has to be i'd like to do .... is that ok? its come up so many times before in this forum about SOs and how they feel about lack of trust and being lied to. go ahead, have a great time, but be very aware.

mitch

[EmmaB GG]

Sorry, but GG's don't understand the "behind my back" thing, like Dancing GG said. Big problems ahead ...

But, are you comfortable with doing everything that's planned? Do you want to do it all in one go, or is this your mates fantasy or for her entertainment??? Not all GG's are as sweet as the ones here, you know!

Just a thought - it's your life.....

[Dixie]

Go for it, you'll be surprised by how unscary it really is. I would NOT sneak around behind your wifes back to do it though, after all their is another woman involved however innocentlly, but how will it look to your wife, BE UP FRONT!!

[Carin's Wife GG]

I hate to be a wet blanket here Sparks but it is never a good idea to do anything with another woman behind your wife's back, especially something that your wife is/ or would not be on board with if you were honest with her in the first dang place. Omission of facts is still deciet and in my book falls right smack in the same category as a lie. Could end up being a deal breaker. Plus if your wife feels this is something just between the two of you [as in she has no idea you share this with your friends at work etc] she could get a a bit of the green eyed monster. Rightfully so because you are sharing this AND it's with another woman. :eek: :angry: Misunderstandings and hurt feelings almost always result. Nix the idea and get your head outta those clouds kiddo or you may lose what ground you gained and lots more. JMO

dancin

if Carin did this! I am supportive, but not THAT supportive.


Louise.

[Sheila]

The wife still doesn't understand and still wants no part of crossdressing

What you got to lose with what you are considering........ Your marriage?????????



recently I thought I lost her for good. We're still together and slowly healing.

and you think going behind her back, or even proposing this to her is going to heal your marriage????

if my Partner proposed this to me (and I am supportive), he could go and darn well keep going, but hey us GG's are known for being non supportive of many CDing activities.... or at least that is how it feels sometimes to us (just my take and 0.02 worth without meaning to upset anybody)

[Teresa Amina]

Introverted? I used to think I was too. Turns out I'm just justifiably cautious. But I've been out 6 or 7 times now and am calm as can be. I'm just out there being myself, after all. Most people in life do that.
But going behind your wifes' back with this fantastic opportunity? :eek:
Let her know, then go. But calculate the costs.

[Kate Simmons]

Maybe I missed something here but I thought Sparks did say she would tell her wife.:happy:

[Sheila]

Back to reality how do tell the wife I want to do this that because she is leaving to visit her family at the same time and I cannot get the entire week off to go with her.

Salandra the ? was how to not that he would

[Kate Simmons]

Okay Jess, I get it, so there she is saying she is still up in the air about it. My original comment was under the assumption she was. I stand corrected and that, indeed, puts a new light on things.:happy:

[Di]

Maybe I missed something here but I thought Sparks did say she would tell her wife.:happy:


If you tell your wife...then I say ok............But if she is not understanding and wants no part of it...I really can NOT forsee her being over joyed about this.

And if you do not tell her.........like Mae said....Omission of facts is still deciet!!


You said We're still together and slowly healing, why in the world would you want to lose that?

Your decision....but please think of the consequences.

[tall_brianna]

Yo sparks, you go. After, of course, straight dealing with your SO. Tell her the truth about what you want to do and see what she says. Prepare for any response and accept it without debate.

As for comfort zone, that is the way to go or with a flock of other more experienced tgirls. They'll make a great shield to hide behind when things feel like they're getting uncomfortable.

[vbcdgrl]

I'm not gonna try and give you advice on how to deal with your SO, but, as far a going out with your GG friend, go for it! Having a supportive person with you much better than trying to go it alone, at least 'till you've been out a few times. The more you go out, the more confidence you'll have. After a few adventures, you'll wonder why you were so shy.

Vikki

[Alice B]

I would like to say go for it because your wife will be out of town, but if she were to discover it and the fact that you were with another woman it would be real, real bad. Only you know how safe the situation will be. You are in a catch 22. It would be ashame not to take the opportunity, but bad if caught. Good luck and let us know what you decide. If you do, send photos.:love:

[MoonBaby GG]

if Carin did this! I am supportive, but not THAT supportive.

Louise.


Agreed. Your wife might not be supportive of your dressing but she'd be even LESS inclined to accept it if you do something behind her back or lie about it.
Trust, honest communication and love are everything in a relationship. If one of those things falls to the wayside it's setting a dangerous precedent within your marriage.

[Kerry Owens]

I think that sums a lot of what folks are saying. Lying, or pulling this off deceitfully behind her back may have a far larger price than you will want to pay. Remember that.

[Holly]

Sparks, be very careful. I know how much fun it sounds like (it really does). You need to get your wife on board first. Look honey, she's already struggling with it. If you do this behind her back it is only going to give her one more reason to hate the dressing. Be honest with her,

[sparks]

Ok already yes I get the tell the wife because that is what I actually had in mind. Yep we've had our troubles recently and they actually didn't involve cding.
I wouldn't risk wrecking what we have. I will tread lightly.
First thing is I actually typed this after it all took place. Excited you bet. nervous oh. yeah. Aware of the wife bit. DUH.
I did tell my friend that all would be passed by the wife first.
I'm still up in the air but I'm still going to buy some clothes. One way or the other.
I'm just not sure on the HOW TO TELL! Or more correctly ask.
We are working on stuff but we have to get some middle ground on this as well.
Anyway thanks for listening.

[faltenrock]

He sparks,

that sounds like a wonderful thing to me. I wouldn't hesitate a second.
Going out with a GG friend and getting help and support is something I've been looking for a long time. Do it, it'll be great.

[kittypw GG]

Sparks,
Only you know your wife. Tell her you have this opportunity, give the details and tell her you really want to try it but want her to know that her feelings matter to you. If she feels uncomfortable about find out why, then either don't go or alter the plan to leave out the uncomfortable part. Maybe it might take her meeting this women who will do your makeup or meeting your male freind. Make sure she knows that you want to be honest and upfront with her. Make sure you convey how important this would be to you and exatly what it would do for you. Good luck. I am happy that you will be including her. Part of the battle is keeping her in the loop and being upfront and honest. :hugs::hugs: Kitty

[Tamara Croft]

I see something in this thread that makes me worry. Goes something like this: -

CD's - yeah go for it...
GG's - no talk to your wife...

Why is that? I cannot for the life of me understand why the CD's are pushing for Sparks to do this, something that could quite possibly ruin the marriage, yet the GG's are telling Sparks to talk to the wife about it... why is this? I don't understand why one would push someone into a ring of deceit? What will Sparks gain from the 'go for its' ??

[Charity's GG]

Put yourself in your wifes shoes for a minute...would you be supportive and okay with the idea of her doing this with another man?!

PLease be careful and think of your marriage first instead of your Cding...which one is more important to you...Have a wonderful day:happy:

[Mitch23]

I see something in this thread that makes me worry. Goes something like this: -

CD's - yeah go for it...
GG's - no talk to your wife...

Why is that? I cannot for the life of me understand why the CD's are pushing for Sparks to do this, something that could quite possibly ruin the marriage, yet the GG's are telling Sparks to talk to the wife about it... why is this? I don't understand why one would push someone into a ring of deceit? What will Sparks gain from the 'go for its' ??

No thats not true, most cds, myself included, are advising extreme caution and no deceit,

mitch

[Sheri 4242]

. . . it is never a good idea to do anything with another woman behind your wife's back . . . Omission of facts is still deciet and in my book falls right smack in the same category as a lie.


Sorry, but GG's don't understand the "behind my back" thing, like Dancing GG said.


I see something in this thread that makes me worry. Goes something like this: -
CD's - yeah go for it...
GG's - no talk to your wife...

Tamara,

I'm with the GG's on this -- big time!!! My wife and I both were seriously hurt in our respective first marriages by spouses who were deceitful (in the most personal of ways) -- spouses who completely destroyed trust by acts of commission and ommision . . . and, this, in turn, destroyed love, respect, friendship, and intimacy (and I'm not just refering to sex when I say intimacy -- I'm speaking of the special qualities of communication, feelings, and fidelity that should exist between husband and wife). Talk about tearing down the components of a healthy and vibrant marriage!!! I'm so fortunate to have found my wife -- we both went through so much mental and emotional anguish, that it has been a wonderful blessing to have a soulmate with whom you can share trust and be totally honest with!!! My advice to Sparks: if he can't tell his wife, he shouldn't do it. If he does tell her and she doesn't approve, he shouldn't do it. This issue is all about fundamental respect and honesty!!!

Barbara