Presenting as female (or male) when shopping

[Emma England]

Some stores do not mind how one looks when they offer assistance on clothing.

Others mention that the customer is welcome to use female changing rooms when presented as a woman.

But what does this really mean?

It is possible to wear ladies clothing yet still look like a guy (even with makeup on).

How would a sa determine whether you present as female or not. Most of the time, they are concerned about not upsetting other gg customers. Meaning that even if they recognise you as male, if you appear female then some tolerance may be used.

A lot of crossdressers do not pass. Even if they make some attempt, will this still have the potential to offend?

It would be bad if a cd thought they were femme, but the sa assumed they were male, and therefore refused permission for the fitting room.

Has anyone dressed femme and been refused help from a sa? (Or use of the fitting room?)

I guess some thought needs to be taken on which clothes to wear BEFORE going shopping.

What are your thoughts?

[faltenrock]

Have never ever had a problem to be refused.

[Kari]

I've never had a problem either...

[Holly]

Always been treated courteously and professionally. No problems.

[Kathielynne]

I agree with the other girls. It starts in your head. If you think like a girl, you are more apt to act natural and "become" one. Even if a clerk reads you, if you are not flashy, they don't think of you as a guy and there shouldn't be an issue.

:D

Kathielynne

[MJ]

Always been treated courteously and professionally. No problems here

[Stephenie S]

I always present as myself. I am TG. I know that I have always been a woman. However, I have a male body. There is no question about this. I was raised as a male. I have broad shoulders, big hands, big feet, big head, no butt, and small breasts. There is NO way I could "fool" anyone who isn't blind and deaf. I wear female clothes because I want to. I like the way they feel and I like the way they look. And most important, it is right for me.

When I shop (and actually in every part of my life), I don't try to "fool" anyone. I don't think I have to. (And, I don't think I could.) I have never run into anyone who cares. You have to remember that stores have to sell the things they offer in order to stay in business. Stores WANT you to buy their stuff. They HAVE to sell you their stuff to pay the help, and buy stock, and pay rent, and all the other expenses. They are NOT the gender police. If you have money, the stores want you to give it to them. They don't care how you dress. Go in drab, go "dressed", go in a clown suit or a cowboy outfit, they don't care. Just spend money. Dress appropriately (just look around you, dear, to find out what that means), and no one will give you a second glance. If you dress in an outlandish fashion (read fishnet hose and 6" heels here) you are going to get stares and perhaps unwanted attention, but they are still going to take your money.

You need to get over the thought that stores will reject your business based on what gender you present as. You can make a SA nervous and suspicious just by acting nervous and suspicious yourself. If you act guilty they may call security thinking that you may be a shoplifter. Please remember that buying things in a store is NOT a shameful act. Thousands of people, male and female, do it every day. It's what our economy depends on. When you go shoping with the thought in your mind that you are doing something wrong, it shows. It's NOT wrong to shop. And you can shop in any clothes you want.

Do you want to use the changing room? Just ask, hon, just ask. If it means making a sale, you will be allowed to do so. The one (and only) time I was told that I could not use the dressing room by a SA, a quick chat with the manager set her straight immediately. If you want to make a new friend quickly, just go into a nice store and start piling clothes by the register. The SA will fall all over themselves trying to help you.

That leads us to another point. When the SA asks you if she/he can help you, SAY YES! Say, "Yes, I need some help." And then tell them what you are doing. "I am shopping for a new outfit to go to dinner." Or whatever. The SA is there to help you and many of them make their living off commisions. They are, most of them, experts at what they do. They do it for a living. Let them HELP you. Learn her name. Tell her your name. You will love the attention. That's one of the things that makes shopping fun. Will she realize you are a guy? Yup! Will she care? Nope! Spend some money, honey. They will LOVE you. And the next time you go to that store they will be looking out for you.

OK, 'nuff said this morning,

Lovies,
Stephenie

Read all the posts above, and you will see I am not the only person who feels this way.

Steph

[joann07]

Never had any issues or problems and the SAs have always been courteous.
Like eveyrone said, act natural and things will be ok.

[Stephenie S]

Most of the time, they are concerned about not upsetting other gg customers.

This is where you are mistaken, dear.

Most of the time they are concerned with making a sale. They WANT to sell stuff. They HAVE to sell stuff. If you are buying, or they think you will be buying, you are their best friend.

Happy shopping.

Stephenie

[JoAnnDallas]

I have to say that what "Stephenie S said is correct. I went shoe shopping en fem for the first time last Tuesday. I walked in behind two other ladies and all of us was welcomed by the SA. I was asked if i needed help, I said not at this time. Then while modeling a cute pair of 2.5" slingbacks, another SA commented on how cute the shoes were and how well they went with my outfit. At the same time there were other customers in the store. I had to miggle with them and no one paid any attention to me. Stephenie is correct to point out the key is to:

1. Be yourself
2. Act like you do this everyday
3. DO NOT be NERVIOUS

Getting nervious, looking around at the other customers, and such will only raise Red flags to the SA's.

[Denise01]

When I shop, I shop totally as Denise.

I have never been refused to use the change rooms to try items on, and have always been treated very professionally by the sales ladies.

I remember in one instance, i was femme, however wearing slacks. Was in a Wal=mart with an attended dressing room, with ladies on one side and mens on the other side. When it was my turn to go to a dressing room, the attendant, said room # is available, and immediately direceted me to the ladies side of the area..

I guesss i must pass well. Last Feb I was in Mass. with some friends of mine, and was dressed as Denise. We were checking into a motel, my friends were given their room, and the lady said to the hotel clerk, that he will also need a room.. When checking into a motel i always use my proper name so there will be no problems with paying with my credit card.
The next morning during coffee, the wife of the couple i was with was chatting with the clerk in the coffee shop , who also did waitress work there. She told my friend, that if she had not said he , needed a room also, that she would have had no idea that I was Cd or TG.

It makes me feel so good when out and being treated like any other lady

Denise

[Mitch23]

100% success record so far - one out of one!

mitch

[Deidra Cowen]

Only have used a changing room twice to try out cloths. No problems at one of the stores the sales lady all but forced me to use the room to check out some outfits!!! It was a lane bryant btw.

But I will be honest, it just makes me a bit nervous and while I just about always shop enfemme I skip the dressing room. Have really gotten good at knowing my sizes at various stores and I have little tricks for figuring out if something fits. Even have one of those cloth tape measurers in my purse for that.

Anyway, pretty much a chicken about dressing rooms but I do get out there and shop!!! :p

[Diane Paris]

I have never, ever been turned away from using a dressing room when shopping en femme or in drab (years ago). I shop frequently en femme, with and without my wife, and I am always treated with respect and courtesy, even though I do not pass. I dress appropriately for shopping and present my feminine person with as much confidence and poise as I can muster. Don't forget to smile! If you look comfortable, the SA's will be more likely to feel comfortable.

Go for it!
Diane

[Emma England]

Why are a few people mentioning being nervous?
This does not happen for me, and is not what I asked.

Let me be more simple.

If dressed femme, but do not pass. When there is a choice of men or womens fitting rooms, where does a sa direct you if you want to try on?

I have heard that they won't mind you trying on ladies clothes if there is a potential sale to be made, but may direct you to the mens fitting room.

This would not bother me apart from the fact that it would be a longer walk (or even a different floor).

[TeresaCD]

If dressed femme, but do not pass. When there is a choice of men or womens fitting rooms, where does a sa direct you if you want to try on?

I have heard that they won't mind you trying on ladies clothes if there is a potential sale to be made, but may direct you to the mens fitting room.

When dressed in femme (I know I never pass) I have never been directed to a men's fitting room, even when there are men's dressing rooms available or close by, such as a department store.

I suspect that part of the motivation of SA's to have me use the ladies dressing rooms is to make a sale. However, I have also observed that most SA's are helpful and pleasant far beyond the minimum expected. In short, I think they are trying hard to give me really good service, even though they know that I am a man dressed and acting like a woman.

[faltenrock]

I agree with the other girls. It starts in your head. If you think like a girl, you are more apt to act natural and "become" one. Even if a clerk reads you, if you are not flashy, they don't think of you as a guy and there shouldn't be an issue.

:D

Kathielynne

I agree, it all starts in our head. If you walk into a store with confidence, dressed well with normal or femme movements - people will treat you nice or at least decent.

[Sam-antha]

No problems so far in clothing, make-up shoes or accessories. Sas have always been helpful, neither more no less than theyshould have been. whether I was read or not is immaterial, I got what I wanted from the shops.
Mind, while I have tried this and that on, I have never dared to head into the wee room to try on a bra.....probably because bras sectons usually have a changing room of their own, complete with specialist sas.
I know it is "in the head", but that dressing room is out for me.

[Stephenie S]

Why are a few people mentioning being nervous?
This does not happen for me, and is not what I asked.

Let me be more simple.

If dressed femme, but do not pass. When there is a choice of men or womens fitting rooms, where does a sa direct you if you want to try on?

I have heard that they won't mind you trying on ladies clothes if there is a potential sale to be made, but may direct you to the mens fitting room.

This would not bother me apart from the fact that it would be a longer walk (or even a different floor).

Listen, sweetie, there is no rulebook. You are trying to figure all this out beforehand and you just can't do that. Every store is different and every SA is a different person. I can't tell you exactly what will happen when you go to the hardware store and I can't tell you exactly what will happen when you go to the clothing store. Just go, and find out for yourself.

The point that everyone is trying to get across to you is that it's not shamefull and it's not wrong. That's all. Beyond that, it's impossible to predict. You will not be treated with disdain and you will not be insulted when you shop. I can't tell you any more than that.

Which dressing room will you have to use? How do I know? What does it matter, really? It's the experience of the vast majority of posters here on this forum that you use the dressing room appropriate to how you are dressed, although I have used the women's dressing room when dressed in drab on many ocaisions. Some smaller stores have only one set of dressing rooms. Some women's clothing stores have only one set of dressing rooms. Victoria's Secret has only one set of dressing rooms, for instance. And Coldwater Creek, where I like to shop, has only one set of dressing rooms.

What matters when you shop is that you buy clothes that fit. That's why you use a dressing room. It doesn't really matter if the person who used the dressing room before you was male or female, now does it?

Trying to figure out everything before hand is a very masculine trait. As you work toward becoming more feminine, remember that women just do it, men try to analyze it all first.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Rachel Morley]

It would be bad if a cd thought they were femme, but the sa assumed they were male, and therefore refused permission for the fitting room.
Hi Emma,

This is always on my mind. I always get slightly concerned about how I might be perceived, especially if I've spent a lot of time and effort to look as feminine as I can before I went out. It would be a real bummer to me if I was still treated as if I was a guy when dressed en femme. Thankfully for me, at clothing stores I have never been treated in any other way than if I was a GG by the sales assistants. I have no clue what they are really truly thinking about me, but they usually say nothing or direct me towards the female changing rooms when I have something I want to try on.

[Billijo49504]

I've been shopping in both modes, guy and gurl. I've never had a problem, because I've always presented myself as a customer. That is one who plans to spend Money in their store. And if I'm spending they are taking. The bottom line is money. Period....BJ
ps. personal problems are put aside for a sale.