bgirl
05-25-2007, 02:46 PM
Its true. I almost miss purging. There was that fantasy that it was all over, this time, never again, for sure.
Its a bittersweet melancoly to be sure. A while back I decieded to learn to live with my feminine self. I hoped some of the ups and downs and struggles would subside and I would come into my own. I am happy when I am Beth. No doubt about it. The transitions to and from are sometimes difficult. If I hold out on being Beth, when I finally get dressed it has this OCD aspect to it that worries my piece of mind, and other times, there is a feeling of great loss when I set Beth aside. During the OCD times the crash is peppered with all the old fears that would precede purging and then that blessed lie I'd tell myself....... So guess where I am today.....enjoying the last few minutes before Beth goes away and the bman does his thing. I feel sad and happy at the same time. I'll miss Beth, I wont purge, I'll try not to be sad and try to let that happiness sustain me until next time.
Beth
Its a bittersweet melancoly to be sure. A while back I decieded to learn to live with my feminine self. I hoped some of the ups and downs and struggles would subside and I would come into my own. I am happy when I am Beth. No doubt about it. The transitions to and from are sometimes difficult. If I hold out on being Beth, when I finally get dressed it has this OCD aspect to it that worries my piece of mind, and other times, there is a feeling of great loss when I set Beth aside. During the OCD times the crash is peppered with all the old fears that would precede purging and then that blessed lie I'd tell myself....... So guess where I am today.....enjoying the last few minutes before Beth goes away and the bman does his thing. I feel sad and happy at the same time. I'll miss Beth, I wont purge, I'll try not to be sad and try to let that happiness sustain me until next time.
Beth