More confused than ever

[Davinnia]

I'm not sure how far to go with coming out to my wife & am getting confused. My CDing used to be private & hidden but after joining this forum it seemed the best advice is to be 'honest' with my wife. I have told her I love wearing women's clothes & usually wear a chemise to bed. Recently I told her how much I love a dress she rarely wears & this morning I wore it in bed. My problem seems to be that I enjoy dressing as a sexual turn on & when I'm fully dressed & madeup with wig, nail polish etc in private, I tell myself I'll stay dressed for a few hours. But soon after I've relieved myself I quickly change back to my male clothing, & feel guilty. What does this mean ? Am I really a crossdresser or is it just a sexual fetish ? I fantasise about dressing in front of my wife but I'm not sure it's what I really want.She doesn't know about me fully dressing. She plays along with my fantasy by telling me what a pretty girl I am & how she loves my smooth legs but I'm scared of taking it further as I'm not sure if that's what I really want.
I'm sure your advice will help me so: please help !

[Karren H]

Well I never said it was the best advice for sure.... not unless your 99.99% of a positive outcome is it the best... In my opinion....

Love Karren

[Stephenie S]

I'm not sure how far to go with coming out to my wife & am getting confused. My CDing used to be private & hidden but after joining this forum it seemed the best advice is to be 'honest' with my wife. I have told her I love wearing women's clothes & usually wear a chemise to bed. Recently I told her how much I love a dress she rarely wears & this morning I wore it in bed. My problem seems to be that I enjoy dressing as a sexual turn on & when I'm fully dressed & madeup with wig, nail polish etc in private, I tell myself I'll stay dressed for a few hours. But soon after I've relieved myself I quickly change back to my male clothing, & feel guilty. What does this mean ? Am I really a crossdresser or is it just a sexual fetish ? I fantasise about dressing in front of my wife but I'm not sure it's what I really want.She doesn't know about me fully dressing. She plays along with my fantasy by telling me what a pretty girl I am & how she loves my smooth legs but I'm scared of taking it further as I'm not sure if that's what I really want.
I'm sure your advice will help me so: please help !

Well hon, you are a crossdresser. That much is for sure. But don't worry about the sexual turn on. Many, many CDers here on this forum dress for the sexual rush. That's perfectly common, and it's perfectly alright. A great many of us started dressing for the sexual thrill of it and many of us find that feeling diminishes over time. For some it doesn't, and for some it does.

Just relax and have fun. There are no rules about CDing, you know. We do it because we want to. Leave it at that. Do try to get over the guilty feelings, though. CDing is not wrong. Thousands do it, really. Some more and some less, but it is a very common phenomenon. It's NOT a shamefull activity unless YOU make it so.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[sandra-leigh]

Well I never said it was the best advice for sure....

Your advice itself is missing, Karren!

[Seville]

Well hon, you are a crossdresser. That much is for sure. But don't worry about the sexual turn on. Many, many CDers here on this forum dress for the sexual rush. That's perfectly common, and it's perfectly alright. A great many of us started dressing for the sexual thrill of it and many of us find that feeling diminishes over time. For some it doesn't, and for some it does.

Just relax and have fun. There are no rules about CDing, you know. We do it because we want to. Leave it at that. Do try to get over the guilty feelings, though. CDing is not wrong. Thousands do it, really. Some more and some less, but it is a very common phenomenon. It's NOT a shamefull activity unless YOU make it so.

Lovies,
Stephenie

Well said, well said! Relax and have fun.:happy::happy::happy:

[Joy Carter]

Just don't be so hard on your self. Just let it be. Particularly if she accepts. Most of us have gone past the sex thing and just enjoy the dressing.

[Ashleigh]

Just let things go naturally. Don't force the timing. Look for the best opportunity. She probably already suspects.

A:doll:

[Holly]

To add to what Ashleigh said, if she does suspect, her imagination is probably going into overdrive... he's gay, he wants an operation, I'm not woman enough for him, etc. Wouldn't it be more compassionate to have an honest discussion with your wife so you can tell her exactly where you are with all this?

[Sandra]

To add to what Ashleigh said, if she does suspect, her imagination is probably going into overdrive... he's gay, he wants an operation, I'm not woman enough for him, etc. Wouldn't it be more compassionate to have an honest discussion with your wife so you can tell her exactly where you are with all this?


From a GGs point I totally agree with Holly and she will proably be so scared and wondering what she should do.

As for the dessing just being for sexual relief hey don't worry I think most cders go through this, I know my husband did but after a time those feelings went and she was content just to dress without "doing" anything. Don't beat yourself up over it, just be honest with your wife.

[Robin Leigh]

I'm not sure how far to go with coming out to my wife & am getting confused. My CDing used to be private & hidden but after joining this forum it seemed the best advice is to be 'honest' with my wife.It is the best advice, but that doesn't mean that it's always an easy path to follow. :) Ideally you should come out before proposing marriage...


My problem seems to be that I enjoy dressing as a sexual turn on & when I'm fully dressed & madeup with wig, nail polish etc in private, I tell myself I'll stay dressed for a few hours. But soon after I've relieved myself I quickly change back to my male clothing, & feel guilty. What does this mean ? Am I really a crossdresser or is it just a sexual fetish ? There is an erotic aspect to CDing for many of us, no need to feel guilty. The guilt seems to happen the most when CDing is restricted to being an erotic activity. When we expand this facet of our personalities, by doing other activities while dressed up, then the guilt & need to revert to male mode reduces. I think of it as allowing my feminine side to integrate more with the rest of my personality. Another way to look at it is that I'm developing a richer relationship with "the girl in the mirror". Sharing your CDing with someone also tends to help with this, too.


I fantasise about dressing in front of my wife but I'm not sure it's what I really want.She doesn't know about me fully dressing. She plays along with my fantasy by telling me what a pretty girl I am & how she loves my smooth legs but I'm scared of taking it further as I'm not sure if that's what I really want.
I'm sure your advice will help me so: please help !Your wife sounds quite sympathetic, Davinnia. Do you think she enjoys you en femme, or is she just playing along because she likes to please you? (Either way, many CDers would love to have a wife that favourable:)).

Since you seem to have revealed at least some of your femme nature to her already, the rest shouldn't come as too much of a shock. She will feel more secure in the relationship if you can convince her that you have now told her everything, and that you don't have any more secrets lurking! But that doesn't mean that you should overload her with information. Let her set the pace, and give her time to digest what you tell her, both intellectually & emotionally.

Since you weren't totally honest about all this up front, be prepared to accept some compromises. One method that tends to work for many couples in your situation is to allow your wife to set the limits on the degree & frequency of your CDing. And this will also stop you from going overboard when you realize how much you love being fully en femme with your wife. :happy: Plus you'll have her help with clothes & makeup.

Do you have plans or desires to go outdoors en femme? Interacting with the Big Wide World en femme is a really good way for "the girl in the mirror" to develop a more well-rounded personality. If you go out en femme with your wife, she can wear a wig too & join in the fun. It will also help to prevent people tht you know from recognizing you as a couple.

Good luck! You know you're doing the right thing in telling her.

:hugs:

Robin

[faltenrock]

I agree with the comments, I think everything is ok and just fine - enjoy!!

Doreen

[O2B Barbara]

Enjoy the feelings, sexual or otherwise. As said in previous replies, most of us have those same feelings at one time on another. The fact that you wife plays along a bit seems to say that she has accepted to some degree your deisres. Try not to feel guilty about your feelings as you need to be true to yourself.

[Mitch23]

I'm not sure how far to go with coming out to my wife & am getting confused. My CDing used to be private & hidden but after joining this forum it seemed the best advice is to be 'honest' with my wife. I have told her I love wearing women's clothes & usually wear a chemise to bed. Recently I told her how much I love a dress she rarely wears & this morning I wore it in bed. My problem seems to be that I enjoy dressing as a sexual turn on & when I'm fully dressed & madeup with wig, nail polish etc in private, I tell myself I'll stay dressed for a few hours. But soon after I've relieved myself I quickly change back to my male clothing, & feel guilty. What does this mean ? Am I really a crossdresser or is it just a sexual fetish ? I fantasise about dressing in front of my wife but I'm not sure it's what I really want.She doesn't know about me fully dressing. She plays along with my fantasy by telling me what a pretty girl I am & how she loves my smooth legs but I'm scared of taking it further as I'm not sure if that's what I really want.
I'm sure your advice will help me so: please help !

as i've said in another thread, I was a closet undie freak - as soon as i'd relieved myself, guilt set in, dressed down and covered my tracks. My Cd is much deeper now where mitch is beginning to assert her own character, personality, like and dislikes. Neither she nor my wife like me masturbating so i rarely do now. that's may be how it develops for you - or it may not. don't worry, just enjoy - and communicate with your wife who is probably, like mine, a little confused right now!

mitch

[Davinnia]

Thanks eveybody. Of course, I know that I need to have an honest talk with my wife, but it's always easier to put it off a bit longer, isn't it ? I dressed this morning after she went to work & intend to stay dressed for a couple of hours just to see how it feels. We are having a long weekend away soon, maybe that's a good time to talk. I'm sure that she has a good idea what is happening & is probably waiting for me to initiate the conversation. It's a giant leap though, isn't it ?

[Glenda58]

Good have the talk your wife already knows you like wearing women's cloths and seems to be OK with it. She jokes with you about it. You may have one of the good ones that will work with you. And yes you are a CDer.

[Alice B]

The sexual relief part of dressing is normal and something we all have gone through. In time it becomes far less important. Forcing your wife to participate in sexual fantisy can be dangerous without discussion about her role and comfort. She seem pretty aware of your desires to dress so be open with her as mentioned earlier. Discuss what she is and is not comfortable with and set ground rules. The key is to be open and honest and not to put her in a position that makes her feel challenged or insecure about who you are. It takes time and patience.:hugs:

[Morgan3705]

I wear women's clothes for a couple of reasons. First and formost is that it IS a sexual turn on for me. Even if I had the desire to go out in public dressed and had the remote possiblity of passing as a woman, my erect penis would be a dead give-away. The second reason is DAMN they feel nice. If they made men's clothes that feel HALF as nice as women's do, I don't think I would dress as much.

[cdjoanne]

not really sure how to reply to this one, mt wife knows that i cross dress but now finds it hard to except because i wanted to see if i could pass in public.
my wife when drunk finds me very sexy and a real turn on when i cd but the rest of the time she is in denial

[Angie G]

If you think she will be OK with your going further then go for it just go slow you may find you both like it :hugs:
Angie