Do you Dress less or stop when you find a great SO?

[Maddie22]

If I am dating a girl (especially girly girls) I don't get the desire to dress as much or at all. Even though my relationships don't last past 6 months or so, I feel like my femme side is being represented by her. I think (even though I have not experienced anything long term) that I could stop dressing if I am with the right girl...am I alone on this, has anyone else had the same feelings?? or am I just fooling myself....I personally believe that my dressing can be controlled. I'd love to get feedback from the younger girls and older girls on this one.

[Diane098]

I tried controlling my urges, didnt work. I met a great gal who accepts me and I dont think I'll curb my dressing at all. One thing ive learned is that everyones different.:happy:

[VeronicaKate]

Yes, I thought that when I married my wife and we created a family together that I was past my phase of dressing in womans clothes. I found my woman, I am man and I can conquer the world (GRUNT, GRUNT). Now almost 14 years later with fighting my urges to dress, wondering what the heck is wrong with me, why do I want to wear her stunning dress. I now know that I can not control it. I can not speak for you, but even though I was in my "I can control it, I don't need to dress Phase" it was still always setting in the back of my mind. A peek of a stocking here, a nice thought of me in a dress there. Eventually the urge to dress would come back. Be honest with yourself and others. How you deal with dressing and how you except yourself now, will help you be yourself down the road. Good Luck.

[Sheri 4242]

I met a great gal who accepts me and I dont think I'll curb my dressing at all.

When I saw that my wife and I were getting "marriage serious," I decided it was time to tell her. I did, and I am now married to a very supportive and encouraging wife. I know I'm very lucky compared to some others in this respect. The thing is (a.) marrying one who openly embraced my CDing didn't curb or curtail it one single bit, and (b.) this is my second marriage -- and from leading questions here and there, along with other statements, I knew that my ex would never accept CDing, so, I lived a life where I was often miserable and depressed, and where I couldn't act on being myself except when I went out of town. That's no way to live!!!

Having found an accepting soulmate, I may even dress more -- but my bottom line is that she allows me to be me!!!!!!!

[bobi jean]

For me I stopped totally for several years after joining the Navy, meeting and marrying my wife. It came back gradually with the high heels, hose and panties then it returned with avengence. You are a crossdresser, you always will be a crossdresser and you will always crossdress, Sometimes you will go for really long periods of time without it and feel just fine, then one day it will(the urge) return. I dressed in the closet, or basement in my case, for years without any indication to my wife (according to her) until the avengence hit. Remember I said it would return.... IT ALWAYS DOES.. ASK ANY OR EVERY CROSSDRESSER.

[Mitch23]

it may be on the backburner for a while but it will return. you are and always will be a crossdresser. sometimes with a small 'c' and sometimes in block capitals

mitch

[Dixie]

My wife dressed me up early on in our relationship (before marriage), I thought that it would go away. NOT!! I have found that about all I can control about my dressing is what clothes I am going to wear that day:heehee:

[Miss Terr]

Just take into account when you have all her girly stuff laying around when you are home alone. Her getting dressed infront of you. When she comes home from the mall with new clothes to show you. etc.
Its tough to stop/quit when its "IN YO' FACE!" 24/7.
Been There Done That got the Tshirt.
Do you and her both a favor and tell her.
Heck, even tell her you want to stop, and if in time you "relapse" and get "caught" it would not be an earth shattering event.

[marie354]

I tried that a few times too. Purging as soon as I felt we were getting a bit serious, and giving her a key to my place.
It never helped one bit. The urge was still there, so I ended up telling them about it and getting more clothes. Most relationships didn't last more than 5-6 months anyway. But I've got a good grip on my current SO and I'm not letting go.
:hugs:

[Leah B]

It's a pretty common story: CD dresses, finds a girl, stops dressing, and thinks it's gone. But it'll come back.

Sure, you CAN give up crossdressing, but you'll regret it...

[Marla S]

... I feel like my femme side is being represented by her. I think (even though I have not experienced anything long term) that I could stop dressing if I am with the right girl...am I alone on this, has anyone else had the same feelings?? or am I just fooling myself....I personally believe that my dressing can be controlled. I'd love to get feedback from the younger girls and older girls on this one.

Maybe you are right, but I think something has to be considered.

You might be wrong in the interpretation of loosing your desire when meeting a girl.
This is an exceptional and high emmotional situation. Automatically our neurons set other priorities in this kind situations.
A gun pointing at your head, most likely will drop your desire to dress immediately too, but you would never say that the gun is a representation of your femme side. ;) This is also an exceptional and high emmotional situation. Let's call it alarm mode.
On the other side, if you are convinced that the gun will never shoot at you, your emotions go back to normal and your desire to dress as well. From alarm mode back to normal mode.
When you know the girl better and the first rush of love is gone, you'll go back to normal mode too, with the respective consequences.

In general I think it is a bad idea to see oneself in others. You have to have your life and they need their life. Share your lives, but don't confuse your lives.


Controlling dressing.

My experience tells me, that you only can control it, when you allow it.

You can avoid "having munchies for dressing", but you can't avoid dressing. Much like you can avoid having munchies for sweets, but you can't avoid eating.

[carnut62]

I find that I can stop thinking of dressing if I have a big project to take care of. I did a remodel on my house that took 8 months and I didn't have the desire to dress for 4 or 5 months in the middle. But near the end the stress level went up (will I ever finish this) and the desire came back.

[antonia_bee]

I had a long term gf for a while, and I did stop. I thought absolutely nothing of it until we split up. and then, serching for something, I came back to dressing. That was a year or so ago, and I continued to dress often. Now I have been with my new gf for half a year, and because things were looking very special and important, I decided to tell her... Which didn't go down well at all! The irony is that I never feel like or want to dress very much now. I love her very much, and unfortunately, unless we can sort it out I may loose her because of it.....

Your life is the most important thing! I think the general concencus in the CD commnunity (no offensive meant) is that once a CD, always a CD. I beg to differ, and would say that you prob can stop, but it requires a massive change in your attitude and life etc.... a girlfriend can do that!

[Alice B]

I think that if your relationships only last 6 months or so there must be a reason. It may be that because you repress your urges you degrade the relationships in some way. Why not tell your prospective mates that you like to dress on ocassion, assuring them that it is not a gay thing or that you don't wish to convert to a female. You just might hook up with one that is OK with the dressing thing and then have a strong start to a great relationship. Just an opinion.:hugs:

[bredalee25]

I was able to stop for only seven months then i started wearing her stuff til i could buy some of my own clothes since she made me purge it all away when i told her about it. We just broke up and i'm not looking right now but if i do they're gonna have to except Brenda as part of me or it's gonna be see ya nice meeting ya but you're not my type.

ttfn

[Holly]

Becca, I won't try and tell you what will happen in your case. All I can do is tell you that my personal experience tells me that it is highly unlikely that you can walk away from dressing. The huge majority of girls I have talked to have had a similar experience.

[Kitty LaRue]

I was in a relationship with a gal for 20 some years. I tried numerous times to purge the desire to be feminine. I made an honest effort to conform and be the husband and father society dictates I should be. But each time the smoke cleared my feminine desires awoke with a fervor.
Divorced, I met another girl who touted herself as being modern and open to peoples differences untill she realized the frequency of my desire to dress (I would go FT), she freaked and wanted out. So I purged. Now I am here wanting to reclaim my feminine self again and have no wardrobe.
I agree with Marla S. in that I want to be accepted by others. But I also want to be who I feel I am and not because it pleases someone else. Now I will define "me" and be done with it.
Every one from that point can accept me or say farewell.

[battybattybats]

I thought it would go away but had the sense to tell my GF anyway, saying it was possible it could come back. It did. Less than 6 months later. At about the 6 months mark I told her the need had returned. She freaked out, said that if I did it would be the end of the relationship, that if the relationship ended she wouldn't have anything left to live for and would kill herself! Trying to resist the urge and insist someone get counselling or talk to a doctor about depression who is refusing too is not at all easy.

[RobertaFermina]

Hmmmmm....don't have a new one.

I DID dress more AFTER leaving one behind!

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Stephenie S]

Well, EVERYONE who answered said the same thing. No, we had one person who said he didn't think about it "very much" and was sure that the right GG could cure him. But if the wisdom of this forum is to be believed, CDing is something that will just NOT go away. This has been stated in many ways in many differents threads. CDing is somehow locked into our psyches in a permanent way. All of us have walked away at some point only to be inexorably drawn back. Some sooner, and some later, but drawn back, none-the-less. I think that we can state with some degree of certainty that you just can't give up CDing for good, no matter what excuse you give yourself. Of course, I learned years ago to never say never, so I may be absolutely wrong here, but I don't think I am.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[RebeccaLynne]

Been seeing a woman socially for two weeks now. We're in the "getting to know you" phase. She's very feminine; wore a skirt for our first meeting, no less!
Has my enthusiasm for crossdressing diminished? Absolutely not. She is her, and I am me.
Would I forego crossdressing in an effort to gain her favor? Once again, no. To do so would deny myself being who I am.
Could I change who I am? No more than the tiger can change its stripes.

[Ekatcha]

I stopped when I started dating my ex-wife. I dunno why, but I guess at the time I thought it fullfilled me and I fullfilled her. I told her about my CDing before we were engaged and she was cool with it, but I never dressed for her. A missed opportunity on my part I suppose. Wasn't a year later, we were married and I was CDing again in private and eventually she started seeing other people. In retrospect, I'm not sure if it was a flaw in my character or not... but the reality was, I wasn't enough for her. Maybe if I had actually shared all of me, it would be different today. Doubt it, but maybe.

Now... yeah, I still have that desire to please whoever I might be with. I've always been willing to forgo myself for the needs of others... but that window of opportunity is steadily closing for them. Put in that situation again, I probably would... but sooner or later (sooner at this point) Eka would be coming back. I wont deny myself for anyone. They can accept me for me or not... I've been alone long enough that doesn't necessarily bother me. Anyways, thats my take on it, such as it is.

[Faye Emmette]

Yes.
:haha: For a while.

[Lady Phoenix]

Maybe - maybe not i stoped when i was 19 went in to the service to make a man outta me spent 22 yrs in one of the most closed minded professions there is (law enforcement) i stopped for 21 yrs after i started a new job and all the stressors were gone the urge returned in a way i never wouldve thought possible, so beware it may be awhile but it can return.

[JoAnnDallas]

My dressing prior to March 2005 was somewhat low key. I would dress up in panties,bra, and a slip once in a great while. Then after the plant closed down in WV and we decided to move to Dallas due to more jobs here, the stress level got to the point that I started dressing more as a way to relieve the stress and get away from everything for a little while. Then while staying at my sisters, she had a clothing drive for her church and all of a sudden I had all these outfits, then I started using makeup, bought a wig, finially started going out in the daylight, and now even gone shopping em fem. I have now been employed for almost 2 years and the urge to dress has not gone down but up.

[Lydia Hamilton]

My two cents worth. You can not stop being what you are, Period.... I, like so many others tried and failed. The feelings you experience are an intergal part of your make up and cannot be changed. I have had two major life shaking moments in my like. One was the birth of my daughter and the other was when late one night I admited to myself what I was and that I needed to love "ME" first. Bottleing this up inside will not help you or your married life. Lydia

[Eva Diva]

Well, EVERYONE who answered said the same thing. No, we had one person who said he didn't think about it "very much" and was sure that the right GG could cure him. But if the wisdom of this forum is to be believed, CDing is something that will just NOT go away. This has been stated in many ways in many differents threads. CDing is somehow locked into our psyches in a permanent way. All of us have walked away at some point only to be inexorably drawn back. Some sooner, and some later, but drawn back, none-the-less. I think that we can state with some degree of certainty that you just can't give up CDing for good, no matter what excuse you give yourself. Of course, I learned years ago to never say never, so I may be absolutely wrong here, but I don't think I am.

Lovies,
Stephenie



No doubt your observations are correct. On the other hand.... many posters from the start of this forum a few years ago don't seem to be here any more. Where are they? Could it be that the remaining members of this forum are the ones who can't give it up? It's called a biased sample. Maybe those who do stop just aren't here to speak up for themselves.

[battybattybats]

No doubt your observations are correct. On the other hand.... many posters from the start of this forum a few years ago don't seem to be here any more. Where are they? Could it be that the remaining members of this forum are the ones who can't give it up? It's called a biased sample. Maybe those who do stop just aren't here to speak up for themselves.

Hmm.. but people leave forums unannounced all the time. Also we know from some here that some are able to quit for years before it returns with a vengeance.. so it could also be said that those who leave might be trying to quit and in time they may return. Also, considering the high suicide rate amongst us many.. could be.. gone.

*shudder*

The thing is there isnt any reliable data on those who have 'successfully' quit. Maybe a study needs to be done on those who claim they have, follow their progress for a few decades to be sure. Then we would know if some can and some cant. How or why those that can, if any, do so. If it is permanant and at what cost the attempt comes.

Another problem is should a crossdresser quit, even if able, to suit someone else? I am yet to hear a reasonable and ethical argument in favour.

[pantyhose lover]

I have definitely noticed that when I am attracted to a woman, on more than just a superficial level, I lose any will to crossdress. Not sure why it is - maybe I would be ashamed of her finding out I crossdress?

[Chiana]

If I am dating a girl (especially girly girls) I don't get the desire to dress as much or at all. Even though my relationships don't last past 6 months or so, I feel like my femme side is being represented by her. I think (even though I have not experienced anything long term) that I could stop dressing if I am with the right girl...am I alone on this, has anyone else had the same feelings?? or am I just fooling myself....I personally believe that my dressing can be controlled. I'd love to get feedback from the younger girls and older girls on this one.

Older girl here. I tried that, years ago. Found a "special' girl that I really liked. We lived together for years but never married. I put all of my girlie life style away. Even grew a moustache. Serious stuff. But the urge was always there. She liked me becasue she thought I was a very macho guy. I sure had her fooled. But I knew there was no way she would accept my feminine side. I sneaked in some dressing on rare occasions but the moustache kind of ruined it for me. The romance finally faded and it eventually ended. I was devastated for 6 or 7 days until I remembered how much fun it was to dress. Bye bye moustache. Hello wig and make-up. Yahoo.....

[Ammdi]

When I have a GF, I tend to dress a little less, with the exception of pantyhose, I always wear them, every day, and to bed, at night. My current GF (AWESOME!) has no preference one way or the other, as long as I'm smooth and not stubbly.

[Ziabotsu]

I always tell myself when I can't dress up it's well geeky and stupid, and if you get caught you'll ruin your life, but I can never stop myself when I have the chance.