Crossroads with wife, she's fed up.

[paulaN]

Yes she is fed up with my cd'ing. She wants me to stop shaving my legs and armpits. Stop wearing panties. She wants me to stop everything. Except of course when she says it's OK maybe once or twice a year I can have a dress-up day.
Well as you can tell our talk did not go well. This talk happened a week ago and I have been thinking about it steady. I think her going through the change has something to do with it. Just to make things clear I seem to be going through the change too.
I am not going to go into all of my life and how I got to this point. unless someone PM's me and wants to here it.
I have been thinking that I love her very much, so much that I may have to let her go. I may have to let her go because that is what she wants.
The worst part of all of this is that it is being driven by the old ways of thinking. Boys play army, girls play dolls sorta thing. I have to admit that she did not sign up for a cd when we married. What I hate the most is the attitude of (what will my friends think if they found out, and what will the kids think.) God I hate that. That is why shaving my legs and wearing shorts is such a big no no.......
I don't know what I am going to do or what is going to happen.
All I wanted to do right now is share this with someone who can understand all that is going on. And say sometimes life sucks..
but don't worry sista's I know what, and who I am, and I am not going let it bring me down. It has taken me so very long to accept myself. I am not going to let someone who can not accept me. bring me down. life goes on. I will hope for the best. lol paulaN

[O2B Barbara]

Paula,

I feel your pain in this situation and I wish only peace to come. You have some heavy thinking and decisions to make and I have no words of wisdom other than to remind you that you have friends here. I guess I would look for a marriage counselor that is familiar with these issues.

Hugs,

[linnea]

A relationship is hard to lose or to replace, and it sounds as if you've had a relationship with some if not a lot of merits. I hope that you can find peace within yourself and with your SO. To that end, I share the view that you should find a counselor who is familiar with CD issues.

[RobertaFermina]

Life Sucks? Yep, sometimes life tosses us something undigestible.
I hope for everyone's greatest good...and I'm not fit to judge what that is.
I support you remaining true to all of you....and true to all whom you love.
Her disappointment with you truth has more meaning and hope than her disappointment, or even pleasure with you lying to/about yourself.
May the damage be small, and no lasting harm be done!

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Denielleinheels]

I agree it sucks. I also agree with trying a councelor that has a background here. I am sure you have told her that this is part of you and you can't just "turn it off"? Also that the woman is what makes the man the man she married. Your personality is your personality and that won't change with the warbrobe. I nolonger believe on turning your back on yourself for the sanity of others because if you do you will live a life time lie. Also, she may decide she wants you to stop playing golf, fishing or anything else you do. You must try to get to the root of the big issue.

Deni

[Dixie]

Life totally F***'n sucks!!!!!!!!

[Miss Terr]

Sounds like a long tough journey ahead.
Just know that there are people here who will support you know matter what you decide.
Take care.
I agree with you not being brought down by an unaccepting person, unconditional love is just that: "UNCONDITIONAL".

[dancinginthedark]

Maybe it's those two full moons we had this month [2-31] or maybe it's like you said Paula that life just sucks sometimes, but seems many are having a rough time right now.

I wish you the best and hope that in the end it all turns out as it is meant to. In the mean time I'll be thinking of you and yours, and sending positive thoughts and a prayer or two. [No offense if you aren't religious. I am, and like you say we can't just stop being who we are.]

dancin

[Lori SC]

Yeah Paula, I understand. Wives seem to go through roller coaster acceptance. Sometimes it's better than others, sometimes worse.

So take a deep breath, and see what things are like in a week or two. I'm guessing they will be better.

And if not, I would definitely try the councillor route for both of you. There's a good chance that there are other issues between you , and the CDing is just a focal point. A councillor will help discover the issues. And it's worth a try before proceeding to end a marriage.

Things don't always go the way we want in life. And you know by now, that you get through one day at a time.:hugs:

Hugs, Lori

[uknowhoo]

Hey there, Paula. I'm sorry to say I'm one of the "many" Mae referenced. I can definitely sympathize with you. :hugs: I wish you and your wife all the best in trying to work this out, and pray for the outcome which best serves you both. xoxo Tammi

[Lovely Rita]

Dear Paula
I wish you the best. This is definitely very hard. I can only say I hope things will get better for both of you. I really do.

Very sorry to hear about your situation.

[Sasha IN]

Paula,

I hope you and your wife find a workable solution.

I went through the same thing with a long-term SO when I was younger and ever since then, I started "breaking the news" whenever relationships started to become serious. Sometimes my heart was broken the same night. Sometimes they tried for a while but couldn't accept. Sometimes it was used as a ready excuse when the relationship faced other problems. My wife knew years before we were married and I hope that her feelings never change. I don't know what I'd do.

My best wishes go out to you.

Sasha

[Holly]

Oh, Paula, I'm so sorry to hear this. I can only pray that you and your wife can come to some kind of understanding. This sounds like it may be one of those situations where a counselor might be able to facilitate a meeting of the minds. There needs to be some give and take.

[susie evans]

i agree with holly and it will take time and a lot of efort on both parts i wish you the best :hugs:

susie

[Sheila]

Paula,

A relationship is hard to lose or to replace, and it sounds as if you've had a relationship with some if not a lot of merits. I hope that you can find peace within yourself and with your SO. To that end, I share the view that you should find a counselor who is familiar with CD issues.:iagree:

And I to hope that something can be worked out for you and your wife:hugs:

[CammyT]

Aloha Paula,
Soo sorry to hear about your difficulties! Don't know if this helps, but as an ex-Army Warrior, many of us shaved, for personal hygiene and to help reduce body odor. Also, body builders shave. As for me, my wife's attitude is "out of sight, out of mind". I would really love if she could accept Cammy. Then again I think part of it may be due to the fact that I'm two dress sizes smaller and my jeans are size 9 and she wears a 14-16? Okay, however she's a 36D, I'm barely an A! I don't complain!

[Raychel]

Life suer does suck sometimes. But as long as you keep that positive and happy attitude, then life will be the best that you can make it.

Wishing you the best, Raychel

[Kathielynne]

All the best for you from someone whose been there. Life is many things, but above all it isn't static. Someday, this too shall pass.

Kathelynne

[Karren H]

Well I have to disagree... Life doesn't suck... Its a blast and its what you make of it..

Now wives are like that..... Mine especially.... Big swings... But you have to look at it from a different perspective... So don't shave your legs for the summer... Maybe that's all it will take... My wife expect me to pass as a male in male shorts for the summer and I gladley oblige... Because I love her...

And if your wife says that you can dressup a couple times a year then she not totally repulsed by the fact that your crossdress... So all is not lost...

So in my opinion, you scale back for the summer, and then when fall comes and you don't need to wear shorts anymore, try reintroducing some aspects of crossdressing into your life... Ohhhh. And if you want to make you fuzzy legs look nicer, keep the hair cropped and bleach it with some cheap blonde hair color!! Its how I get through the fuzzy summer...

Marriage is a partnership... Comprimises.. No one gets to do what they want to do all the time.. If they did, hell, I'd be dressing every day and playing hockey every night!! Lol. Sometimes its things like this that bring us back to reality... Instantly...

Love Karren

[helenr]

I am sorry you are going through this relationship fracture. I may be on very thin ice myself. I am reminded of a silly expression---'a person convinced against his/her will is of the same opinion still'. Society so dramatically imprints on people's mind on who wears what, how one should behave--maybe it's an animal origin instinct to self protect--watching for the wolf in sheep's clothing,etc--I doubt anyone can truly learn to accept difference if that person has a mental imprint that is inflexible. I could ask that person to watch Discovery Health a few evenings and see what real problems in life are all about, but it wouldn't get through, I fear. Stress is just not worth it and maybe change is what is necessary and will become the best outcome. good luck, helen

[StephanieH]

:2c: Yep, it's about compromises and each side must be prepared to give a little in order to get a little. Like others, I'd strongly suggest a counselor, as this did my relationship a world of good and I think really opened my wife up to the concept of "what is normal anyway?"

If you're dressing 24/7 and living that way all the time, she probably has a right to just say "knock it off", but it seems there should be some neutral ground that can be reached where both of you are content.

If you love her and she loves you, you guys can work this out - don't throw in the towel just yet.

Take care and God bless. :happy:

[Ashleigh]

I truly understand your plight, however, a marriage is the single most important relationship in your life, and hers. Please seek a COMPETENT counselor. Please. Come to some middle ground on both sides and both can be winners. And, no one need know why a divorce occurred (because it didn't).

Good luck and keep trying.

A :doll:

[O2B Barbara]

Well I have to disagree... Life doesn't suck... Its a blast and its what you make of it..

Now wives are like that..... Mine especially.... Big swings... But you have to look at it from a different perspective... So don't shave your legs for the summer... Maybe that's all it will take... My wife expect me to pass as a male in male shorts for the summer and I gladley oblige... Because I love her...

And if your wife says that you can dressup a couple times a year then she not totally repulsed by the fact that your crossdress... So all is not lost...

So in my opinion, you scale back for the summer, and then when fall comes and you don't need to wear shorts anymore, try reintroducing some aspects of crossdressing into your life... Ohhhh. And if you want to make you fuzzy legs look nicer, keep the hair cropped and bleach it with some cheap blonde hair color!! Its how I get through the fuzzy summer...

Marriage is a partnership... Comprimises.. No one gets to do what they want to do all the time.. If they did, hell, I'd be dressing every day and playing hockey every night!! Lol. Sometimes its things like this that bring us back to reality... Instantly...

Love Karren

Karren,

You have said many great things here, thanks for the reminders!

[Di]

Please do not give up yet...things can be worked out.....besides the couple times a yr she will agree to...what about you can dress when she is gone ( like at work, shopping, with gf's ect)....with her knowledge....kinda do not see....so not there.............maybe explain a couple times a yr will not be enough....and see if you BOTH can compromise......and you just had the talk with her...it sometimes takes time to digest......and will be ups and downs for a while...see if she wants to read and learn...or come here...offer her help after calmly explaining it is part of you.....and love her and want to share all of you with her.....just don't give up. Good Luck:hugs:

[paulaN]

thank you everyone for your support and your advice. I am going to have a very hard time with the counselor thing if it ever comes to that. They are all Dr Phil's to me. And karren I know what you are saying is true. Maybe I should make some more lemon aid. I never liked lemon aid but I sure make a lot of it seems like.
One thing that I must do is stay away from the bottle. been there and done that and I don't want to go back to that way of life. Thanks again every one for being there for me. Only time will tell, I do need to make an appointment for another talk. Wish me luck..

[Andrea Nicole]

Life is GREAT.. !!!!!

And for the original post ...ya' just gotta figure out if you are the sucker or the suckee .... not that it really makes any difference in the long run ....

[Seville]

[QUOTE=paulaN;883873]Yes she is fed up with my cd'ing. She wants me to stop shaving my legs and armpits. Stop wearing panties. She wants me to stop everything. Except of course when she says it's OK maybe once or twice a year I can have a dress-up day. /QUOTE] :thumbsdn::thumbsdn::thumbsdn:

Might as well ask you to stop breathing, Hun. Once or twice a year???
Many of us would rather die! I know I would!

I wish you well and pray that this conflict passes and an
amicable solution can be reached.

Keep a Positive attitude.:happy:

[Michelle04240]

Sorry to hear about your situation Paula.

Karren had a few good points. :thumbsup:

Can you live with a compromise? What if you could try a counter-proposal that sweetened the deal just a bit? She said you could still dress a few times a year, so I'm guessing no purge, that's a plus. My wife is pretty supportive, but doesn't really like seeing me all dressed up, though there are exceptions. So most of the time I dress alone, but I am free to go out, have friends, no need to hide the link to this site :D, dress when she is not home, I am free to shave, and I only own womens underwear. I'm sure I have it better then most, but still most of my CDing is done without my wife. I don't know your whole situation, and certainly having things (shaving, panties,...) taken away is a real :thumbsdn: but can a compromise you both can live with be reached?

I wish you well on your journey. :hugs:

[sami1952]

I think that maybe she doesn't understand the whole concept behined this cding.When i first told my SO about my desire to wear women's clothes (only because she found my stash) I explained to her that i had those feelongs since i could remember.It's wasn't because i was gay or whatever,it's was because there were times when i felt that i was born a women.It took her a while to grab hold of that,but now she just call me weirdo and that's the end of it.I love her and if she ever was to tell me give it up or divorce,i would give it up.good luck/

[Jaquelyn]

I agree with Karen here. Since I am a newbie, I asked questions about moving forward with my wife here, and the one thing I was constantly reminded of was, go slow. So, that's what I have been doing. I have backed off a bit. Not pushing the subject as much. Since she knows you dress, has put up with it till now, maybe, you need to look at yourself and how you might have contributed to this. Have you been more outgoing and outward about your dressing lately? Has the discussion about you shaving your legs been had several times before, and YOU keep doing it, despite HER disapproval when you wear shorts. Like Karen said, okay, chill out until fall gets here, and make her happy. You said you love her very much, enough to let her go; do you love her enough to keep her happy and keep her your wife? Only you know the answer to that. You are married obviously to a lady that can handle this, maybe only in her own way; try working with her, which may mean you don't get everything your way....As far as the booze goes, all I can say, as the family member of several alcoholics, stay sober sister, whether you stay with your wife or not......good luck to you.....